Sunday, April 14, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAZY LAFFS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
It's such a lazy Sunday afternoon where I'm at right now, I even went to the trouble of making up a huge TO-DO list of things that need to be done.
Now I can’t figure out who’s going to do them.
Of course, there's always joke telling. Ready?

I saw some young deer🦌 singing in the woods. I told them that if they would let me manage them and their singing career, I could make them big bucks.

Bubblehead's cellphone
What did one eye👀 say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.👃

I was going to tell a joke about the number 288, but it was two gross.

I’ll be ill if you remove my apostrophe.

Don't you hate it when your phone is smarter than you are?

When a magician levitates two girls, it is telekinesis.
When a magician levitates two boys it is telekinephews.

I got a universal remote and thought to myself, “Now I control everything!”
You can imagine all the thoughts that were going through my head until I found out that the universal remote does NOT control the universe.
Not even remotely.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cure for everything.
Think I'll go take a nap.
And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for our annual Easter edition of The Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: APRIL 7-13, 2019

APRIL 13 IS INTERNATIONAL PLANT🌱 APPRECIATION DAY,
THE PRELUDE TO EARTH DAY.
APRIL 13 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS’🐉 GAME DEBUT.
APRIL 13 IS ALSO RECORD STORE DAY.
APRIL 14 IS PALM SUNDAY, FOR THOSE OBSERVING.
APRIL 14 IS DOLPHIN🐬 DAY.
APRIL 14 MARKS THE 80TH ANNIVERSARY OF
JOHN STEINBECK’S THE GRAPES🍇 OF WRATH.
APRIL 15 IS WORLD ART🎨 APPRECIATION DAY.
APRIL 16 MARKS THE 35TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE ROSE IS ROSE COMIC STRIP.
APRIL 16 MARKS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE DILBERT COMIC STRIP.
APRIL 19 IS EITHER GOOD FRIDAY OR THE START OF PASSOVER,
DEPENDING UPON YOUR BELIEFS.
TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES CELEBRATES ITS 25TH ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*Brexit has been granted an extension.
*Will Great Britain edit Internet content???
*Alleged hacker and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been arrested. But how knowledgeable is American President Donald Trump on the subject??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Venezuela’s Presidential crisis continues.
*How photogenic is a black hole??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actress Nadja Regin (James Bond’s From Russia With Love & Goldfinger) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Comic book writer James D. Hudnall (Espers, Interface, and many more) has passed away.
*Actress Sandy Radcliff (East Enders) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Country music singer-songwriter Earl Thomas Conley is no longer with us.
*Actor Seymour Cassell (Faces, Dick Tracy) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Comedian Ian Cognito has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been
legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*Trump prefers even MORE separation of families, or does he??? But it's still happening. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Why did his Homeland Security Secretary resign???
*You can’t send someone back while they await your decision about asylum.
*So, does Trump want to close the Mexican border or not???
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…
*Trump’s Homeland Security Secretary has resigned. Trump fired his Director of the Secret Service and his acting Director of Immigration and Customs Enforcement is about to leave. Is the Department of Homeland Security in trouble??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has announced the US officially declares Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist threat. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump knows better than his military top brass???
*Fewer women in Trump’s Cabinet???
*Even if the President and his fellow Republicans win re-election, Trump is having difficulties finding people to develop whatever might replace Obama Care.
*Warner Brothers is suing Donald Trump over a legal matter.
*What might Donald Trump’s tax returns actually reveal??? Not everyone agrees with the President withholding them, and he may not be on every ballot if he doesn't present them! (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*Trump Hotels can still accept foreign payments when others can’t???
THE MUELLER REPORT…
*The report will allegedly be released to Congress within a week, but in what form???
*Has Attorney General Barr changed his opinion???
*How much does RUSSIA know about the report???
*What will Devin Nunes and Barr discuss if they meet???
MEANWHILE…
*Another Democrat has thrown their hat into the ring for the 2020 Presidential nomination.
*Do his fellow Republicans still have faith in President Trump???
ELSEWHERE…
*Income taxes are due April 15! Are you ready for the NEW rules???
*The latest on the college admissions scandal. Some plead guilty while others face additional charges. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Wanna buy the National Enquirer???
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Still going strong at 93!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 13, 2019

😎FUN FACT
The original purpose of computer minesweeper was to teach left and right “click”.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {bowling, justice}
02. {Texas, California} and yes we know they are Southern members of the United States.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Why do we yawn?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the April 6, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What musical act was the first to tour on EVERY continent?
Metallica, accomplishing the final leg of that feat in 2013.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many stitches are there on an official Major League Baseball?⚾
108.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HOLY COW!

