Sunday, August 13, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: STORY TIME

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
On a beautiful summer's day like this, I just feel like kicking back, putting my paws up, and telling a funny story or two. Ready?

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee officer, I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, 'Now don't be silly dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been even higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal  radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.  That's an
automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled  me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am ?'

'Only when he's been drinking.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honesty has always been the best policy. Time for one more!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager. 

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."

Murphy complained. "And why would ye be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?

Manager "That's simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down 'I don't know,' and you wrote 'Neither do I.' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See, cheater NEVER prosper in the end, no matter how long they manage to get away with it before they're caught.
That's all the space I have for now. Have a great week everybody and please be back with us next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 6-12, 2017

AUGUST 13 MARKS THE 75TH ANNIVERSARY OF
WALT DISNEY’S VERSION OF BAMBI.
AUGUST 14 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF PAKISTAN’S INDEPENDENCE.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*The United Nations has added their own, additional sanctions against North Korea for that country’s continued nuclear “missile tests”.
*But American President Donald Trump has promised “fire and fury like the world has never seen” if North Korea ever threatens the United States, to which North Korea responded by saying it is “carefully considering a missile strike” against Guam. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*The global crackdown against parents who won’t vaccinate their children has begun.
*Despite serious allegations against him, South African President Jacob Zuma managed to survive his eighth “no confidence” vote.
*President Uhuru Kenyatta has won re-election in Kenya.
*A list of the 2017 Hugo Award winners for science fiction can be found here.
*Depending upon where you are, are you ready for the total solar eclipse August 21???
*On August 16, 1962 the Beatles replaced drummer Pete Best with Ringo Starr. The rest is history.
*Do we now truly know who Jack the Ripper really was???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Composer David Maslanka is no longer with us.
*Actor Haruo Nakajima (the original Godzilla franchise, Seven Samurai) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Actress Barbara Cook (The Music Man, Candide) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Singer (“Galveston”)/actor (the original True Grit) Glen Campbell has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Actor Sitaram Panchal (Slumdog Millionaire) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*Although still “on vacation”, why is President Trump suddenly against Connecticut Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal, let alone Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell??? Yet could his comments against McConnell hurt Trump??? (There are 3 separate links in this item.)
*But Trump has promised “fire and fury like the world has never seen” if North Korea ever threatens the United States, to which North Korea responded by saying it is “carefully considering a missile strike” against Guam. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*President Trump will need to find someone else to run the Office of Personnel Management, for nominee George Nesterczuk has withdrawn his name from consideration.
*Trump is apparently "very thankful" Russian President Vladimir Putin expelled 755 diplomats.
*Can the President’s ban on transgender military personnel be legally blocked???
MEANWHILE…
*Congress is still on summer vacation until after Labor Day.
*As the investigation into whether or not Russia interfered with the 2016 Presidential election continues, the FBI raided the residence of Donald Trump’s former campaign manager Paul Manafort.
*While President Trump’s version of “voter fraud” has been proven untrue, there are some Republicans who would postpone the 2020 Presidential election if possible.
*But is Vice President Pence thinking about running against Trump in 2020??? Some pundits and editorial cartoonists have suggested the possibility, but nothing is official at this time.
ELSEWHERE…
*Pen Air has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection while stopping service to Denver, Colorado and Portland, Oregon to reduce its losses.
*Will Costco ever respond to a woman’s plight over contaminated chicken salad???
*Dine Equity has announced they will close roughly up to 160 Applebee’s and IHOPs by the end of 2017.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 12, 2017

FUN FACT
Despite what some hair products claim, the only effective way to get rid of split ends is by cutting them off.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Everybody knows the various forms of the card game, but how many new words can you form out of the letters in SOLITAIRE?

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE OR FALSE: The Glenn Miller hit ♫Pennsylvania 6-5000♫ was based on a real (at the time) phone number?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the August 5, 2017 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset have something in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {Orleans, Shania Twain} = Both have sang that their loves are ♫Still the One♫
02. {Steve Winwood, The Monkees} = Both have sang about a woman named ♫Valerie♫

TRIVIA TIME
What do Ictheologists study?
Fish

Sunday, August 6, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ♫SUMMER PUNNIN', HAVIN' A BLAST!♫

Enjoying the summer! 😁
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
I'm just kicking back, still enjoying my summer vacation from Dragon School. Don't have to be back until after Labor Day (and considering how many people are now stuck working on what used to be a holiday, I can see why they call it that), so let's enjoy some summer puns together.
Ready?

