Sunday, October 26, 2014

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY HALLOWEEN (2014 edition)


Autumn dressed as Waxy?
Waxy dressed as Autumn?
Hello all you lucky people. Today you have BOTH Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon here to celebrate Halloween!
Yes, we know it isn't until the 31st, but considering our next Sunday Funnies would be dated November 2nd, and we'll take any excuse we can to go Trick or Treating...
Anyway, on with the jokes!

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter?
"Wait a minute!" screams Waxy. "You promised me there'd be no math today."
"Don't worry Waxy. This is funny."
The answer is: Pumpkin Pi(e)!

"Okay. What kind of dog does Dracula have?" asked Waxy.
"Geez. A bloodhound," replied Autumn. "Next."

Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo!

What's a mummy's favorite type of music?
Wrap.

Why did the spider crawl across the computer?
He was trying to find the web.

Why was Cinderella bad a basketball?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.

Why don't mummies take a vacation?
They're afraid to relax and unwind.

What flowers grow in a ghost's garden?
Maraghouls!

Why did the witch ride the broom?
The vacuum cleaner was broken.

Why did the skeleton refuse to go to the Halloween party?
Because he knew no body would dance with him.

What monster really loves to dance?
The boogie man!

Is kissing a vampire really a pain in the neck?

What happened when the guy didn't pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed!

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Who is the most famous person in Ireland on Halloween?
Jack O'lantern.

Why did they run out of food at the monsters' Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.

What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appetite!

What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.

There was a ghost that was so dumb...
"How dumb was he?" asked Autumn.
"This ghost was so dumb, that he climbed over walls instead of going through them!" said Waxy.

And on that note, have a great week everybody!
Trick or Treat safely, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--WD and AtP.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 19-25, 2015

HALLOWEEN IS OCTOBER 31.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*The "Occupy Central with Love and Peace" student movement continues in Hong Kong to protest Chinese election reforms, but is being met with increasing violent responses by authorities.
*Although supposedly in negotiations to release their current hostages, the Boko Haram have kidnapped more females in Adamawa.
*With sections of Iraq and Syria under their control, ISIS/ISIL terrorists are being fought by United Nations forces.
*The World Health Organization confirmed there is currently over 10,000+ known cases of the Ebola Virus worldwide, although most are within South African regions. There is also the sad likelihood that the death toll from this current outbreak of the disease will eventually be over 5000+ victims.
*The European Union has reached a new agreement amongst its members to reduce polluting emissions 40% by 2030.
*Joko Widodo is the new President of Indonesia.
*The first Extraordinary Synod of Bishops has concluded under Pope Francis, with its objective of "people over dogma", many hope to see new changes in positions and viewpoints in the Catholic church soon.
*Doctor Denis Mukwege has been awarded the 2014 Sakharov Prize for helping victims of sexual violence in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
*The Who have announced plans for a 50th anniversary tour. Check local venues for more information pertaining to your area.
*Famous fashion designer Oscar de la Renta has lost his battle with cancer.
*Archaeologists have discovered the remains of ancient Ice Age human settlements in the Peruvian Andes.

BETWEEN THE UKRAINE AND RUSSIA...
*Swiss authorities are concerned about a Russian submersible being within the Stockholm Archipelago. Whether the vehicle is off course and damaged, or is there intentionally is unknown at this time.
*In a national address, Russian President Vladimir Putin claimed "The West", specifically the United States of America, was responsible for the current situation with the pro-Russian separatists in the Ukraine.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*Because of the growing concern over the Ebola Virus, the Centers for Disease Control have announced there will be a 21 day monitoring period for all travelers arriving from Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Guinea, but a quarantine period for all health care workers returning from those areas.
*While his name is being withheld pending family notification, it has been confirmed that a Marine from California is the first American causality in the United States participating against ISIS/ISIL terrorist forces.
*Congress will not return to work until after the 2014 mid-term elections in November.
*The American League's Kansas City Royals currently lead the National League's San Francisco Giants 2 wins to 1 in the 2014 World Series of Major League Baseball.


With a still a week left in October, The Free Choice E-zine's readership has already granted this humble establishment over 4500+ page views this month!
A NEW RECORD!




For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 25, 2014

FUN FACT
Tiny, flying robots are being created to pollinate flowers and other plants because the Earth is losing its bee population to insecticides and pesticides.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Yes, we know when it is, but considering the next Puzzle Corner will be November 1st, we're celebrating Trick or Treat time with 2 brand new Halloween themed enigmas now. Ready?

