SUNDAY FUNNIES: PROFESSIONAL JOKES

Professional Puppy

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
There's all kinds of jokes covering just about every subject under the sun and if by some chance you happen to discover a topic that no one has made a joke about, just wait awhile. They will in time.
With that in mind, here's some jokes about various professions...

I was hooked on auctions after going once, going twice....

What does a painter do when he gets cold?
He puts on another coat.

If a doctor gives greeting cards to patients, is he a Cardiologist?

Did you hear about the greeter who was fired from his job at the Hawaii Airport?
He was lei'd off!

A Medical Library Librarian realized, "That's strange. We don't  have any back issues of The Chiropractic Journal."

Western movie extra needing
 a quick snack!

One sleigh dog said to the other, "I should find another line of work. The ad said I'd go places and see great sights, but all I've seen in front of me this whole trip is another dog's tail."
The sleigh dog next to him agreed. "And why does the driver keep yelling MUSH! I want steak for dinner!"


One guy bragged, "I always give 100% at work. I give 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 45% on Wednesday, 15% on Thursday and 5% on Friday."
Needless to say, he's giving a 100% on the unemployment line right now.

You know you're dealing with a bad mechanic when they say, "I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody!
There will be a special edition of The Sunday Funnies to celebrate Thanksgiving Thursday.
Until then, take care.
AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 11-17, 2018

ARE YOU AWARE OF

THE BLOOD PRESSURE DRUG RECALL???

OR THE TURKEY RECALL???

NOVEMBER 22 IS THANKSGIVING.🦃

😢SADLY, NOVEMBER 22 IS ALSO THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF

LOSING PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY.

NOVEMBER 23 IS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF DOCTOR WHO.

NOVEMBER 24 MARKS THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE GASOLINE ALLEY COMIC STRIP.

NOVEMBER 24 IS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*New information concerning the death of journalist Jamal Khashoggi has been internationally released.
*Is Great Britain closer to finalizing arrangements for “Brexit”??? If so, many are still unhappy about the impending departure from the European Union. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*The recent Australian “strawberry scare” was intentional!
*The centennial celebration marking the end of World War 1.
*There will NOT be a “tampon tax” in Colombia.
*An UFO over Ireland???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Comic Book Legend Stan Lee is no longer with us.
*Actor Douglas Rain (2001: A Space Odyssey) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Country Music Legend Roy Clark has passed away.
*Actress Kathleen MacGregor (Little House on the Prairie, On the Waterfront) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Author/screenwriter William Golden (The Princess Bride, All The President’s Men) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*President Trump does NOT want the votes recounted???
*The results of fact checking some of his recent comments for accuracy.
*CNN is suing to get Jim Acosta’s press credentials reestablished, but the White House calls it “grandstanding”. Yet Fox News is supporting it, and the first legal victory goes to CNN & Acosta! (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*Does Trump really want his Acting Attorney General to stop Robert Mueller’s investigation of Russia’s possible interference with the 2016 Presidential election???
*What will happen to National Security Advisor Mira Ricardel???
*And now Trump is allegedly questioning Mike Pence’s loyalty???
MEANWHILE…
*There will be at least one more additional Democratic Senator in Congress after all.
*A sore loser in the Arizona Congressional race.
*Another Republican doesn’t want any votes recounted either.
*The winner, by ONE vote!
*"Did I lose my law suit or the runoff? What do you mean BOTH???"
*Will Congress protect the Robert Mueller investigation into Russia’s possible interference with the 2016 Presidential election or not??? As the investigation continues, charges have been filed against Julian Assange. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Congress was off from October 9-November 12 for the mid-term elections, but was only in session from November 13-18 before taking the 19-23 off for Thanksgiving.
ELSEWHERE…
*The wildfires in California continue, but where are the missing??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger worked on updating its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 17, 2018

😎FUN FACT
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
But it’s uncertain whether turkey🦃 was actually on the menu back in 1621.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Where would you be if you ♫Come on down, it's around the back. Just a half a mile from the railroad track♫?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in THANKSGIVING?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the November 10, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What are you suffering from if you have Arachibutyrophobia?
The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE or FALSE: A light year is a unit of time.
FALSE! It is a unit of distance, based upon how far light can travel within a vacuum during the course of one year.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MISC (jokes) FOR THE MILITARY

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

Today is Veterans' Day, but that is too serious a subject to joke about; for those brave men and women of the past, present, and future have done all they can to help protect freedom and their country long before I was hatched.

