SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAZY SUMMER JOKING (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
With really nothing else to do on a lazy summer's day, I've been cleaning out my doghouse and dug up some old jokes I've yet to share with everyone, so without further adieu...

How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.

What is a tree's🌳 favorite drink?
Root Beer.🍺

Why did the insomniac man get arrested?
He resisted a rest.

What did the lifeguard say about the swimming pool movie?
It was very shallow in the beginning but got really deep in the end.

Are cats 🐱qualified to discuss the scientific principles of string theory?

What did the cemetery worker say when he dug the wrong plot?
"I made a grave mistake."

Why do eggs come in flimsy Styrofoam packages and batteries come in packages that require a chainsaw to open?

What did the conductor name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 17-25, 2018

AUGUST 25TH IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN URUGUAY.

AUGUST 28TH IS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.’S FAMOUS “I HAVE A DREAM” SPEECH.

AUGUST 30TH IS THE 55TH ANNIVERSARY OF “THE HOT LINE” 📞BETWEEN THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE KREMLIN BECOMING ACTIVE.

THOSE IN ITS PATH SHOULD TAKE EVERY POSSIBLE PRECAUTION

AGAINST HURRICANE LANE!🌀

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*“Racism has no place in Canada!”—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
*American President Donald Trump has called off a planned diplomatic visit to North Korea, while South Africa objects to one of Trump’s Tweets. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The latest Trump Tariffs have become active, with China responding accordingly.
*Pope Francis hopes to see the end of sexual abuse someday.
*Scott Morrison is the new Prime Minister of Australia.
*N. K. Jemisin’s The Stone Sky has won the 2018 Hugo Award for Best Novel.
*A duet between Carly Simon and Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones???
*There’s ice at the moon’s poles???🌗

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Former Brooklyn Dodger Joe Landrum has passed away.
*Actor Glen Chin (Naked Gun 33 and 1/3, 50 First Dates) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Former professional baseball player/manager Howard “Doc” Edwards (Kansas City Athletics, Cleveland Indians) is no longer with us.
*Actor Stefan Karl Stefansson (Lazy Town, Thor) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Former United Nations’ Secretary General and 2001 Nobel Peace Prize winner Kofi Annan has passed away.
*Actress Barbara Harris (The Apple Tree, original version of Freaky Friday, A 1000 Clowns) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Guitarist Ed King (Lynyrd Skynyrd, Strawberry Alarm Clock) is no longer with us.
*Famed comic book artist Russ Heath (credits too numerous to mention) has passed away.
*Television personality Robin Leach (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous) has unfortunately experienced his last “champagne wish and caviar dream.”

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
TARIFF TALK…
*The latest Trump Tariffs have become active, with China responding accordingly.
POLITICALLY…

*Trump’s latest opinions of Robert Mueller. Especially in light of Paul Manafort being found guilty on 8 counts and news of Michael Cohen pleading guilty. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*What Trump thinks of recent developments, including denial of “any wrong doing.” (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*If offered, Cohen has said he would refuse a presidential pardon, although Trump might pardon Manafort! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Will the Trump Organization face local charges from the above???
*Spreading the truth. Lanny Davis and Rudy Giuliani’s versions. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Trump has called off a planned diplomatic visit to North Korea, while South Africa objects to one of Trump’s Tweets. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Donald Trump versus the New York Times???
*Jeff Sessions’ current opinion of the Justice Department in ongoing events.
*Trump still wants Hillary Clinton's e-mails from the FBI.
*The Trump administration wants to “relax” carbon limits on power plants.
*A Federal Judge will not grant Trump a quicker way to fire Federal employees.
*Apparently, the Trump campaign/administration does NOT have the licensed rights to play Aerosmith tunes at public appearances.
*Retired Navy SEAL/Admiral William McRaven as a 2020 Presidential candidate???
MEANWHILE…
*Republicans are obviously not happy about President Trump’s potential crime implications.
*Was a proposed “Secure Elections” bill blocked???
ELSEWHERE…
*The source of California’s latest wildfire(s)???
*PepsiCo (Pepsi) to buy SodaStream.
*46 more Sears/K-mart locations are scheduled to be closed.
*Season 12 will be the last for The Big Bang Theory.
*Michael Jackson songs NOT by Michael Jackson???
*The results of the 2018 MTV Music Video Awards.

