SUNDAY FUNNIES: WHAT US ANIMALS SAY (animal jokes)

Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here!

You know, I love being a cat. Of course, I don't have any experience being something else but the point of the matter is that you have to love yourself for who you are, no matter what anyone else thinks.

That's what every animal I've ever talked to believes, and you humans should too.

Like people, we also tell jokes to and about each other.

Here's some for you to enjoy...

Are people who take care of young fowl chicken🐣 tenders?

If you play cards in the jungle, watch out for the cheetahs.

A duck🦆, a skunk🦨, and a deer🦌 went for dinner. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so the dinner went on the duck’s bill.

Imagine how much noise a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip-flops.

Is a sleeping bull a bull dozer?

Where's the TARDIS?

What do you call a cow🐄 that doesn't jump over the moon🌙?

Normal.

Why did the snake🐍 cross the road?

To get to the other ssssside.

Despite their name, starfishes do not swim only at night.

What animals are on legal documents?

Seals.

Did you hear about the racing snail🐌 who got rid of his shell?

He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.

Do alligators cook all their meals in a crock pot?

And remember:

A cat has claws at the end of its paws while a sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

On that note♫, have a great week everybody!

Take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

And please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JANUARY 17-23, 2021

"TODAY, WE CELEBRATE THE TRIUMPH NOT OF A CANDIDATE, BUT OF A CAUSE. THE CAUSE OF DEMOCRACY.

THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE HAS BEEN HEARD, AND THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE HAS BEEN HEEDED.

WE HAVE LEARNED AGAIN THAT DEMOCRACY IS PRECIOUS.

THAT DEMOCRACY IS FRAGILE.

AND AT THIS HOUR, MY FRIENDS, DEMOCRACY HAS PREVAILED."

—Excerpt from Joseph Biden's speech, Inauguration Day (January 20) 2021.

BEWARE ANY VERSION

OF THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS!

JANUARY 23 IS SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY.

JANUARY 29 IS THE 160TH ANNIVERSARY OF

KANSAS JOINING THE UNITED STATES.

JANUARY 29 IS ALSO PUZZLE DAY!

JANUARY 29 IS THE 85TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE BASEBALL⚾ HALL OF FAME IN COOPERSTOWN, NEW YORK, USA.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Variant concerns in the United Kingdom.

*Some global reactions to the Biden-Harris administration. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The India Farmers' protest continues.

*Saint Patrick will understand. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The Tour de Normandie🚴 is now 0-2.

*The train of the future???

*How should Lego celebrate its upcoming 90th anniversary???

*Why is Zelda's Link the way he is???

*January 27 is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s 265th birthday.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…🌐

*New President Joseph Biden WILL have America rejoin the Paris Climate Accords!

😢PASSING PARADE…

*Legendary baseball⚾ player Hank Aaron has passed away.

*Baseball⚾ Hall of Fame member Don Sutton is no longer with us.

*Actress Mira Furlan (Babylon 5, other shows) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

*Television writer/producer David Richardson (The Simpsons, 2 and a Half Men, more) is no longer with us.

*Actor Rod Perry (original SWAT, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, more) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

*Former professional football🏈 player and sports executive Ted Thompson (Houston Oilers, Green Bay Packers) is no longer with us.

*Former professional baseball⚾ player Mike Sadek (San Francisco Giants) has passed away.

*Professional golfer🏌 Lonnie Nielsen is no longer with us.

*Broadway choreographer/producer Bob Avian (Dream Girls, A Chorus Line, more) has passed away.

*Writer/artist Jean Graton (most known for Michael Valiant) is no longer with us.

*Stuntman Remy Julienne (worked on James Bond movies, The Da Vinci Code, others) has passed away.

♫Jazz composer/arranger Sammy Nestico (worked for Count Basie, numerous other acts and accomplishments) is no longer with us.

*Famous talk show personality Larry King has passed away.

*Former professional football🏈 player Tony Jones is no longer with us.

*Music producer (and convicted murderer) Phil “The Wall of Sound” Spector has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…

*With families being separated upon apprehension, “President” Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this. But what about the health/safety of all the “detainees”???

