SUNDAY FUNNIES: HERE KITTY KITTY... (cat jokes)

Avid reader since my youth

Hello Everybody. Free Choice E-zine Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here.

Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon are off today because it's the Memorial Day holiday weekend here in the United States, and hopefully people will remember this time is for a lot more than just sales, cookouts, and the unofficial start of summer.

Anyway, I've been wondering what I could do to try and entertain everyone for a few minutes, and I finally decided to dig into the ladies' feline files and tell some cat jokes.

Remember the Veterans this Memorial Day Weekend!

Ready?

What do cat actors say on stage?
"Tabby or not tabby?"

What do you get if you cross a cat and a lemon?
A sour puss!

What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Crispies.

What is a cat's favorite song?
♫Three Blind Mice♫

What do you call a catburgular? 

The purrpatrator. 

What do cats like to eat on a hot day? 

A mice cream cone. 

Why I NEVER!

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? 

Too many cheetahs.

Why can't a leopard hide?

Because he's always spotted!

Why was the cat grouchy? 

Because he was in a bad mewd.

"I caught the mouse!"

What is a cat's favorite magazine? 

Good Mousekeeping.

Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives!

What do you call a pile of cats?

A Meowtain.

And on that note, I hope everyone has a great holiday.

If you're celebrating, please remember the veterans.

After all, if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be able to enjoy the freedoms you have today.

Otherwise, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 20-26, 2018

MAY IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.

MAY 28 IS MEMORIAL DAY.

MAY 29 IS THE 170TH ANNIVERSARY OF

WISCONSIN JOINING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

MAY 29 IS THE 65TH ANNIVERSARY OF SIR EDMUND HILLARY

AND TENSING NORGAY SUCCESSFULLY CLIMBING MOUNT EVEREST.

JUNE 2 IS THE 65TH ANNIVERSARY OF
QUEEN ELIZABETH THE SECOND’S REIGN.

FIAT CHRYSLER IS RECALLING CARS BECAUSE OF CRUISE CONTROL PROBLEMS!

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

REMEMBER THE VETERANS!

*The latest between Iran and the United States.
*Will the summit between North Korea and the United States ever happen??? US President Trump has canceled it, for now, but North Korea has destroyed the Punggyeri nuclear test site, while that country and South Korea are still talking. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*Despite allegations of massive irregularities, President Nicolas Maduro has won re-election in Venezuela.
*New changes to the General Data Protection Regulations of Europe have taken effect.
*Voters in Ireland have overturned that country's ban on abortions.


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Actress Patricia Morison (Kiss Me Kate, The Song of Bernadette) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Legendary movie poster artist Bill Gold (Casablanca, A Streetcar Named Desire) has passed away.
*Actor Clint Walker (Cheyenne, The Dirty Dozen) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Author Philip Roth (Goodbye Columbus, The Human Stain) is no longer with us.
*Pop Artist Robert Indiana has passed away.
*Novelist Richard Peck (A Year Down Yonder) is no longer with us.
*Atari co-founder Ted Dabney has gone to “that great video arcade in the sky”.
*Astronaut Alan Bean (Apollo 12 and Skylab 3 missions) has returned to the stars.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*The latest between the United States and Iran.
*Will the summit between the United States and North Korea ever happen??? Trump has canceled it, for now, but North Korea has  destroyed the Punggyeri nuclear test site, while that country and South Korea are still talking. But Donald Trump apparently doesn't like Time magazine's coverage of recent events. (There are 5/FIVE separate links in this item.)
*Is President Trump right or wrong about the MS-13 migrants??? He certainly doesn’t seem happy about the status of America’s borders. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Trump has demanded the Justice Department do their own investigation into the 2016 Presidential election.
*President Trump seems to like his new CIA Director.
*President Trump has posthumously pardoned boxing legend Jack Johnson, while giving Navy SEAL Britt K. Slainski the Medal of Honor. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*What Education Secretary Betsy DeVos would like to do with undocumented school children.
*Donald Trump’s latest Tweet inaccuracies and his latest concern: “Spy Gate”. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Trump’s latest executive order REDUCES civil service protections!
MEANWHILE…
*Will banking regulations become even more loose???
*The latest primary results.
*Bernie Sanders is seeking re-election as Vermont’s Senator.
*Just WHO should be able to buy a home in California???



ELSEWHERE…
*It’s not just the lava that those in Hawaii have to worry about! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Can the Supreme Court limit class action lawsuits???
*United Airlines is being sued, again.
*Sarah Rose Summers is the 2018 Miss USA.
*Billboard magazine’s idea of how to acknowledge recent events versus what actually happened.
*Wellington Castillo of the Chicago White Sox has been suspended for 80 games.
*The Carolina Panthers of professional football have a new owner as the National Football League has enacted news rule concerning kneeling during the national anthem, although team owners say they never got to vote on them. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 26, 2018

It's Memorial Day weekend!

😎FUN FACT
In baseball⚾, team managers used to also play while they managed, which is why their uniforms still have numbers on them too.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset have something in common. Do you know what it is? And yes, we know all of them are fictional characters.

01. {Lois Lane, Della Street}
02. {Superman, The Cabbage Patch Kids}

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you form out of the letters in the word MEMORIAL?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the May 19, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What country spans the most time zones?
France, which spans TWELVE!

