Sunday, April 22, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ASK WAXY

Why ask me?
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

Now, despite the fact that I'm just a baby dragon, people ask me a lot of questions. I try to answer them the best I can, but sometimes...

Dear Waxy:
In what sport are the athletes most romantic?
Lost In The Arena Of Love

Dear Lost:
I honestly don't know which is the most romantic, but never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

♫Rock Around The Clock♫
Dear Waxy:
Can you help me with my Geology home work? I need to name three types of rock.
Stuck At My Desk.

Dear Stuck:
Classic, Punk, and Hard.

Dear Waxy:
If cattle had a sense of humor, would they be laughing stock?
Franny Farmer

Dear Franny:🐄
That question was an udder mess that didn't make any sense.

Dear Waxy:
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Bucky Beaver.

Dear Bucky:
It depends upon how strong the woodchuck is and why he/she wants to chuck wood in the first place.

Dear Waxy:
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Confused.

Dear Confused:
An idea to post as this week's Sunday Funnies! 😉

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please come back here next week for more fun!—wd.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 15-21, 2018

APRIL 21 IS RECORD STORE DAY. VINYL IS MAKING A COMEBACK FOLKS!
APRIL 22 IS EARTH DAY!🌎
APRIL 25 IS ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS’ DAY.
APRIL 25 IS WORLD PENGUIN🐧 DAY.
APRIL 27 IS HAIRBALL AWARENESS DAY
TO PROMOTE BETTER 🐶PET🐱 HEALTH.
APRIL 28 IS BOTH 🌲ARBOR DAY🌳 & 🌟WORLD ASTRONOMY DAY🌟.
APRIL 28 IS THE 230TH ANNIVERSARY OF MARYLAND
JOINING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
2018 IS THE ATHLETICS’ 50th ANNIVERSARY SEASON
OF PLAYING MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL⚾ IN OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA.


AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*While many wonder what's next, US President Trump warned Syria America is “locked and loaded”, ready to strike again if necessary.
*Miguel Diaz-Canel has succeeded Raul Castro as President of Cuba.
*Bikinis, shorts, and swimsuits are now banned in Turkmenistan.
*A new way to dispose of plastics???
*Despite the bad weather locally April 16, Desiree Linden was the first woman and Yuki Kawauchi the first man to cross the finish line of the 2018 Boston (Massachusetts, USA) Marathon.
*Japan’s Mount Io and Mount Kirishima have experienced recent eruptions.
*Bon Jovi, The Moody Blues, Nina Simone, The Cars, and Dire Straits have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
*As Superman celebrates his 80th anniversary, DC Comics has released Action Comics 1000, a milestone issue for an American comic book.
*A missing World War 2 era ship has been found.
*Scientists have identified a cause of pulmonary arterial hypertension.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Actor R. Lee Eremy (Full Metal Jacket, the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Comedian/magician Harry Anderson (Night Court, Cheers, Dave’s World) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Songwriter/producer Randy Scruggs (“Angel in Disguise”, “We Danced Anyway”) has passed away.
*Former First Lade Barbara Bush is no longer with us.
*Musician/disc jockey Avicii has passed away.
*Actor Verne Troyer (the Austin Powers series, Jack of All Trades) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*While many wonder what's next, President Trump warned Syria America is “locked and loaded”, ready to strike again if necessary.
*Will Andrew McCabe file suit against Donald Trump for wrongful termination???
*How President Trump’s Trade War is progressing, so far.
*President Trump announced he will NOT be attending Barbara Bush’s funeral. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

MEANWHILE…
*The Democratic Party has filed a lawsuit against the Trump Administration, Russia, and Wikileaks over interfering in the 2016 Presidential election.
*Although still vying for the Utah Senatorial nomination, Mitt Romney has announced he may not support Donald Trump in the 2020 Presidential election. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Indiana’s anti-abortion law, enacted by then Governor Mike Pence, has been declared unconstitutional.
ELSEWHERE…
*Wells Fargo has been fined $1 BILLION dollars for mishandling mortgages and automobile loans.
*Could the Kilauea Volcano be forming a new vent???
*The 2018 Pulitzer Prizes have been awarded.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 21, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Butterflies taste with their hind feet.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is tell us the song title. Ready?

♫Where paleface and redskin both turn chicken♫

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Lucky vehicle accessory?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the April 14, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but every word of your answer must rhyme. Ready?
A lapel flower’s place.
Carnation Station.

AKA, Also Known As
By what more familiar name do we know Marion Morrison?
John Wayne.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ANAGRAM JOKES

♫Oh what magic in a word I found
by switching the letters around!♫
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Now, amongst all my other various hobbies, I love word puzzles.
The crosswords (I can bark with the best of them), word searches, acrostics, you name it.