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
We all know the classic nursery rhyme accredited to Mother Goose.

Hey, diddle, diddle.
The cat🐱 and the fiddle.
The cow🐄 jumped over the moon.🌝
The little dog🐶 laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.🥄

But have you ever stopped to actually think about it?
Mother Goose certainly had one very active imagination!
As a fellow canine, I can just picture any dog laughing upon witnessing the events of the poem happening before them.
That is, when they weren't busy chasing that darn cat!

But can you just imagine a cow making any kind of jump, let alone clearing the moon?
After all, cows are certainly not that aerodynamical!
I know one thing for sure.
When it was all over, the dog would certainly joke about that night. To wit...

Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.

What do you call a cow that doesn't jump over the moon?
Normal.

Just imagine a herd of Cows out in a field running around and practicing their leaping.
I can just hear a bull shout, “Come on ladies! If you can’t leap over these fences, how are you going to leap over the moon? You'll be an udder failure!"

Yet, what might happen if a cow was actually able to jump that far?
Does it crash into an UFO?
"I'm sorry officer," the alien says to the space cop, "but whatever that thing is just jumped out right in front of me!"

Once the cow does successfully make the leap, does it just keep sailing into outer space? That might explain how we wound up in the Milky Way galaxy.
Or would the cow land on the moon and take a long rest before making the jump back to Earth?
That would certainly explain where the man in the moon got the milk🥛 to make the green cheese🧀 the moon is allegedly made of. 😉
Of course, depending upon the bovine's travel agent, if the cow manages to book a round trip flight, how does the cow safely make reentry without burning up, or does everyone enjoy a very well done steak that night?

Then again, maybe I've just got too much time on my paws waiting for Spring to finally arrive while I'm cooped up with my people in their house.
In any event, have a good week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MARCH 31-APRIL 6, 2019

APRIL 6 IS TARTAN (SCOTTISH HERITAGE) DAY FOR CANADA & THE US.
APRIL 7 MARKS THE 70TH ANNIVERSARY OF
RODGERS & HAMMERSTEIN’S SOUTH PACIFIC DEBUTING ON BROADWAY.
APRIL 7 IS CHETI CHAND, THE HINDU NEW YEAR.
APRIL 7 IS ALSO NATIONAL BEER DAY.
2019 MARKS THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE EURO.
APRIL 8 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF⚾
HANK AARON CLEANLY BREAKING BABE RUTH’S HOME RUN RECORD.
APRIL 13 IS INTERNATIONAL PLANT🌱 APPRECIATION DAY
(THE PRELUDE TO EARTH🌍 DAY)
APRIL 13 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE DUNGEONS & DRAGONS’ 🐉GAME DEBUT.
GOOGLE’S G-MAIL IS CELEBRATING ITS 15TH ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌏RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*England’s Parliament still cannot agree on a Brexit plan. What happens next??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Zuzana Caputova has become both the youngest and first female President-elect of Slovakia.
*American President Donald Trump has decided NOT to close the US-Mexican border, for now.
*Recreational cannabis is now legal in Guam.


