Monday, May 30, 2016

MEMORIAL DAY 2016

The following is an editorial.

Today is Memorial Day within the United States of America.
Many just think of this as the (unofficial) start of Summer, although that is technically not until the June Solstice.
In truth, today is set aside to remember the fallen.
Those who gave their lives to defend the rights of freedom, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that we enjoy today.
It is Veterans' Day later this year that has been set aside to honor everyone who has ever served or is currently serving their country.
The holiday has since been (unofficially) expanded to include police officers and fire fighters lost in the line of duty, especially since September 11, 2001.
So as you enjoy your cookouts, TV, family, or even if you're stuck working today; please remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect your rights and freedom.

The above was an editorial.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ♫SIGN, SIGN, EVERYWHERE A SIGN!♫

Hello Everybody! Since this is the Memorial Day weekend here in the United States, the ladies are off so you have Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here to entertain you for a few minutes.

Okay. Don't groan! I may not be as funny as Autumn the Puppy or Waxy Dragon, but I do make the effort, and I actually have something funny to share with you today.

During my travels, I've come across some interesting signs, and I'd thought I'd share some of them with you. Ready?

The one on the left was sent in by E-zine reader and Waxy Dragon's
creator Roger Stegman, which makes you wonder about his diet.

The one on the right I found on the Internet, but is Don Quixote de la Mancha REALLY that much of a nuisance to the local windmills?


It's 2016 not 1984, but with today's bureaucracy...

Meanwhile, the one on the right makes one wonder just when you CAN park.





"Oh Mistah Jay..." The sign on the left is from an actual 1950s era
shopping center, and I wonder how many non superhero fans will understand the opening comment.

Meanwhile, hope Superman or Clark Kent isn't jealous about a certain intrepid reporter getting the honor on the right...





Real men don't get lost. We just find alternate destinations while driving.
Unfortunately, it's not that easy reaching the destination as indicated on the
sign at left, so most of us just have to do what the sign on the right suggests.


And of course, there is the classic song from 1971 by the Five Man Electrical Band...



See?
Told you I could be funny!
Now I just have to come up with something for the Fourth of July weekend, the Labor Day weekend, the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holiday weekends...
Hmm... Think I better go lie down for a while.
In any event, have a great week everybody.
Please remember the TRUE reason for Memorial Day, and we hope to see you back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lth,jr.

Video courtesy of YouTube.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 22-28, 2016

MAY IS BREAST CANCER
AWARENESS MONTH!
MAY 29th IS MOTHER'S DAY IN
THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC.
2016 MARKS THE 40th ANNIVERSARY OF THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS OF PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL.
ARMENIA AND AZERBAIJAN CELEBRATE
REPUBLIC DAY MAY 28th.
MAY 29th IS THE INTERNATIONAL DAY OF UNITED NATIONS' PEACEKEEPERS.
MAY 29th IS DEMOCRACY DAY IN NIGERIA.
MAY 29th IS THE 100th RUNNING OF THE INDIANAPOLIS 500 PROFESSIONAL AUTO RACE.
MONDAY IS MEMORIAL DAY IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*TOYOTA IS RECALLING OVER 1.6 MILLION VEHICLES BECAUSE OF AN AIRBAG ISSUE.
*2016 is projected to be the warmest year on record yet, with April 2016 the 12th straight month of record high global temperatures.
*Binali Yıldırım was appointed Prime Minister of Turkey following the resignation of Ahmet Davutoğlu.
*In the Tajikistani constitutional referendum, voters approved the removal of term limits for incumbent President Emomali Rahmon.
*Alexander Van der Bellen has been elected President of Austria.
*Rodrigo Duterte was officially elected President and Leni Robredo Vice President of the Philippines.
*Voters in Vietnam went to the polls to choose legislators for Parliament, despite the fact that the only legal party in the country is the Communist Party, which has already chosen its Parliament.
*United States President Barack Obama officially ended the American arms embargo with Vietnam during his recent diplomatic visit to that country.
*Those found guilty of child sexual abuse in Indonesia will now face punishment by chemical castration.
*Health officials are concerned about the spread of the Zika virus in Haiti.
*Planet Earth has lost roughly ONE BILLION BIRDS since 1970!
*Google's offices in central Paris were raided by French finance officials as part of a tax fraud investigation. Google is accused of owing €1.6bn ($1.8bn; £1.3bn) in unpaid taxes. No word on the "success" of the raid or how it affects the investigation since.
*Early evidence investigating the crash of Egypt Air Flight 804 suggests an explosion (origin currently unknown) caused the accident.
*Russian President Vladimir Putin has warned Romania and Poland against hosting parts of the United States' proposed missile defense shield.
*The Eurozone has agreed to a €10.3 billion ($11.48 billion) bailout package for Greece.
*Monsanto has officially rejected Bayer's initial merger offer, but said it was "open" to further discussions.
*Archaeologists believe a recently discovered 2,400-year-old tomb might be Aristotle's.
*Sir Paul McCartney has admitted that he once suffered from post-Beatles depression and almost gave up music!


TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Bombs still seem to be the primary weapon of choice.

PASSING PARADE...
*Actor Buck Kartalian (the original Planet of the Apes with Charlton Heston, Cool Hand Luke, The Rock) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Cartoonist Mell Lazarus (Miss Peach, Momma) is no longer with us.
*Actor Burt Kwouk (the original Pink Panther with Peter Sellers, Last of the Summer Wine, James Bond: Goldfinger) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Actress Angela Patton (Groundhog Day, American Wedding) has taken her last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Thousands of LIVING veterans were mistakenly declared dead by the Department of Veteran Affairs, thus losing benefits in the process!
*Now running unopposed and believing he has enough delegates to win the Republican Presidential nomination this summer, hopeful Donald Trump has now turned his attention to opposing Hillary Clinton, despite the fact that neither political party has officially chosen their candidates yet.
*Former Secretary of State and Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was criticized by the State Department’s Inspector General for using a private email server while she was Secretary of State, but noted that former Secretary of State Colin Powell also had a private email server too.
*What is Donald Trump's current opinion on global warming?
*Meanwhile, did Donald Trump "profit" from September 11, 2001, and how "pro gun" is his wife?
*President Barack Obama officially ended the American arms embargo with Vietnam during his recent diplomatic visit to that country.
*Hate crimes against law enforcement are now officially illegal in Louisiana.
*While he still won't discuss his post presidency plans, it has been learned where the Obamas will live after January 2017.
ELSEWHERE...
*A Pennsylvania court found this week that there is enough evidence to hold entertainer Bill Cosby on felony indecent assault charges in relation to the case of Andrea Constand v. William H. Cosby, Junior.
*While the how remains unknown, Nile crocodiles have been found in Florida!
*For the third year in a row, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has ended in a tie!
*A construction crew in Boston, Massachuesetts has found remains of a shipwreck dating back to the 1800s.
*The Pittsburgh Penguins will face the San Jose Sharks in the 2016 Stanley Cup finals of professional ice hockey.
*In Major League Baseball, the Boston Red Sox have officially retired Number 26, once worn by Hall of Fame Third Baseman Wade Boggs.
*For the first time in over a decade, an episode of Wheel of Fortune ended in a tie.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 28, 2016

FUN FACT
Memorial Day in the United States of America was originally known as Decoration Day.

TRIVIA TIME
When was the very first, official Memorial Day held?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in the word MEMORIAL?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the May 21, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

A.K.A. (Also Known As)
A familiar adage has been rephrased in the sentence below.
Do you know what it is?

"Position your legal tender at the exact location of your speaking organ." = "Put your money where your mouth is."

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is listed below, but no matter how long your answer to identify it is, every word within your response must rhyme. Ready?

An artificial mallard.= Fake Drake

Sunday, May 22, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PLAY BALL! (baseball jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

It's finally Spring, even if the weather isn't cooperating everywhere, and in Spring, a young dog's heart turns to thoughts of...
BASEBALL!

