Sunday, July 17, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE QUOTABLE CELEBRITY (celebrity quotes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

It's been ages since I've last had a chance to post some celebrity quotes, so let's get right to it and as usual, my comments are in italics afterward.

Ready?

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”—Helen Keller.
How true madam. Especially since the Chinese proverb "May you live in interesting times" keeps proving itself very accurate.
Ali, via Wikipedia

"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion'."—Muhammad Ali.
And while I'm a lover, not a fighter, my hat's off to your prowess in the "squared circle". Once even taking on Superman!

"Always take the high road. The benefits may not be immediate, but they are inevitable."—Author Unknown.
It's also a great route in case of flooding too!

“It may be that when we no longer know which way to go that we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.” —Wendell Berry.
Okay, and "When you come to the fork in the road, take it."—Yogi Berra.

"For success, attitude is equally as important as ability."—Walter Scott.
Some think the answer is actually money and power, but I hope they're wrong.

“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.”—Erich Fromm.
True, and "Money can't buy me love."—The Beatles.

Lincoln, circa 1863 via Wikipedia


"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."—Abraham Lincoln
If you're reading this right now, you're alive. ENJOY THAT LIFE!

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 10-16, 2016

JULY 17th IS CONSTITUTION DAY IN SOUTH KOREA.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Over 190 people lost their lives during an attempted military coup in Turkey.
*While the "Brit Exit" from the European Union has yet to officially occur, Theresa May has replaced David Cameron as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and has started forming her new ministry.
*The Permanent Court of Arbitration ruled in favor of the Philippines against China over territorial disputes in the South China Sea, but China has declared the decision null and void, claiming the territory is theirs.
*Japan's Emperor Akihito has announced impending plans to abdicate (retire).
*Archaeologists believe they have discovered an ancient Philistine cemetery in Israel.
*At Wimbledon, Andy Murray won the Men's Singles title. Pierre-Hugues Herbert and Nicolas Mahut won the Men's Double's Championship, while the Williams Sisters won the Women's Double's Title.


TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITES...
*Someone drove a truck into the crowd during a Bastille Day Parade in Nice, France, killing over 80 innocent victims while injuring over 100+. The driver was killed during the attack. Although no official evidence has been found to support the claim, ISIS/ISIL forces are already claiming responsibility for the attack.
*Osama bin Laden's son Hamza has threatened genocide against the United States over his father's death.
*Bombs are still the favorite weapon of terrorists this past week.

PASSING PARADE...
*The 80+ victims of the Bastille Day attack in Nice, France.
*Journalist Sydney Schanberg (portrayed by Sam Waterston in The Killing Fields) has passed away.
*Author Carolyn See (Golden Days, Dreaming: Hard Luck and Good Times in America) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Although neither side has yet to hold their convention and make their nominees official, Bernie Sanders has officially ended his campaign by endorsing Hillary Clinton for President. Meanwhile, Donald Trump has named Indiana's Governor Mike Pence as his Vice-Presidential running mate, while Clinton has yet to announce hers.
ELSEWHERE...
*The Westboro Baptist "Church" was recently defeated by Pokemon!
*The Federal Bureau of Investigation has officially suspended its search for D. B. Cooper, and will declare the 45 year old mystery unsolved.
*Is America throwing away more food than it eats?
*Doctor Carla Hayden is the new Head Librarian of Congress.
*Herbalife is trying to settle allegations from the US Federal Trade Commission that it is a pyramid scheme.
*Tim Duncan of the San Antonia Spurs has announced his retirement from professional basketball.
*The 2016 Emmy Awards for prime time television have been announced, with several for Game of Thones, Veep, and The People vs. O. J. Simpson.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JULY 16, 2016

FUN FACT
Although he was known by that name for the rest of his life, Cassius Clay NEVER legally changed his name to Muhammad Ali!

TRIVIA TIME
Last week, we reported that the famous video game character Mario started out life as Jumpman in the first Donkey Kong game, but that Princess Peach was NOT the first damsel in distress he rescued.
Who DID Mario rescue in that game?

CRYPTO-CODE: NEW GAME!
It's been a feature of many a puzzle book, so I thought we'd try it here.
A famous movie is encoded below.
Each letter represents a different letter than what's written.
The code is the same throughout the cipher, with a clue provided.
Can you guess what the movie is?

BCA QZWXLBCAD (A =E)

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the July 9, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Which of the Fab Four was the first Beatle to make a "cameo" on The Simpsons?
Ringo Starr.

AKA, Also Known As
Today we know him simply as Mario, but what was the famous video game character originally called?
Jumpman, in his debut during the first Donkey Kong game.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAZY LAUGHS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.

Now, since this is summer vacation from Dragon School time for me, I'm just kicking back on the beach soaking up some healthy (for dragons anyway) sunshine and taking it easy.
But that doesn't mean I'm skipping my turn hosting The Sunday Funnies.

To wit...


I watched some old westerns on TV and honestly believe that a lot of the conflicts in the wild west could have been avoided, if the cowboy architects had planned ahead and made their towns big enough for everyone.

Did you know that there is no red light visible 30 feet underwater?
That's why fish are always running through intersections and never stop for the red light.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Do bakers trade recipes on a kneed to know basis?

Two silk worms raced against each other. It ended in a tie.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day doing nothing.