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Model/actress Tania Mallet (James Bond’s Goldfinger, The New Avengers) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Famed Science Fiction author Vonda N. McIntyre (credits too numerous to mention) has passed away.
*Actor John Quarmby (Fawlty Towers, 1984 version of A Christmas Carol) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*As Trump prepares to visit the border, even his own party is trying to comprehend his position on immigration.
*The President has decided NOT to close the US-Mexican border, for now.
*Trump has also decided he doesn’t want Ron Vitiello as his potential new head of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Department.
*“Our country is FULL!” claims Trump.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…
*A NEW Whistle Blower says White House security isn’t what it should be!
*Why did the Whistle Blower go back to work, and how was she treated??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The Trump Administration is being sued over poor quality school lunches.
*President Trump hopes Herman Cain and Stephen Moore fill the vacancies on the Federal Reserve Board.
*The Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obama Care) MAY be safe, at least until after the 2020 Presidential election.
*Apparently Trump doesn’t like the Bushes either, nor is California a good place for him to campaign. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*FACT CHECK TIME!
*AND EVEN MORE FACTS!
THE MUELLER REPORT…
*Will the original, unedited, William Barr’s unsummarized version ever be released???
MEANWHILE…
*Senate Majority Leader and fellow Republican Mitch McConnell does not support the President’s idea of closing the US-Mexican border.
*What does the Republican Party even stand for any more???
*How does the GOP feel about those of the Jewish faith???
*Are Congressional Republicans trying to get Trump nominees approved quicker??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Will the House Ways and Means Committee get to examine Trump’s tax records???
*WE WANT TO READ THE FULL, UNEDITED MUELLER REPORT!
ELSEWHERE…
*Meet Chicago’s new mayor!
*No more Alliance of American Football???
*Google’s G+ Forum is no more.😱
😁AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,592 PAGE VIEWS IN MARCH 2019!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: APRIL 6, 2019

😎FUN FACT
Panama is the only country where you can watch the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean and set over the Atlantic Ocean.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What musical act was the first to tour on EVERY continent?

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many stitches are there on an official Major League Baseball?⚾

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the March 30, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
What tune is more commonly referred to as ♫The Pina Colada Song♫?
♫Escape♫ by Rupert Holmes.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in BASEBALL?⚾
A, abs, able, ale(s), all, as
Babe(s), bale(s) ball(s), base, be, bell(s)
Ebb(s)
Lab(s), label(s), lea(s)
Sable, sale, sea, seal, sell
More than the 30 listed above might be possible.

Monday, April 1, 2019

NEWS FOR APRIL 1, 2019

Let's see now.
Personally, I'd want tomatoes on my McPickle Burger.
But with everything going on in the world, here's something we REALLY need...


Take care, and have a nice day. 😊

Sunday, March 31, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THIS AND THAT (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Spring is finally starting to show some signs of arriving where I'm at, which is farther south than Autumn the Puppy the way the crow flies, but who wants to fly with them?
They're always stopping at every corn field wanting to eat what doesn't belong to them and no bird I've ever talked to has never even heard of Belgosian Dark Chocolate.
I find that VERY hard to believe, but anyway...
Waxy's Special Joke File

The days are starting to get warmer.
The grass is starting to turn greener.
The trees are finally starting to leaf and the flowers bloom
And Bubblehead says I have to clean my room.

SAY! That rhymes!
I'm a poet and didn't even know it. 😀

In any event, been finding a bunch of jokes in my special joke file I've yet to use, so...

I love the term “we’re expecting” when people talk about pregnancy. It sounds like there’s more than one outcome. “We were expecting a baby but it could be a Velocaraptor”.

My water bed is much bouncier since I started using spring water.
Do you make spring water by running over coiled metal?
Or is it water gathered during just one season?

Before Spring finally showed up, every time I went outside to check the thermometer it said, "Get back in the house where it's warm!”

I found this interesting quote.
"People who deny the existence of dragons are often eaten by dragons from within." –Ursula K. Le Guin.
Now, I honestly don't know what she meant by that, because us civilized dragons know that people are not crunchy and don't taste good, no matter how much ketchup you use!

Bubblehead was very upset when his bunnies escaped, because his worst fear as he grows older is hare loss.

One genetic scientist said to the other, “I just bought a new pair of jeans.”👖
The other scientist asked, “Dominant or recessive?"

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night. Super Cauliflower Cheese but the lobster was atrocious!

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, March 30, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MARCH 24-30, 2019