Instead, let's have some fun! 😀

If you wish to be big, don't belittle others.

Honor the Veterans!

I feel sorry for people who grew up before smart phones.
All they had to amuse themselves was reality.

When your past calls, don't answer it.📵
It has nothing new to say.

The Tomato🍅 Family went for a walk.
The baby started lagging behind and the Father Tomato yelled "KETCHUP!"

I went for a walk in a corn field and got lost in the maize.

Everyone knows 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.
(3 times 3 is 9, and if you have to explain a joke...)

A lone sharpie lid is 1 of the most terrifying things a parent can find.

I am a perfectionist with procrastinator complex, yet someday I will do something awesome!

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 4-10, 2018

NOVEMBER 11 IS VETERANS DAY.
NOVEMBER 17 IS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE INFAMOUS “HEIDI GAME”.

W. B. MASON IS 120 YEARS OLD THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌎RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*New Caledonia has decided not to seek independence from France.
*Ross Edgley has become the first person to completely swim around Great Britain!
*A new version of The Beatles’ White Album!

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*The innocent victims of the senseless shooting in Thousand Oaks, California.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*Getting ready to “greet”  the migrant caravan. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
POLITICALLY…

*Last week we report that President Trump said, “The fake news is creating violence,” and asked who is creating the fake news. Here’s one possibility. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Will the President’s Cabinet be changing again???
*Jeff Sessions is no longer Attorney General! What happens to Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russia’s possible interference in the 2016 Presidential election now, and there’s a possibility that the Acting AG CAN’T be the Acting AG. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Is President Trump in trouble with HBO now???
*The backlash from suspending the press pass of CNN’s Jim Acosta. But is the “evidence” against him fake??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Will Donald Trump, Junior soon be facing indictment???
*November 17 marks the 45th anniversary of former President Richard Nixon’s infamous “I am not a crook” speech.
MEANWHILE…
*President Trump does NOT like the results of the November 6 mid-term elections. His thoughts towards the winners and losers. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*But it’s recount time in Florida! Will the outcome be decided in court??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Yet, could Trump benefit from the Republicans loses???
*Not every ad ran during campaign season!
*Congress is currently off from October 9-November 12 for the mid-term elections, but will only be in session from November 13-18 before taking the 19-23 off for Thanksgiving.
ELSEWHERE…

*New wildfires rage in California!
*What is happening to Shishmaref, Alaska???
*The controversial Keystone XL Pipeline is on hold again.
*Michigan has decided to legalize marijuana.
*Lowe’s is planning to close 51 stores.
*Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy will remain in production through at least the end of the 2022-2023 TV season.😀

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger is still working on updating its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 10, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Cars did not have ignition keys until 1949. Before that starter cranks were used to get the engine running.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What are you suffering from if you have Arachibutyrophobia?

THE 50/50 CHANCE ⚖
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE or FALSE: A light year is a unit of time.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the November 3, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

RHYME TIME⌛
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Local residents unhappy about portrayal of rural life?
STICKS NIX HICK PIX (Variety headline of July 17, 1935)

REBUS
Something familiar is represented in the image below.
Do you know what it is?

LLAF = Fall back, for Daylight Saving Time ended November 4 in the United States.

GO VOTE! 2018

The following is a public service message from The Free Choice E-zine.

Dear America:

TODAY’S THE DAY! GO VOTE!

Although the lie was attempted before, there still are no separate dates or places for the different political parties.
EVERY eligible voter has only today, November 6.
EVERYONE uses the voter precinct based upon their home address.

You have waded through all the rhetoric, campaign speeches, political ads, promises, mudslinging, and BS.
NOW IS THE TIME!
GO VOTE!

DO NOT LET ANYONE TRY TO KEEP YOU FROM VOTING!
EVERY registered voter within the United States has the constitutional right to speak through voting on how they want this country represented and operated!
If someone does try to stop you, heed the advice in the image on the right.

Disenfranchisement is NOT legal!
Trying to prevent you from your legal right (through gerrymandering, restriction of polling places and hours, etc) is NOT legal!
VOTING IS!

EXPRESS YOUR OPINION!
EXERCISE YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS!

GO VOTE!

Sincerely,
Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief: The Free Choice E-zine

The above was a public service message from The Free Choice E-zine.