But when you can combine one of these with a joke, then I'm in doggie nirvana!

For example, let's look at some anagrams...



You can rearrange the letters in PRESBYTERIAN to spell BEST IN PRAYER.
But then again, isn't there enough division amongst the various religions as it is?

The word ASTRONOMER can be rearranged to spell MOON STARER.
Now, they also stare at a lot more than just the moon, but the restraining order is still in effect against that one guy who kept looking at Cassiopeia whenever she took a meteor shower.

THE EYES also spell an accurate job description too. THEY SEE.
Then again, some people are blind whenever their tongue covers their eye teeth. 😉

The 43rd President of the United States is also an accurate description of the 2000 election results.
GEORGE BUSH = HE BUGS GORE

Of course, a lot of ELECTION RESULTS might come down to LIES - LET'S RECOUNT.

When you're using THE MORSE CODE, HERE COME DOTS.
Then again, there's also DASHES, but there's no A in THE MORSE CODE, so maybe that doesn't work out as well as I'd like it to.

DORMITORY is a DIRTY ROOM, at least with some college students.
After all, hopefully they're too busy studying to worry about cleaning.
My dog house certainly isn't pristine either.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next time for more SUNDAY FUNNIES!
FUNNY IS SUNDAE!
Especially when you go overboard trying to make one and the ice cream starts to melt before you can eat it.—AtP.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 8-14, 2018

APRIL 14 IS NEW YEAR’S DAY IN VARIOUS PARTS OF ASIA.
APRIL 14 IS THE 190TH ANNIVERSARY OF NOAH WEBSTER’S FIRST DICTIONARY.
APRIL 14 IS ALSO NATIONAL DOLPHIN DAY.
APRIL 15 IS JACKIE ROBINSON DAY IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.
APRIL 15 IS WORLD ART APPRECIATION DAY.
APRIL 15 IS THE 80TH ANNIVERSARY OF
DONALD DUCK’S NEPHEWS HUEY, DEWEY, AND LOUIE'S CARTOON DEBUT.
APRIL 20 IS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF BILL AMEND’S FOX TROT COMIC STRIP.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*United States’ President Donald Trump has canceled his impending trip to Latin America, while the US, Britain, and France have launched air strikes against Syrian chemical weapon facilities, in response to a recent attack against Douma. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*LGBT people have gained more rights in Portugal.
*The Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant is becoming a tourist attraction???
*Where were you during the 2018 March For Science???


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*Israeli authorities have arrested a suspect in the drive-by shooting that happened in a West Bank settlement.
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Comic, actor, voice artist Chuck McCann (credits too numerous to mention).
*Mitzi Shore, “The Godmother of The Comedy Store”, has passed away.
*Author Patrick McManus (The Sheriff Bo Tully Mysteries and other works) is no longer with us.
*Actor Alex Beckett (I Live With Models, Mary Queen of Scots) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Children’s author Jean Marzollo (numerous books, including creating the I Spy book series) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*President Donald Trump has canceled his impending trip to Latin America, while the US, Britain, and France have launched air strikes against Syrian chemical weapon facilities, in response to a recent attack against Douma. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Michael Anton is leaving his position as National Security Council Spokesman.
*Homeland Security Adviser Tom Bossert has resigned.
*President Trump has pardoned Lewis “Scooter” Libby.
*The FBI legally raided the home and office of Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, seizing multiple records related to the Stormy Daniels case; and Trump’s reactions. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump has signed an anti-human trafficking bill into law.
*Is Donald Trump as a brand name over???
MEANWHILE…
*Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has announced that the Senate will stay in session until all of President Trump’s current nominees have been confirmed.
*Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has announced his impending retirement.
*Florida’s Congressional Representative, Republican Dennis Ross, has announced his impending retirement too.
*Elliott Broidy has resigned his position as Deputy Finance Chairman of the Republican Party’s National Committee.
ELSEWHERE…
*Your 2018 Federal Income Tax Returns are due SOON!
*No working smoke alarms were found in the aftermath investigation of the fire at Trump Tower.
*Considering their recent history, Harvey, Irma, Maria, and Nate have been retired from the hurricane rotation list of names.
*Patrick Reed won the 2018 Masters Tournament of professional golf.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 14, 2018

😎FUN FACT
😁Smiling can improve both your mood and immune system.

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long it is, every word of your answer must rhyme. Ready?
A lapel flower’s place.

AKA, Also Known As
By what more familiar name do we know Marion Morrison?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the April 7, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
How many of the United States of America are NOT participating in Daylight Saving Time?
Currently: 3. Alaska and Hawaii are too far away from the continental US to participate, and Arizona decided not to long ago.
Florida is considering the idea, but has yet to make a decision on the matter.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
True or False: Koalas only eat eucalyptus leaves.
ANSWER: FALSE! Koalas will also eat mistletoe leaves if available.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HUH?