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating its gadgets.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 25, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Zucchini, along with yellow and acorn squash, are part of the same family as pumpkins!

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.

In the classic movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind, how many notes are requested to be played on "the Dark Side of the Moon" to initiate communication with the alien spaceship?

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Do you know the formal name for the indention at the bottom of a wine bottle?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the August 18, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE or FALSE: Heffalumps are part of the Harry Potter universe.
Answer: FALSE! They are actually a(n imaginary) nemesis of Winnie the Pooh.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {cycle, form} = the prefix UNI can go with both words.
02. {feat, title} = deed.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

Now don't get me wrong. As much as I love being on summer vacation, I do enjoy Dragon School and look forward to the new school year starting this fall.

After all, I've been flying around observing this and seeing that (sometimes with actual permission!) that I've got a whole long list of questions to ask my teacher when I see her again.
I've been collecting my thoughts and almost have a whole set.
Like...

Do GOOGLE self driving cars run on search engines?

Why do people socks only come in pairs?
Maybe they should make 3 socks in a set, so you have one to replace the one you will eventually lose somewhere between the washer and the dryer.

Don't you think it's about time they made a movie about the history of clocks?

If a prisoner takes his own mug shot, is that a CELLfie?

Was Sir Lancelot of King Arthur's Round Table a pimple popping dermatologist in his spare time?

What exactly are petrified forests afraid of?

I know New York was once called New Amsterdam, but what was wrong with the old Amsterdam?

And perhaps, the ULTIMATE QUESTION of all...
Why does my teacher always seem to get a headache whenever I ask questions like these in class?

And before I run out of space for this weekend, a tip of the wing to the classic routines of Pinky and the Brain for inspiring the title of this post!
Have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 12-18, 2018

AUGUST 23 IS THE 105TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LITTLE MERMAID BY HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON STATUE IN COPENHAGEN, DENMARK.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Could North and South Korea be planning another summit???
*Is China mistreating those of the Muslim faith???
*There will soon officially be three genders in Germany.
*Some BMWs are now banned in South Korea.
*A new probe to study the sun has been launched.
*The Beatles… mathematically???


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin (credits too numerous to mention) has passed away.
*Professional wrestlers Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and Jim “Doc” Dean are no longer with us.
*Reggie Oliver, a real life football player featured in We Are Marshall, has passed away.
*Former Prime Minister of India Atal Bihari Vajpayee is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

TARIFF TALK…
*Another American company’s reactions to the Trump tariffs.
POLITICALLY…
*Donald Trump versus Omarosa Manigault Newman, but is the President a racist??? Omarosa says he might not be the only one! (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Trump signed the bill into law, but apparently still isn’t happy with John McCain.
*The Army doesn’t deserve a pay raise??? They're certainly on the verge of losing their financial protection! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump is revoking security clearances, but does it have anything to do with critics and the ongoing investigations??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*President Trump will NOT be getting his military parade this year.
*NOW Trump questions social media???
MEANWHILE…
*While Trump once more criticizes free speech and the press defends the first amendment to the Constitution, the Senate doesn’t like his comments. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
ELSEWHERE…
*Are naturalized Americans in danger???
*Is our air about to become further polluted???
*Are people being denied jobs because of their names???
*Miss America… silenced???
*A parent threatens another person’s child over which bathroom they use???
*Does FOX not know who Aretha Franklin was??? And two vastly different opinions about the Queen of Soul. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating its gadgets.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 18, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Bad news: As of 2018, there are only 4 phone📞 booths left in all of Manhattan, New York, USA.
Good news: They are all free of charge to use.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE or FALSE: Heffalumps are part of the Harry Potter universe.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {cycle, form}
02. {feat, title}

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the August 11, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Who was the first actress to portray Wonder Woman in a live action TV production?