I just love chasing balls, even though I don't want to let go of them afterward and no one likes a wet ball with teeth marks.

But baseball is a world wide sport, so let's celebrate with some baseball themed jokes!


The coach knows that he will soon need a new pitcher on the mound, so has his assistant call the bullpen to start warming somebody up.
"Hello? Bullpen?" asked the assistant coach.
"MOOO!" was the reply.

A woman called a delivery service and said, "I need a baseball quote."
"It ain't over til its over, by Yogi Berra," said the man on the other end of the phone.
There was a brief moment of silence. "What was that?" she asked.
"You asked for a baseball quote. That was the first thing that came to my head," the delivery man said.
"Oh. My husband asked me to call and get a baseball quote."
"Does he want to ship something?"
"Yes."
"Maybe he meant a ballpark figure?" realized the delivery man.

Where is the world's largest diamond found?
On a baseball field.

What kind of socks do baseball players love to wear?
The ones with runs in them.
Of course, there's also the White Sox and the Red Sox, but that's a different story.

Our baseball team was so bad playing away games, fans started calling them the Road Kills.

You know you're a huge baseball fan when...
Doctor: What did you dream about last night?
Patient: Baseball.
Doctor: And what did you dream about the night before?
Patient: Baseball.
Doctor: Don't you ever dream about anything else?
Patient: What, and miss my turn at bat?

A son approaches his father and says, "Dad, I can't find my baseball mitt."
"Did you look in the car?" asked Dad.
"I did, but I couldn't find it."
"Did you try the glove compartment?"

What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Considering this week's theme, it certainly wasn't four and a half frogs!
And on that note, have a great week everybody and we'll be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 15-21, 2016

MAY IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!
MAY 21st IS NAVY DAY IN CHILE.
MAY 22nd IS INTERNATIONAL BIODIVERSITY DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Egypt Air Flight 804 with 66 people on board, crashed into the Mediterranean Sea in route from Paris to Cairo. Still in the early stages of the search and rescue as well as the investigative operations, survivors remain unknown and terrorism has yet to be ruled out as the cause of the crash.
*While it has yet to officially become law, the United States' Senate passed legislation that would allow victims of the September 11, 2001 attacks to file lawsuits seeking damages from Saudi Arabia, despite Saudi threats to pull billions of dollars from the U.S. economy.
*Because of growing concerns over North Korea; South Korea, Japan, and the United States will hold their very first joint anti-missile exercise sometime in June.
*Bayer would like to merge with Monsanto! Approval for the transaction is pending.
*The Vegetarian, written by Han Kang and translated into English by Deborah Smith, has won the Man Booker International Prize.
*Max Verstappen has won the 2016 Spanish Grand Prix, making him the youngest (at 18) competitor to do so.

TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*While bombs of various styles (suicide and otherwise) were the weapon of choice again this past week, authorities are beginning to suspect ISIS/ISIL forces have added chemical weapons (mustard gas and chlorine) to their arsenal.
*Internal fighting has been reported between Jaysh al-Islam and rival factions led by al-Qaeda’s Nusra Front in Ghouta, near Damascus.