 I hate people who talk behind my back. They discussed me.

I made a chemistry joke, but got no reaction.

For those who have seen and enjoyed the movies: I put my phone in airplane mode and now it calls
me Shirley.

Alternative facts are an aversion of the truth.

Deja Moo. The feeling you've heard this bull before.

If your feet fall asleep and don't wake up, are they coma toes?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it is more of a rap.

My favorite allergy song is ♫Blowin' In The Wind♫ by Peter Pollen Mary.

Wish I was there...
Instead of here.















Well, in any event, have a great week folks and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 30-AUGUST 5, 2017

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Russia has officially expelled 755 United States diplomats over recently imposed new sanctions against that country.
*Venezuela is in a state of upheaval. Traveling to that country is currently not advised.
*Despite the violence surrounding the election, Peter O’Neill has been re-elected Prime Minister of Papa New Guinea.
*North Korea’s latest “missile test” proved more dangerous than first thought, and what might actually be behind all of them. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*With a national election pending, Kenya’s Election Board Head of Information has been found, a murder victim.
*Prince Phillip has officially retired from royal public appearances.
*The first(?) report of successful gene "editing".
*Do newly appearing craters signify trouble for Earth???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus, we shall only be posting news items whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Actress Mariann Mayberry (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, 2005 version of War of the Worlds) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Ara Parseghian, noted football player and coach, has passed away.
*Actor Robert Hardy (All Creatures Great and Small, the Harry Potter film franchise) has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…
*Russia has officially expelled 755 United States diplomats over recently imposed new sanctions against that country.
*Can the Republican Party be sued for not keeping their campaign promises???
*The first act of new White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was to fire the new Director of Communications Anthony Scaramucci. But otherwise, how is Kelly doing on the job so far??? (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*Not happy that the Affordable Care Act, aka “Obama Care” is still law, President Trump is considering his options to move forward on “dealing with the issue”. Including taking away Congress' health care??? (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*President Trump is also hoping to start reducing the number of immigrants allowed in the United States each year and base entry upon merit instead of need.
*Although some feared he wouldn’t, President Trump did sign the new sanctions against Russia into law, but thinks we are losing the war in Afghanistan and wants to pull out to cut America’s losses. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*The latest lawsuit against Donald Trump.
*Just how low can Trump’s poll numbers go??? After all, a lot of his Tweets aren't positive, and Newsweek's latest cover story wasn't favorable toward Trump. (There are 3 separate links in this item.)
*Business CEO Donald Trump said he was against them, but President Trump is about to go on vacation, and how his vacation record compares to former President Obama. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE…
*Christopher Wray is officially the new Director of the FBI.
*Congress was able to agree on something. Protecting Robert Mueller as he impanels a grand jury to look into Russia's possible involvement in the 2016 Presidential election.
*At the end of business Friday August 4, Congress has recessed for their summer break. They are scheduled to resume work after Labor Day 2017.
ELSEWHERE…
*Former pharmaceutical company executive Martin Shkreli is convicted of three counts of securities fraud. He is the man who initially raised the cost of Darapim from $13.50 to $750 PER PILL! (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*The Secret Service and the Trump Tower apparently can't get along.
*The National Rifle Association apparently doesn't like The New York Times.
*Adrián Beltré of the Texas Rangers has achieved his 3000th career hit in professional baseball.
*Discovery (Channel) Communications plans to buy Scripps Network Interactives for $14.6 Billion dollars.
*Raytheon has managed to get a lawsuit against them overturned.


THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GIVING US 2,318 PAGE VIEWS IN JULY 2017! 😁

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 5, 2017

FUN FACT
Despite the belief that the average human being only uses 10% of their brain, it is actually working at full capacity, even when you’re asleep!

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset have something in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {Orleans, Shania Twain}
02. {Steve Winwood, The Monkees}

TRIVIA TIME
What do Ictheologists study?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the July 29, 2017 Puzzle Corner.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
A line from a song is below. All you have to do is know the title. Ready?
♫And a better dental plan than the FBI!♫
Party in the CIA by “Weird” Al Yankovic.

HUH?
We tried to remember a famous quote below, but didn’t quite get it right.
Do you know the correct line?

“To be or not to be. Or maybe it was 3A.”
This is actually a humorous version of the opening of Hamlet’s soliloquy by William Shakespeare.
The correct line is “To be or not to be. That is the question.”