Sunday, June 24, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: FROM THE ROUND FILE 2018

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Dragon School is out for summer vacation and I'm home kicking back and relaxing, so I just thought I'd share some of my excess jokes from this past season while I clean out my joke file. Ready?

♫Sweet dreams of summer...♫
What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover🍀 with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.

Why was the math teacher late?
He took the rhombus.

A biologist recently produced immortal frogs🐸 by removing their vocal cords. Now they can't croak.

I think the word OPINION looks like the word ONION and that is my  opONION. In my oponion this is a good punonion.

Waxy's special joke file 😉
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.
It was such a nice jester!

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working. No explanation. It doesn't make cents.

I just sold my homing pigeon on E-bay... for the 22 time.

What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A sham rock.

Why are horses🐴 in such great shape?
Because they're on a stable diet.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody! Take it easy, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.🐲

Saturday, June 23, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 17-23, 2018

JUNE 23 IS THE 150TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TYPEWRITER.
JUNE 23 IS THE 230TH ANNIVERSARY OF
VIRGINIA JOINING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
JUNE 25 IS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF
PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY’S HISTORIC VISIT TO GERMANY.
JUNE 28 IS THE 240TH ANNIVERSARY OF MOLLY PITCHER.
JUNE 28 IS THE 180TH ANNIVERSARY OF QUEEN VICTORIA BEING CROWNED.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Is America's current "immigration policy" (see below) why President Donald Trump had the United States WITHDRAW from the United Nations’ Council on Human Rights??? Especially since that august body has just weighed in on the issue??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*China’s thoughts on President Trump and American Tariffs, while Google prepares for a new business venture there. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*New Zealand’s Prime Minister is officially on maternity leave. Mother and child are doing well. 😊
*Will marijuana soon be legal in Canada???
*The International Space Station has successfully deployed a new anti-space debris device.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Koko the Gorilla has passed away.
*We have lost journalists Elizabeth Brackett, Richard Valeriani, and Charles Krauthammer this past week.
*Rapper XXXTentacion is no longer with us.
*Record producer David Bianco (Tom Petty, Bob Dylan) has passed away.
*Drummer Vinnie Paul (Pantera) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUE…
*More reaction to Trump’s “immigration policy”  from politicians and others as America is now operating “tender age” camps. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*Is the above why Trump had the United States WITHDRAW from the United Nations’ Council on Human Rights??? Especially since that august body has just weighed in on the issue??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Whose side is the First Lady on???
*Where Time magazine stands on the issue.
*WHERE ARE THE GIRLS???
*While President Trump has since signed an executive order to “keep family unity”, what about the children already in “foster care”??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of all this "hosting", let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…
*Among other things, President Trump now wants a “Space Force” and has threatened to implement even more tariffs. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump apparently still hates the media, especially in light of his opinions concerning their coverage of the recent summit with North Korea, but support for freedom of the press continues. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*How truthful is President Trump when he speaks???

MEANWHILE…
*The House of Representatives’ proposed budget includes major cuts to Medicaid and Medicare, while the Senate has managed to save Children’s Health Insurance Program funds. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*A major Republican swears he will be voting Democratic this fall!

ELSEWHERE…
*The Supreme Court does favor at least some cellphone “privacy” and American Indian land rights, sort of. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*This doctor’s “bedside manner” may leave much to be desired.
*Starbucks plans to close 150 stores before the end of 2018.
*Brooks Koepka has won the 2018 US Open of professional golf.

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating some of its gadgets. 

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 23, 2018

😎FUN FACT
There are more stars 🌌 in the sky than grains of sand on the earth🌎.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What is France’s longest border?

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
By what name do we know Mary Ludwig Hays better as?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the June 16, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Who was the very first James “Bond Girl”?
While many consider it to be Ursula Andress, Eunice Gayson actually appeared first in the Doctor No movie, making her the very first “Bond Girl”.

RHYME TIME⏳
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Odd facial hair. = Weird Beard.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY 2018

Hello Everybody!
Today you have both Waxy Dragon AND Autumn the Puppy here as we salute Father's Day.

Father's Day has been celebrated for quite a while in over 40 different countries!

Yet the tradition of Fatherhood dates back a lot farther, so let's look at some famous daddies of history...

HISTORIC EXPLORER CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS'S DAD
"I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher.  You could have written while you were away for so long."

RENAISSANCE ARTIST MICHELANGELO'S DAD
"Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

ONE TIME EMPEROR OF FRANCE NAPOLEON'S DAD
"All right. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it."

SCIENTIFIC GENIUS PROFESSOR ALBERT EINSTEIN'S DAD
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair?  Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES' GEORGE WASHINGTON'S DAD
"Son, I admire your honesty, but there was no need to cut down that cherry tree. We have plenty of firewood as it is."

FAMOUS INVENTOR THOMAS EDISON'S DAD
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"

So, as you can see, the details of the situations may have changed over the years, but like motherhood, fatherhood is a noble profession too.

With that, we take our leave so we can spend time with our respective fathers.
This is Waxy Dragon and Autumn the Puppy reminding you that although being a father is simply a matter of biology, it takes someone special to be a dad.