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two different phrases share at least one word, so can be combined to form something new. Can you guess what it is based upon the clue below?

How the werewolf caught up with his debts

REBUS
A classic line is represented by the image below. Do you know what it is?


As usual, we'll reveal all next weekend. In the meantime, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the October 18, 2014 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
To do this properly, we'll have to take the subsets a bit out of order this time.
03. {Groups 1 and 2} Everyone appeared in a "Bat-climb" Cameo during the course of the 1966-1968 Batman TV series.
01. {Art Linkletter, Jerry Lewis, Dick Clark, Sammy Davis Junior, Don Ho, Edward G. Robinson, Cyril Lord} All appeared as themselves, although most went unnamed until the closing credits.
02. The following appeared during the cameo AS that character...
Santa Claus (Andy Devine), The Green Hornet and Kato (Van Williams and Bruce Lee, respectively), José Jiménez (Bill Dana), Sam Stone from Felony Squad (Howard Duff), Colonel Wilhelm Klink from Hogan's Heroes (Werner Klemperer), Lurch from The Addams Family (Ted Cassidy), Suzie Knickerbocker (Aileen Mehle)

NEXT?
In the sequence E, T, T, F, F, S, S, E, ?
There were several guesses of T to continue the pattern, but the correct answer is N; because the letters represent Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, (and) Eighteen. Which of course would be followed by Nineteen.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

SUNDAY FUNNIES: READ MY SHIRT! (T-shirt jokes)

Clothing optional
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.
Now, it doesn't make any sense for me or anything that can fly to wear clothes. After all, that stuff would just bind our wings and we'd never get off the ground, even if we did have clearance from Air Traffic Control.
But I will admit that within my travels, I have seen some pretty funny stuff on T-shirts (besides some interesting food stains) and would like to share some of those jokes with you right now.

How do you keep someone in suspense?
Answer on next polka dot T-shirt you see.

Will trade my yo-yo collection for a new car. No strings attached.

A couple was walking down the street together.
One was wearing a T-shirt that said "Foo Fighters", and the other was wearing a T-shirt that said "Five for Fighting".
Now, what I want to know is, what is "Foo"? And why does it take five to fight it?

Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power!

Whose bright idea was it to mix letters and numbers together to create algebra?
If you find that person, ask if they can help me with my math homework.

Six out of Seven Dwarfs are not Happy!

Dang! My train of thought just derailed!

Why does every great idea I have just get me into more trouble?

I can see you have no life because you took the time required to read the entire message on my shirt.

This one's for Autumn the Puppy!
I care about money. I just wish I had more of it on the LEFT side of the decimal point!

This week was next week last week!

I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

Admit it. You're just jealous because I have more imaginary friends than you do.

If you find my brain, treat it nicely. The poor thing isn't supposed to be out on its own.


And on that note, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies when both Autumn the Puppy and myself celebrate Halloween.
Yes, we know it's early, but the closest Sunday to Halloween is in November, and celebrating an October holiday then just doesn't make any sense.
...wd.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 12-18, 2014

FOR THOSE OBSERVING, TODAY IS THE FEAST OF SAINT LUKE.
IT'S INDEPENDENCE DAY IN AZERBAIJAN.
TODAY IS THE 147th ANNIVERSARY OF ALASKA DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
HURRICANE GONZALO HAS MADE LANDFALL IN BERMUDA, BUT IS EXPECTED TO MOVE INTO OPEN WATERS BY SUNDAY MORNING.
MEANWHILE, TYPHOON VONGFONG IS ACTIVE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
EVERYONE ALONG THEIR PATHS ARE ADVISED
TO EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION.
*While placing the world's death toll at 4100+ victims during the current outbreak, the World Health Organization has declared Senegal free of the Ebola Virus.
*Between ISIS/ISIL forces, al-Qaida, and civil conflicts, the Middle Eastern regions of Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Syria are still unsettled.
*Evo Morales has been re-elected to a third term as President of Bolivia.
*North Korean President Kim Jong-un has made his first public appearance in 5 weeks. There was no explanation for his absence, but he has been seen using a cane.
*Violence met protesters belonging to Occupy Central With Love and Peace in Hong Kong when they tried to block a road as demonstrations against Chinese issued "reforms" in election procedures continue.
*Ukrainian forces continue to battle pro-Russian separatists in and around Donetsk.
*New Zealand, Malaysia, Angola, Spain, and Venezuela will be joining the United Nations Security Council starting in 2015.
*Jean Tirole has been awarded the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences for his work analyzing market power and regulation.
*The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan has been awarded the 2014 Man Booker Prize.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*There has been two more confirmed Ebola Virus cases in Dallas, Texas. Both patients are nurses in the same hospital where the previous death occurred as medical workers complain about being unprepared and conflicting orders concerning proper procedures.
*In a related story, many pundits are complaining that the Center for Disease Control and the National Institute of Health face similar problems because of (Republican/Tea Party enforced) budget cuts to their organizations during House Vote #147 of February 19, 2011.
*Congress is out for their mid-term election recess.
*Meanwhile, Ron Klain has been named "Ebola Czar" by President Barack Obama to coordinate the United States' efforts to fight the disease. There is much concern about the possibility of not allowing International flights to land in America and other suggestions, but the President said in his weekly radio address "We can't give in to hysteria."
*The state of Texas is allegedly now charging a poll tax to potential new voters as other states are accused of altering voter regulations in attempts to prevent minorities from participating in the November 2014 mid-term elections.
*The 2014 World Series of Major League Baseball will be between the National League's San Francisco Giants and the American League's Kansas City Royals beginning Tuesday, October 21.