*Newly instated President Biden will be addressing the issues covered in this section during his administration.

*Biden has nullified Trump’s “national emergency”. This stops further wall construction, but what to do with the existing sections and other questions remain pending.

*Texas is suing Biden because he paused deportations???

NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the financial costs under Donald Trump of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR “detainees” (known to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.

CAPITAL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*Suspect arrests continue throughout the United States of America. (There are 8/EIGHT separate links in this item.)

*Who’s side is HE on???

*What did happen to her???

*The guy who tried to warn you is fired and all you do is apologize???

TRANSITION TIME…⌚

*Pence and/or Biden versus Trump.

*Joe Biden: Day 1???

*Trump’s initial plans post January 20.

POLITICALLY, THE LAST DAYS OF TRUMP…

*A last(???) laugh back.

*A brief recap of Trump’s administration. 

*Actions have consequences! 

*What Trump might collect as an ex-President, pending Impeachment trial results.

*One last goodbye.

*The last round of Trump pardons, and what his final act as President will cost America. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

POLITICALLY, BIDEN-HARRIS BEGINS…

*Joseph Biden and Kamala Harris have been sworn in as the new President and Vice President (respectively) of the United States. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*World leaders react to the new administration.

*Some pro-Trump supporters still in office are already trying to create problems for the new administration. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Biden is President now. GET OVER IT!

*Already busy on Day One! (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)

*Seriously cleaning house. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Opposition to the new  administration already??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

*The first Press Address of the new administration.

*Day 2: Biden versus COVID-19.

*Investigating the possible Russian hacking Trump claimed didn’t happen.

*Removing a road block to fair labor unions.

*Biden's new Secretary of Defense has been approved by Congress.

SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…

*While still in power she still can’t use it right!

*Trump’s administration claims there was NO slavery in America’s history??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The Department of Justice canceled Trump's last anti-LGTBQ mandate!

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19… (separated from the purely political news)

*The state of your state, from two different sources. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*400,000+ deaths before Trump left office!

*Masks are now MANDATORY on Federal properties and during Interstate travel for at least the next 100 days.

*Republicans versus Biden on trying to help America.

*WHY did he intentionally try to destroy vaccine supplies???

*Dr. Fauci reviews Trump versus COVID-19.

*Advice for dealing with the current virus(es).

IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!✅

*Trump and veterans.

*Republican House member Marjorie Tyler Greene’s claims.

*While initial establishment was necessary under the Donald Trump administration, this section is dedicated to covering anything and everything as the need arises.

NOTE: Unless a newsworthy one is somehow made despite all the bans against him, TRUMP TWEETS has been discontinued.

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*She can’t be serious. Can she???😲

*Has Senator Mitch McConnell finally come to his senses??? Maybe not. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*“Save our democracy!” —Senate Democrats to their Republican counterparts.

*Traitors in our midst???

*It should come as no surprise that McConnell wants to delay Trump’s Impeachment trial.

*“Not me.”—Worried Republicans.

*Pro-Trump Republicans versus McConnell on Impeachment.

*We repeat: Actions have con$equence$!

ELSEWHERE…

*ARE YOU AWARE OF THE IMPENDING FORD RECALL???

*Arrested for telling the truth???

*The Department of Justice is investigating why Georgia’s State Attorney got replaced post-Presidential election.

*Recreational cannabis is now available in Arizona.

*Why is Zelda's Link the way he is???

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*REJOICE! Donald Trump is no longer President of the United States!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 23, 2021

😎FUN FACT

January 29 marks the 85th anniversary of the inaugural class of the Baseball⚾ Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, USA.

TRIVIA TIME⌚

Who were the Hall's inaugural inductees?

WHAT’S THAT SONG?

Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?

♫East is East and West is West and the wrong one I have chose♫

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the January 16, 2021 Puzzle Corner.

WHO AM I? NEW GAME!

Can you identify the person (real or fictitious) based upon the clue below?

I am the only President of the United States to have never declared membership in any political party.

George Washington, who felt serving the American people was more important than any political affiliation.

BEFORE AND AFTER

Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Difficult ice cream journey = Rocky Road Trip.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JUNIOR DAY 2021

 The following is an editorial.

