Sunday, April 23, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: WITTY WITTICISMS

"I bark, therefore I am."
Hello Everybody. Autumn the Puppy here.
I've had so much fun sharing my accumulated doggie knowledge with you, I thought it time to share some more nuggets of wisdom. As usual, my comments are in Italics.
Ready?

It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
Especially in management, government, or if there's a cat involved.

We've had enough "youth", what about a Fountain of Smart?
I know several people right off the top of my head that need to take a good long drink from that water dish if it's available.

If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is NOT the hobby for you.
Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Raw or cooked red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.
And you'll have to check with the good Doctor Seuss about Green Eggs and Ham.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
One has to be learned, or at least inputted. The other just is.

Some people alter their presentation of the facts, but you should never alter the facts themselves.
After all, the latest survey showed every 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

Government officials should wear uniforms like NASCAR racers.
Then we'll know for sure who their corporate sponsors are!

And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 16-22, 2017

APRIL 22 IS EARTH DAY!
APRIL 25 IS WORLD PENGUIN DAY.
APRIL 27 IS HAIRBALL AWARENESS DAY TO PROMOTE BETTER PET HEALTH.

SOME TESLA MOTORS MODEL S AND MODEL X CARS ARE BEING RECALLED FOR BRAKE ISSUES. CONTACT YOUR LOCAL DEALERSHIP FOR MORE DETAILS.
AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Turkey will soon be converting its government system from parliamentary to executive presidency, although the European Commission now suspects “irregularities” in the voting referendum.
*While Vice President Mike Pence is in South Korea for arms discussions, is North Korea wanting to go to war?
*Having declared them “extremists”, the Supreme Court of Russia has officially banned Jehovah’s Witnesses in that country.
*The local government has seized control of the General Motors factory in Venezuela.
*The United Kingdom’s House of Commons will have a “snap general election” June 8.
*To celebrate Earth Day, apparently Climate Change stole a river!
*A 3500 year old undisturbed tomb has been discovered in Luxor, Egypt’s Valley of the Kings.
*So what IS the most complicated word in the English language???
*Just how complicated should homework be in kindergarten???



THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*Bombs are still the terrorists’ weapon of choice against innocent civilian and military targets.
PASSING PARADE…
*TV writer Trish Vradenburg (Family Ties, Kate and Allie, Designing Women) is no longer with us.
*Producer Earl A. Glick (Starship Invasions) has passed away.
*Actress Yvonne Monlaur (Three Strangers in Rome, The Brides of Dracula) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Producer J. C. Spink (The Hangover, The Butterfly Effect) is no longer with us.
*Singer Cuba Gooding, Senior of The Main Ingredient has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*President Trump has signed the “Buy American, Hire American” Act into law. This measure is supposed to encourage the title practices, while limiting who can come to the country via the H-1B Specialty Work Visa. While a growing sentiment for years, there is suspicion that Donald Trump himself didn’t follow this practice. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*Are President Trump's businesses guilty of breaking the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution???
*Apparently, the Donald Trump administration wants to have a new Surgeon General.
*While President Trump did oversee his first White House Easter Egg Roll Monday April 17, it was not completely error free.
MEANWHILE...
*Despite Donald Trump endorsements, there will be a run-off in June between Democrat Jon Ossoff and Republican Karen Handel to see who fills the vacancy created when Congressman Tom Price became the Secretary for the Department of Health and Human Services. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*How is Neil Gorsuch getting along with his fellow Supreme Court judges???
*Apparently Donald Trump was unhappy with Tax Day protests, as his administration may soon eliminate an Obama Administration established protest web site. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*Does Ivanka Trump also face a possible conflict of interest???
*So, what might happen at a Donald Trump hosted White House dinner???
*Did Donald Trump EVER know Luciano Pavarotti???
ELSEWHERE…
*The suspected “Facebook Killer” committed suicide instead of allowing himself to be arrested by authorities.
*The doctor forcibly removed from an United Airlines flight has already started court proceedings, for now to preserve evidence.
*Former President Barack Obama will soon be reentering the public spotlight, but not the way many hope he would.
*With several sexual harassment cases pending against him, Fox News has officially fired Bill O’Reilly.
*A parchment manuscript of the United States Declaration of Independence has been discovered by Harvard University researchers in Chichester, England.
*California based clothing retailer Bebe will soon be closing ALL 175 retail stores.
*Professional Tennis player Serena Williams is taking time off for maternity leave. She is not expected to resume competition until late 2018 at the earliest.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 22, 2017

FUN FACT
The 5 ring Olympic flag was designed in 1913, and has been in service now for over 100 years.