PASSING PARADE...
*Actor Michael Roberds (Elf, Hot Tub Time Machine) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*André Brahic, the French astrophysicist who discovered the planet Neptune has rings, is no longer with us.
*Actress Julia Meade (The Ed Sullivan Show, Pillow Talk), has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Voice actress Yūko Mizutani (Minnie Mouse, Black Jack, Tenchi Muyo!) has passed away.
*Folk singer-songwriter Guy Clark ("Desperados Waiting for a Train", "Workbench Songs", "My Favorite Picture of You") is no longer with us.
*Actor Alan Young (Mr. Ed, George Pal's version of The Time Machine, the voice of Scrooge McDuck for decades) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Journalist Morley Safer (60 Minutes) has passed away.
*Actress Madeleine Lebeau (Casablanca, Hold Back The Dawn) has taken her last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Because of growing concerns over North Korea; South Korea, Japan, and the United States will hold their very first joint anti-missile exercise sometime in June.
*With Donald Trump now running unopposed for the Republican Presidential nomination, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders SPLIT the Kentucky Democratic Primary! The mail in ballots for Oregon were still being counted at posting time, although Sanders is the projected winner there.
*Despite previously expressing the opposite position as a businessman, potential Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump has told the National Rifle Association he will protect/defend the Second Amendment to the Constitution, will eliminate "gun free zones" when he's President, and that Hillary Clinton will weaken gun owners' rights if she's elected.
*Despite the fact Congressional Democrats had the votes to get the measure passed, the Republican controlled House of Representatives vetoed a measure that would of protected gay rights.
*While it has yet to officially become law, the Senate passed legislation that would allow victims of the September 11 attacks to file lawsuits seeking damages from Saudi Arabia, despite Saudi threats to pull billions of dollars from the U.S. economy.
*President Barack Obama has taken executive action to make anyone earning up to $47,476 a year, or roughly $913 a week, eligible for overtime pay. Whether or not the measure is effective, since employers can always schedule their workers to prevent them from earning overtime to begin with, remains to be seen.
*Was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie right or wrong in cutting aid to the poor?
*Republican Governor Mary Fallin vetoed State Senate Bill 1552, which would have made abortions illegal in Oklahoma, despite the fact Roe v. Wade is still a national law. Meanwhile, the Oklahoma Legislature has filed a measure asking for Congress to impeach President Barack Obama over his decision to allow transgender students to use the bathrooms corresponding to their gender identity, instead of their birth genders as per North Carolina's state law.
*American Airlines is worried that North Carolina might reinstate jet fuel taxes since the company has come out against that state's "bathroom law".
*The next time you're running for office and allow the press to see what's on your computer,
don't forget to close your porn sites!
*A unanimous opinion of the U.S. Supreme Court finds that the constitutional guarantee of a speedy trial does not guarantee a speedy sentencing hearing too.
*Barack Obama has become the first President in office to address the graduating class of Rutgers University, to commemorate the facility's 250th anniversary.
ELSEWHERE...
*Betha Young FINALLY got her crown as Miss America 1948. The 90 year old former Miss New Mexico contestant never had a crowning ceremony, only receiving a ribbon and sash to celebrate her victory because of the temporary depression following World War 2.
*Google has received a patent for an adhesive on the body of its self-driving cars. The so-called human flypaper was designed to minimize injuries in a pedestrian accident by holding the person to the car rather than throwing them after impact.
*Evidence of a new species of horned dinosaur, Machairoceratops cronusi, thought to have lived about 77 million years ago, has been discovered in southern Utah.
*The Oppenheimer Blue, a large and rare blue diamond, was sold at auction for $57.6 million.
*The 2016 Preakness, the second race of professional horse racing's Triple Crown, was won by "Exaggerator". "Nyquist", who won the Kentucky Derby as his eighth straight victory, came in third.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 21, 2016

FUN FACT
Strawberries are grown in every member of the United States of America and every province of Canada.

A.K.A. (Also Known As)
A familiar adage has been rephrased in the sentence below.
Do you know what it is?

"Position your legal tender at the exact location of your speaking organ."

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is listed below, but no matter how long your answer to identify it is, every word within your response must rhyme. Ready?

An artificial mallard.

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the May 14, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

NEXT?
There is a specific pattern to the items listed below. Can you guess what the next one in the sequence should be?

KC, SD, SF, _______?
Next on the list would be TB, because you have the scoreboard abbreviations for the Kansas City (Royals), San Diego (Padres), San Francisco (Giants) and the Tampa Bay (Devil/Rays) teams.

