Sunday, June 19, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY FATHERS DAY 2016

Canine
Dragon
Hello Everybody!
Today you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon as we celebrate Father's Day.
Are you ready with the jokes Waxy?

Me? I thought you had the jokes Autumn.

Guess we'll just have to wing it Waxy.

Shouldn't that be my line Autumn?

Anyway...

When a father goes golfing, why does he carry an extra pair of socks?
In case he gets a hole in one.

If every child gives their dad something that says they're number one, that is one heck of a tie!
Of course it beats some of the neck ties your father has probably received over the years.

A young English lad asked his father if he had ever been to Egypt.
The father replied no, which caused the child to ask, "Then where did you get mummy?"

Now, in ancient Egypt, if they had mummies, did they also have deaddies?

Do fathers always snore?
Only when they might be asleep.

What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.

And remember folks, being a parent is serious business.
After all, anyone can be a father. That's just simple biology.
But it takes someone special to be a dad.

In any event, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP & wd.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 12-18, 2016

JUNE 19th IS FATHERS' DAY IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD.
JUNE 20th IS THE SUMMER SOLSTICE.
JUNE 21st MARKS THE 25th ANNIVERSARY OF THE ROCKETEER MOVIE.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*British Parliament member Jo Cox died after being shot and stabbed in Birstall, West Yorkshire. Her assailant is in police custody.
*Fiji's United Nations' ambassador Peter Thomson has been elected President of its 71st General Assembly session.
*The Canadian House of Commons has approved a bill to make the lyrics in the country's national anthem O' Canada gender neutral.
*Yōichi Masuzoe resigned as the Governor of Tokyo, Japan over a potential political funding scandal.
*Former President of Chad Hissène Habré is appealing his life sentence for crimes against humanity.
*The International Olympic Committee upheld its ban on Russian track and field athletes participating in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, due to various drug scandals.
*Microsoft has bought the professional networking site LinkedIn for $26.2-billion US dollars.
*An International team of scientists have developed a material that can clean nuclear waste gases from processing plants.

TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Although ISIS/ISIL forces have since claimed responsibility and moral support of the man behind the tragic massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Florida, authorities have yet to find any actual evidence of the former claim.
*ISIS/ISIL forces have also attempted claiming responsibility for the murder of a Parisian Police Commander and his girlfriend, trying to instill additional fear as authorities chase at empty shadows trying to verify rumors.
*Otherwise, bombs and suicide bombers still seem to be the weapon dujour.
*Boko Haram forces attacked a funeral in Adamawa, Nigeria; killing 18 women, with more ladies reportedly still missing and feared kidnapped.

PASSING PARADE...
*The 49 victims of the tragic massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Florida.
*Actress Ann Marie Guilbert (The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Nanny, Grumpier Old Men) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Ecologist/zoologist Robert T. Paine, who coined the phrase "keynote species" is no longer with us.
*Actress Janet Waldo (The Jetsons, Wacky Races, Flintstones, etc.) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Author Lois Duncan (I Know What You Did Last Summer, Hotel for Dogs) has passed away.
*Actress Ronnie Claire Edwards (The Waltons, Designing Women) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Guitarist Henry McCullough (Wings, Joe Cocker) has passed away.
*Actress Yumi Shirakawa (Rodan, The Mysterians, H-Man) has taken her last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*While some have tried using the tragic massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Florida for political gain, even to the point of attempting to trash President Barack Obama...
*Democratic Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut launched a filibuster on the Senate floor in an effort to pass gun control legislation already in consideration that the Republicans were about to kill. The filibuster ended with an agreement from GOP Congressmen to actually hold a vote on the measures.
*Have Russian based hackers broken into and stolen the Democratic Party's research on Donald Trump?
ELSEWHERE...
*Hours before the tragic massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Florida, a man was arrested near the LA Pride Parade in California, driving a car filled with explosives and weapons!
*Hamilton swept the 2016 Tony Awards, winning 11; including Best Musical, Best Actor (Leslie Odom, Junior), Best Direction (Thomas Kail), Best Featured Actress (Renée Elise Goldsberry), Best Featured Actor (Daveed Diggs), Best Score and Best Book of a Musical (show creator Lin-Manuel Miranda), but fell short of The Producers 2001 record of 12 wins.
*Microsoft has bought the professional networking site LinkedIn for $26.2-billion dollars.
*If you count his record in Nippon Professional Baseball too, Ichiro Suzuki has surpassed Pete Rose's career hit record.
*The Pittsburgh Penguins defeat the San Jose Sharks to win the Stanley Cup of professional hockey.
*"Creator" won the 2016 Belmont Stakes, the last competition of professional horse racing's Triple Crown.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 18, 2016

