Sunday, September 15, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: WHY? (misc. jokes)

Inquisitive little dragon, ain't I?
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Now I'll be the first to admit that I've been scratching my head trying to figure out what to do for this post.
There are some left over jokes from our annual Back To School episode that Autumn the Puppy and I didn't get a chance to use, but most of them involve dogs and homework and I can't do that to my friend.
But yet, no matter how good each day at Dragon School is, the teachers always seem unable to answer some of my questions. So I'm going to post them here and see if YOU have the information I seek. Ready?

Would working in a security position for the Samsung Corporation make that person a Guardian of
the Galaxy? ๐ŸŒŒ

Shouldn't using the self checkout register at a store entitle you to an employee discount?

Why do underwear and socks๐Ÿงฆ come in resealable bags, but potato chips don’t?

Have you ever noticed that the word "nun" is actually just a picture of the letter "n" doing a cartwheel?

Why can't you buy chicken๐Ÿ” broth at the stock market?

Does boiling a funny bone make it laughing stock?

If I have any questions about the Arctic, should I go poll a bear?๐Ÿ˜‰

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating a rare plant?

Can't you get the other chess pieces at a pawn shop too?

If you play a country music song backwards, do you REALLY get a happy ending?

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 8-14, 2019

SEPTEMBER 15 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF CLAYTON MOORE AND JAY SILVERHEELS RIDING AS TELEVISION’S THE LONE RANGER AND TONTO.
SEPTEMBER 15 IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN COSTA RICA.
ANYTHING THAT DEBUTED IN 1964 IS 55 YEARS OLD THIS YEAR.
SEPTEMBER 17 MARKS THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF REBOOT.
SEPTEMBER 19 IS INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY.
SEPTEMBER 21 IS INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEACE. ๐Ÿ•Š
Why can't we have peace EVERY day???๐Ÿ•Š

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W๐ŸŒRLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Dorian was still a menace starting off this past week, but has since faded into history. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Will the United States ever consider negotiations with the Taliban??? American President Trump says “no”, so the Taliban went to Moscow instead. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*No extension for planning Brexit, but Prime Minister Boris Johnson vows leaving the European Union by October 31. Whatever happens, England will have to carry on without John Bercow. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*European Georgia has a new Prime Minister.
*The end of the dinosaurs restaged.
*That’s Titanic, no pun intended.
*How black is it???

THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…
*Is the answer MORE power plants???๐Ÿ˜•
*You want to do WHAT with all that radioactive water???๐Ÿคฏ

THE LATEST FROM/ON IRAN...
*Does American President Donald Trump want to “bail out” Iran???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

๐Ÿ˜ขPASSING PARADE…
*The victims of Typhoon Faxai.
*Oil Tycoon T. Boone Pickens has passed away.
*Tongan Prime Minister Akilisi Pohiva is no longer with us.
*Actress Valerie Van Ost (Carry On, Mr. 10%) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Rocker Eddie Money (“Baby Hold On”, “Two Tickets To Paradise”, etc) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*With families being separated upon apprehension, President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*The Supreme Court has approved asylum restrictions.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (known to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
TARIFF TALK…
*Imports are down, on BOTH sides.
POLITICALLY…
*Does President Trump want to “bail out” Iran???
*Will the United States ever consider negotiations with the Taliban??? President Trump says “no”, so the Taliban went to Moscow instead. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*The “spy who came in from the cold” because of Trump.
*John Bolton: fired or resigned??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Was staying at a Trump facility mandatory???
*As “Sharpie Gate” continues, will the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration face firings??? There appears to have been a “disavow” attempt. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Trump’s potential plan for California’s homeless.
*Trump’s thoughts on 9-11.
*Will Trump oppose vaping???
*Will Trump finally release his financial records???
*Another Republican has decided to challenge Donald Trump for the 2020 Presidential nomination!
TRUMP TWEETS
*Trump’s latest disagreements, and the other’s opinion. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!
*The Democratic Debate held September 12.
*Donald Trump post 9-11, 2001.
THE BUDGET BATTLE…
*Senate Republicans support Trump’s wall, although funding requests apparently have not been going through proper channels.
MEANWHILE…
*Congress is back in session.
*Another Republican leaves the party because of Trump.
ELSEWHERE…
*Did a church REALLY do this???
*Where’s the money???
*Is he guilty???
*A strike at General Motors???
*The law suit is on again.
*But what does it mean for the future of television???
*Felicity Huffman’s sentence in the college admissions scandal.

๐Ÿ˜€AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Braille Legos help blind kids read! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: SEPTEMBER 14, 2019

๐Ÿ˜ŽFUN FACT
Despite being the title’s mascot, Alfred E. Neuman didn’t make his first appearance in Mad magazine until issue 21 of the original series!

As of issue 11 of the current series, Mad magazine will now only be available in specialty stores and feature mostly reruns.๐Ÿ˜ญ To celebrate its long satiric history, we dedicate today’s Puzzle Corner.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
True or False: Mad magazine mascot Alfred E. Neuman has never worried.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What is Alfred E. Neuman’s middle name?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX๐Ÿ“ฆ and discover the results from the September 7, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?
♫The whole world looks upon the sight. A beautiful sight.♫
“Black and White” by Three Dog Night.

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?
Emoji connection = wink link.๐Ÿ˜‰

Sunday, September 8, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: BACK TO SCHOOL 2019

Waxy Dragon (as if you couldn't tell)
Autumn the Puppy
Hello Everybody!
Today you have you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon here as we hold our annual Back To School Special! ๐Ÿ˜€

That's right Autumn. I'm back in Dragon School for another year, to which Bubblehead took a day off to celebrate for some odd reason. What about you?

