Sunday, October 19, 2014

SUNDAY FUNNIES: READ MY SHIRT! (T-shirt jokes)

Clothing optional
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.
Now, it doesn't make any sense for me or anything that can fly to wear clothes. After all, that stuff would just bind our wings and we'd never get off the ground, even if we did have clearance from Air Traffic Control.
But I will admit that within my travels, I have seen some pretty funny stuff on T-shirts (besides some interesting food stains) and would like to share some of those jokes with you right now.

How do you keep someone in suspense?
Answer on next polka dot T-shirt you see.

Will trade my yo-yo collection for a new car. No strings attached.

A couple was walking down the street together.
One was wearing a T-shirt that said "Foo Fighters", and the other was wearing a T-shirt that said "Five for Fighting".
Now, what I want to know is, what is "Foo"? And why does it take five to fight it?

Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power!

Whose bright idea was it to mix letters and numbers together to create algebra?
If you find that person, ask if they can help me with my math homework.

Six out of Seven Dwarfs are not Happy!

Dang! My train of thought just derailed!

Why does every great idea I have just get me into more trouble?

I can see you have no life because you took the time required to read the entire message on my shirt.

This one's for Autumn the Puppy!
I care about money. I just wish I had more of it on the LEFT side of the decimal point!

This week was next week last week!

I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

Admit it. You're just jealous because I have more imaginary friends than you do.

If you find my brain, treat it nicely. The poor thing isn't supposed to be out on its own.


And on that note, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies when both Autumn the Puppy and myself celebrate Halloween.
Yes, we know it's early, but the closest Sunday to Halloween is in November, and celebrating an October holiday then just doesn't make any sense.
...wd.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 12-18, 2014

FOR THOSE OBSERVING, TODAY IS THE FEAST OF SAINT LUKE.
IT'S INDEPENDENCE DAY IN AZERBAIJAN.
TODAY IS THE 147th ANNIVERSARY OF ALASKA DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
HURRICANE GONZALO HAS MADE LANDFALL IN BERMUDA, BUT IS EXPECTED TO MOVE INTO OPEN WATERS BY SUNDAY MORNING.
MEANWHILE, TYPHOON VONGFONG IS ACTIVE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
EVERYONE ALONG THEIR PATHS ARE ADVISED
TO EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION.
*While placing the world's death toll at 4100+ victims during the current outbreak, the World Health Organization has declared Senegal free of the Ebola Virus.
*Between ISIS/ISIL forces, al-Qaida, and civil conflicts, the Middle Eastern regions of Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Syria are still unsettled.
*Evo Morales has been re-elected to a third term as President of Bolivia.
*North Korean President Kim Jong-un has made his first public appearance in 5 weeks. There was no explanation for his absence, but he has been seen using a cane.
*Violence met protesters belonging to Occupy Central With Love and Peace in Hong Kong when they tried to block a road as demonstrations against Chinese issued "reforms" in election procedures continue.
*Ukrainian forces continue to battle pro-Russian separatists in and around Donetsk.
*New Zealand, Malaysia, Angola, Spain, and Venezuela will be joining the United Nations Security Council starting in 2015.
*Jean Tirole has been awarded the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences for his work analyzing market power and regulation.
*The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan has been awarded the 2014 Man Booker Prize.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*There has been two more confirmed Ebola Virus cases in Dallas, Texas. Both patients are nurses in the same hospital where the previous death occurred as medical workers complain about being unprepared and conflicting orders concerning proper procedures.
*In a related story, many pundits are complaining that the Center for Disease Control and the National Institute of Health face similar problems because of (Republican/Tea Party enforced) budget cuts to their organizations during House Vote #147 of February 19, 2011.
*Congress is out for their mid-term election recess.
*Meanwhile, Ron Klain has been named "Ebola Czar" by President Barack Obama to coordinate the United States' efforts to fight the disease. There is much concern about the possibility of not allowing International flights to land in America and other suggestions, but the President said in his weekly radio address "We can't give in to hysteria."
*The state of Texas is allegedly now charging a poll tax to potential new voters as other states are accused of altering voter regulations in attempts to prevent minorities from participating in the November 2014 mid-term elections.
*The 2014 World Series of Major League Baseball will be between the National League's San Francisco Giants and the American League's Kansas City Royals beginning Tuesday, October 21.