FUN FACT
Although medical science has yet to figure out why, children have more taste buds than adults!

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
With the longest day of the year approaching, how many new words can you form out of the letters in the word SOLSTICE?

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Who was the very first performer to ever portray Marvel Comics' Ant-man?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from our June 11, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset below have something in common.
Do you know what it is?

01. {Terry Brooks, R. A. Salvatore} and yes, we know they are both authors.
Both have written Star Wars novels. Brooks did the novelization of The Phantom Menace, while Salvatore contributed the original story Vector Prime.
02. {Walter Koeing, Samuel A. Peeples}
Both have written episodes for Star Trek: The Animated Series. Koeing contributed "The Infinite Vulcan" while Peeples wrote "Beyond the Farthest Star".

AKA (Also Known As)
By what more famous name do we know Nathan Birnbaum?
George Burns!

Sunday, June 12, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: A DRAGON OBSERVES LIFE (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Now, as I fly around, I can't help but notice all you humans out and about.
Depending upon where I go, there certainly are a lot of you, so I thought I'd share some of the things I've seen in my travels.

One man was so bored, he said to his friend, "Someday I should get myself a LIFE ALERT bracelet. Hopefully it will alert me should I ever get a life."
His friend replied, "Yeah. I know what you mean. I totally understand how batteries feel too. I'm rarely included in things either."

I once perched on the window of a courthouse and looked inside. One lawyer said to the judge, "I'd like a recess your honor. The witness's pants are on fire."
Never heard the actual testimony before that, but it must have been a real whopper.

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of it.
A realist sees a freight train.
An engineer sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track and throws on the brakes.

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
But unless you're a REALLY great swimmer, I hope you're on a boat!

A man couldn't understand why he got fired from the calendar factory. All he did was take a day off.

Next time I'll send my jokes telepathically, so if you think of something funny out of the blue, that was me.
Meanwhile, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 5-11, 2016

JUNE 12th MARKS THE 35th ANNIVERSARY OF RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Hoping to improve relations between the two countries, New Zealand Prime Minister John Key visited Fiji.
*The World Health Organization advises women in areas with known cases of the Zika virus to delay becoming pregnant.
*June 11th marks the Queen's official birthday celebration in the United Kingdom.
*The International Tennis Federation suspended Maria Sharapova for two years after failing a drug test for meldonium before the Australian Open began.
*You soon may be able to add nihonium, moscovium, tennessine, and oganesson tp the periodic table of elements.
*Amazon.com is allegedly preparing to enter the streaming music service.
*ABBA recently reunited, briefly, to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

TERRIBLE TERRORISTS ACTIVITIES...
*Bombs are still the terrorists' weapon of choice this past week.
*The Taliban is also still executing prisoners. The latest known victims were 12 members Afghanistan security force members captured Ghazni Province ambushes between June 3 and 5.
*Meanwhile, it is suspected that ISIS/ISIL forces canNOT pay their fighters!

