Sunday, May 31, 2009


With Summer fast approaching, some thoughts turn to the beach.
With that in mind, our resident comedienne Ms. Waxy Dragon, one amongst many avatars of an avid Internet surfer, sent us some fun in the sun jokes.
Take it away Waxy!

What do you call a penguin at the beach? J
Lost. (with apologies to Chilly Willy)

What do you call a snowman at the beach?
A puddle.

There was a sea scout troop that came to the beach every summer and camped near the water line because the marine life was so friendly there.
The porpoises were so friendly they swam nearby at dinner time hoping to get a morsel from any of the campers.
Because of this, the chef used to announce dinner by yelling: "Dinner! For all in tents... and porpoises."

What did the sea say to the beach? I
Nothing. It just waved.

What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.

And we'll sea you next weekend with more Sunday Funnies!

Saturday, May 30, 2009


*Although trying to financially restructure what they can, including giving the United Auto Workers union a minority stake in the company in exchange for contract concessions, GM might still be filing for bankruptcy protection as early as next week.
*Meanwhile, facing a similar situation and taking parallel steps, Chrysler has cut the pension package and guaranteed car option of their former CEO Lee Iacocca. While neither was legally protected as a provision of previous arrangements, it is ironic that this happened considering Iacocca saved the Chrysler Corporation from bankruptcy back in the 1980s.
*President Barack Obama has nominated Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court.
*Jay Leno "retired" from The Tonight Show last night, but he will not be far removed from the public eye, with stand up gigs over the summer while preparing for his new show in the final hour of weeknight prime time scheduled to begin this fall. But I did find it quite interesting and heartwarming to discover what he considers his "legacy" after hosting The Tonight Show for the past 17 years.
*Former Late Night host Conan O'Brien is scheduled to begin hosting The Tonight Show starting Monday.
*For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of the screen.


Another week and more puzzles!

What was the legal/given name of comedian Redd Foxx?

What familiar phrase or saying does the image below suggest?


The answers will appear next weekend, but for now: the results of May 23rd's enigmas.

Group 1: The male of both species are both known as TOMS.
Group 2: While both famous comedians in their own right, the answer in this case was the fact that they both share the same first name JERRY.

What famous comedic duo holds the record for most Academy Award winning short subjects?

TOM AND JERRY (Didn't you get the hint from the Common Bonds game?) with 7; starting with The Yankee Doodle Mouse in 1943. The duo followed that in the later years with Mouse Trouble, Quiet Please, The Cat Concerto, The Little Orphan (the first appearance of Nibbles or Tuffy, depending upon which name you like best. The little diaper wearing mouse has been called both), The Two Mouseketeers, and their last (so far) was Johan Mouse in 1952.
The next most successful duo (to date) have been Wallace and Grommit for The Wrong Trousers and A Close Shave.
But surprisingly, in regards to the most popular response from fan e-mails: while Tweety himself won for his debut appearance in Tweety Pie, Tweety and Sylvester together only won once, for the classic short Birds Anonymous in 1957.

Monday, May 25, 2009


Dear Readers:

Today is Memorial Day.
Some consider it the start of Summer, although that season actually begins in June (21st).
But as you enjoy your cookouts, the beach, baseball games, or whatever your plans are for today, please take a moment to remember the Veterans!

You may not always agree with the military's actions.
You may have even lost loved ones because of past events.
But if not for those who have fought for and defended their country, you may not be allowed to read these words.
Under different circumstances, I may not even be permitted to write them!

There have been, and alas will probably always be wars and rumors of wars.
There will always be those that, for whatever reason(s), will want to harm and/or conquer others, even if their own "crime" is the fact that they exist.
But if not for the various branches of the military doing what they must, the world today would be a totally different place.

Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief: News of The Free Choice e-zine.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


With this being the Memorial Day weekend, the person behind our resident comedienne Ms. Waxy Dragon (one amongst many Internet avatars) is enjoying the weekend with their family.
Therefore, I am going once more into the archives of history to present another slice of Americana with some more Burma Shave poetry.

