Sunday, July 27, 2014

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TELLING JOKES

Best seat in the house?
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.

Been thinking about what I could do for this week's Sunday Funnies. August will see my Summer Reading list and more Celebrity Quotes. For now, since I have the floor, I'd thought I kick back, relax, and just tell some jokes.

So grab your favorite water dish and let's have some fun.

I've been so busy working, the battery on my laptop computer tablet died, so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like nice people.

"Psst. Did you hear...?"
A man wrote a letter to a hotel, wanting to know if he could bring his dog with him on vacation, promising "He is well groomed and well behaved."
The hotel wrote back: "We have been operating for many years. In all that time, we have never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. We have never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly, and no dog has ever run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome here; and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here too."

A man at a fancy restaurant asked if the roast beef was rare.
"No," replied the waiter. "We serve it practically every day."

Mr. Peabody?
What did the tie say to the hat?
"You go on ahead. I'm gonna hang around here."

Everyone knows the alphabet goes from A to Z. But what goes from Z to A?
ZebrA!

One of the things I find truly ironic in life is that if you are having trouble getting on line, one of your Internet provider's service options is to visit their website!
"Hey Earth. Got any spare change?"

Why are pianos so noble in character?
They are either upright or grand.

Why does the moon go to the bank?
To change quarters!

And on that note, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 20-26, 2014

THIS YEAR IS THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OF BURGER KING
AND THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE BARBIE DOLL.

AMONGST EVENTS HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*The Iraqi Parilament has elected Fuad Masum the country's new President.
*Joko Widodo will be the new President of Indonesia.
*Reuven Rivlin has been sworn in as the new President of Israel.
*Pacific Ocean residents have started recovery operations from Typhoon Rammasun, while concerned about Typhoon Matmo. The latter is believed responsible for the crash of TransAsia Airways Flight 222.
*There has been a confirmed death in Nigeria because of the Ebola Virus.
*Yumen, China might be the site of a new outbreak of bubonic plague.
*Lithuania will officially start using the Euro exclusively January 1, 2015.
*The surviving members of the Monty Python comedy troop have concluded their brief reunion performances, with many fearing this may be the last time the entire company will be together on one stage.
*Pope Francis surprised Vatican employees by eating lunch with them in the employee cafeteria on Friday, and "busing his own tray afterwards". Meanwhile, the Pontiff is taking a strong stand against the Italian Mafia, and is allegedly considering a goodwill tour of the United States in 2015.
*The 2014 Commonwealth Games have begun in Glasgow, Scotland.
*Professional golfer Rory McIlroy has won the 2014 (British) Open Championship.
*Civil unrest continues along the Gaza Strip, Iran, Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, and Syria.

CONCERNING THE UKRAINE AND RUSSIA...
*The bodies from Malaysia Flight 17, which was shot down last weekend, are
reported to have been moved "to an undisclosed location", with few (so far) turned over to outside authorities. Resumed fighting near Donetsk have kept investigators from the crash site, but they have received the plane's flight recorders. Meanwhile, it is feared the weapon system used to shoot down the plane has been shipped back to Russia before it could be examined.
*The European Union has agreed to impose new sanctions against Russia, urging the country to "rein in" the rebels.
*The International Committee of the Red Cross has declared the Ukraine is officially in a civil war, thus making the future prosecution of war criminals possible; including those responsible for the downing of Malaysia Flight 17.
*Arseniy Yatsenyuk has resigned as Ukrainian Prime Minister, worried that their Parliament is more concerned with politics than the country. Volodymyr Hroisman has been appointed acting Prime Minister.
*The United States says it has proof Russia is firing artillery over their border at Ukrainian targets. Meanwhile, the US and the Netherlands will be strengthening their own sanctions against Russia.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*Congressional Republicans have voted in favor of going forth with Speaker of the House John Boehner's lawsuit against President Barack Obama. They will be using Federal funds (taxpayer's money) to finance their legal action, although most citizens polled call the action "stupid" and wish Congress would actually do something useful for a change.
*President Obama, on record for saying he "is not going to apologize for trying to do something while they're doing nothing," has been concentrating on actual government business, including declaring "non-refugee children trying to cross the borders into America illegally will be sent back."
*Wikipedia has suspended any changes made to their public information forum originating from Congressional computers after several incidents of "disruptive editing" (vandalism of data). There has been no confirmation as to who has been changing what, only that the computers involved were located in Congressional facilities.
*The State Department has temporarily closed the American Embassy in Tripoli because of the unsettled situation in Libya.

