Sunday, September 25, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SMART JOKES (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Sometimes it's very difficult to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
There are times when I come across a great joke, but none of my fellow dogs get it.
They'd rather spend all their time eating, sleeping, and dreaming about eating and sleeping.
Therefore, I'm gonna share some of these great jokes with you folks.
Ready?

In the herb garden, Basil said, "Enjoy the sunshine while you can. Eventually we all will end up in recipes."
Rosemary thought this sage advice was a long thyme cumin.

A-void-a-ble (verb)
A Royal Flush!
Definition: what bullfighters try to do. Avoid the bull.

Did you hear someone stole all the toilets in the public restroom last month?
The crime remains unsolved because the police still have nothing to go on.

A man's wife wanted to watch a scary movie, so he took a video of him opening their credit card bills.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .

During the last intermission of a performance of Beethoven's ninth symphony, the conductor realized the last few pages of his sheet music was missing.
He told his assistant about it, who remembered those pages fell out in the dressing room, which was now locked. The assistant promised he would get them to the conductor before the intermission was over.
"I hope so," growled the conductor, "and while you are at it, keep your eyes on the bass players. They've been drinking since this intermission started."
The assistant got coffee into the bass players and then hunted down a security man with keys to the conductor's dressing room.
The guard asked, "What's all the fuss about?
The assistant said, "It's the bottom of the 9th,  the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 18-24, 2016

SEPTEMBER 24TH IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN GUINEA, HERITAGE DAY IN SOUTH AFRICA, AND REPUBLIC DAY IN TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO.
SEPTEMBER 26 MARKS STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE'S 15TH ANNIVERSARY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*The Paris Accords to combat Climate Change are gaining more support!
*China's space program has announced its prototype satellite Tiangong-1 is expected to fall and destroy itself during reentry sometime in 2017. Meanwhile, that country has covered a portion of the Great Wall with CEMENT!
*Volkswagen's legal troubles continue as a new wave of lawsuits arises from their previous emissions scandal.
*The 2016 Rugby Championship was won by New Zealand.


THE TERRORIST REPORT...
*Regardless of how they're delivered, bombs are still the terrorist weapon of choice this past week.
*Syria believes ISIL forces responsible for shooting down one of their planes this past week.
*Iraqi Armed Forces have recaptured al-Shirqat from ISIL terrorists.
*The bomber suspected of setting off explosive devices between New York and New Jersey has been identified and arrested by authorities.
*Authorities are still searching at post time for the shooter at the Cascade Mall in Burlington, Washington state who killed 5 people and injured two others.

PASSING PARADE...
*Noted voice artist C. Martin Croker (Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Brak Show) has passed away.
*Film director/screen writer Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidential, 8 Mile, Wonder Boys) is no longer with us.
*Singer/song writer John D. Loudermilk ("Tobacco Road", "Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye", "Indian Reservation") has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*The New York Times has officially endorsed Democratic hopeful Hillary Clinton for President.
*Current Vice President Joe Biden revealed why he didn't seek the Democratic nomination.
MEANWHILE...
*North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory declared a state of emergency because of riots protesting the shooting of Keith Lamont Scott in Charlotte, after he was shot while police were looking for someone else.
ELSEWHERE...
*Yahoo! revealed this week that hackers infiltrated its network in late 2014 and stole at least 500 million user account's worth of information.
*Amongst the winners of the 2016/68th Primetime Emmy Awards are Game of Thrones (Outstanding Drama Series), Veep (Outstanding Comedy Series, Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Lead Comedy Actress), and The People v. O.J. Simpson: An American Crime Story (Outstanding Limited Series, Courtney B. Vance for Lead Actor and Sarah Paulson for Lead Actress).

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: SEPTEMBER 24, 2016

FUN FACT
Charlie Chaplin once came in third in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest!

WHAT'S THAT SONG?
A lyric from a famous number is below. All you have to do is know what that song is. Ready?

♫It's for the best you didn't listen♫

TRIVIA TIME
Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the September 17, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
What is the only naturally occurring element of the periodic table that science has NOT been able to reproduce artificially?
HELIUM! It is estimated that the world's current supply will only last another 30 years at most.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE OR FALSE: Television's original Mission: Impossible team consisted of master of disguise Rollin Hand (Martin Landau), femme fatale Cinnamon Carter (Barbara Bain), electronics expert Barney Collier (Greg Morris), strong man Willy Armitage (Peter Lupis), and team leader Jim Phelps (Peter Graves).