A short recap for those who came in late...
The Burma Shave signs were a highway staple from the early 1930s till the end of the 1950s, offering a mix of safe driving tips and ads for the sponsors products in (usually) four line poems, with the last sign always being the company logo.
While the signs ended production with the 1960s with the advent of the modern day freeway, they could still be found on country road sides for a few years after and are fondly remembered and sought after by collectors.

But now, on to the poetry...

Her chariot raced
80 miles per
They hauled away
What had Ben Hur

Henry the Eighth
Sure had trouble
Short-term wives
Long-term stubble

"I use it too."
The bald man said.
"It keeps my face
Just like my head."

Dim Your Lights
Behind a Car
Let Folks See
How Bright You Are

Our time's at an end
No room for more punnies
See you next weekend
With more Sunday Funnies!

Saturday, May 23, 2009


It's the Memorial Day weekend, so here are some enigmas that will not stretch the brain cells too much.

The items in each group below have something in common. Your challenge is to figure out what.
Group 1. {cats, turkeys}
Group 2. {Mister Seinfeld, Monsieur Lewis}

What comedic duo has won the most Academy Awards in the Short Subjects division?

The answers will appear next weekend.
But for now, the results from May 16th, 2009.

Although Red Sox pitcher Ernie Shore pitched a perfect game by retiring all 27 batters he faced through nine innings starting from when he took the mound in the first inning, he unfortunately has never been officially recognized for this feat because he was the relief pitcher!
Babe Ruth started that game, but was ejected by the umpire after arguing over the call that allowed the first and only batter he faced that day to walk to first base.
Ruth was replaced by Shore and the rest is history, so to speak.

"There's a bathroom on the right" is the often misheard version of There's a bad moon on the rise, from Creedence Clearwater Revival's 1969 hit "Bad Moon Rising".

WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 17-24, 2009

Amongst the stories that made headlines this past week:
*Citing lack of details and fear of the prisoners being held within "regular" facilities that might not be adequate to hold suspected terrorists, President Obama's initial attempt to close the prison on Guantanamo Bay was rejected by Congress this week. Meanwhile, former Vice President Dick Cheney has been making public comments defending the policies of the Bush administration concerning these issues.
While the matter of whether or not the Gitmo prison can eventually be closed is a question that remains to be resolved, what I would like to know is: "Why is Cheney making statements now instead of when the Bush administration was still active in the White House?"
*Meanwhile, current Vice President Joe Bidden is being criticized for possibly giving away state secrets about the safety bunker where the vice president would be kept during a possible crisis of the 'worst case scenario'. Although I don't think that it would come as a surprise that the President and Vice President are kept in separate locations during such a situation 'just in case', at least some pundits are claiming we now know where former VP Cheney was when not seen in public.
*Congress did pass the Credit Card Reform Bill this pass week, allowing some consumers to breathe a slight sigh of relief.
*In entertainment news, for those interested: Kris Allen won this year's American Idol competition while the major networks concluded the 2008-2009 television season and announced their fall schedules for '09-2010.
*Gas prices are slowly rising again, although not at the rate they were this time last year. But it makes one wonder why more fuel efficient cars are not more popular with consumers.
*And in sports, the first round Inter League play for the 2009 season has started in Major League Baseball, as National League teams face American League opponents that they normally would not see until the All Star Game and the end of the season playoff series.
For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of the screen.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Since Mother's Day was last Sunday, our resident comedienne Ms. Waxy Dragon (one amongst many avatars of an avid Internet user) decided to send in some kids jokes this weekend.

Teacher: If you had five pieces of candy, and Oscar asked you for one, how many pieces would you have left?
Student: Five.
Teacher: But 5 minus 1 equals 4.
Student: Maybe. But I don't like Oscar so I'm not giving him any candy.

Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent over to smell a Brose.
Camp Counselor: There's no B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one.

Mother: How did you get that black eye?
Son: I was in the kitchen and got caught in a food fight between my older sisters. I'm not sure which one threw them, but I was hit with some tomatoes.
Mother: Tomatoes gave you a black eye?
Son: They were still in the can.

A boy wrote a letter home from camp that said
"Dear Mom and Dad.
Gue$$ what I need? Plea$e $end $ome $oon.
Be$t Wi$he$,Your $on $ammy."
His parents wrote back
"Dear Sammy:
NOthing much is happening here.
Please write aNOther letter soon.
Bye for NOw.
Love mom and dad."