Well...
I've already been to Obedience School. Twice.
Those silly people running the place still don't know anything about how to be a dog.
Sit. Stay. Beg.
Who do they think I am? A trained seal?
What happened to run, jump, play, romp, love, and all the other neat things dogs do?

Anyway, let's get on to the jokes, folks!

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date!
They say it was OK and will go again soon. Aw...

What is a math teacher's favorite snack?
Pi! ๐›‘

The teacher was admonishing the children for not working hard enough on the test.
“Anybody who thinks they are stupid, stand up.”
There was a long moment of silence, then Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Johnny, do you really think you are stupid?”
“No, but I felt bad for you being the only one standing.”

The math teacher was explaining addition.
“One plus five equals six. Two plus four equals six. Three plus three equals six.”
One kid thought about that for a moment and said, “Oh come on now. Can't you make up your mind?”

“Know any psychiatrist jokes?”
“I’m a-Freud not."

Not all math jokes are bad, just sum.

And on that note♫, that's all the time and space we have for now.
Waxy will be flying solo next weekend. Until then, take care, and have a great week everybody!
AtP and WD.

Saturday, September 7, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 1-7, 2019


BEWARE
TROPICAL STORM


SEPTEMBER 7 IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN BRAZIL.
SEPTEMBER 7 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE ORIGINAL LAND OF THE LOST & ANYTHING ELSE THAT DEBUTED IN 1974.
SEPTEMBER 8 IS GRANDPARENTS' DAY.
SEPTEMBER 8 IS VICTORY DAY IN MALTA.
SEPTEMBER 11 IS PATRIOTS DAY IN THE UNITED STATES.
SEPTEMBER 12 MARKS THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OF
BONANZA & ANYTHING ELSE THAT DEBUTED IN 1956.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W๐ŸŒRLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*There are 2/TWO active links in our Hurricane Dorian warning above.
*They didn’t evacuate the EMPLOYEES???
*America’s Vice President Mike Pence visited Poland, but do all government officials abroad stay at a Trump facility??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Examining the possibilities of Brexit’s future. At the very least, they need another extension. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Where is it???
*In at least one reality, September 13, 2019 marks the twentieth anniversary of the day the moon tore away from Earth orbit in the pilot episode of Space: 1999.

THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…
*Fighting the Amazon Rain Forest fires, but wondering about Brazil’s responsibilities. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*No more orcas???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

๐Ÿ˜ขPASSING PARADE…
*The innocent victims of the Texas Mass Shooting August 31.
*Those who lost their lives during Hurricane Dorian.
*Those who lost their lives during the California boat fire September 2.
*Former Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*With families being separated upon apprehension, President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*The effect on separated children is…???
*Less refugees in the future???
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (known to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…
*Despite the latest shooting attack, still no universal background checks???
*But there’s always time for golf! ๐ŸŒ
*An opinion on whether or not Trump has kept his manufacturing campaign promises.
*Apparently weather forecasting is not his forte as “Sharpie Gate” continues. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
"Why did we stay here?"
*Trump versus The Washington Post continues.
*Silencing journalists???
*The good George W. Bush era program that does almost nothing under Trump’s Secretary of Education.
MEANWHILE…
*Congress was on vacation recess until after Labor Day 2019. They are scheduled to resume shortly.
*The latest political reactions on current events.
*Guess who's now a candidate for a state seat???
ELSEWHERE…
*After the recent shootings, Texas’ “answer” is looser open carry laws???
*Walmart has decided to stop carrying some specific varieties of ammunition in the United States, but the NRA doesn’t like it. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The National Rifle Association are terrorists???
*E-cigarettes will no longer be available in Michigan.
*A lawsuit over a support dog on a plane!
*She wants to buy The Brady Bunch house!
๐Ÿ˜€AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Guns are NOT allowed here! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,007 PAGE VIEWS IN AUGUST 2019.

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: SEPTEMBER 7, 2019

๐Ÿ˜ŽFUN FACT
Iceland phone book listings are alphabetical by the FIRST name, not the surname!

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?
♫The whole world looks upon the sight. A beautiful sight.♫

RHYME TIME⌛
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?
Emoji connection.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX๐Ÿ“ฆ and discover the results from the August 31, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

REBUS
Something familiar is represented by the image on the left. Do you know what it is?
♫Rock Around The Clock♫ by Bill Haley and the Comets.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
What are you suffering from if you have Omphalophobia?
The fear of belly buttons!

Sunday, September 1, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAUGHING AT LIFE & OTHER THINGS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here since the ladies have the Labor Day holiday weekend off.
Now I know a lot of people are (rightly) concerned about Hurricane Dorian๐ŸŒ€ out in the Atlantic right now, and I can't blame you.
Being originally from the Gulf Coast myself, the best advice I can give in regards to such a storm is, whenever possible, if you know which way it's headed, GO THE OTHER WAY!

But the idea here is to take your mind off of your troubles for a few minutes, so...

Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy mind.

When cooking, if you boil a funny bone, does it becomes laughing stock?

The Buggles claim ♫Video Killed The Radio Star♫, but Video's lawyer says his client has an alibi for that night!

Is it true that if you play a country music song backwards, you get a happy ending?

Never bet on a silkworm race. It always ends in a tie.

Sometimes you have to wonder about the world today.
A bank teller told a customer there was insufficient funds available to cover the check he wanted to cash, so the man asked the teller "Is the problem with my account or the bank?"๐Ÿ’ธ

Believe it or not, the cheapest concert available to enjoy costs only 45¢!
Just catch Rapper 50¢ with Nickleback.

And remember: never take chips to a Salsa DANCE!๐Ÿ˜‰

So on that note♫, I hope everyone has a great week, hurricane or no hurricane. Take care, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.
STAY SAFE!