FALSE! The team leader for the very first season was Dan Briggs, played by Steven Hill. Graves took over as Phelps for season 2 onward.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: ODD FACTS (misc. jokes)

One smart baby dragon!
Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

I'm back in Dragon School and boy, the things I've learned so far!
Despite what was once believed, ketchup is NOT a vegetable.
Then again, tomatoes are technically a fruit, but they're not good in fruit salad.

So let's look at some other unique facts.
My comments are in italics.
Chaplin, in character


Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-
alike contest.
Geez. You'd think he'd win.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.
WOW! I love pizza! Where can you buy pizza seeds and how do you plant an acre of it?

It's impossible to hum and hold your breath at the same time.
Okay, by now you've tried it and know it's true. But who discovered, let alone tested this to begin with?

The world's oldest piece of chewing gum is estimated to be 9000 years old!
I wonder how old the desk was they found it under?
Feel free to count them yourself

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball in the United States and 330 in the United Kingdom.
Okay, but why the difference, and what happened to the 6 missing dimples?

"Would YOU like to take a survey?"
In a survey of 200,000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to
bury its head in the sand.
Okay, I give up. This one really puzzles me. How do you survey an ostrich?
Did they send them a form in the mail? Was there one person that spent 80 years personally interviewing each ostrich?
Then again, maybe ostriches like surveys.

My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
Then again...

When you think an idea is dumb and cannot be used, remember someone once said, "Let us make a movie about a tornado filled with sharks."
And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 11-17, 2016

SEPTEMBER 18TH IS NATIONAL DAY IN CHILE.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*While the matter is still being debated, Great Britan could officially begin its departure from the European Union in 2017. A massive petition calling for a second vote on the decision has been gathered, and many are having doubts now.
*The Syrian civil war has been paused for a cease fire.
*Flooding as the result of Typhoon Lionrock has killed over 130+ people and left over 100,000+ homeless in North Korea. Yet that country hasn't said much publicly about local relief efforts.
*The "Sugar is responsible for obesity" cover up!
*The wreck of the HMS Terror, lost since 1848, has been found.
*Another theory on what might have happened to Amelia Earhart.



THE TERRORIST REPORT...
*The bombing of innocents and civilian targets continued this past week, although Nigerian forces have claimed a victory against Boko Haram forces in the Diffa Region.

PASSING PARADE...
*Actress Alexis Arquette (The Wedding Singer, Pulp Fiction) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Playwright Edward Albee (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?) has passed away.
*Actress Kim McGuire (Cry Baby) has taken her last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL...
*Health seems to be a current campaign issue with Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton battling a case of pneumonia and Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump not fully revealing his medical status, not even after an appearance on The Doctor Oz Show.
*Donald Trump finally acknowledged the fact that President Barack Obama was born in the United States, but you won't believe who he thinks started the "birther movement".
*Obviously Trump and former General Colin Powell don't agree.
*The first debate between Clinton and Trump is scheduled to take place September 26th.
*An independent fact check of Trump's proposed "penny plan".
POLITICALLY...
*The Obama administration is planning to lift sanctions against Myanmar and will raise the number of refugees allowed in the country next year to 110,000.
ELSEWHERE...
*The last thing you want to do when a child is crying is to HANDCUFF them!
*School textbooks should NOT be racist!
*Miss Arkansas Savvy Shields is the new Miss America.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: SEPTEMBER 17, 2016

FUN FACT
George Washington was the only candidate in American history to be UNANIMOUSLY elected President by everyone who voted!


TRIVIA TIME
What is the only naturally occurring element of the periodic table that science has NOT been able to reproduce artifically?

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE OR FALSE: Television's original Mission: Impossible team consisted of master of disguise Rollin Hand (Martin Landau), femme fatale Cinnamon Carter (Barbara Bain), electronics expert Barney Collier (Greg Morris), strong man Willy Armitage (Peter Lupis), and team leader Jim Phelps (Peter Graves).

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the September 10, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What video game was the first with the capability to allow players to save their progress?
The very first Legend of Zelda game for the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES).

TRIVIA TIME
Who is the only musical act (to date) to have four number one albums within a span of twelve months?
The Monkees, circa 1980s
A LOT of people e-mailed this e-zine claiming that the question was too easy because the answer was The Beatles, but the CORRECT ANSWER IS The Monkees!
Their first four albums, starting with their debut record (The Monkees), along with More of The Monkees, Headquarters, and Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, and Jones Ltd; were all number one during 1967!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SUMMER CLEARANCE (misc. jokes)

Furry, but cool
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

I just cannot believe that we are already into September 2016.
My favorite sport, baseball, has less than 20 regular season games left while football season has already begun.
But have you ever tried catching a football?
Those things are so oddly shaped, there's no way for a dog to get a decent grip on one in its muzzle.
Not a decent chew toy for a dog.