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset below have something specific in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {LAD, OAK, PIT, SEA} = These are all regular words as well as being the scoreboard abbreviations for the Los Angeles Dodgers, the Oakland Athletics, the Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Seattle Mariners.
02. {ARI, MIA, TEX} = These are also names as well as the scoreboard abbreviations for the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Miami Marlins, and the Texas Rangers.
03. {DET, MIN} = These are abbreviations (for detective and minimum, respectively) besides being the scoreboard abbreviations for the Detroit Tigers and the Minnesota Twins.
04. {This entire edition of The Puzzle Corner} = BASEBALL!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DRAGON LIFE LESSONS

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.

We've been studying humans in Dragon School.

You people are fascinating critters, and I thought I'd share some of what I've learned with you.

For instance...

"If 2 heads are better than 1..."
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym.
Some days you eat cupcakes and stay home.
From your perspective, it's all a question of balance.
Okay. If you say so, but when did you buy the cupcakes and can I have some?

One of the happiest moments in your life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change.
I understand, but why were you holding on to that to begin with?

Wouldn't life be perfect if Mondays were fun and goodbyes only meant "See you later?"
What? That isn't what goodbye means? And I don't recall life ever coming with a guarantee to begin with.

They say if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
I say, make the lemonade, and then share it with your friends!

I'd rather look back on my life and say "I can't believe I did that," instead of "I wish I did that."
Then again, considering a lot of the mischief I get into...

Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of an unlived life.
You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.
So this concludes today's edition of The Sunday Funnies. We'll return next weekend, but until then: go out and enjoy life folks!—wd.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 8-14, 2016

MAY IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.
MAY 19th MARKS THE 110th ANNIVERSARY OF THE BOY SCOUTS.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
*Dilma Rousseff has been suspended as President of Brazil, pending the results of impeachment proceedings. Vice President Michel Temer is currently acting President.
*Werner Faymann has resigned as Chancellor of Austria and leader of the Social Democratic Party.
*After a historic double dissolution election, Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has dissolved both houses of Parliament, with new elections to be held in July.
*President Nicolás Maduro has declared a sixty-day state of emergency in Venezuela, citing a(n alleged) plot to overthrow the Caracas government.
*North Korean leader Kim Jong-un claims he will not launch a nuclear first strike unless his country's sovereignty is violated.
*Russian President Vladimir Putin has threatened to "neutralize" a new ballistic missile defense shield the United States has activated in Europe.
*With the region still in dispute, China has reclaimed over 3,000 acres within the South China Sea, with plans to develop and deploy weapons there.
*In the aftermath of the Fort McMurray wildfire; Alberta, Canada authorities announced that all schools, hospitals, and municipal buildings were saved. Evacuees are expected to be able to return to their homes within 2 weeks.
*Italy now officially recognizes same-gender unions.
*Nissan plans to buy 34% of Mitsubishi Motors for 237.4 billion yen ($2.2 billion US dollars).
*NASA has verified that the Kepler spacecraft has discovered 1,284 exoplanets, worlds orbiting a star other than our own sun.
*Researchers at the Konkoly Observatory in Budapest, Hungary, have discovered that (225088) 2007 OR10 is the third largest dwarf planet in our solar system.
*A fragment of the world's oldest known ground-edge axe, dating back to between 45,000 and 49,000 years old, was found in the Kimberley region of Western Australia.


TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Terrorist bombs have plagued Baghdad this past week, with over 90 dead and over 160 injured.
*It is believed that ISIS/ISIL forces buried alive 45 of their own fighters in Qayyarah for fleeing a battle!
*Bombs still seem to be the favorite terrorist weapon for May. At least 14 suicide bombers converged on one target, killing 6 while destroying their objective.