The Free Choice E-zine would like to thank its
readership for already granting us over 3500+ page views this month!



For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 18, 2014

FUN FACT
Lizards communicate by doing the reptilian equivalent of push ups! Body language is everything when they talk to each other.

COMMON BONDS
Everything within each subset is related. Do you know how?
01. {Art Linkletter, Jerry Lewis, Dick Clark, Sammy Davis Junior, Don Ho, Edward G. Robinson, Cyril Lord}
02. {Santa Claus, The Green Hornet and Kato, José Jiménez, Sam Stone from Felony Squad, Colonel Wilhelm Klink from Hogan's Heroes, Lurch from The Addams Family, Suzie Knickerbocker}
03. {Groups 1 and 2}

NEXT?
It's been quite awhile since we've played this last.
All you have to do is figure out what would be next in the sequence below, if you can. Ready?

E, T, T, F, F, S, S, E, ?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the October 11, 2014 Puzzle Corner.

LINKED WORDS
The last letter of each correct response started the next answer, with the correct response starting the first answer.
01. Alien craft = UfO
02. Classic musicals = OperaS
03. Pig dinner = SloP
04. Rhyming writer = PoeT
05. Ballet wear = TutU

TRIVIA TIME
Wile E. Coyote's middle name was never given in any Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies film. His name was a play on the word Wily; although one comic book appearance claimed the E. stood for Ethelbert.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: TRACKING CARS (car jokes)

"I have a license, why can't I drive?"
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.
In my ongoing observations of life from the canine perspective, there are plenty of obvious facts.
For example: there are certainly a lot of cars in the world! In fact, it's said the United States of America has more vehicles than the rest of the planet combined.
Now, I don't know how accurate that is, because I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to count them all.
I'm a wise enough canine to know not to go chasing them either, because if it comes down to a fight between a dog and a car, the dog always loses.
I certainly want to live a rich, full life and not end up as road pizza somewhere.
Anyway, this long segue way is leading into a bunch of car themed jokes.
Ready?

Would a book about the car industry be an auto biography?
Then again, would a book about sales in the car industry be an auto buyography?

Why do people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why do they call it rush hour when hardly anything moves?

A fancy Ferrari
What car has the same name forward or backward?
Race car.

Some people seem to think that the hazard light is a signal that allows them to park wherever they like. Fire lanes, in front of store entrances, bus stops, you name it.
Those drivers are taking an awfully big chance considering most of that stuff is much bigger than their vehicles and they're running the risk of a serious ticket if caught by the police.

Once day I was in the back seat of the family car when one of my people was teaching their child how to unbuckle the seat belt.
"Do I click the square?" asked the kid.
My person said yes.
Then the kid asked, "Single click or double click?"
They start learning computers younger and younger these days!

The policeman arrived at the scene of the accident and found that a car struck a telephone pole. Searching for a witness, he found a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who said he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" asked the policeman.
"Sir," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"

Futuristic Astrid
How did the man get a flat tire at the intersection?
He drove over the fork in the road.

What did the tire jack say to the car?
“Need a lift?”

What did one car muffler say to the other muffler?
“I’m exhausted.”

Okay, I think I've gotten enough mileage out of this routine.

Have a great week everybody, and please join us again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 5-11, 2014

FOR THOSE CELEBRATING, TODAY IS
INTERNATIONAL COMING OUT DAY.
PARIS' MOULIN ROUGE CELEBRATES IT 125th ANNIVERSARY.
OCTOBER 6 MARKS THE 35th ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST PAPAL VISIT TO THE WHITE HOUSE, BY POPE JOHN PAUL II.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*The World Health Organization reports the death toll from the current Ebola Virus crisis at 4000+ victims, including one reported death and some suspected cases in the United States!
*ISIS/ISIL terrorists are now establishing a presence in Libya.
*North Koreans are seriously beginning to wonder where their leader, Kim Jong-un is.
*Officials in Hong Kong claimed they were willing to meet with Occupy Central protesters over electoral regulations in that country that lessened democracy, but cancelled, which resulted in the rallys continuing.
*The 2014 Brazilian Presidential elections resulted in a run off between Dilma Rousseff and Aécio Neves that will be held at the end of October.
*Estonia now officially recognizes same gender unions.
*Cave paintings in Maros have been confirmed at being over 40,000 years old!
*A Swedish hospital reports the first successful Human birth by a woman with a donated uterus.
*The Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra won the 2014 Birgit Nilsson Prize.