Camper: What has six eyes, ten arms, is six feet tall and green all over?
Counselor: I don't know.
Camper: I don't know either, but there's one right outside our tent!

Baby Corn: Mommy, where did I come from?
Mother corn: The Stalk brought you.

See you next weekend with more Sunday Funnies!
And don't forget: August 2nd is the first (Inter)National "Don't Worry!" Day.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


*After celebrating Mother's Day Sunday, on Monday the United States Post office raised the cost of stamps from 41 to 44 cents. However the Forever Stamp (featuring the Liberty Bell) is good no matter what the postal rate.
*In a surprising move, after shunning public speaking for most of his time in office, former Vice President Dick Chenney is now quite vocal. Of late, defending the Bush administration's policies towards terrorists post 9-11.
*The United States Mint is issuing four different designs throughout the course of this year to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Lincoln penny, and coincidentally the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth this year.
*President Barack Obama is hoping Congress will approve his nomination of Republican Jon Huntsman, Junior; currently the Governor of Utah, as the next United States Ambassador to China. Pundits are still wondering who Obama will nominate to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter.
*In Sports, after hitting a single during the seventh inning of a game against the Los Angeles Dodgers Tuesday night, Philadelphia Phillie Jayson Werth stole second, and then third base safely, before stealing home; making him only the tenth player since 1942 to accomplish this feat.
For more news at any time, just scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of the screen.


Another weekend, and more puzzles to relax and unwind with.

I personally found this hard to believe, but it's true.
In 1917, Boston Red Sox pitcher Ernie Shore pitched a perfect game, but was never officially accredited for this feat.
Your question is: How was this possible?

Below is the often misheard version of a lyric from a popular song.
Your job is to identify the proper lyric, along with the title and artist.

"There's a bathroom on the right!"

Good Luck.
The answers will be revealed next weekend.
But now, the results from May 9th's Puzzle Corner.

Misunderstood (A miss under the word stood)

The following words are all possible from the letters in the words MOTHER'S DAY:
A, Ah, Am, Are, Art(s), As, At, Ate, Date(s), Day(s), Dear, Dote(s), Dream(s), Ear(s), East, Eat(s), Hare(s), Hat(s), Hear(s), Heard, Heart(s), Home, Mast, More, Most, Mother(s), Ode(s), Ore(s), Other(s), Rat(s), Rated, Rate(s), Read(s), Ready, Ream(s), Rest, Roam(s), Seat, Shore, Smother, Some, Sore, Stare, Steady, Store, Storm, Story, Tea(s), Tear(s), The, Tore, Yea(s), Yeah(s), Year(s), and Yeast.
Other words besides the 80 above might be possible.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Today is Mother's Day.

I think Bil Keane's Family Circus installment for today said it best.
While the ladies within our family are honored for a scant 24 hours, they do everything conceivable to help their loved ones the remaining 364 days a year.
But Mothers do come in just about every variety imaginable.
There is the know-it-all, as portrayed in Mel Lazarus' Momma comic strip, or Helga, the apparently ever suffering wife of Hagar the Horrible.
There are the new Mothers, as portrayed within Baby Blues and the recently restarted For Better or For Worse. The kind, caring, and maybe at times overprotective type as in Cathy.
And there is even the former Mothers who are now grandmothers, as portrayed in Rose Is Rose and other comic strips.
But no matter what type they are, children still love their Mothers.


And in case you haven't guessed it by now, the person behind our resident comedienne Ms. Waxy Dragon (one amongst many Internet avatars) asked for the day off to be with their Mother, but did leave us a Mothers' Day themed joke.

What is the "official" dance of Mothers' Day?
The Mom-bo.

