THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: SCHOOL DAZE

Why do I have to study to be a dragon? I already am one!

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
Taking a weekend break from Dragon School to bring you some school themed jokes.
Ready?

What ten letter word starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
(There's plenty of real one folks, check a dictionary.)

Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a paradox?
Student: Donald and Daffy.

Why did the student always prefer to study during airplane flights?
Because he wanted a higher education.
(It's a good joke at dragon school, but not practical in real life, because you can't have your nose in a book when you have to watch where you're flying.)

The kindergarten teacher asked her class what shape the world was?
A little girl spoke up and said, "According to my Daddy, terrible."
(The correct answer is Round. Every dragon knows that!)

When the science teacher asked what the chemical formula was for water, one student replied "HIJKLMNO".
"What do you mean?" asked the teacher.
"Yesterday, you said the formula was H to O," said the student. (H2O)

The grammar teacher tried to explain to her class that 'I ain't going' isn't correct language.
"The proper phrases would be I am not going. He is not going. She is not going. We are not going. They are not going."
To that, one student replied, "Then I guess nobody ain't going anywhere."

And on that note, I'm out of space and have to go, so it's time for me to say goodbye.
Have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE WHOLE TOOTH!

Welcome to the first Sunday Funnies of 2013!

Before we begin, a bit of unfinished business from 2012.

We solemnly promise our Free Choice E-zine readership that the next time we have a day off, we will make sure to leave Lee some better material than what he posted last weekend (December 29, 2012).

We just did not think it was that funny.

Sorry boss.

(signed) Autumn the Puppy and Ms. Waxy Dragon

NOW THEN...

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here!

I swear to tell the tooth...

Recently, I had to go visit my dentist.

Don't worry, nothing was wrong. Just a regular check up and cleaning. Something everyone with teeth should do on a regular basis.

But seeing that big old tank of laughing gas in the dentist's office (it was an empty display piece. Dentist use better stuff nowadays) reminded me of some dental jokes.

Ready?

A sign posted in a dentist's office said: "Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too."

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.

What time was the patient's dental appointment? Tooth-hurty!

Please brush twice a day!

What did the judge ask the dentist before he began working?
"Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"

Why did the tree go to the dentist?

To get a root canal.

A dentist and doctor were competing for the same woman's love.  One day, the dentist had to be out of town for several days. Just before he left, he gave his love seven apples. Do you know why he did that?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

The daughter of a dentist and son of a doctor were arguing. The doctor's son said, "A little bird told me about your father. The bird said 'cheap, cheap, cheap'."
The daughter of the dentist then replied, "A duck told me about your father. The duck said 'Quack, Quack, Quack!'"

A doctor walked into a dentist. The fight that ensued was more entertaining than the lawsuits afterwards.

Well folks, I think the Sunday Funnies are off to a rousing start for this year! Have a great week everyone and we'll see you next weekend.-wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CATTITUDE

"Meow!"

Hello Everybody. Ms Waxy Dragon here.
Now, after dragons of course, I feel cats are the smartest animal in the world.
Don't worry, humans and dogs are in my top five.

"Tabby, or not tabby. That is the question."

Seriously, cats are really smart.
After all, how many felines do you know that can actually read?

"Push any button to continue? Which is ANY button?"

And they also know how to operate a computer, but I will admit that some of them still have problems dealing with the mouse.

"Peek-a-boo!"

"Guess what you got in mail today?"

And as you can see between these two pictures, cats are great at playing hide and go seek, although they definitely prefer hiding to seeking, unless they're looking for food or a good place to curl up for a nap or a hug.

"Please wake me up in time for dinner."

And when they do decide to sleep, the cat doesn't take up much room, because they can sleep literally anywhere.

So let's hear it for cats! MEOW!   >^;^<

Have a great week everybody, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PEOPLE VS. DRAGONS

Tip your wings to a Vet!

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
Today is Veterans' Day, and I'm sure a lot of you will be out celebrating your freedoms and the soldiers who helped preserve or earned them for you.
If not: SHAME ON YOU!
But considering that there is absolutely nothing funny about Veterans, and this is the Sunday Funnies, instead I will be exploring the difference between Dragons and People.
And I mean stuff more serious besides that old, dumb joke that people are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Talk about mid-evil ways!

In any event, when you're out to eat, why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET drink? If you're on a diet, you shouldn't be having the burgers and fries to begin with. Send them to me! Dragons are always hungry and hardly ever gain weight. We use the excess fats to keep our pilot lights fueled so we can breathe fire.
Of course, being a baby dragon, the best I can do right now is just melt a few crayons as if they've been exposed to a heat source too long, but that's besides the point.

Why do people leave their bank vault doors open during the day, but keep the pens chained to the desks? Besides the fact that an open cookie jar will always attract a hungry thief (not that I know anything about that

 ),

but what did those poor pens do to deserve such punishment to begin with?

Why do you keep your cars out in the driveway and store junk in your garages?
Of course, there's also that whole bit about why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway to begin with.

I'm sure there are plenty of good things about being a people. After all, when you get sick, I bet your doctor doesn't stick the thermometer where the sun doesn't shine!

In any event, please remember the Veterans' today, have a great week, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: JOB TITLES

Being me is a full time job!

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
From time to time I get e-mail here at The Free Choice E-zine, but I must say that this latest one has me a bit puzzled.

Dear "Ms. Waxy Dragon":
What do you do when you're not being Waxy?
(signed)
Curious

What an odd question. I'm a baby dragon (unless you believe that silly story that I'm really one of many avatars for an avid Internet user who contributes regularly to this E-zine) and being me is a full time job as it is. Who has time for anything else?

But it did get me to thinking about other people's jobs.

Writers write, so what do authors do, auth?

I know magicians magish, but I certainly don't want to be around a wizard when he's on active duty.

Actors and actresses act, but then again everyone's a critic, so your opinions of individual performances may vary.

Some people get fancy with job titles so the position sounds better than it actually is. Like a "custodial engineer" is really a janitor. But then again, what does Jan do anyway?

Now chefs cook, but so do cooks. Of course, I have yet to meet a "sandwich artist", but I don't care who makes the food as long as I get to eat.

How can you be a housekeeper when your cleaning work is outside the home, like for a motel or hotel?

Does a finish carpenter have to wait for the starting carpenter to do their part, or does that just mean the carpenter is from Finland?

In any event, I'm unfortunately out of space. Please come back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies, and whatever you want to call me, just please don't make it collect!
Have a great week everybody!-wd.

E-MAIL TO WAXY OR ANY OF THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE STAFF CAN BE SENT TO FreeChoiceEzine@gmail.com