The third Monday of each January is set aside here in the United States to honor civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior.

A great man assassinated for his beliefs.

One who hoped to see equality for all within his lifetime achieved through nonviolent ways.

Unfortunately that did not happen.

In many ways, as evident by the Black Lives Matter movement and other issues, the struggle still continues today.

Yet King wisely knew that there were also many other issues to deal with in this troubled world.

A fact as true now as it was in the 1960s.

Events of January 6, 2021 in Washington DC prove this point more than valid as one man sought to upset Democracy as we know it so he could stay in power, despite losing the election fair and square.

As Doctor King himself has said...

If you succumb to the temptation of using violence in your struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness and your chief legacy will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.

We must learn to live together as brothers and sisters or we will all perish together as fools.

Wise words to live by.

Let us hope they are finally heeded.

The above was an editorial.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: LIFE OR A REASONABLE FACSIMILE (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

It isn't really a good weekend where I'm at weather wise, so I'm just staying indoors and seeing what I can dig up to entertain everyone.

Observing the people I live with for so long, I've been going over the odd facts of life that make up the "human condition", like...

Whenever you're ready to go home, your boss always leaves you some "emergency rush job that MUST be done" before they go home for the night!

When one door closes and another door opens, you might have a bad cabinet.

I am totally grateful that despite the pandemic, people are trying to take better care of themselves.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight because the older they get, the earlier it gets late.

Now when a human says "The other day," they could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Even with us older pets, there were days when we could get up without making any sound effects.

Have you ever wondered where socks go when they disappear in the dryer?

When a human is asked what they're doing and the reply is "nothing," that's not an invitation to give them something to do.

Humans with very young infants know it usually takes 3 days to get 8 hours of sleep.😉

Why are some people shocked to find out their friends did nothing over the weekend.

After all, it's their time. If they wanted to just kick back and relax that's their business.

We dogs do it all the time and never get questioned about our schedule.

Comedian Steve Martin was right when he said "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you criticize them. Then you're a mile away and they have no shoes."

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever.

Humans hope that's love.💓

For us pets, it's the veterinarian before we're either spayed or neutered.

On that note♫, take care.

Have a great week.

STAY SAFE!😷

And please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JANUARY 10-16, 2021

"CORRUPTION IS A CANCER THAT EATS AWAY AT A CITIZEN'S FAITH IN DEMOCRACY, DIMINISHES THE INSTINCT FOR INNOVATION & CREATIVITY. IT WASTES THE TALENT OF ENTIRE GENERATIONS."

American President Elect Joseph Biden.

BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS!😷

WIKIPEDIA CELEBRATES ITS 15TH ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

JANUARY 16 IS APPRECIATE A DRAGON DAY.

JANUARY 18 IS THE MARTIN LUTHER KING, JUNIOR HOLIDAY IN THE US.

JANUARY 20 IS INAUGURATION DAY AS JOE BIDEN

SWORN IN AS PRESIDENT OF THE US!

JANUARY 22 IS PENGUIN🐧 AWARENESS DAY.

JANUARY 23 IS SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY.

2021 IS CONAN THE BARBARIAN'S 50TH COMIC BOOK ANNIVERSARY.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Over 90 MILLION CONFIRMED CASES world wide since the pandemic started!😨

*TWO MILLION IS TOO MANY!

*More vaccine is being made! 

*Better than first expected???

*Postponed racing events will hopefully be held later this year.

*It should come as no surprise that Kim Jong-un has been re-elected leader of North Korea’s Workers Party. But where’s his sister???

*Pope Francis wants to open more possibilities to women.

*Anyone hoping to play Hogwarts’ Legacy will have to wait until 2022.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…🌐

*UNACCEPTABLE! 

*FYI: There are coastal areas that accept used Christmas Trees to help rebuild sand dunes along the beach. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

*FYI: Some zoos accept used Christmas Trees to help feed their animals. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

😢PASSING PARADE…

*Security Guard Brian Sicknick, who lost his life defending Capitol Hill January 6, 2021.

