SUNDAY FUNNIES: PET PEEVES

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Man, am I bored.
Patience maybe a virtue, but I can't wait for Spring when it starts getting warmer and I can stay outside more.
Being cooped up in the house isn't really fun for a dog.
You can't sit or sleep on the furniture as much as you want to.
Your people look at you funny when you ask for something to eat besides breakfast and dinner.
They always seem to think you pick the worst times to need the bathroom.
Hey, I can't let myself out and if I knew how to use that "throne" thing you have...

I don't mean to be annoying. It just happens.

Like when there's a police car in sight, especially when they have their radar gun out looking for speeders, and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 miles per hour slower than the speed limit.

I can see my owners eyeballs roll when someone visiting us says, "Well, to make a long story short," and then they keep talking for another 20 minutes.

My owner's wife was complaining that she went to the store and had to tell five different sales people there that she was just looking around.
Shouldn't the first clerk have let the others know so they wouldn't waste everyone's time?

There's a dog down the street that barks at EVERYTHING.
I try telling it to be quiet and then my people yell at me to shut up and stop being a bad dog.

The other night one of my family sat down on the sofa and started reading a magazine.
Yes, magazines still exist!
Anyway, it was bad enough that they beat me to the couch so I had to lay on the floor by their feet, but then all those little subscription cards kept falling out of their magazine and landing on me!
I thought it was snowing indoors!
Why would you need a subscription card to the magazine you already have a subscription too?
Besides probably getting a renewal notice through the mail when it was time to do so, why put so many cards in the magazine to begin with?

Why do they call it an express lane at the supermarket when it seems to move as slowly as all the other lanes?
And those "express self checkout lanes" aren't any better!
Besides not getting any discounts for doing it yourself, if you have a problem, you still need a cashier anyway.
Why don't stores just get rid of the darn things and hire more people instead of being so cheap?

But I personally think the most annoying thing in this dog's life is when an alarm🔔 goes off in the middle of the night.
Okay, if it's a burglar or smoke alarm, that's a time to be greatly concerned and be prepared to take whatever appropriate action might be necessary.
But if it's a personal alarm⏰ because one of your people has to get up for work or school, that's another matter.
After all, I don't have to get up early or be anywhere at a certain hour, so why can't you folks let me sleep in?🔕

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: FEBRUARY 10-16, 2019

FEBRUARY IS NATIONAL HEART💗HEALTH MONTH & BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

FEBRUARY 17 IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN KOSOVO.

FEBRUARY 22 MARKS THE 95TH ANNIVERSARY OF CALVIN COOLIDGE BECOMING THE FIRST US PRESIDENT TO SPEAK ON THE RADIO.📻

2019 MARKS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF WENDY’S.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Accused drug cartel boss Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman has been found guilty on ALL counts! Sentence is pending.
*With everything else they currently have to deal with, Venezuela has an interesting opinion of the United States.
*North AND South Korea will make a joint bid to host the 2032 Summer Olympics between them.
*The House of Commons has expressed its opinion on the latest Brexit plan.
*Burger King has settled the latest lawsuit against them.
*Don’t pack your bags for that trip to Mars yet!
*Unfortunately, another Opportunity is over too.
*A new controversy at the Oscars!
*And now for something completely different...

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actor Carmen Argenziano (credits too numerous to mention) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Oceanographer Walter Munk.
*The innocent victims of the senseless shooting in Aurora, Illinois February 15.
*The Martian Rover Opportunity.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*The firestorm of “potential wall funding”.
*Although it came without border wall funding, President Trump DID sign a new budget to keep the government open for the foreseeable fiscal future, but then turned around and declared the lack of a border wall a "national emergency!" (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*"I didn't need to do this."—Donald Trump. Then why? Especially since your fellow Republicans are upset over it. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*With the "emergency" in place, Trump is taking money from the Pentagon to fund his wall.
*With government operations not at risk, Congress is prepared to fight Trump on the wall.
*The American Civil Liberties Union is preparing to sue Trump too.
*Believe it or not, if Trump gets his wall, butterflies are at risk too!
*Fact checking the whole mess.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of two detainee minors, let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…