Once again, The Free Choice E-zine would like to thank its fantastic readership for giving us a 3000+ page views month! 



For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JULY 26, 2014

FUN FACT
The people behind the quiz show Jeopardy! have computed that the ultimate one day win, provided one contestant gave the correct response to EVERY "question" and made it "a true daily double" (betting all their winnings to that point) on each Double Jeopardy and in the Final Jeopardy round, would come to $566,400 US Dollars.
They have not computed the odds of one contestant actually accomplishing that feat.

TRIVIA TIME
What is a pukwudgie?

AKA (Also Known As)
Barbara Millicent Roberts is better known as who?

We'll reveal all next weekend. For now, let's open THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the July 19th, 2014 Puzzle Corner.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
True or False: There really was a Doctor Pepper behind the famous soft drink?
FALSE! Although a pharmacist did invent it.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What was the first commercial soft drink to be offered to the public?
Doctor Pepper, on December 1, 1885 in Waco, Texas USA; beating the debut of Coca-Cola by a full year.


Monday, July 21, 2014

APOLLO 11: 45 YEARS LATER

The last few days mark a historic achievement in Humanity's history.

LIFT OFF!
From the moment the Saturn V rocket blasted off from Launch Pad 39A at the (John F.) Kennedy Space Center in Merritt Island, Florida; until Astronaut Neil Armstrong was filmed by one of the lunar module's exterior cameras taking that first tentative step on the moon's surface, the world figuratively held its collective breath wondering if this attempt would be successful.

One "small" step...

Could (hu)man set foot on the moon?

Everyone knows the answer, as astronauts Neil Armstrong, Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, and Michael Collins made that extraordinary journey as the first beings to leave their home and explore another world.


(l-r)Armstrong, Collins, Aldrin; circa 1969
Much has been said about the success and failures of not only the American space program, but those of other countries as well in the years since.

The day that humanity reaches for the stars again through a means that does not involve the various entertainment media or automated probes is one many look forward to.

Hopefully that will happen again, if not within my lifetime, at least within the next couple of generations.

When it does, let us remember two things.

First, that the achievement should not be that of any individual countries, but that of an entire species. As Neil Armstrong said upon taking that historic first step:


THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR (A) MAN.
ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND.

And secondly, when humanity does travel amongst the stars beyond the orbit of our own world once more, we go not only representing the entire planet, but we go in peace.




Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief of The Free Choice E-zine
21 July, 2014
All images courtesy of Wikipedia

Sunday, July 20, 2014

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: WINGING IT!

On a wing and a prayer...
Hello Everybody. Waxy Dragon here.
Before I post this week's Sunday Funnies, I've been asked to read this special announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen."
Well, you folks should know who you are.

"Today's installment of the Sunday Funnies is our 1300th Blogger post for The Free Choice E-zine and--"

WHAT? THIS IS POST 1300?!?

Great! No pressure on the cute baby dragon.
Now I've totally blanked out on what I was going to do.
Guess I'll just have to wing it.

Who is the big wheel at the county fair?
Mister Ferris.

What automobile is the same, whether it's running forward or backward?
ALL OF THEM! You aren't going to switch cars before you change directions, are you?

Why are rivers so rich?
They have TWO banks!

Why are flowers so lazy?
They stay in their bed all the time.

What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croak-a-cola!

What did one rain drop say to the other rain drop?
"My plop is bigger than your plop."

What is the only kind of nail a carpenter hates to hit?
A finger nail!

What is the worse day to be a fish?
Fry Day?

What is the worse day to be a baby dragon?
When you have to have something VERY special planned for the Sunday Funnies, but nobody let's you know in advance!
But hey! I've got through it!
A special thanks to all our loyal readers, and we'll be back next week with more Sunday Funnies.--wd.