Hey Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Have you ever had one of those moments where somebody said or did anything that left you scratching your head and going "HUH?" because it didn't make any sense to you?
Well... welcome to my world!

"I am one step away from being rich. All I need is money."

"I can't remember what 51, 6, and 500 are in Roman Numerals. I'm LIVID."

A news report claimed someone stole all the toilet seats in the police station and investigators still have nothing to go on.

Don't judge an hourglass by how it looks. It's what's inside that counts.

A friend once tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play that game.

When I told a friend how long lived dragons are, he replied, "I used to believe in reincarnation, but that was in a past life."

I once flew over a herd of sheep and saw a ram almost fall off the cliff because he did not see the ewe turn.
Don't worry, I scared him away from the edge in time to prevent the accident.

When I once asked Grandma Dragon for advice, she said, "I believe if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then try to find someone who life has given food and have a picnic."

Did the dark ages last for so long because resistance was feudal?

Why do people ride exercise bikes when they go nowhere?

Did you hear about the man who swallowed a dictionary?
It was the thesaurus throat he ever had!

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

I once saw a protester with a sign that said: "Give me Ambiguity or give me something else!"
I still don't know what he was protesting.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd. 

Saturday, April 7, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 1-7, 2018

APRIL 7 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY
OF THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION.
APRIL 14 IS THE 190TH ANNIVERSARY
OF NOAH WEBSTER’S FIRST DICTIONARY.


AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Carlos Alvarado is the new President of Costa Rica.
*Julius Maada Bio is the new President of Sierra Leone.
*Mokgweetsi Masasi has replaced the retiring Ian Khama as the new President of Botswana.
*Tiangong-1, China’s first space station, has crash landed in the Pacific Ocean near Tahiti.
*Dinosaur footprints have been found on the Isle of Skye!



THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*Twitter is proud of its terrorist account suspension record.
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*TV producer/writer Stephen Bochco (LA Law, Hill Street Blues, and much more) is no longer with us.
*Actor Soon-Tek Oh (James Bond’s The Man With The Golden Gun, the original Hawaii 5-0) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*The victim(s?) of the fire at Trump Tower in New York City.
*Federal Judge Stephen Reinhardt of the Ninth Circuit of Appeals.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*President Trump doesn’t like the revelation that Trade Wars and Tariffs work both ways. Yet he still wants to impose more tariffs. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*The Trump Administration is suing California over land sales.
*The Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA) and the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) are “over” as far as Donald Trump is concerned.
*President Trump wants a former caddy to be his new White House Communications Director???
*The Trump Administration will soon be losing its infrastructure policy adviser too.
*President Trump doesn't like his Chief of Staff either???
*The latest on Donald Trump’s plans for the 2020 Census.
*If he can’t have his wall and Congress has failed to enact tougher border security measures, Trump will dispatch the National Guard to “secure” the Mexican border. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Just how does Trump currently feel about the media??? And just who is the Sinclair Broadcast Group??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump probably won't be attending the White House Correspondents Dinner this year.
*The latest on Donald Trump versus "Stormy" Daniels, and what might lie ahead. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Some opinions as to possibly why Donald Trump doesn't like Amazon.
MEANWHILE…
*Do some Republicans still consider Hillary Clinton a “threat” to their (re)election efforts???
*A Republican California Gubernatorial candidate wants to INSTITUTIONALIZE the homeless!!!
*Republican Ted Cruz is facing a tough Democratic challenger for re-election this year.
*Texas' Republican U.S. Representative Blake Farenthold has announced his resignation.
ELSEWHERE…
*The suspect in the April 3 attack on YouTube headquarters in San Bruno, California killed herself rather than be arrested.
*The final results of the 2018 Men’s and Women’s NCAA College Basketball tournaments. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Possibly the next best comedy writer is only NINE years old!



THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,050 PAGE VIEWS DURING MARCH 2018.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 7, 2018

😎FUN FACT
The brain can acknowledge pain anywhere within your body, but the organ cannot actually feel it.

TRIVIA TIME
How many of the United States of America are NOT participating in Daylight Saving Time?

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
True or False: Koalas only eat eucalyptus leaves.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the March 31, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
Who is accredited with creating what we know today as baseball?
Abner Doubleday.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Considering what April 1 was, how many new words can you form out of the letters in EASTER?
A, are, arse, art(s), as, Aster (type of flower), at, ate
Ear(s), east, eat(s)
Rat(s), rest, reseat, reset
Sat, sea, sear, seat, see, seer, set, star, star, stare, steer
Tar(s), tare(s), tea(s), tear(s), tease, teaser, tee(s), terse
More than the 43 listed above might be possible.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HOPPY EASTER 2018

Hello every bunny!
It's your old friend E.B. the Easter Bunny here, bringing everyone some fun Easter jokes.
I've been told that your regular hostesses, Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon, have the holiday off to be with their families.
If you had to work today, unless you're in the military, law enforcement, fire prevention, or medical industries; shame on your employers!