THE 2014 NOBEL PRIZE RECEIPENTS
*The Nobel Peace Prize to Kailash Satyarthi of India and Malala Yousafzai of Pakistan (making her the youngest person ever to receive one) for their activism against the oppression of children.
*Literature to author Patrick Modiano.
*The Nobel Prize for Chemistry is shared between Eric Betzig, Stefan Hell, and William Moerner for their work in microscopy.
*The Nobel Prize for Physics is shared by Isamu Akasaki, Hiroshi Amano, and Shuji Nakanmura for inventing blue light emitting diodes which will be used in energy saving lights.
*The Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine is shared by John O'Keefe, May-Britt Moser, and Edvard Moser for identifying "the GPS" of the human brain.

PASSING PARADE
*Actor/choreographer/director Geoffrey Holder (Live and Let Die, The Wiz)
*Comedian Jan Hooks (Saturday Night Live, Designing Women)

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*America reports its first death from the Ebola Virus as a courier living in Dallas, Texas passed away. Meanwhile, one of the first responders is now under quarantine with the disease, and virus screenings have begun at JFK International Airport.
*Authorities in Saint Louis, Missouri are preparing for more demonstrations after arrests were made during a vigil in the Ferguson suburb.
*The famous Waldorf-Astoria of Manhattan in New York City will be sold by Hilton to the Chinese insurance company Anbang for $1.95 Billion US dollars.

The Free Choice E-zine would like to thank its loyal readership for already granting us over 2000+ page views this month!


For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 11, 2014

FUN FACT
The average teacher works 53 hours per week, but is hardly ever paid for anything beyond the first 40!

LINKED WORDS
Something new for puzzle fans!
The last letter of each answer begins the next response, and the last letter of the final response starts the answer to the first clue.
Based upon the clues below, can you figure out the words?

01. Alien craft
02. Classic musicals
03. Pig dinner
04. Rhyming writer
05. Ballet wear

TRIVIA TIME
What is Wile E. Coyote's middle name?


We'll reveal all next weekend.
But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from our October 4, 2014 Puzzle Corner.





HOW?
To solve the conundrum asked in the image on the right, simply pour the second glass of orange juice into the fifth glass, then put the now empty second glass back in place.

TRIVIA TIME
The Man and Girl from U.N.C.L.E. worked for the United Network Command for Law (and) Enforcement.
The acronym of the enemy organization T.H.R.U.S.H. was never explained on the original TV series, but several Man from U.N.C.L.E. novels released during the course of the show claimed it stood for Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

SUNDAY FUNNIES: IN MEMORY OF SATURDAY MORNINGS


Hello Everybody. Waxy Dragon here.
Today, I'm going to be doing something a little different, because this week's Sunday Funnies will be more a trip down Memory Lane than the usual joke posts.
Why?
October 4, 2014 marked the end of an era.
NONE of the major networks here in the United States (ABC, CBS, the CW, FOX, nor NBC) are showing cartoons on Saturday mornings any more!

A long standing tradition since the early 1960s has ended.

Gone are the days of classic comedy, like Bugs Bunny and friends.


Or more recent fun stuff like Animaniacs.


Even the adventure cartoons are gone!



So many great studios...
Hanna-Barbera, Filmation, Depatie-Freleng, Total Television, DIC, Jay Ward, etc...

So many great shows...
Jonny Quest, Pinky and the Brain, The Pink Panther, The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries, Scooby-Doo, Tennessee Tuxedo, The Archies, The Smurfs, The Littles, Super Friends, etc...

There are many reasons for the change. The biggest of which are costs and the higher demand for educational programming.
But who said cartoons weren't educational?
There were many shows that delivered a lesson or three within their episodes, like Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Muppet Babies, Yogi's Gang, etc...


There is a big difference between Human and Dragon years, so I can remember a lot of those great Saturdays of the past, despite the fact I'm only a baby dragon.
Sure, there are cable and Internet options to us kids, no matter what species you are, but according to some of the older dragons I've talked to, it just isn't quite the same any more.--wd.

The Sunday Funnies will return next weekend.
We promise.