PASSING PARADE...
*Former attorney/author Mark Lane (The Warren Commission: Rush to Judgement) has passed away.
*Former South Korean Prime Minister Kang Young-hoon is no longer with us.
*Actor William Schallert (TOO NUMEROUS TO MENTION) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Film producer Gene Gutowski (The Pianist, Cul-de-sac) has passed away.
*Michael Ratner, the lawyer, who won Guantanamo Bay detainees the right of habeas corpus, is no longer with us,
*Comic book writer/artist Darwyn Cooke (Catwoman, DC: The New Frontier, Jonah Hex) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*It is rumored that the Koch Brothers and their like minded supporters are planning to withdraw their financial and campaign support if Donald Trump wins the Republican nomination to run for President of the United States in favor of making sure every possible Republican candidate gets (re)elected to Congress.
*Meanwhile, the Koch Brothers' Freedom Partners' Action Fund is losing ground on trying to run a proven deceptive ad against a Democratic Senate hopeful in Wisconsin.
*Now running unopposed, Donald Trump won the Republican primaries in West Virginia and Nebraska. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders won West Virginia and Hillary Clinton Nebraska Democratically.
*As part of his anti-nuclear weapon platform, President Barack Obama is planning to visit Hiroshima, Japan as part of an upcoming diplomatic trip.
*Despite North Carolina's current law, the US Education and Justice Departments have issued a joint statement urging ALL schools to allow transgender students the bathrooms of their identity and not that of their birth.
ELSEWHERE...
*Office Depot and Staples have been officially blocked by a Federal judge from ever merging on the grounds it would create an unfair monopoly against consumers. The two companies have since given up on the idea, (for now?).
*Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors was named professional basketball's Most Valuable Player for the second straight season.
*David "Big Papi" Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox hit his 600th career double today during a game against the Houston Astros at Fenway Park.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 14, 2016

FUN FACT
Although not in the format we know it today, the game of baseball might have existed as far back as the mid-18th century in Europe! More information here.

NEXT?
There is a specific pattern to the items listed below. Can you guess what the next one in the sequence should be?

KC, SD, SF, _______?

COMMON BONDS
The items within each subset below have something specific in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {LAD, OAK, PIT, SEA}
02. {ARI, MIA, TEX}
03. {DET, MIN}
04. {This entire edition of The Puzzle Corner}

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the May 7, 2016, Puzzle Corner.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, only there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE or FALSE: When going on a "snipe hunt", there actually is such a thing as a snipe?
Answer: TRUE!
While used as a joke in some cases to lose an obnoxious person for a while, there really is a snipe! More information here.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Everyone talks about it, but how many new words can you make out of the letters in the word WEATHER?

A, ah, are, art, at, aw, awe
Ear, earth, eat, ewe, ewer
Ha, hart, hat, haw, he, hear, heart, heat, her, here, hew
Tea, tear, tee, thaw, the, there, three, tree
We, wear, wee, were, wet, what, wheat, where

More than the 39 words listed above might be possible.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY 2016!

"Woof, woof, Mom."
"To my Mommy, with love."











HELLO EVERYBODY! 
Today you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon with you as we celebrate Mothers' Day.

She gave birth to you.
She cared and raised you.
She still loves you to this day, but have you ever wondered exactly HOW Mom does that?
Well, today, we're going to explore that by taking a peek inside MOM'S DICTIONARY!


BATHROOM
A place where anything but actually taking a bath happens.
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place to wait it out until the groceries were unloaded from the car."—Erma Bombeck

DUMBWAITER
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Well, duh! If it was up to them, they'd eat dessert first!

FEEDBACK
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Or anything else that comes in a jar when they're still wearing diapers.


FLOWERS
A thoughtful Mothers' Day gift, even if they were picked from your own garden.
Remember, it's the thought that counts.

FULL NAME
What you call your child when you're mad at them.
So don't pick something too long, or you'll tire yourself out.

GRANDPARENTS
The people who think your children are wonderful, even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Which is kind of ironic, considering they raised you.


HEARSAY
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Which makes you wonder what they hear when you're not around.

INDEPENDENT
How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Just remember that when your kids are still living at home in their 20s.

PUDDLE
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Remember: you were young once too.

SHOW OFF
A child who is more talented than yours.
Remember: every child is special, even if they're not yours.

STERILIZE
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
It's all a question of perspective.

TOP BUNK
Where you should never put a child wearing superhero jammies.
As previously mentioned, Remember: you were young once too.