MARCH 30 MARKS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY
(FROM ITS ORIGINAL DEBUT) OF JEOPARDY!
MARCH 31 MARKS THE 130TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE EIFFEL TOWER OFFICIALLY OPENING.
APRIL 1 IS APRIL FOOLS DAY.
APRIL 2 IS WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*The Golan Heights is a sovereign Israeli territory, according to American President Donald Trump, although not everyone agrees with him. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Considering it has yet to pass, will British Prime Minister Theresa May resign over Brexit??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Why has Trump cut all direct assistance to the Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatemala???
*Same gender marriages are now legal in the Cayman Islands.
*The Rolling Stones have delayed their next tour, for now.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*Is ISIS really defeated???
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actress Denise DuBarry (Being There, Black Sheep Squadron) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Director Larry Cohen (It’s Alive) has passed away.
*Actor Joseph Pilato (Day of the Dead, Pulp Fiction) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Film producer Michael Lynne (The Lord of the Rings trilogy) is no longer with us.
*Stuntman Bronco McLoughlin (Superman, Indiana Jones, Star Wars) has passed away.
*Voice actress Fuyumi Shiraishi (Mobile Suit Gundam series, Space Dandy) is no longer with us.
*Joe Flannery, booking agent who got The Beatles their early gigs before becoming famous, has passed away.
*Actor Shane Rimmer (James Bond’s The Spy Who Loved Me, Dr. Strangelove, Thunderbirds) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*Trump almost got $1 Billion dollars toward his wall, but Congress stopped that. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Yet they were unable to overturn Trump’s veto, so the lack of a border wall is still a “national emergency”, for now.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees (to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
TARIFF TALK…
*Steel Tariffs: Good or Bad???
POLITICALLY…
*The Golan Heights is a sovereign Israeli territory, according to President Trump, although not everyone agrees with him. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Why has Trump cut all direct assistance to the Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatemala???
*Is ISIS really defeated???
*Is the Affordable Health Care Act (aka “Obamacare”) in danger again??? What will happen if the Republicans have their way??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*A Government Religion???
*Are the Bushes still Republicans???
*Should Trump Tweet???
*With the Mueller Report officially filed (see below), President Trump now feels emboldened to attack the media anew.
*FACT CHECK TIME!

THE MUELLER REPORT…
*Was there collusion??? Is President Trump guilty of obstruction??? (There are 2/TWO separate links
in this item.)
*Attorney General William Barr’s public “summary” of the report. Was it accurate??? Considering Mueller’s final draft was 300+ PAGES! (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Why not release the entire document??? The Senate says “NO!” but the House is expecting it, although Barr may miss their deadline. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*What does it all mean???
*Besides Tweeting his “victory”, what will President Trump do next??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*FACT CHECK TIME!
*Did Barr “clear” Trump???
*Will there be repercussions??? Republican Kentucky Senator Rand Paul wants former President Obama investigated, while a couple of other Republicans have compared the whole investigation to the Nazis! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Barr might release some of the report to the Senate.
THE BUDGET BATTLE…
*Education Secretary Betsy Devos wants to CUT funding to her department, including Special Olympics! As well as increase classroom sizes and reduce teaching staff. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE…
*The “Green New Deal” did not pass the Senate.
*“Sour grapes?”
ELSEWHERE…
*The Bumper Stock Ban Stands!
*Banker Michael Avenatti has been arrested on multiple charges.
*A prize you DON’T want to find in your cereal!
*Gender discrimination in KINDERGARTEN???
*“I saved a life but got suspended from my job!”
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*Another “new” planet!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MARCH 30, 2019

😎FUN FACTS
Lou Gehrig played 2,130 consecutive games from 1925-1939 with the New York Yankees before health issues forced him to retire.
Cal Ripken, Jr was asked to stop at 2130 to honor Gehrig, but went on to play 2,632 consecutive games from 1982-1998 with the Baltimore Orioles.

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
What tune is more commonly referred to as ♫The Pina Colada Song♫?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in BASEBALL?⚾

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the March 23, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Passionate request to witness a George R. R. Martin event?
Take Me Out To The Ball Game Of Thrones.

RHYME TIME⌛
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Someone who obtains college admission illegally.
Elite Cheat.

Sunday, March 24, 2019

IF I CAN ASK...

Here at The Free Choice E-zine, we get e-mails (at freechoiceezine@gmail.com) from fans and loyal readers.
Many of them are just comments along the lines of "Keep up the good work," or are suggestions that, if possible, get incorporated into future postings.

From time to time however, we also get questions.
One of the most common is basically along the lines of "Why don't you interview {fill in the blank}?"

First off, this E-zine is operated by a small and dedicated staff.
Mostly me, myself, and I.
Secondly, while I may have the time to pursue such articles, I unfortunately don't have the connections nor clout to do so.
But if I could, I would love to ask...

ALEX TREBEK, THE HOST OF JEOPARDY! (syndicated)
Has anyone ever considered applying the technology behind the Jeopardy! game board to revive Concentration? A rebus based game show of the past.