IN OTHER WORDS
Only one puzzle today, but it’s a dozy. Below is the filmography of a class act described in alternate terms. All you have to do is tell us the true title of each movie. Ready?

01. Tree Fruit
02. Zoo Treat
03. Simian Matters
04. Old Pillow Stuffing
05. Mallard Opener
06. An Evening’s Classic Entertainment
07. To Attend The Kentucky Derby
08. Hotel Amenity
09. Can’t Be Here Anymore
10. Travel Direction
11. Large Retail Outlet
12. An Evening With Rick Blaine
13. Romantic Joy
BONUS: Who is the class act?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the April 15, 2017 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
Where specifically was German Chocolate Cake created?
Believe it or not: Boston, Massachusetts!

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in the word EASTER?
HINT: There’s more than you think.

A, are, arse, art(s), as, Aster (type of flower), at, ate
Ear(s), east, eat(s)
Rat(s), rest, reseat, reset
Sat, sea, sear, seat, see, seer, set, star, star, stare, steer
Tar(s), tare(s), tea(s), tear(s), tease, teaser, tee(s), terse

More than the 43 listed above might be possible.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: EASTER 2017

Hello every bunny!
It's your old friend E.B. the Easter Bunny here, bringing everyone some fun Easter jokes.
I've been told that your regular hostesses, Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon, have the holiday off to be with their families.
If you had to work today, unless you're in the military, law enforcement, fire prevention, or medical industries; shame on your employers!

Now it's time to kick back, relax, put your feet up and let your hare down as I tell a few yolks, I mean: jokes.

What do you call a bunny in a kilt?
Hop Scotch.

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
To get to the hopping mall.

How do rabbits fly?
By hareplane.

What is the bunny motto?
"Don't worry, be hoppy."

Did you know carrots are good for the eyes? After all, you've never seen a rabbit wearing glasses, have you?

What is a rabbit's favorite dance style?
Hip-hop.

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

Why do lady rabbits have shiny noses?
Because their powder puffs are on the wrong end.

"Let's do the Bunny Hop!"
What do you call several rabbits marching backwards?
A receding hare line.

Well, that's it for this year folks. It's been fun.
As usual, I'm gonna hop home, kick back, relax, hang out with my peeps, and take a well deserved carrot break.

HOPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!
e.b.

The Sunday Funnies will return next weekend.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 9-15

APRIL 15 MARKS THE 105TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TITANIC SINKING.
APRIL 15 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF JACKIE ROBINSON
BREAKING THE COLOR BARRIER IN PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL.
APRIL 16 IS EASTER SUNDAY.
APRIL 17 MARKS THE 80TH ANNIVERSARY OF DAFFY DUCK,
FIRST SEEN IN “PORKY’S DUCK HUNT”.
APRIL 20 MARKS THE 75TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE BARNABY COMIC STRIP.
APRIL 22 IS EARTH DAY!

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*China hopes to avoid a trade war with the United States.
*The European High Court has ruled Russia failed to protect teachers and students during the 2004 Beslan School Siege, thus owing the surviving families restitution. However Russia is balking at the ruling and projected costs of doing so.
*It has been confirmed that two-thirds of The Great Barrier Reef are suffering from coral bleaching!
*Although there is no proof it actually is, NASA scientists believe Saturn’s moon Enceladus might be capable of supporting life in its subsurface ocean!
*April the Giraffe has finally given birth!

CONCERNING NORTH KOREA...
*The United States Navy has decided to pay a visit to International Oriental waters after North Korea’s latest missile “tests”. In return, North Korea has vowed it would not back down from any potential war with America.
*Could North Korea's next attack be via the Internet???
*South Korea reported that the North's latest missile "test" was a failure.