PASSING PARADE...
*Legendary professional hockey player Gordie Howe is no longer with us.
*Professional Mixed Martial Artist and actor Kimbo Slice (Kevin Ferguson) has passed away.
*Actress Theresa Saldana (Raging Bull, The Commish, I Wanna Hold Your Hand) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Chess Grandmaster Viktor Lvovich Korchnoi is no longer with us.
*Playwright/screenwriter Sir Peter Shaffer (Amadeus, Equus) has passed away.
*Christina Grimmie, a former The Voice contestant now with Before You Exit, was killed by an as yet unidentified assailant before killing himself attempting to flee authorities.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*A RECALL OF NATURE MADE VITAMINS IS NOW UNDERWAY!
POLITICALLY...
*After this past week's primaries, Democrat Hillary Clinton and Republican Donald Trump are the presumed candidates for the 2016 Presidential election, although their parties' respective conventions this summer still need to make that official.
*After a White House meeting between the two Democratic candidates, President Barack Obama officially endorsed Clinton over Bernie Sanders.
*Meanwhile, Elizabeth Warren has officially endorsed Clinton too, leaving Trump to unfavorably compare Warren to Pocahontas.
*The surviving members of the rock group Queen have formally told the Republican candidate he does NOT have permission to use their music in his campaign.
*Would you believe Donald Trump's lawyer actually supports the Democrats?
*Is the Republican Party's new "Poverty Agenda" just more of the same old bull? And why have they still refuse to even hold a consideration hearing on President Obama's potential Supreme Court nominee???
*Did David Perdue, a Republican Senator from Georgia, actually pray in public for President Obama's death???
*Alabama State Speaker of the House Mike Hubbard (R) has automatically lost his position after being found guilty of ethics violations by a jury.
*The Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that there is no Second Amendment protection for concealed weapons, upholding a California law that does not consider "general self-defense" sufficient for a weapon's license.
*Medical marijuana is now legal in Ohio.
*President Obama was simply a proud father at his oldest daughter's Malia's high school graduation.
ELSEWHERE...
*Although Hurricane season in the United States is officially June 1 to November 30 this year, the Atlantic saw it's THIRD bout of activity with Tropical Storm Colin BEFORE the clock started.
*After losing its Invasion of Privacy Lawsuit filed by former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan and filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection, Gawker Media has agreed to be bought out by Ziff Davis.
*The rock group Black Sabbath has announced their final(?) United States tour dates.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 11, 2016

FUN FACT
It requires more facial muscles to make a sad expression than to smile.

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset below have something in common.
Do you know what it is?

01. {Terry Brooks, R. A. Salvatore} and yes, we know they are both authors.
02. {Walter Koeing, Samuel A. Peeples}

AKA (Also Known As)
By what more famous name do we know Nathan Birnbaum?

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the June 4, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

Answer: NOBODY! To be entombed means your final resting place is above ground.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE OR FALSE: Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is the world's first full length animated feature.

Answer: FALSE! Not to take anything away from Walt Disney's many accomplishments, but animator Charlotte "Lotte" Reiniger in Germany actually created full length silhouette animation productions BEFORE the Disney Studio movie.
Remember, the question said "the WORLD'S first full length animated feature." Snow White was the first full length animated feature in America.
More information can be found here.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SMART JOKES

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Now, I like to think of myself as a smart dog. After all, how many canines do you know who can post on the Internet besides the usual stuff like fetch and protect the house from stray squirrels, cats, chipmunks, and the rare would-be prowler?

In any event, here are some jokes that might make one have to stop and think before you get the punchline, but I promise doing so won't hurt.

Teacher: Give me a a sentence with the word ANALYZE in it.
Student: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o'clock.

Did you know that each time you see a full moon, you always see the same side?
Considering how cratered that side is, I'd hate to see the other end!

Did you know when lightning strikes, it can reach up to 30,000 degrees Celsius (54,000 degrees Fahrenheit)?
Shockingly hot, isn't it?

Did you know that honey is the only natural food that never spoils?
But considering what you have to go through to get it...

Adam and Eve were the first people to have ever not read the APPLE terms and conditions.

My first job was in an orange juice factory. I got fired because I could not concentrate.

And since today is National Donut Day here in America, remember: the center of the donut is 100% fat  free and has zero calories!

On that note, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.