Anyway, soon the leaves will begin to change colors.
The temperatures will turn (hopefully just somewhat) cooler.
The new TV season will start...
So I thought I'd get a jump on things by telling some of my leftover Summer jokes now so I have room in my doghouse for all the new Fall jokes that will be coming soon.
Ready?

If Womb is pronounced WOOM
and Tomb is pronounced TOOM
Shouldn't Bomb be pronounced BOOM?

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

I just checked my account balance at the ATM.
It printed out a coupon for Ramen Noodles.


A man leaves home, makes 3 lefts and is faced by two masked men. Where is he?
On a baseball diamond.

A psychic was out clothes shopping and the store employee asked "How about this one?"
The Psychic replied. "It's too small. I'm a medium."

Two caterpillars are strolling along in the park when a butterfly goes by.
One points up and says to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those."

And on that note♫, have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 4-10, 2016

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*North Korea's latest nuclear missile test leave many wondering just what that country's weapon status actually is?
*The Zika Virus outbreak in Singapore now has over 200 confirmed cases.
*The 2016 Summer Paralympics have opened in Rio.
*The Vatican has officially canonized Mother Teresa.
*The Eastern Gorilla has replaced the Giant Panda on the International Union for the Conservation of Nature's Endangered Species List.
*Scientists believe the Earth has lost a tenth of its wilderness over the last two decades.



THE TERRORIST REPORT...
*Bombs are still the weapon of choice this past week, with ISIL forces claiming responsibility for most if not all of the incidents.
PASSING PARADE...
*Actor Hugh O'Brian (The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp, S.E.A.R.C.H.) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Actress Brenda Dale Knox, better known as The Lady Chablis (Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Actor John Hostetter (Murphy Brown regular and numerous guest starring roles) has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Congress is officially back in session. Their first official act? Surviving victims and the families of those killed during the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on American soil can soon sue Saudi Arabia, despite the fact that no proof of that country's involvement has yet to be discovered. President Obama is expected to veto the measure to maintain diplomatic relations between the two countries.
*2016 Libertarian Presidential hopeful Gary Johnson is now officially on the ballot in 48 states.
*Despite being a "lame duck", President Barack Obama has been busy. After a diplomatic trip to China, he went on to the G20 Summit at Hangzhou where America and Russian President Vladimir Putin have agreed to a peace deal regulating their involvement in Syria, and while still waiting for Congress to decide whether or not they are ever going to hold a meeting to consider Merrick Garland to fill Antonin Scalia's vacancy, now wonders when Congress might ever decide to hold a hearing to consider Abid Riaz Qureshi joining the District of Columbia's U.S. District Federal Court.
*While some think he is stiffing his campaign staff, 2016 Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump's proposed tax plan if elected hasn't won too many favorable critics. But now that he knows who the moderators will be, will Trump debate 2016 Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton?
MEANWHILE...
*Although Congress has yet to take any action in regards to the Zika Virus, Miami Beach Florida has officially begun spraying against mosquitoes carrying the disease.
ELSEWHERE...
*A date has been officially set to start Bill Cosby's trial on sexual assault charges.
*Yosemite National Park has been expanded by 400 acres.
*The 2016 post season playoffs for Major League Baseball are scheduled to begin October 4th.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: SEPTEMBER 10, 2016

FUN FACT
A refrigerated rubber band lasts longer than one that wasn't refrigerated!

FAMOUS FIRSTS
What video game was the first with the capability to allow players to save their progress?

TRIVIA TIME
Who is the only musical act (to date) to have four number one albums within a span of twelve months?

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the September 3, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

WHAT'S THAT SONG?
A line from a famous song is below. All you have to do is identify the song. Ready?

♫Goodbye means nothing, when it's all for show♫
"Don't Sleep In The Subway" by Petula Clark.

AKA (Also Known As)
The original pilot for what famous television show was referred to as "Wagon Train to the stars"?
Star Trek, which celebrates it's 50th anniversary this month!

Sunday, September 4, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: A PICTURE IS WORTH 1700 LAUGHS! (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here.
Now, with this being the Labor Day weekend here in America, it was planned long ago that I would try to amuse you because both Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon have the holiday weekend off to be with their families.
What WASN'T planned when those arrangements were made was the fact that this edition of The Sunday Funnies is our 1700th Blogger Post!