THE 2017 PULITZER PRIZES

Among the winners of the prestigious awards for 2016 efforts...
*The New York Daily News and Pro Publica for Public Service Reporting.
*Eric Eyre of the Charleston Gazette-Mail for Investigative Reporting.
*The New York Times Staff for International Reporting.
*The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead for Fiction Writing.
*Sweat by Lynn Nottage for Dramatic Writing.
*Blood in the Water: The 1971 Attica Prison Uprising and Its Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson for Historical Writing.
*Olio by Tyehimba Jess for Poetry.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The United States successfully launched a non-nuclear "Mother of All Bombs" against ISIL forces.
*Bombs are still the terrorists’ weapon of choice against innocent civilian and military targets.
PASSING PARADE…
*Actor Peter Hansen (When Worlds Collide, General Hospital) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*David Letterman’s mother Dorothy Mengering, who appeared as herself in many of her son’s late night talk show segments, has passed away.
*J. Geils of the J. Geils Band (“Freeze Frame”, “Centerfold”) is no longer with us.
*Comedian Charlie Murphy has passed away.
*Actor Clifton James (Live and Let Die, Cool Hand Luke) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Emma Morano, the last person living born before 1900, passed away at the age of 117.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*China hopes to avoid a trade war with the United States.
*Is a former member of the George W. Bush administration now continuing under President Trump???
*Will President Donald Trump still hold the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt this year???
*Are National Monuments next on President Trump's agenda???
*After all the recent policy changes and budget cuts, why does the head of the Environmental Protection Agency Scott Pruitt feels he needs a 24/7 around the clock security detail???
*Exactly how much does one of Donald Trump's weekend trips to Mar-a-Lago cost taxpayers, let alone protecting the rest of his family??? (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE...
*Neil Gorsuch has been sworn in as the newest judge on the Supreme Court, despite numerous questions surrounding the entire process, starting with Congressional Republicans refusing to even consider former President Barack Obama’s nominee in 2016 while Obama was still in office.
*Republican Alabama Governor Robert Bentley has agreed to resign as part of a plea bargain that will find him guilty of lesser charges while never facing trial for the more major accusations. Bentley can never run for public office ever again in that state.
*Kay Ivey is the new Governor of Alabama.
ELSEWHERE…
*In the aftermath of physically removing a passenger from an overbooked flight on April 9, United Airline’s President Oscar Munoz has since apologized and has offered EVERY passenger on that flight discounts on future travel. While video of the incident has gone viral, UA stock has dropped to create a significant loss.
*Although there is no proof it actually is, NASA scientists believe Saturn’s moon Enceladus might be capable of supporting life in its subsurface ocean!
*Fans of the cult classic Mystery Science Theater 3000 can now finally enjoy NEW episodes, but only on Netflix.
*With the end near, Glen Campbell has prepared his last studio album.
*Sergio Garcia won the 2017 Masters Tournament of professional golf.
*Burger King's latest advertising gimmick didn't work, or did it???
*FEDERAL INCOME TAX RETURNS MUST BE FILED BY MIDNIGHT, APRIL 17, 2017.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 15, 2017

FUN FACT
Doctor Seuss coined the word Nerd in his 1950 book: If I Ran The Zoo.

TRIVIA TIME
Where specifically was German Chocolate Cake created?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in the word EASTER?
HINT: There’s more than you think.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the April 8, 2017 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {Garners, Roasts}
02. {Rose oil, Red Dogs}
If we had added the line “03. {Subsets 01 and 02}”, that would have given it away because ALL the items are anagrams of Major League Baseball teams!
01. {Garners, Roasts} = Rangers, Astros
02. {Rose oil, Red Dogs} = Orioles, Dodgers

AKA, Also Known As
Who was also known as Satchmo?
The great jazz trumpeter Louis “Louie” Armstrong.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: AMAZING FACTS, TO A DRAGON

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Only about another month or two before my current term at Dragon School ends, and you won't believe some of the things I've learned so far this year!

Why don't ducks have arms?
Have you ever tried flying by flapping your arms?
That old joke is true. "I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!"

Did you know tennis was originally played with bare hands?
It was a much quieter game back then, because nobody was raising a racket.

Did you know that owls can NOT move their eyes from side to side?
No wonder they keep staring at me when I'm out night flying.

Did you know gold never erodes?
It's true, but Belgosian Dark Chocolate tastes MUCH better!

Did you know that scorpions glow under ultra violet light?
I wonder who the poor person was that got stuck proving that one true.

Did you know that ants stretch when they wake up in the morning?
Well, what else do you do when you first try getting up?
I usually roll over and go back to bed myself, but anyway...

Did you know your foot and forearm are the same length?
Just be glad you don't have to buy extra shoes for your arms!

Did you know there is no sound in space?
I'm shocked that all those great TV shows and movies got it wrong!


Did you know there are 31,536,000 seconds in a year?
And time certainly seems to drag before the end of a school or work day, doesn't it?
So on that note♫, have a great week everybody, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies! I know I'll be counting the seconds until our next post.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...
wd.