Before we begin this year's yolks, I mean jokes, 2018 is an odd point, for today is both Easter Sunday AND April Fools' Day.
But make no mistake, Easter is a very serious matter for a lot of folks, and I represent just an additional aspect available to celebrate.

Now then...

Time for the "Bunny Hop"
What do you call a cow🐄 on Easter?
Whatever you call it the rest of the year!

What did the chicken🐔 say when it laid a square egg?
Ouch!

What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
A bug's bunny!

What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.

What do you call a rabbit that cannot make a decision?
An Either rabbit.

How do rabbits fly?
By hareplane.

Did you know carrots are good for the eyes?
After all, you've never seen a rabbit wearing glasses, have you?

What is a rabbit's favorite dance style?
Hip-hop.

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

What is the bunny motto?
"Don't worry, be hoppy."

And on that note🎵, it's been fun folks!
As usual, I'm gonna hop home, kick back, relax, hang out with my peeps, and take a well deserved carrot break.

HOPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!
e.b.🐇

The Sunday Funnies will return next weekend.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MARCH 25-31, 2018

MARCH IS WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH.
PASSOVER HAS BEGUN.
THIS IS THE 20TH SEASON FOR THE TAMPA BAY (DEVIL)RAYS
OF PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL.⚾
APRIL 1 IS BOTH EASTER SUNDAY🐇 AND APRIL FOOLS’ DAY THIS YEAR!
APRIL 1 IS ALSO THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF BRITAIN'S ROYAL AIR FORCE & THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAYTIME SOAP OPERA GENERAL HOSPITAL.
APRIL 2 IS WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY.
APRIL 6 IS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, THE MOVIE.
APRIL 7 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
* A lot of Russian diplomats have been asked to go home.
*The planned summit between North and South Korea is now officially scheduled to start April 27.
*Botswana's President Ian Khama has resigned, with Vice President Mokgweetsi Masisi taking over.
*The floating garbage in the Pacific Ocean has SERIOUSLY grown!
*Don’t eat the ORANGE snow!
*Can a galaxy exist WITHOUT dark matter???


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Pioneer video game designer Bernie De Koven (Ricochet, Alien Garden) has passed away.
*Actress Stephane Audran (Babette’s Feast, The Big Red One) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Baseball legend Rusty Staub is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*Where was President Trump during the March For Our Lives event Saturday, March 24???
*Trump wants to replace the Secretary of Veterans’ Affairs with his personal physician???
*Will the new budget PREVENT President Trump from cutting/eliminating agencies???
MEANWHILE…
*Republican Pennsylvania Congressman Ryan Costello has announced he will not seek re-election.
ELSEWHERE…
*How much abuse do teenagers opposed to gun violence have to endure???
*Wal-mart wants to buy Humana???
*The 2018 season of professional baseball⚾ is under way!
*For those interested, the winners of the 2018 Kids’ Choice Awards.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MARCH 31, 2018

😎FUN FACT
A group of rabbits is a fluffle.

TRIVIA TIME
Who is accredited with creating what we know today as baseball?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Considering what tomorrow is, how many new words can you form out of the letters in EASTER?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the March 24, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {Steve McQueen, Prince} = Celebrities who have patents for inventions.
02. {story, fortune} = tellers

TRIVIA TIME
What famous comedian also created life saving medical devices?
Comic, ventriloquist, and voice artist Paul Winchell.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SPORTING HUMOR

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Now is a great time to be a sports fan.
Major League Baseball is about to start its new season. College Basketball is finishing up theirs, with the playoffs for professional basketball on the horizon; and of course there's always golf, soccer, and all the other great outdoor sports to look forward to now that the weather is hopefully warming up.
With that in mind, lets have some fun with sports humor.
Ready? Set... GO!

“We were on our game 99% of the time. It was the other 3% that cost us!”

“We didn’t underestimate our opponent. The other team was just a lot better than we thought.”

“Any time we score more than 100 points and hold the other team below 100 points, we almost always win.”

"My professional athletic career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction."

"I hate being dead last in the standings, especially since we did so great in our preseason games. The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is our wins and losses at the major league level."

One fan complains to another, "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road."
"I know," said the other fan. "But where else can we play?"

When asked about his coach, one player said, "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

One football player, when asked about his goals, said: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

The new coach, trying to get his players organized, said, "You guys line up alphabetically by height."

“We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick," he said. "Other than that, we’re a good football team.”

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.