TWO MINUTE WARNING
When the baby's face turns red and they begin to make those familiar-grunting noises.
Don't just sit in your computer chair reading this post. GO!

With that in mind, we hope everyone has a HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—AtP and WD.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 1-7, 2016

MAY IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!
MAY 7th MARKS THE 70th ANNIVERSARY OF THE SONY CORPORATION.
MAY 8th IS WORLD RED CROSS/RED CRESCENT DAY.
MAY 8th IS PARENTS DAY IN SOUTH KOREA.
MAY 8th IS THE 130th ANNIVERSARY OF COCA-COLA.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Enda Kenny has been re-elected Taoiseach/Prime Minister of Ireland.
*For the third time, Puerto Rico has defaulted on a debt payment. Puerto Rico Governor Alejandro García Padilla said the action was because of a "humanitarian crisis".
*Fire fighters are battling a wildfire around Fort McMurray, Canada. The cause of the blaze has yet to be determined.
*Turkish Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoglu has announced his resignation.
*Some wonder if there might be a possible coloration between the Philippine stock market failing and public fears concerning the possible re-election of current President Rodrigo Duterte.
*Paul McCartney met two of the women who inspired the Beatles' classic "Blackbird" during a recent concert performance.
*The United States Marine Corps has opened an inquiry to confirm the identity of the men within the famous "Iwo Jima Flag Raising" photo from World War 2.
*Due to rising water levels, five islands in the Solomon chain have disappeared!
*Ringling Brothers/Barnum and Bailey Circus has retired its elephants.
*Believe it or not, scientists compared the remains of a recently discovered "hammerhead reptile" to the work of Doctor Seuss.
*The works of Leonardo da Vinci are being examined for traces of his DNA in hopes this genetic evidence will eventually be able to help them figure out where he is actually buried.


TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Bombs, regardless of their delivery methods, seem to be the weapon du jour for this past week.

PASSING PARADE...
*1996 Nobel Chemistry Prize co-winner (for discovering fullerenes) Harry Kroto has passed away.
*Jazz guitarist Doug Raney is no longer with us.
*Actor Abel Fernandez (Original The Untouchables, Pork Chop Hill) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Producer/director Ian Sander (Ghost Whisperer, Profiler, I'll Fly Away) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Bernie Sanders won the Democratic side, while Donald Trump the Republican side of the Indiana Primary.
*Ted Cruz and John Kasich, the last two Republican Presidential hopefuls, have BOTH DROPPED OUT of the race, leaving Trump the only active candidate and now running unopposed!
*Former Texas Governor and Republican Presidential hopeful Rick Perry has come out officially endorsing Donald Trump, but has also said he wouldn't mind being Trump's Vice-Presidential running mate.
*America's allies have mixed reactions to the possibility of a Trump Presidency.
*The Republican controlled United States Congress still has yet to consider President Barack Obama's nomination to the Supreme Court!
ELSEWHERE...
*Halliburton Co. and Baker Hughes Inc., have announced the cancellation of their proposed $28 billion merger, citing opposition from U.S. and European antitrust regulators. However, Halliburton allegedly has to pay Baker Hughes a $3.5 billion termination fee since the deal was called off.
*The serial killer known to some in California as "The Grim Sleeper" has been convicted on all counts against him.
*The Rhode Island Marine Architecture Project might have found the wreckage of HMS Endeavour, former vessel of (then Royal Navy Lieutenant) James Cook, discovered of the Sandwich/Hawaiian Islands.
*The United States Marine Corps has opened an inquiry to confirm the identity of the men within the famous "Iwo Jima Flag Raising" photo from World War 2.
*The legal smoking age in California will soon be raised to 21.
*"Nyquist" won the 2016 Kentucky Derby, his eighth straight victory in eight races.


THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR HELPING US TO REESTABLISH OUR 2,000+ PAGE VIEW STREAK WITH 2,024 PAGE VIEWS IN APRIL 2016; OUR SECOND CONSECUTIVE MONTH.



For more news at any time, either scroll down to our new ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.