TED ALLEN, HOST OF FOOD NETWORK'S VARIOUS CHOPPED PROGRAMS
After competing, what do you think is the next most difficult part of your shows: judging, hosting, or deciding what goes in to the baskets before each round?

ALI KHAN, HOST OF THE COOKING CHANNEL'S CHEAP EATS
I understand the basic concept of your show, but how did you arrive at the $35 per episode budget?

ACTOR SCOTT BAKULA, CURRENTLY ON NCIS: NEW ORLEANS
During the Summer before what unfortunately became the final season of Quantum Leap, there was talk of (among other things) an animated episode. Whatever happened to that? Because at the very least, a script and/or possibly storyboards might still exist that I'm sure fans would love to see.

There are a lot of other "little mysteries" that I would love to see resolved, like
Why good creators of the past are unable to find work today just because they are allegedly no longer "hot",
but I think I've asked enough questions for now, so have a nice day.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PONDERINGS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Now, let me see if I've got this straight.
The Vernal Equinox, marking the first day of Spring, was March 20.
Today is March 24, so WHERE IS SPRING?
The darn season must have a very lousy travel agent, because not only is it late, it's still cold, grey, and miserable outside.
At least there's no snow, but I can't go outside and feel the sun on my fur because there isn't any warmth to experience right now, let alone a sun🌞 to see.
Do we get extra days of good weather instead of Fall🍂 this October because Spring is late? I think we should!

Here are some other things I'm pondering right now...

Which letter is silent in the word SCENT. The S or the C?
Either way, it still sounds the same.
Of course SENT and CENT are a different matter.
You either have the penny or you don't.

Why is the letter W in Human English called Double U?
Shouldn't it be called Double V?

Have you ever realized that every time you clean something, you must make something else dirty?

The word SWIMS upside down is still SWIMS!

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse🐎 and only the rich had cars.🚗
Today everyone has a car🚘 and only the rich own horses.🐴
Just goes to show you how the stables have turned.

Do you realize that your future self is watching you right now through your memories?

If you replace W with T in WHAT, WHERE AND WHEN, you get the answer to each of them.
So why ask the questions?

That if you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

Roses🌹 may be red, but violets are NOT blue.
Besides, how can you tell the mood of a flower, anyway?

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MARCH 17-23, 2019

MARCH 24 MARKS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF
THE INFAMOUS EXXON VALDEZ CRASH.
MARCH 24 IS ALSO WORLD TUBERCULOSIS AWARENESS DAY.
MARCH 25 IS GREECE’S INDEPENDENCE DAY.
MARCH 25 MARKS THE 65TH ANNIVERSARY COLOR TVS BEING AVAILABLE.
MARCH 26 IS BANGLADESH’S INDEPENDENCE DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌏RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*In the wake of their recent terrorist attack, New Zealand has followed through on their promise of stricter gun laws! WHY NOT OTHER COUNTRIES??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Nursultan Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan has decided to resign. Kassym-Jomart Tokayev is now President, and renamed the capital in his predecessor’s honor. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*American President Donald Trump has overturned US Treasury Department sanctions that affected North Korea.
*England has officially requested a delay of Brexit proceedings from the European Union, but there are problems with the timing of that request. Yet a lot of people DON'T want to leave! (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Besides their previous interest in trying to host a future Summer Olympics, North and South Korea are now considering joint hosting of a future FIFA Women’s World Cup tournament too.
*No more aluminum cans???
*March 25, 1954; RCA made the first color TV set commercially available. The 12 and a half inch screen sold for $1000!
*Jupiter's Europa has a jet stream???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Special Effects and film director John Carl Buechler (Troll, Friday the 13th Part 6) has passed away.
*Actor/voice artist/radio personality Tom Hatten (credits too numerous to mention) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Writer Larry DiTillio (Fat Albert, original and revival of He-Man, original She-Ra, Babylon 5) is no longer with us.
*The King of Surf Guitar Dick Dale (aka Richard Monsour) has passed away.
*David White of The Spokesmen and Danny and the Juniors is no longer with us.
*TV writer/producer Eunetta T. Boone (One on One, The Hughleys) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…
*President Trump declared the lack of a border wall a “national emergency”. There have since been legal and legislative battles initiated over this.
*The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Trump Administration concerning detainment in some instances.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FOUR detainees, let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
TARIFF TALK…
*Side effects of Trump’s current trade war.
POLITICALLY…
*Donald Trump STILL doesn’t like deceased Senator John McCain??? Let’s fact check Trump. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*The President certainly doesn’t like his critics either! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*OOPS! “We missed the deadline.”
*Maybe he’s too busy reducing overtime and increasing waste dumping. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Is Donald Trump’s fund raising guilty of money laundering???
*Trump’s latest Twitter Tour. Should Congress take action??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Robert Mueller has turned in his final report concerning the investigation into Russia’s possible interference in the 2016 Presidential election. What happens next??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Trump has overturned Treasury Department sanctions that affected North Korea.
*An interesting statistic about Trump’s Presidency, so far.
*Fact check time again!
MEANWHILE…
*Just how many Democratic contenders are there now for the Presidency in 2020???
ELSEWHERE…
*How can you sue a COW🐮 that has its own Twitter account??? Yet you can defend using the “N” word??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Just what should a “lame duck🦆” do???
*Trying to do the right thing legally, although it’s against the law.
*Disney now owns part of FOX.
*The Flintstones can’t live here???
*Mike Trout for $430 MILLION dollars over 12 years???
*Ichiro Suzuki has officially retired from playing baseball.