Many people have said Lynda Carter, but it was actually Cathy Lee Crosby in a 1974 TV pilot movie attempt, predating Carter’s portrayal of the amazing Amazon in her classic series.
The brief (5 minute test reel) attempt of a pilot in the late 1960s by the same people behind the Adam West-Burt Ward Batman series was never aired on TV, hence the accuracy of the Crosby-Carter statement.

WHAT’S THAT SONG? ♫
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?

♫For he had always told the truth, Lord he was an honest man.♫
Brandy by Looking Glass.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TOO MUCH TIME ON MY PAWS

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Can you believe it's already August? 😕
They say time flies when you're having fun.
Then again, I don't know what frogs🐸 think of that since they eat flies.

Anyway...
I recently discovered I possess a talent I was totally unaware of before.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.

♫Rock Around The Clock♫😎

But why do you humans always complain that time seems to slow down during the day when you're
at work and rapidly speeds up at night when you get home?
Wouldn't the obvious solution be to stay home and not go to work?

Weekends never seem to be long enough for you either.
One moment it's Friday night and the next it's Monday morning again.
Stop and think about it folks.
There's only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. How much time do you actually want?

Now, us dogs don't really have that problem.
When it comes to time, we only know day, night, food, and walks.
With us canines, it's always one of the four, just a question of which.

Sometimes you never value the moment until it becomes a memory.
I sincerely hope each and every one of you out there takes time to stop and enjoy life, because like the song says ♫Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til its gone?♫

Have a great week everybody, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 5-11, 2018

AUGUST 11 IS CHAD’S INDEPENDENCE DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Although America may no longer be part of the international agreement, the US has reinstated sanctions against Iran. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*China has announced additional tariffs on American products, while the US tariffs Turkey. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*How far would you go to save a life???
*Should women be ashamed of breast feeding their babies???
*The population of Australia has risen.
*Georgia Hall won the 2018 Women’s British Open of professional golf.



THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Comedienne/actress Charlotte Rae (Different Strokes, The Facts of Life) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Actor Robert Dix (Forbidden Planet) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Women’s Rights Activist Arvonne Fraser is no longer with us.
*Theater playwright/producer John Glines (Torch Song Trilogy) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

TARIFF TALK…
*The Trump Administration is initiating tariffs against Turkey.
*China has announced additional tariffs on American products.
*Another plant closes because of Trump tariffs.
POLITICALLY…
*Although America may no longer be part of the international agreement, the US has reinstated sanctions against Iran. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*“I destroy careers.”—Donald Trump, about Republicans against him.
*Will President Trump talk to Robert Mueller or not???
*So why is President Trump unhappy with Attorney General Jeff Sessions???
*How a Tweet made people roar, but not the way Trump wanted. Yet the President says he’s against “all types of racism”. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*One group’s look at life under President Trump.
*So, what is going on with Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame??? Let alone Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos’ yachts??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
MEANWHILE…
*Republican Congressional Representative Chris Collins has been arrested on charges of Federal Insider Trading violations and so will not seek re-election. But what does that portend for the elections this fall??? (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Who will win Ohio's 12th congressional district special election??? It's too close to make an official call at the moment.
ELSEWHERE…
*Monsanto found guilty in court trial.
*Okay. Nobody likes wildfires, but are they California’s fault???
*Kroger versus VISA???
*The San Francisco Giants have retired Barry Bonds' #25.

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating its gadgets.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 11, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Most streets in Japan are nameless, at least in regards to having no public signs posted.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Who was the first actress to portray Wonder Woman in a live action TV production?

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?
♫For he had always told the truth, Lord he was an honest man.♫

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX 📦and discover the results from the August 4, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many points are on the Statue of Liberty's crown?
7.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Everyone knows of the famous oceanographer Jacques Cousteau. But what was his middle name?
Yves.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: BOTHERING BUBBLEHEAD

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.
Now, for those who don't know, I am a baby companion dragon who lives with a human guardian I call Bubblehead, because...
Well...
Just because sometimes I think he's totally out of tune with the needs of a dragon like me.
Granted, my needs aren't much.
Belgosian Dark Chocolate. A nice, safe place to live. Belgosian Dark Chocolate. Someone to talk to. Belgosian Dark Chocolate. Plenty of coloring books and crayons.
Did I mention Belgosian Dark Chocolate already???