Have a great week and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd and AtP.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 10-16, 2018

JUNE 16 IS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF VALENTINA TERESHKOVA BECOMING THE FIRST WOMAN IN SPACE.
JUNE 16 IS THE 40TH ANNIVERSARY OF GREASE: THE MOVIE.
JUNE 16 IS ALSO INTERNATIONAL SURFING🏄 DAY.
JUNE 19 IS THE ANNUAL JUNETEENTH CELEBRATION IN GALVESTON, TEXAS.
JUNE 19 IS GARFIELD’S 40TH ANNIVERSARY.
JUNE 21 IS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE LONG PLAYING RECORD’S💽 PUBLIC DEBUT.
JUNE 23 IS THE 150TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TYPEWRITER.
JUNE 23 IS THE 230TH ANNIVERSARY OF
VIRGINIA JOINING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.


AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Highlights from the summit between North Korea and the United States include a meeting between America and host country Singapore, the North will work on denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula while America promises “security guarantees” and the United States will no longer be doing joint military exercises with South Korea. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*South Korea’s reaction to the summit.
*What does American President Donald Trump have against Canada???
*China to face more American tariffs and China's new tariffs against the US. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Were you safe during Pacific Hurricane Bud???
*Is El Nino returning???
*The winners of the 2018 French Open of professional tennis.
*The 2018 FIFA World Cup competition has begun.
*There are new planets in the universe!

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Author Christopher Stasheff (The Warlock In Spite of Himself, The Enchanter Reborn) has passed away.
*Animator/director Rumen Petkov (Johnny Bravo, Dexter’s Laboratory) is no longer with us.
*Guitarist Matt Murphy (Saturday Night Live, The Blues Brothers) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*Highlights from the summit between North Korea and the United States include a meeting between America and host country Singapore, the North will work on denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula while America promises “security guarantees” and the United States will no longer be doing joint military exercises with South Korea. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Fact checking Trump in North Korea and his opinions on Kim Jung Un’s human rights record. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*What does President Trump have against Canada???
*Apparently Trump doesn’t like the FBI or ex-director James Comey either.
*Trump has approved new tariffs against China and China's new tariffs against the US. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump’s version of the Federal Communications Commission has officially ended “net neutrality”.
*Fact checking Trump's latest interview.
*It should come as no surprise that Trump doesn’t like “fake news”, but how is his relationship with the Fourth Estate???  Considering an editorial cartoonist was just FIRED for criticizing Trump... (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE…
*What will Congress do now that President Trump has said he doesn’t like their new immigration plan???
*The results of this past Tuesday’s primaries.
*Some Republicans are apparently not happy that HE won the Nevada primary.
ELSEWHERE…
*ARE VOTERS STILL REGISTERED???
*Hawaii’s volcano troubles aren’t over yet.
*The wildfires continue.
*Paul Manafort has been denied bail before his new trial on obstruction charges.
*American Airline's latest problems.
*A school has closed in Wisconsin forever!

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating some of its gadgets.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 16, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Honeybees🐝 have hair on their eyes.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Who was the very first James “Bond Girl”?

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Odd facial hair.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the June 9, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
According to Tommy Tutone, what is Jenny’s phone number?
867-5309, but thankfully he never included an area code in the song.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Here’s a classic question that has stumped many a scholar.
Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?
Nobody! To be entombed means you are laid to rest ABOVE ground.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DIZZY DJ SPINS SILLY SONGS

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Last Sunday, Waxy Dragon told an interesting joke. To wit:

Have you ever wondered about what the singer is actually singing when they perform their songs?
After all, I really don't think the song goes ♫She's a good girl. She loves her Llama. Loves Cheezits and Asparagus too.♫

Waxy's example is far from the first time a song, in this case Free Falling by Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers, has been misheard.
Rockin' Around The Clock 😎

So here are some more...

♫Oh since she put me down there's been owls hooting in my head♫
Really? All the time or just at night?
You must have a really big head for more than one owl to be in there.

Of course, the above is someone who misheard a line from the Beach Boys' Help Me Rhonda.

Perhaps the most famous misquote is from Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising.
♫So don't go out tonight, for it's bound to take your life. There's a bathroom on the right.♫

This misquote has become so popular that even John Fogerty himself has been known to use the erroneous line at concerts.
Then again, when it's time for me to use the bathroom, outside is the only place I can go folks.

Anyway, you get the idea.
Was Elton John asking for Tiny Dancer or Tony Danza to hold him closer???

In the rock classic Purple Haze, did Jimi Hendrix want us to excuse him while he ♫kissed the sky♫ or this guy???

Was the Fifth Dimension celebrating the dawning of the ♫Age of Aquarius♫ or Asparagus???

When Johnny Nash proclaimed ♫I can see clearly now♫ was that because the rain or Lorraine was gone?
One is a bigger cause to celebrate than the other, unless Lorraine was a jerk to begin with.
Not that I've ever met the lady in question. That was just a guess on my part.

And of course, the greatest source of misheard lyrics is none other than parodist "Weird" Al Yankovic.
I can listen to him all day long and never hear the same song exactly the same twice.
So, I hope everyone enjoyed this brief musical interlude.
Have a great week and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.