SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAZY LAFFS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
It's such a lazy Sunday afternoon where I'm at right now, I even went to the trouble of making up a huge TO-DO list of things that need to be done.
Now I can’t figure out who’s going to do them.
Of course, there's always joke telling. Ready?

I saw some young deer🦌 singing in the woods. I told them that if they would let me manage them and their singing career, I could make them big bucks.

Bubblehead's cellphone

What did one eye👀 say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.👃

I was going to tell a joke about the number 288, but it was two gross.

I’ll be ill if you remove my apostrophe.

Don't you hate it when your phone is smarter than you are?

When a magician levitates two girls, it is telekinesis.
When a magician levitates two boys it is telekinephews.

I got a universal remote and thought to myself, “Now I control everything!”
You can imagine all the thoughts that were going through my head until I found out that the universal remote does NOT control the universe.
Not even remotely.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cure for everything.
Think I'll go take a nap.
And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for our annual Easter edition of The Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 7-13, 2019

APRIL 13 IS INTERNATIONAL PLANT🌱 APPRECIATION DAY,
THE PRELUDE TO EARTH DAY.

APRIL 13 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS’🐉 GAME DEBUT.

APRIL 13 IS ALSO RECORD STORE DAY.

APRIL 14 IS PALM SUNDAY, FOR THOSE OBSERVING.

APRIL 14 IS DOLPHIN🐬 DAY.

APRIL 14 MARKS THE 80TH ANNIVERSARY OF

JOHN STEINBECK’S THE GRAPES🍇 OF WRATH.

APRIL 15 IS WORLD ART🎨 APPRECIATION DAY.

APRIL 16 MARKS THE 35TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE ROSE IS ROSE COMIC STRIP.

APRIL 16 MARKS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE DILBERT COMIC STRIP.

APRIL 19 IS EITHER GOOD FRIDAY OR THE START OF PASSOVER,

DEPENDING UPON YOUR BELIEFS.

TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES CELEBRATES ITS 25TH ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Brexit has been granted an extension.
*Will Great Britain edit Internet content???
*Alleged hacker and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been arrested. But how knowledgeable is American President Donald Trump on the subject??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Venezuela’s Presidential crisis continues.
*How photogenic is a black hole??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actress Nadja Regin (James Bond’s From Russia With Love & Goldfinger) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Comic book writer James D. Hudnall (Espers, Interface, and many more) has passed away.
*Actress Sandy Radcliff (East Enders) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Country music singer-songwriter Earl Thomas Conley is no longer with us.
*Actor Seymour Cassell (Faces, Dick Tracy) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Comedian Ian Cognito has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been
legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*Trump prefers even MORE separation of families, or does he??? But it's still happening. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Why did his Homeland Security Secretary resign???
*You can’t send someone back while they await your decision about asylum.
*So, does Trump want to close the Mexican border or not???
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…

*Trump’s Homeland Security Secretary has resigned. Trump fired his Director of the Secret Service and his acting Director of Immigration and Customs Enforcement is about to leave. Is the Department of Homeland Security in trouble??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has announced the US officially declares Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist threat. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump knows better than his military top brass???
*Fewer women in Trump’s Cabinet???
*Even if the President and his fellow Republicans win re-election, Trump is having difficulties finding people to develop whatever might replace Obama Care.
*Warner Brothers is suing Donald Trump over a legal matter.
*What might Donald Trump’s tax returns actually reveal??? Not everyone agrees with the President withholding them, and he may not be on every ballot if he doesn't present them! (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*Trump Hotels can still accept foreign payments when others can’t???
THE MUELLER REPORT…
*The report will allegedly be released to Congress within a week, but in what form???
*Has Attorney General Barr changed his opinion???
*How much does RUSSIA know about the report???
*What will Devin Nunes and Barr discuss if they meet???
MEANWHILE…
*Another Democrat has thrown their hat into the ring for the 2020 Presidential nomination.
*Do his fellow Republicans still have faith in President Trump???
ELSEWHERE…
*Income taxes are due April 15! Are you ready for the NEW rules???
*The latest on the college admissions scandal. Some plead guilty while others face additional charges. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Wanna buy the National Enquirer???
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Still going strong at 93!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 13, 2019

😎FUN FACT
The original purpose of computer minesweeper was to teach left and right “click”.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {bowling, justice}
02. {Texas, California} and yes we know they are Southern members of the United States.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Why do we yawn?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the April 6, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What musical act was the first to tour on EVERY continent?
Metallica, accomplishing the final leg of that feat in 2013.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many stitches are there on an official Major League Baseball?⚾
108.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HOLY COW!

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
We all know the classic nursery rhyme accredited to Mother Goose.

Hey, diddle, diddle.
The cat🐱 and the fiddle.
The cow🐄 jumped over the moon.🌝
The little dog🐶 laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.🥄

But have you ever stopped to actually think about it?
Mother Goose certainly had one very active imagination!
As a fellow canine, I can just picture any dog laughing upon witnessing the events of the poem happening before them.
That is, when they weren't busy chasing that darn cat!

But can you just imagine a cow making any kind of jump, let alone clearing the moon?
After all, cows are certainly not that aerodynamical!
I know one thing for sure.
When it was all over, the dog would certainly joke about that night. To wit...

Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.

What do you call a cow that doesn't jump over the moon?
Normal.

Just imagine a herd of Cows out in a field running around and practicing their leaping.
I can just hear a bull shout, “Come on ladies! If you can’t leap over these fences, how are you going to leap over the moon? You'll be an udder failure!"

Yet, what might happen if a cow was actually able to jump that far?
Does it crash into an UFO?
"I'm sorry officer," the alien says to the space cop, "but whatever that thing is just jumped out right in front of me!"

Once the cow does successfully make the leap, does it just keep sailing into outer space? That might explain how we wound up in the Milky Way galaxy.
Or would the cow land on the moon and take a long rest before making the jump back to Earth?
That would certainly explain where the man in the moon got the milk🥛 to make the green cheese🧀 the moon is allegedly made of. 😉
Of course, depending upon the bovine's travel agent, if the cow manages to book a round trip flight, how does the cow safely make reentry without burning up, or does everyone enjoy a very well done steak that night?

Then again, maybe I've just got too much time on my paws waiting for Spring to finally arrive while I'm cooped up with my people in their house.
In any event, have a good week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MARCH 31-APRIL 6, 2019

APRIL 6 IS TARTAN (SCOTTISH HERITAGE) DAY FOR CANADA & THE US.

APRIL 7 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF

RODGERS & HAMMERSTEIN’S SOUTH PACIFIC DEBUTING ON BROADWAY.
APRIL 7 IS CHETI CHAND, THE HINDU NEW YEAR.
APRIL 7 IS ALSO NATIONAL BEER DAY.

2019 MARKS THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE EURO.

APRIL 8 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF⚾

HANK AARON CLEANLY BREAKING BABE RUTH’S HOME RUN RECORD.

APRIL 13 IS INTERNATIONAL PLANT🌱 APPRECIATION DAY

(THE PRELUDE TO EARTH🌍 DAY)

APRIL 13 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE DUNGEONS & DRAGONS’ 🐉GAME DEBUT.

GOOGLE’S G-MAIL IS CELEBRATING ITS 15TH ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌏RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*England’s Parliament still cannot agree on a Brexit plan. What happens next??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Zuzana Caputova has become both the youngest and first female President-elect of Slovakia.
*American President Donald Trump has decided NOT to close the US-Mexican border, for now.
*Recreational cannabis is now legal in Guam.


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Model/actress Tania Mallet (James Bond’s Goldfinger, The New Avengers) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Famed Science Fiction author Vonda N. McIntyre (credits too numerous to mention) has passed away.
*Actor John Quarmby (Fawlty Towers, 1984 version of A Christmas Carol) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*As Trump prepares to visit the border, even his own party is trying to comprehend his position on immigration.
*The President has decided NOT to close the US-Mexican border, for now.
*Trump has also decided he doesn’t want Ron Vitiello as his potential new head of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Department.
*“Our country is FULL!” claims Trump.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…

*A NEW Whistle Blower says White House security isn’t what it should be!
*Why did the Whistle Blower go back to work, and how was she treated??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The Trump Administration is being sued over poor quality school lunches.
*President Trump hopes Herman Cain and Stephen Moore fill the vacancies on the Federal Reserve Board.
*The Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obama Care) MAY be safe, at least until after the 2020 Presidential election.
*Apparently Trump doesn’t like the Bushes either, nor is California a good place for him to campaign. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*FACT CHECK TIME!
*AND EVEN MORE FACTS!
THE MUELLER REPORT…
*Will the original, unedited, William Barr’s unsummarized version ever be released???
MEANWHILE…

*Senate Majority Leader and fellow Republican Mitch McConnell does not support the President’s idea of closing the US-Mexican border.
*What does the Republican Party even stand for any more???
*How does the GOP feel about those of the Jewish faith???
*Are Congressional Republicans trying to get Trump nominees approved quicker??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Will the House Ways and Means Committee get to examine Trump’s tax records???
*WE WANT TO READ THE FULL, UNEDITED MUELLER REPORT!
ELSEWHERE…
*Meet Chicago’s new mayor!
*No more Alliance of American Football???
*Google’s G+ Forum is no more.😱

😁AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,592 PAGE VIEWS IN MARCH 2019!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 6, 2019

😎FUN FACT
Panama is the only country where you can watch the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean and set over the Atlantic Ocean.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What musical act was the first to tour on EVERY continent?

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many stitches are there on an official Major League Baseball?⚾

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the March 30, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
What tune is more commonly referred to as ♫The Pina Colada Song♫?
♫Escape♫ by Rupert Holmes.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in BASEBALL?⚾
A, abs, able, ale(s), all, as
Babe(s), bale(s) ball(s), base, be, bell(s)
Ebb(s)
Lab(s), label(s), lea(s)
Sable, sale, sea, seal, sell
More than the 30 listed above might be possible.

NEWS FOR APRIL 1, 2019

Let's see now.

There's been plenty of news today.

Personally, I'd want tomatoes on my McPickle Burger.

But with everything going on in the world, here's something we REALLY need...

Take care, and have a nice day. 😊