See you next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

WEEK IN REVIEW: May 3-9, 2009

Amongst the events that have occurred over this past week:
*While there were not as many celebrations south of the border to mark the event, Tuesday was Cinco De Mayo.
*The Swine Flu claimed another death in the United States, bringing the total number of casualties up to 2. The current victim was allegedly someone who actually refused treatment, thinking they would get over it on their own. While the disease is still a global concern, medical personnel are doing their best to combat it.
*New fighting has broken out in Pakistan, causing a shortage of space at refuge facilities.
*Sun spots will be entering a potentially more active phase over the coming months, bringing with it the traditional possibility of interference with electronic devices such as cell phones, black berries, radios, etc.
*Wildfires in Santa Barbera County are the catalyst for over 30,000 evacuees in California.
For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of the screen.


With this installment, we have reached the milestone of 150 posts on our new web host! :-)
So let's have some fun with this week's conundrums.

Can you figure out what, if anything, the image below represents?


Considering what tomorrow is, let's see how many words we can make out of what we are celebrating: Mother's Day

The answers will appear at the bottom of next week's Puzzle Corner.
But for now, the results of May 2, 2009.

1. Superman = C. Krypton
2. Hawkman = F. Thanagar
3. J'onn J'onzz = D. Mars
4. Adam Strange = A. Earth
5. Silver Surfer = G. Zenn-La
6. Mister Miracle = E. New Genesis
7. Captain Mar-vell = B. Kree-Lar

Although it was just a reprint of comic strips, the first comic book is technically the first issue of Famous Funnies from 1934.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


Hello Everybody.
Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
As the summer draws near, book stores everywhere are trying to interest their patrons in upcoming new releases, and I thought I would take a moment to share some of the titles that I will be reading over the coming months.

Learn To Swim In Thirty Seconds By B. A. Fish

Beach Vacations Around The World By Yul B. Sandy I

How To Treat Poison Ivy By I. M. Itchy

Take Me Out To The Ball Game By Hadda Homer S

Noises In The Woods By Itza Baer Q

Insects Are Your Friends By Amos Keetoh

How To Treat Bug Bites By I. M. Scratchy

The Cookout Cookbook By Burntoo A. Crisp

My Summer Romance By Luv E. Dovey

And last, but not least:
Flying High By Ima Kyte

Happy Reading! --wd.

And I just want to take a moment to remind everyone once again that the first (Inter)National "Don't Worry" Day is Sunday August 2nd, 2009.--lhjr.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


To touch briefly upon some of the things happening around the country of late:
*President Obama was proud to announce that Congress passed legislation that would give the average citizen a break in regards to credit card companies and their billing practices.
*Senator Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania has switched to the Democratic Party, which some pundits think will make things easier for the Obama administration in Congress, but as the President said in his news conference Wednesday night, he takes nothing for granted and that both Democrats AND Republicans should work together to help the nation.
*President Obama will also soon be nominating his first Supreme Court Justice after Judge Sueter announced his impending retirement.
But now, in regards to the story on every one's mind of late...
There are 160 confirmed cases within 21 states, but all were tourists who visited Mexico within the month of April 2009.
The anti-viral drugs that America has on hand ARE an effective treatment for the disease, but the one lone death was of a child who would have been too young to receive the medicine.
The World Health Organization is on top of the situation, and has sent personnel to Mexico for further investigation while treating the ill.
1. Wash your hands on a regular basis.
2. Cover your mouth or turn your head when you cough.
3. If you feel sick, stay home from school and/or work and go see your doctor!
The sooner you go when you are not feeling well, the sooner you will find out what is wrong and receive treatment.
For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of the screen.


In honor of today being Free Comic Book Day, this week's Puzzle Corner features comic book themed conundrums.

To wit:

Match the super hero to their home planet.
1. Superman
2. Hawkman
3. J'onn J'onzz
4. Adam Strange
5. Silver Surfer
6. Mister Miracle
7. Captain Mar-vell

a. Earth
b. Kree-Lar
c. Krypton
d. Mars
e. New Genesis
f. Thanagar
g. Zenn-La

What was the actual first comic book ever published?

The answers will be forthcoming in our next installment. Same Puzzle Corner time. Same Puzzle Corner Post.
But now, the answers to last weekend's column.

The song the Mayberry Choir kept trying to rehearse was always referred to as 14A.

"Owls hooting in my head" was the miss referenced portion of the line 'Now since you put me down I've been out doing in my head' from the Beach Boys classic Help Me Rhonda.