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
Who do we know Eric Marlon Bishop better as?
Actor Jamie Foxx.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: FLIGHTS OF FANCY

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love being a dog.
But sometimes I wish I had been born an Airedale instead of a Golden Retriever, because then I could fly every once in a while.
I mean, I do have a Dog License and the rest of my tags, but the people I live with still won't let me drive the car.
Just because my paws can't reach the pedals...

Anyway, I lay in front of my dog house on the good weather days and watch the birds (and a certain draconian co-host of this column) and wonder what it must be like to fly.
If I ever do find out, I hope I don't get air sick, but in the meantime, how about some flight jokes?

NOT the Joss Whedon series

What did the firefly say to the other firefly?
If you got the glow, you have to go.

How do birds stop in mid air?
They use air brakes.

Did the Wright Brothers truly invent the airplane or just a new way to lose your luggage on a long trip?

Bookworm, not actual size

Why do birds hang around libraries?
To catch the bookworms.

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you are staring at his carpeting?

Why do owls only come out at night?
They don't give a hoot about catching a tan.

Well, they say time flies when you're having fun, but then again I have no control over my space allotment, which means its time to end this installment of The Sunday Funnies!
Take care and have a great week everybody!—AtP.

Before I go, the following video is courtesy of YouTube and, as far as I know, is okay to post.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 13-19, 2018

MAY IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.

MAY 23 IS THE 230TH ANNIVERSARY OF SOUTH CAROLINA

JOINING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
MAY 24 IS RED NOSE DAY FOR CHILDREN'S CHARITIES.

MAY 24 IS THE 135TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE OPENING.

MAY 25 IS THE 35TH ANNIVERSARY OF STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI.
MAY 25 IS TOWEL DAY TO CELEBRATE
DOUGLAS ADAMS' HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY SERIES.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Are North Korea’s potential new relationships with South Korea and the United States in trouble??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Unfortunately, the new outbreak of Ebola in the Democratic Republic of the Congo continues.
*Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are officially married. The Free Choice E-zine wishes the happy couple all the best.
*Kenya has officially outlawed cyber crimes.
*Although there are still some who question the relocation, the United States has officially opened its Embassy in Jerusalem.
*Will the Bishops of Chile resign???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Those who lost their lives in the senseless gun violence at a Texas High School!
*Actress Margot Kidder (Lois Lane to Christopher Reeve’s Superman) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Author Tom Wolfe (Bonfire of the Vanities, The Right Stuff) has passed away.
*Playwright Tom Murphy (A Whistle In The Dark) is no longer with us.
*Actor Joseph Campanella (credits too numerous to mention) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Actress Yuriko Hoshi (Mothra versus Godzilla, Ghidorah, Godzilla versus Megaguirus) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*Is North Korea’s potential new relationship with the United States in trouble??? The White House hopes not. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Although there are still some who question the relocation, the US has officially opened its Embassy in Jerusalem.
*Leakers may be cowards, but if it’s all fake news, how do you find someone that doesn’t exist??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The New Yorker looks at the current status of the Trump Administration.
*For better or worse, Gina Haspel is now the new Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.
*Donald Trump apparently still doesn’t like "some" migrants.
MEANWHILE…
*President Trump wants Congress to finally pass a formal budget (including funds for his border wall to begin construction) before they go on their summer vacation in August, while Congress doesn't like some of his comments about them. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
ELSEWHERE…
*When will the Hawaiian volcano(es) stop erupting???
*Will the Supreme Court allow sports gambling NATIONWIDE???
*Female student disagrees with college professor. Who’s right???
*After the Facebook Fiasco, Cambridge Analytica has filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy.
*Could THIS be the infamous D. B. Cooper???
*Robinson Cano of the Seattle Mariners has been suspended for 80 games!
*Do the New York Yankees need a better travel agent???
*Laurel versus Yanny???

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 19, 2018

😎FUN FACT
To achieve planetary orbit, a rocket must travel at least 7 miles per SECOND!

TRIVIA TIME ⌚
What country spans the most time zones?

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS 
Who do we know Eric Marlon Bishop better as?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the May 12, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

NUMBER PLEASE>NEW GAME!
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
In the classic Disney movie, how many of Snow White’s seven dwarfs (if any) were clean shaven?
1. (Dopey)

TRIVIA TIME ⌚
May 15 is the 90th anniversary of Mickey and Minnie Mouse’s debut in Plane Crazy, but what is Minnie’s actual first name?
Minerva.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY 2018!

Hello Everybody!
Today you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon here as we celebrate Mothers' Day.

That's right Autumn. We realize that not everybody may have one, but Mom's are very special.
All the cards, flowers, candy, and other gifts you could possibly give her will never equal the value of a mother's love for her children.

True Waxy. Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall. Yet a mother's secret hope for her children's happiness outlives them all.”

Okay. I never met the man, but I'll take your word for it. Anyway, among all their other great qualities, mothers are excellent teachers too. Here are a few examples...

OUR FAMILY ROOTS
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
Actually, Waxy was hatched from an egg in a nest, and my mother had me and my litter mates underneath her owner's bed, but that's beside the point.

FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
Then again, I'd be too busy trying to avoid the accident to worry about whether or not my underwear was clean at the time.
Err, Waxy, you do know neither of us even wears underwear, right?
Oh.

WISDOM
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Well, Autumn's been to Obedience School (for all the good it did her) and I'm still going to Dragon School, but at what age does wisdom come?

I wish I knew Waxy. Based upon their actions, I can certainly think of a few people who are still waiting for it to show up.

In any event folks, if you haven't done so already, hug your mother, have a great week, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—WD and AtP.