The Free Choice E-zine would like to thank its
readership for already granting us over 3500+ page views this month!



For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 18, 2014

FUN FACT
Lizards communicate by doing the reptilian equivalent of push ups! Body language is everything when they talk to each other.

COMMON BONDS
Everything within each subset is related. Do you know how?
01. {Art Linkletter, Jerry Lewis, Dick Clark, Sammy Davis Junior, Don Ho, Edward G. Robinson, Cyril Lord}
02. {Santa Claus, The Green Hornet and Kato, José Jiménez, Sam Stone from Felony Squad, Colonel Wilhelm Klink from Hogan's Heroes, Lurch from The Addams Family, Suzie Knickerbocker}
03. {Groups 1 and 2}

NEXT?
It's been quite awhile since we've played this last.
All you have to do is figure out what would be next in the sequence below, if you can. Ready?

E, T, T, F, F, S, S, E, ?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the October 11, 2014 Puzzle Corner.

LINKED WORDS
The last letter of each correct response started the next answer, with the correct response starting the first answer.
01. Alien craft = UfO
02. Classic musicals = OperaS
03. Pig dinner = SloP
04. Rhyming writer = PoeT
05. Ballet wear = TutU

TRIVIA TIME
Wile E. Coyote's middle name was never given in any Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies film. His name was a play on the word Wily; although one comic book appearance claimed the E. stood for Ethelbert.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: TRACKING CARS (car jokes)

"I have a license, why can't I drive?"
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.
In my ongoing observations of life from the canine perspective, there are plenty of obvious facts.
For example: there are certainly a lot of cars in the world! In fact, it's said the United States of America has more vehicles than the rest of the planet combined.
Now, I don't know how accurate that is, because I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to count them all.
I'm a wise enough canine to know not to go chasing them either, because if it comes down to a fight between a dog and a car, the dog always loses.
I certainly want to live a rich, full life and not end up as road pizza somewhere.
Anyway, this long segue way is leading into a bunch of car themed jokes.
Ready?

Would a book about the car industry be an auto biography?
Then again, would a book about sales in the car industry be an auto buyography?

Why do people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why do they call it rush hour when hardly anything moves?

A fancy Ferrari
What car has the same name forward or backward?
Race car.

Some people seem to think that the hazard light is a signal that allows them to park wherever they like. Fire lanes, in front of store entrances, bus stops, you name it.
Those drivers are taking an awfully big chance considering most of that stuff is much bigger than their vehicles and they're running the risk of a serious ticket if caught by the police.

Once day I was in the back seat of the family car when one of my people was teaching their child how to unbuckle the seat belt.
"Do I click the square?" asked the kid.
My person said yes.
Then the kid asked, "Single click or double click?"
They start learning computers younger and younger these days!

The policeman arrived at the scene of the accident and found that a car struck a telephone pole. Searching for a witness, he found a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who said he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" asked the policeman.
"Sir," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"

Futuristic Astrid
How did the man get a flat tire at the intersection?
He drove over the fork in the road.

What did the tire jack say to the car?
“Need a lift?”

What did one car muffler say to the other muffler?
“I’m exhausted.”

Okay, I think I've gotten enough mileage out of this routine.

Have a great week everybody, and please join us again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.