*The latest on Robert Mueller’s and other investigations concerning Donald Trump. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Yes, Paul Manafort did lie.
*Puerto Rico to President Trump: "Remember us?"
*The government is preparing to cut payments to 9/11 survivors.
*William Barr is now officially the new Attorney General, but Trump will soon need a new director for FEMA. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*In "The World According To Trump", former President Barack Obama was considering going to war with North Korea!
*From one government doctor to another…
*Did Republicans steal from Hillary Clinton???
*A Democratic front runner already in the 2020 Presidential election???
THE BUDGET BATTLE…
*The shutdown began at midnight December 22, 2019.
*Congress came back into session with its newly elected members January 3, 2019.
*The country was under a temporary reprieve from government shutdown until February 15 in hopes that a new budget agreement could be reached.
*Although it came without border wall funding, President Trump DID sign a new budget to keep the government open for the foreseeable fiscal future, but then turned around and declared the lack of a border wall a "national emergency!" (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*With or without a budget, the national debt keeps growing!
MEANWHILE…

*Congress came back into session with its newly elected members January 3, 2019.
*A new budget was signed before the February 15 deadline, but since it had no funding for a border wall, President Trump has declared the lack of one a "national emergency!"
*With government operations not at risk, Congress is prepared to fight Trump on the wall. See our BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION section above for more details.

ELSEWHERE…
*Apparently, Virginia’s Governor Northam doesn’t plan to resign.
*Payless Shoes Source is going out of business.
*The USS Hornet has been found!
*Apparently there was more to Stan Lee's last cameo than we first thought.
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Happy 73rd Wedding Anniversary to (Former US President) Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: FEBRUARY 16, 2019

😎FUN FACT
The ice particles composing the rings of Saturn range in size from smaller than a traditional cube to larger than a single family house!

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?
A famous poet turned Federal agent?

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Everyone knows George Washington was the first President of the United States. But who was his/the first Vice President?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the February 9, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

For Valentine’s Day, in our IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AIN’T MY BABY quiz, we asked you to mate the ladies with their beaus. The results are...

THE LADIES
01. Nicole Austin
02. Cleopatra
03. Pam Dawber
04. Dulcinea del Toboso

05. Kathleen Kelly
06. Roxanne Kowalski
07. Paula McFadden
08. Klara Novak
09. Penelope Pussycat
10. Annie Reed
11. Roxanne (no known surname)
12. Kathy Seldon
13. Susan Storm
14. Joanne Woodward

THEIR BEAUS
01. Marc Anthony
02. Sam Baldwin
03. Charles Bales
04. Cyrano de Bergerac
05. Joe Fox
06. Elliot Garfield
07. Mark Harmon
08. Alfred Kralik
09. Don Lockwood
10. Tracy Marrow
11. Paul Newman
12. Pepe Le Pew
13. Alonso Quijano
14. Reed Richards

01. Nicole Austin is with Tracy Marrow. You might know the couple better as Coco Marie and Ice-T. They celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary in 2016.
02. Cleopatra was with Marc Anthony, according to history.
03. Pam Dawber has been married to Mark Harmon since 1987.
04. Dulcinea del Toboso was the one true love of Alonso Quijano, better known in literature as Don Quixote de La Mancha.
05. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) fell in love with Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) in You've Got Mail.
06. Roxanne Kowalski (Daryl Hannah) fell in love with Charles Bales (Steve Martin) in the romantic comedy Roxanne, a modern retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac.
07. Paula McFadden (Marsha Mason) fell in love with Elliot Garfield (Richard Dreyfus) in Neil Simon’s The Goodbye Girl.
08. Klara Novak (Margret Sullivan) fell in love with Alfred Kralik (Jimmy Stewart) in The Shop Around The Corner, the original version of You've Got Mail.
09. Penelope Pussycat is the hapless foil of Pepe Le Pew, although the feline femme fatale was not given a name until the 1996 Warner Brothers’ cartoon Carrotblanca.
10. Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) fell in love with Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) during Sleepless in Seattle.
11. Roxanne (no known surname) was the literary love of Cyrano de Bergerac.
12. Kathy Seldon (Debbie Reynolds) fell in love with Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) during the MGM classic Singin' In The Rain.
13. Susan Storm, known in the comic book world as the Invisible Woman, is married to Reed Richards of The Fantastic Four.
14. Joanne Woodward was married to Paul Newman from 1958 until his death in 2008.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TAKING IT EASY (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

I'm just kicking back and taking it easy on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Wish it was much warmer than it actually is so I could go outside and see what mischief fun I can get into...