It's all fun and games until Monday rolls around and you have to go back to work.
Well, at least some of you do. I'm going for a swim.
Yes, I can swim.
More like dragon paddle, but you get the idea.
In any event, have a great week, take care, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 3-9, 2016

TODAY IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN ARGENTINA.
TODAY MARKS THE 35th ANNIVERSARY OF DONKEY KONG AND MARIO (BUT PRINCESS PEACH WAS NOT THE LADY MARIO RESCUED IN THAT GAME).
JULY 10th IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN THE BAHAMAS.
JULY 14th IS BASTILLE DAY IN FRANCE.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Although the vote was in favor of them doing so, Great Britain has yet to set a date for departing the European Union. Many wonder if that country will do so after all in the aftermath of the uproar over the outcome of the balloting.
*America and South Korea have agreed to deploy a high altitude missile defense system in that country to counter North Korea's growing use of ballistic missiles and nuclear tests. Meanwhile, North Korea claims US sanctions against them are "a declaration of war".
*Dozens of petty criminals and alleged drug addicts have been killed in the Philippines since President Rodrigo Duterte took office, because he has actively encouraged doing so even during the election.
*Germany's parliament has passed a new law saying that it IS rape to have sex with a person who says "No". Under their previous law, sex was not considered rape unless the victim fought back.
*United States Secretary of State John Kerry is in the Ukraine trying to negotiate peace between that country and Russian separatists who want the Ukraine to return to "Mother Russia".
*The Juno spacecraft has reached Jupiter after its five year journey at the onset of its planetary survey of that world.


TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*The death toll from the previously reported bombing in Baghdad is now over 200.
*ISIS/ISIL forces have started entering Malaysia, with one known bombing incident being their work.
*Bombs, especially those delivered through suicidal users, are still the weapon of choice for ISIS/ISIL forces lately.

PASSING PARADE...
*The five police officers slain in Dallas, Texas, USA.
*Actress Noel Neill (various versions of Superman, An American in Paris) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Actor John McMartin (a long career between television, movies, and Broadway) has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*While the FBI has "reservations" about her actions, no formal charges will be filed against Hillary Clinton in regards to alleged misconduct concerning her e-mails when Secretary of State. Otherwise, all formal investigations by any official government agency have been officially closed except the one just restarted by the State Department.
*Current Secretary of State John Kerry is in the Ukraine trying to negotiate peace between that country and Russian separatists who want the Ukraine to return to "Mother Russia".
*If he doesn't win the Democratic Presidential nomination, the Green Party has offered Bernie Sanders the position on their ticket.
ELSEWHERE...
*Amazon's concerns about counterfeit products grow as the situation worsens.
*Attorneys for professional football Hall of Fame legend Paul Hornung are suing Riddell, the sports equipment manufacturer, stating its helmets failed to protect Hornung from brain injury. Hornung, who has dementia, suffered multiple concussions as a player and his neurodegenerative disease has been linked to repetitive head trauma.
*In the 2016 Wimbledon Championship of professional tennis, Serena Williams has won the Womens' Single's title. The rest of the contests are still in progress.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JULY 9, 2016

FUN FACT
Cleveland, Ohio, USA installed the world's first electronic traffic light.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Which of the Fab Four was the first Beatle to make a "cameo" on The Simpsons?

AKA, Also Known As
Today we know him simply as Mario, but what was the famous video game character originally called?

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the July 2, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

REBUS
Something familiar is represented by the image below.
Do you know what it is?

"That's what"
—she

That's what she said.

TRIVIA TIME
In which country did the sauna originate?
For some reason, many readers thought it was Sweden, but the answer is actually FINLAND!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CINEMA CLICHES (movie jokes)

Hello Everybody! Editor-in-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here, for Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon have the 4th of July holiday weekend here in America off.

My topic for subbing on the Sunday Funnies this time shall be movies.

We've all seen them.
The classics.
The special effects laden bombs and blockbusters.
The subtitled masterpieces and yawners.
The originals, the remakes, the remakes of remakes, and the outright spoofs and rip-offs of the remakes...

In any event, have you ever noticed how many cliches seem to occur in movies?

1. Large, loft-style apartments in any major city are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
Guess it's more attractive than living in a flea bag apartment and sharing a bathroom with cockroaches. Although, didn't they make a movie based on that idea too?

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is always evil.
Okay, Cain and Abel might have been the originals, but what do you think the odds are of that pattern continuing year after year after year...

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Right... and if you believe that, I'll be more than happy to sell you some prime beach front property in the middle of the desert.

Only good for playing "Space Invaders".
Do not try to defeat them in real life using this machine!
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
Well, a laptop would at least give you the mobility to run when they started training their weapons on you.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
I'm surprised no one ever set up one of those "Take A Number" machines at the start of one of those fights.


6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Actually, it's just a question of what filter is over the camera lens at the time, but that would be a neat trick in real life. Wouldn't work in any movie featuring characters from Avatar or the Smurfs, but still...
A Rube Goldberg invention (image via Wikipedia)

7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
Mega villains nowadays must all be fans of Rube Goldberg!

8. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
As much as I enjoy it myself, I didn't realize it was that popular. Then again, you never see something more common like milk, eggs, canned goods, etc; sticking out of that bag.

Personally, what I would really love to see is some truly ORIGINAL plots in movies once more.
Then again, guess they have to cut corners somewhere to cover performer salaries and special effects budgets.
In any event, take care everyone. Have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lth,jr.