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…
*March 28 is the start of the 2019 Baseball⚾ Season!

Although our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen was suspended when Blogger updated its gadgets, we have ADDED a new TRANSLATE feature in the upper right hand corner!

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MARCH 23, 2019

😎FUN FACT
The planet Saturn was originally ring less! Its gravitational force eventually attracted everything that encircles the planet now.

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Passionate request to witness a George R. R. Martin event?

RHYME TIME⌛
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Someone who obtains college admission illegally.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the March 16, 2019 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {Lenny Kravitz, Al Roker} = They’re cousins.
02. {Roy Orbison, Linda Rondstadt} = Both have sung ♫Blue Bayou♫, with Orbison expressing the opinion that Rondstadt’s was the best cover he ever heard.

REBUS
Something familiar is represented by the image on the right.
Do you know what it is?

Or, at least we truly HOPE it is!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

SUNDAY FUNNIES: OF CATS AND SHAMROCKS

Ah. Happy Saint Patrick's Day me fine lads and lassies.

Of course, I've recently discovered that March 17 is also Saint Gertude's Day. Patrick may have driven the snakes out of Ireland, and I haven't seen any of those reptiles around lately meself, but Gertude is the Patron Saint of Cats🐱, but please don't call her a crazy cat lady. Them felines be fine animals.

In any event, Larry the Leprechaun here, pausing to celebrate with everyone here as part of all the events on my long agenda for today.

First off, in case any of you are wondering, leprechauns are lucky, under certain circumstances. But ever since that one bloke hooked up with that cereal company, none of the rest of us can come right out and call ourselves lucky.

Anyway, whether you prefer cats or shamrocks, today be Saint Patrick's Day, where even those who cannot claim any ancestry to the Emerald Isle be Irish today as we honor the great Saint Patrick himself. You'll have to talk to whoever is in charge of calendars to find out why Gertude doesn't even get mentioned.

While the day first began as purely a religious observance during Lent, it has certainly grown beyond anyone's imagination to become a holiday of anything and everything Irish, whether it be legend or fact.
However, that does not prevent me from telling everyone some fine Irish inspired humor.

What's Irish and stays outside in your yard all the time?
Patty O'Furniture.

Why did good Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
Because it was too far for them to walk.

Why should you never iron a four leaf clover?
Because ye don't want to press your luck.

What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A sham rock.
Of course, music wise, some of us leprechauns really like sham rock and roll.

What kind of bow cannot be tied?
A rainbow.

What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
Some poor horse is walking around bare foot!

Why do frogs love Saint Patrick's Day?
Because they're already green.

And now, before I must part company with all ye fine people, let me pause to wish everyone the best in life.
Until we meet again...


May the road rise up to meet ye to ease your travels
May the wind always be at your back to make the journey quicker
May the sun shine warm upon your face to make your trip more comfortable
May the rains fall softly upon your fields to make your crops more bountiful.
May a rainbow always follow the rain.
May your needs never meet lack.
And may the hand of a friend always be within reach.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
HAPPY SAINT GERTUDE'S DAY!

Please party responsibly.