*Actor John Reilly (various soap operas, other works) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

*Former professional football🏈 players Carlos Joseph and Tim Lester have passed away. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Former professional baseball⚾ player Tom Acker is no longer with us.

*Film maker Stacy Title (2003 revival attempt of The Lone Ranger, Let The Devil Wear Black, more) has passed away.

*Actress Jessica Campbell (Election, Dad’s Day, more) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

*Siegfried Fischbacher has joined Roy Horn in that great animal sanctuary in the sky.

*Bass guitarist Tim Bogert (Vanilla Fudge, Cactus; Beck, Bogert and Appice) is no longer with us.

*Joanne Rogers has joined her husband Fred in the “ultimate neighborhood”.

*Actor Peter Mark Richman (original Dynasty, Friday the 13th Part 8, more) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

CAPITAL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*It wasn’t domestic terrorism but “First Amendment Protests”???😲😱

*Analysis: Inside Trump’s failure to act.

*Suspect arrests continue across the United States in the ongoing search. (There are 7/SEVEN separate links in this item.)

*A "sympathetic" judge???

*Trump businesses are losing business because of his involvement in events. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)

*The Health and Human Services Director, the acting Homeland Security Director and the Congressional Sergeant At Arms have all resigned. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

*Melania Trump’s position???

*Trump supporters are finding out the hard way that actions have consequences.

*Besides other social media bans and permanent suspensions, Trump can no longer post on YouTube until at least his time in office is over.

*NOW he condemns them!

*Valid opinions on a misrepresentation.

TRANSITION TIME…

*Is there more danger in the impending future???

*Better safe than sorry!

*The Joint Chiefs of Staff certainly don’t favor Trump.

*Congratulations, 73 days later.

*No more public office(s) for Trump???

*Joe Biden’s initial stimulus/economic recovery plans. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Cleaning the White House for the new occupants.

POLITICALLY…

*Trump on potential second impeachment attempt and “other matters”. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*With the inauguration just days away, why is Mike Pompeo still promoting Trump's agenda???

*Trump is hoping to seriously cut the Federal budget before he leaves office, INCLUDING THE FUNDS NEEDED TO FIGHT COVID-19!

*Trump and the auto industry.

*Trump’s recent Texas Tour didn’t go well.

*More charges against Trump AFTER January 20???

*Trump versus Arizona.

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19… (separated from the purely political news)

*The state of your state, from two different sources. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*23 MILLION TOTAL CASES AND COUNTING!

*More vaccines coming! 

*Really???

*Legitimate logistics issues or intentional tampering???

*Trump's seriously mismanaged spending.

*Biden to use assets against the pandemic Trump had but never touched!

IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!✅

*Did he sign???

*Trump on the January 6, 2021 Capitol Riot!

*Republican Anti-Impeachment evidence.

*Trump: impeachment versus retirement.

*These ARE hoaxes!

*Rabbits and carrots.

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*It’s official! IMPEACHMENT TWO!

*But when’s the trial???

*Traitor(s) in their midst???

ELSEWHERE…

*The Flint, Michigan Water Crisis suspects are going to trial!

*The National Rifle Association wants to move.

*“I’m not going to the White House.”—New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick.

*Why would anyone threaten a video game manufacturer???

*The first of the guest hosts has begun. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Is she or isn’t she???

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*Cheers for the heroes!

*3200 and still going strong!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 16, 2021

😎FUN FACT

In the 1980s the A&W restaurants tried selling a 1/3 pound burger to compete with McDonald’s Quarter Pounder but it failed because people thought the McDonald’s burger was bigger!😮😲

WHO AM I? NEW GAME!

Can you identify the person (real or fictitious) based upon the clue below?

I am the only President of the United States to have never declared membership in any political party.

BEFORE AND AFTER

Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Difficult ice cream journey.

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the January 9, 2021 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚

In the Star Wars Universe, what is a Grand Moff?

To the Empire, a Moff is someone who oversees a sector of the realm, while a Grand Moff oversees several sectors and the Moffs who oversee them.

COMMON BONDS

The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?

01. {Bergeron, Cat} = Toms.

02. {The Wizard of Odds, Music Shop} = Early shows Alex Trebek hosted.