Anyway, with no particular topic or theme in mind, think I'll just jump into the big ol' bin of jokes I've collected and see what I come up with. Ready?

Waxy's Joke Bin

If it weren't for Venetian Blinds, it would be curtains for all of us.

Why are all the other states Jealous of Nevada?
Because it's the NV of America.

I always behave, just not necessarily well.

For nearly a year I've invested in stocks. Thanks to chicken, beef, vegetable, and shrimp; I will soon be a Boullionaire.

A father lights up the barbecue and says, "Son, it's time to learn how to grill the hamburger."
The boy turns to the hamburger and says, "Where were you on October 11th? Were you alone?"

One bee to another, "How was the Queen Bee's speech?"
"It was the usual. Just a bunch of Buzz words."

The meaning of OPAQUE is unclear.

I don't care what the appliance manufactures claim. The only thing that is truly self cleaning in any house is the cat! 🐈

A guy was taking his girl to the prom. He waits for a long time in line to get a ticket. He then waits a long time to rent a limo. He waits a long time to get the flowers. During the prom, his girl says she would like some punch. He goes to the refreshment table.
No punch line.

I was not sure what was available to use as a replacement for my kitchen work surfaces, so I went to all the different hardware stores, where I engaged in Counter Surveillance activities.

My math teacher said, "Waxy, your homework looks like chicken scratch, but all the answers are correct."
When I got home, I told my friend, "Hey math chicken.🐔 I think they're onto us."

We are not what happened to us. We are what we choose to become.
Never let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do. Take Beethoven for example. They told him he would never be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen to them.

And on that note ♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: FEBRUARY 3-9, 2019

FEBRUARY IS NATIONAL HEART💗HEALTH MONTH & BLACK HISTORY MONTH.
FEBRUARY 12 IS INTERNATIONAL RED HAND-NO CHILD SOLDIERS DAY!

FEBRUARY 12 MARKS THE 95TH ANNIVERSARY OF

GEORGE GERSHWIN’S RHAPSODY IN BLUE DEBUTING ON BROADWAY.

💘FEBRUARY 14 IS VALENTINE’S DAY. 💕

FEBRUARY 15 MARKS THE 255 BIRTHDAY OF SAINT LOUIS, MISSOURI!

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌏RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un and American President Donald Trump are scheduled to meet on February 27.
*On his latest diplomatic mission, Pope Francis became the first Pope to visit the Arabian Peninsula.
*No more recreational hunting in Colombia???
*Germania Airlines has filed for bankruptcy.
*The NEW magnetic North!
*They finally got a hit. 25 years later...


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actor Kristoff St. John (The Young and The Restless) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Robert Hubbard, inventor of the Head And Neck Support safety device, has passed away.
*Actress Julie Adams (original Creature From The Black Lagoon, Murder She Wrote) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Major League Baseball Hall of Famer Frank Robinson is no longer with us.
*Actress Carmen Duncan (Harlequin, Another World) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Actress/dancer Nita Bieber (Rhythm and Weep, Summer Stock, The Prince Who Was A Thief) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Actor Albert Finney (Tom Jones, Erin Brockovich) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*Just WHAT is going on with the separated children???
*Military funding and disaster relief money will NOT be used in any border wall construction.
*If Trump does declare the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”, Congress MUST vote to make it official. But would it pass???
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of two minor detainees, let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…

*North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un and President Trump are scheduled to meet on February 27.
*President Trump apparently didn’t like how Congress interviewed his acting Attorney General.
*Are Trump’s Twitter typos intentional???
*Then what about this gaffe???
*The investigation into Trump’s inaugural committee continues.
*What will Trump do???
THE 2019 STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS...
*The annual State of the Union Address was presented February 5, with President Trump wanting an end to “resistance politics” and “partisan investigations”, but no details on rebuilding the infrastructure while still worried about the lack of a border wall and migrant caravans without declaring an official national emergency. (There are 5/FIVE separate links in this item.)
*Fact check time. On the economy and other matters. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*The Democrats gave their response to the speech afterwards, yet how have things fared since last year’s address??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Campaigning during the State of the Union address???
*On Nancy Pelosi’s SOTU “applause”.
THE BUDGET BATTLE…
*The shutdown began at midnight December 22, 2019.
*Congress came back into session with its newly elected members January 3, 2019.
*The country is under a temporary reprieve until February 15 in hopes that a new budget agreement can be reached, but it appears to still come down to Trump’s wish for a border wall.
*Can Congress come up with a budget the President will agree to before the deadline??? It might include some kind of border wall project funds after all. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE…
*Congress came back into session with its newly elected members January 3, 2019.
*Although the government is temporarily reopened until at least February 15, the on going (since December 22, 2018) Federal Budget Crisis has yet to be fully resolved, as reported in the section above this one.
*Military funding and disaster relief money will NOT be used in any border wall construction.
*If Trump does declare the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”, Congress MUST vote to make it official. But would it pass???
*Even President Trump cannot deny the increase of women in Congress.
ELSEWHERE…
*Sorry Louisiana. You’re going to have to rethink that one.
*Yes Fox News, it’s TRUE!
*The New England Patriots beat the Los Angeles Rams 13-3 in Super Bowl #53.🏈
😃And finally, a little good news: lending a helping hand.