You can read more about The Free Choice E-zine's history in the ABOUT US sidebar on the left, but for now, let's get to the fun and celebrate with the humorous photos I was going to post today.

At left, proof that even cowboys get thirsty. I know no establishment with a drive-thru window likes "walk ups", but obviously they couldn't find grounds to complain about this man's arrangements.

Then again, maybe the horse might have something to say on the subject.
Below, two examples proving that some people still believe in the phrase "Truth in advertising."


The image on the right is for those who also believe Pluto should regain its status as a planet of our solar system, while the picture below demonstrates the differences dialect can cause.





















The sign on the left demonstrates that while having an addiction to something is a serious situation, it is nice to know that many can be cured.

You can debate the merits of these two classic rock and roll songs for yourselves like this meme below does.









And on that note ♫, have a great week everybody.
Try not to work too hard and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.






Saturday, September 3, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 28-SEPTEMBER 3, 2016

SEPTEMBER 3rd IS FLAG DAY IN AUSTRALIA & INDEPENDENCE DAY IN QATAR.
MONDAY IS LABOR DAY IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
ANYTHING THAT DEBUTED IN SEPTEMBER 1966 CELEBRATES ITS 50th ANNIVERSARY THIS MONTH, INCLUDING STAR TREK, THE MONKEES,
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, AND A HOST OF OTHER CLASSIC PROGRAMS.

SAMSUNG ELECTRONICS HAS RECALLED ALL GALAXY NOTE 7 SMARTPHONES DUE TO BATTERY PROBLEMS.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Former President of Brazil Dilma Rousseff has been officially removed from office. Acting President Michel Temer will continue to serve out the remainder of her term.
*Meanwhile, the Chinese government seems to be in the middle of a political reshuffling of personnel into various positions.
*Ali Bongo Ondimba has been re-elected President of Gabon.
*The number of confirmed Zika Virus cases in Singapore is now above 100!
*Just how busy is Russian President Vladimir Putin???
*The European Union has ordered Apple Computers to pay Ireland back taxes.
*The Yavuz Sultan Selim Bridge, the world's tallest suspension bridge, has officially opened for traffic crossings.
*The African Elephant population has dropped 30% since 2007.
*Are we now in the Anthropocene Age???
*Fossils found in the Isua Greenstone Belt region of Greenland are believed to be the world's oldest, at an estimated 3.7 billion years of age. If true, does this mean there was never any "life " on Mars???

IN THE PHILIPPINES...
*Philippine religious leaders are urging their parishioners to stop killing suspected drug users, pushers, smugglers, and manufacturers themselves.
*President Rodrigo Duterte has asked Senator Leila de Lima, who has commented negatively on his policies, to resign and "hang herself".
*It is estimated that over 2000 people have died since the Philippines' current war on drugs began.
*President Duterte declared a nationwide "state of lawlessness" after yesterday's bombing at a night time market in Davao City killed at least 14 people and might have been an attempt on his life.



TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Bombs, whether hidden until tripped or strapped to a suicidal human being, still seem to be terrorism's favorite weapon this past week, with multiple incidents reported.
PASSING PARADE...
*Actor Gene Wilder (the original Willy Wonka movie, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, and a host of others) has take his last bow on life's stage.
*Islam Karimov, the current President of Uzbekistan, has passed away while in office.
*Harry Fujiwara, known professionally to wrestling fans as "Mr. Fuji", is no longer with us.
*Actor Jon Polito (The Rocketeer, Homicide: Life on the Street) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Legendary folk singer Fred Hellerman (The Weavers) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump met with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto in Mexico City this past week. Among the topics discussed, Mexico will NOT pay for Trump's wall if he wins in November.
*So just what is Trump's position on deportation???
*Do not worry about Trump if he loses in November.
*Congress returns from "vacation" September 6th.
*Despite Republican hopes otherwise, North Carolina MUST re-think its voter regulations before the November election.
MEANWHILE...
*With Madeline in the Pacific and Hermine in the Atlantic, it's been a busy week for tropical
hurricanes threatening the United States.
*The FBI is investigating hacking attempts against the electoral data bases of Arizona and Illinois.
ELSEWHERE...
*The remains of a World War 2 era German U-boat have been found off the coast of North Carolina.

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GIVING US 2969 PAGES VIEWS IN AUGUST 2016.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.