SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (misc. jokes)

 Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here!

It is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday where I'm at right now and the only thing I truly feel like doing at the moment is taking a cat nap but if I do, then you folks won't have any jokes to laugh at.

So what do you say to me entertaining everybody for a few minutes before curling up in one of my favorite sunny spots for awhile. Ready?

What is the best way to stay out of hot water when brewing a pun?

Use subtle tea.

Saw an interesting ad in the local newspaper when my people were using it to line my litter pan.

For Sale: Parachute.🪂 Used only once. Never opened.

Why did the man complain about his old camera after taking pictures of wheat fields?

All his photographs came out grainy.

On a recent flight the pilot was feeling cold so he turned off the overhead fan.

He couldn't understand why everyone else on the helicopter🚁 started screaming.

When you cut an onion🧅, why do the people cry when it's the vegetable that gets hurt?

If a dog🐕 owned a computer💻, which one would have the worse byte?

What do you call a cow🐄 that doesn't jump over the moon🌕?

Normal.

The difference between fishing🎣 and just standing around doing nothing is what you actually caught.

😼I thought I'd try to help my people with their diets by eating their leftovers before they do.

Why they kept screaming at me to get off the table during dinner is beyond me.

So on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week.

Koda Canine and I both have the upcoming Labor Day weekend off so you'll be stuck entertained by our Editor-in-Chief but your regular hosts will both be back the following weekend for our annual Back To School salute on The Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Spring is finally starting to show some signs of arriving where I'm at, which is farther south than Autumn the Puppy the way the crow flies, but who wants to fly with them?
They're always stopping at every corn field wanting to eat what doesn't belong to them and no bird I've ever talked to has never even heard of Belgosian Dark Chocolate.
I find that VERY hard to believe, but anyway...

Waxy's Special Joke File

The days are starting to get warmer.
The grass is starting to turn greener.
The trees are finally starting to leaf and the flowers bloom
And Bubblehead says I have to clean my room.

SAY! That rhymes!
I'm a poet and didn't even know it. 😀

In any event, been finding a bunch of jokes in my special joke file I've yet to use, so...

I love the term “we’re expecting” when people talk about pregnancy. It sounds like there’s more than one outcome. “We were expecting a baby but it could be a Velocaraptor”.

My water bed is much bouncier since I started using spring water.
Do you make spring water by running over coiled metal?
Or is it water gathered during just one season?

Before Spring finally showed up, every time I went outside to check the thermometer it said, "Get back in the house where it's warm!”

I found this interesting quote.
"People who deny the existence of dragons are often eaten by dragons from within." –Ursula K. Le Guin.
Now, I honestly don't know what she meant by that, because us civilized dragons know that people are not crunchy and don't taste good, no matter how much ketchup you use!

Bubblehead was very upset when his bunnies escaped, because his worst fear as he grows older is hare loss.

One genetic scientist said to the other, “I just bought a new pair of jeans.”👖
The other scientist asked, “Dominant or recessive?"

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night. Super Cauliflower Cheese but the lobster was atrocious!

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Butter.
Butter who?
♫You butter watch out, you butter not cry,  you butter not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town.♫

The annual Christmas team up between me and Autumn the Puppy is coming soon, but that doesn't mean I don't have plenty of jokes to share with you in the meantime. Ready?

My friend has black hair and her initials are PM and her boyfriend has blond hair and his initials are AM. They are as different as night and day.

Here is a mathematical trick. Take your age. Add five to it.
That is how old you will be in five years!

The police detective was questioning a chicken suspected of fowl play. "Which came first, you or the egg? Why does everything taste like you? Why did you cross the road? Why can't you say what is on the other side of that road?"
"Wait a second!" squawked the chicken. "What are you trying to do?"
"I'm grilling you," replied the detective.

My friend David had his ID stolen the other day.
Now we just call him Dav.

Robber, holding up a store: "Give me all your cash or you're geography."
Cashier: "Don't you mean history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."

And on that note♫, I hope everyone has a good week.
Don't let the over hypeness of the season get to you, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Your esteemed Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here today because despite the fact that the Fourth of July actually isn't until Tuesday this year, our resident comediennes Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon have the extended holiday weekend off.
So it's up to me to entertain you with this week's edition of The Sunday Funnies.
Don't worry, I'll be funny, because I've been gathering memes since Memorial Day weekend to use now. Ready?

The Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci

The Mona not ready yet.

Good help is so hard to find nowadays.

They did mean well...

It's as plain as the nose on your face dog.

Your first was trying to eat the bird food bub!

Definitely DON'T get trapped behind a garbage truck!

Take another look at the problem cat!

Hang in there!

Unfortunately, this only works for cats.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody! Happy 4th to those celebrating, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies. I promise one of the ladies WILL be back here by then.—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (random jokes)

Hello folks! Autumn the Puppy here.
Yes, the weather is still abominable here in my neck of the woods. LOTS of snow and bitterly cold temperatures, with more of the same expected to at least finish out February, if not taking us into the beginning of March 2015 as well.

But you folks came here to be entertained for a few minutes, so let's see what I can dig up.



Why did the flamingo stand on just one leg?
If he had tried standing on no legs, he would have fallen down.

A boy walks into a pet shop and asks, "Can you please sell me a shark?"
The pet shop owner looks at the boy and asked, "Why do you want to buy a shark?"
The boy's answer was, "My cat's been trying to get into the fish tank and I want to teach it a lesson."

What do you get when you cross a pig and a parakeet?
A bird that hogs the conversation.

What letters are NOT in the alphabet?
The ones in your mailbox.

What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt.     0   8

For those in the audience who have a photographic memory, what kind of film do you use?

Would a ticklish subject be the study of feathers?

What's the difference between

here and there?

The letter T.

What has 8 legs, 3 heads, 2 arms, and 2 wings?
A man, riding a horse, carrying a chicken.

Have a great week everybody. Stay safe, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.