Editor-In-Chief's Note: No baby dragons were harmed or stressed out, comedicly or otherwise, in the making of this post.
The 1300 celebration is based only upon our Blogger history.
While The Free Choice E-zine has been in existence longer than we have been here, all our previous posts were lost when our last server/host suddenly went out of business, wiping out our archives in the process with no advance warning or chance to save any of the old material.--lh,jr.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 13-19, 2014

MONDAY MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE HISTORIC APOLLO 11 MOON LANDING!

TOMORROW'S SUNDAY FUNNIES WILL MARK
THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE'S 1300TH POST ON THIS WEBSITE!





AMONGST EVENTS HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Electronics giant Samsung has suspended ties with a Chinese supplier after finding evidence of that company possibly using child labor in their manufacturing plant.
*The West Africa Ebola Virus outbreak continues, with over 500 confirmed deaths.
*Japan claims North Korea fired two missiles into their sea recently. Meanwhile, South Korea says North Korea is still firing missiles along their disputed borders.
*Japan is preparing to reactivate two nuclear power plants post-Fukushima disaster.
*Typhoon Rammasun has claimed over 40 lives in the Philippines as it swings past China.
*On the heels of hosting the 2014 FIFA World Cup, Brasil is now hosting the sixth annual BRICS Summit.
*Jean-Claude Juncker is the new President of the European Commission.
*Women will soon be allowed to become Bishops within the Church of England.
*Germany defeated Argentina to win the 2014 FIFA World Cup.
*Professional golfer Mo Martin won the 2014 Women's British Open.
*Civil unrest continues in Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria, and along the Gaza Strip.

BETWEEN THE UKRAINE AND RUSSIA...
*A NEW INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT MIGHT BE BREWING IN WAKE OF MALAYSIA FLIGHT 17 BEING SHOT DOWN over Hrabove on a flight between Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur. All 298 people on board (from various countries) have been reported as killed, but ALL evidence at the crash site is allegedly being destroyed! However the United States claims the missile was fired by Russian separatists in the Ukraine, and that Russia bears responsibility for the disaster.
*United States sanctions against Russia have increased to include banks, energy companies, their defense industry, and individuals known to support the separatist movement.
*Fighting continues along the Ukrainian/Russian borders, while Germany called Russia to task for not ending the violent disputes, and threatens further sanctions from that country and the European Union.
*In an unrelated(?) matter, scientists are now investigating a giant hole/crater that has appeared in the Yamal Peninsula of Russia.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner is reportedly going forward with his frivolous law suit against President Barack Obama for "abuse" of executive privilege, while using federal funds to finance the action.
*Meanwhile, Congressional Republicans are chastising President Obama for not taking a more direct (military?) response in light of the Malaysian Flight 17 crash.
*A Federal judge has ruled California's death penalty is unconstitutional.
*Actress Elaine Stritch has taken her final bow from life's stage.
*Blues legend Johnny Winter has passed away.
*The American League won the 2014 All Star Game 5-3 against the National League, thus giving that side the home field advantage during the World Series of Major League Baseball this fall.

The Free Choice E-zine once again wishes to thank our loyal readership for giving us another month of 2000+ page views, continuing our streak began September 2013.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JULY 19, 2014

ADDENDUM
Since posting the answers in the July 5th Puzzle Corner, it has been brought to our attention that there is also SATURDAY Night's Alright (for fighting) by Elton John and SATURDAY's Child by The Monkees, although the latter was never officially released. We have since adjusted the corresponding ANSWERS BOX accordingly.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
This is just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible options, hence the even odds of getting the right answer. Ready?

TRUE OR FALSE: There really was a Dr. Pepper behind the famous soft drink?

FAMOUS FIRSTS
In keeping with our summer time theme this week, what WAS the first commercial soft drink offered to the public? Hint: It was already called by the name you know it today.

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from our July 12, 2014 Puzzle Corner.

REBUS
The item pictured was (literally) a riding lawn mower.


TRIVIA TIME
Although musical numbers were part of stage and movie productions for decades prior, THE MONKEES are accredited with creating what we know today as the music video.
So enjoy this classic clip of their very first song, courtesy of YouTube, although we have no control over the "watermarks".