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: FEBRUARY 9, 2019

😎FUN FACT
At the conclusion of #53, only the Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Houston Texans, and Jacksonville Jaguars have yet to play a Super Bowl.

Everyone loves a good romance story. Especially with Valentine’s Day approaching.
All you have to do in our IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AIN’T MY BABY quiz is match the ladies to their beaus. Ready?

THE LADIES
01. Nicole Austin
02. Cleopatra
03. Pam Dawber
04. Dulcinea del Toboso
05. Kathleen Kelly
06. Roxanne Kowalski
07. Paula McFadden
08. Klara Novak
09. Penelope Pussycat
10. Annie Reed
11. Roxanne (no known surname)
12. Kathy Seldon
13. Susan Storm
14. Joanne Woodward

THEIR BEAUS
01. Marc Anthony
02. Sam Baldwin
03. Charles Bales
04. Cyrano de Bergerac
05. Joe Fox
06. Elliot Garfield
07. Mark Harmon
08. Alfred Kralik
09. Don Lockwood
10. Tracy Marrow
11. Paul Newman
12. Pepe Le Pew
13. Alonso Quijano
14. Reed Richards

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the February 2, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
Everyone knows Sir Isaac Newton formalized the Law of Gravity, but how old was he at the time?
23!

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
With the holiday drawing near, how many new words can you form out of the letters in VALENTINE?
A, alien, alive, an, ant, at, at
Eat, eave, even, evil
I, in, inn, inane, it
Lane, late, Latin, lean, leave, lei, lenient, lent, lie, line, lint, live
Neat, nine, nit
Tan, tea, ten, teen, tile, tin, tine
Veil, vein, vent, vial, vile
More than the 43 listed above might be possible.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SUP(P)ER BOWL 2019

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Once again, the concluding game to another football🏈 season is upon us and once again, I'm just scratching my ears still trying to figure it all out.

Two sides fight over a "pig skin" for about an hour—not counting time outs and endless commercials—while women in skimpy outfits work up the onlooking crowd present in the stadium into an even greater frenzy than they might already be, and they don't even eat the darn thing afterwards!

First off, I've tried football before. They taste terrible!
What makes you folks call it a "pig skin"🐷 to begin with? It certainly doesn't taste like ham or bacon to me.

And that odd shape. It might be good enough to throw or kick, but it certainly don't bounce very well.

The name of the game I don't get either. There's no bowl of any size involved that I've ever seen, except the ones my people pass around full of food while they're watching the TV coverage.
I certainly don't get any of their goodies either!
I'm lucky enough if one of them remembers to feed me dinner during half time. Otherwise, it's always "Oops! Forgot to feed the dog." AFTER the game ends! 😳

I certainly could go on for quite awhile about this.
Shall I with the Quarterback?
Is that all the money the poor guy has? Twenty-five cents?
And why does he always yell "Hike" before putting the football into play?
Is he expecting his team to go on some long march?
And some of those other position names...

Well, it’s clear to me that this puppy certainly doesn’t understand the game of football.🏈
But before I go, let’s enjoy the thoughts of someone else who never quite comprehended the game either as we share our annual presentation of Andy Griffith’s “What It Was, Was Football”, accompanied with the illustrations from the Mad magazine adaptation by George Woodbridge, courtesy of YouTube. (And remember, we didn't create the video or the material within, we're only sharing it with our fans.)

Have a great week everybody. and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—Atp.