Anyway, just like any parent-child relationship, sometimes we don't get along as well as we should.
The other day Bubblehead wanted me to clean my room.
I love the way my room looks. After all, I'm the one who lives in it, right?
But Bubblehead was looking around complaining about all the mess when I see lovely piles of toys, empty Belgosian Dark Chocolate wrappers that need to be refilled, and a whole lot of other neat stuff.
Then Bubblehead asks me what that ugly blue stain is on the otherwise beautiful brown carpeting of my bedroom.😕
I stared at the rug, trying to figure out what that blue stain was too.😧
Then I finally remembered.
Blue was the carpet's original color!😲

Okay. So, maybe I'm not perfect. What kid is?
Then again, Bubblehead isn't perfect either.

For example, he makes a lousy alarm clock.⏰
You tell him that you need to get up at 7. He'll wake you up at 6 and tells you it's 8.

Once I had to ask Bubblehead for new batteries because the television's remote control wasn't working.
He started bragging that he used to have to walk to the TV set just to change the channel.
What kind of barbaric, primitive society did he live in???

Then again, Bubblehead doesn't have a bad singing voice, even if he usually gets the words wrong.
The other day while he was cooking breakfast, I had to listen to Bubblehead sing ♫Don't go bacon my heart. I couldn't if I fried.♫

Bubblehead tried working for a newspaper once, but it folded.
He tried working for a scissors manufacturer but couldn't cut it.
Bubblehead once tried helping out on a dairy farm but made an udder disgrace of himself.

But when I stop and think about it, you can't always pick out your family in advance, but I lucked out into a good one.
Bubblehead does love💓 me and looks out for me too.
Even if he doesn't buy me Belgosian Dark Chocolate as often as I'd like him to.😉

In any event, take care and have a great week everybody, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 29-AUGUST 4, 2018

THE COOK ISLANDS CELEBRATE CONSTITUTION DAY AUGUST 4.
AUGUST 7 MARKS THE 85TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE ALLEY OOP COMIC STRIP.

AUGUST 8 IS THE 40TH ANNIVERSARY OF ODIE’S DEBUT IN GARFIELD.

AUGUST MARKS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE “BIG MAC”.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*While America’s Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says that North Korea will set the timeline for denuclearization, the United Nations Security Council says that country has yet to stop its program. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Pope Francis is against the death penalty.
*Sorry, but I’m afraid you can’t visit the Eiffel Tower right now.
*Geraint Thomas has won the 2018/115th anniversary edition Tour de France of professional cycling.🏆

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Professional Wrestler Nikolai Volkoff has passed away.
*Actress Mary Carlisle (the Bing Crosby movies College Humor, Dr. Rhythm, and Double or Nothing) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE BORDER-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUE…
*A Federal judge has ordered the Trump administration to FULLY RESTORE the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals Act.
NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious, ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to discuss the costs of all this, let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.
POLITICALLY…
*While America’s Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says that North Korea will set the timeline for denuclearization, the United Nations Security Council says that country has yet to stop its program. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Will Trump give a tax cut to the rich WITHOUT Congressional approval???
*The New York Times wonders if President Trump will wind up with blood on his hands.
*Obviously Donald Trump isn’t happy with Robert Mueller, since he wants Attorney General Jeff Sessions to end the “witch hunt”, but what does Trump have against the Koch brothers and LeBron James??? (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*The trial of Donald Trump’s former campaign manager Paul Manafort is underway.
*The 2020 Trump re-election campaign may already be underway, but how do you “Make America Great Again” with flags made in China??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Trump formed panel claims no "wide spread" voter fraud. The independent investigation led by Robert Mueller is still ongoing.
*Now the National Park Service isn’t allowed to use SCIENCE???
*Since when do you need a picture ID to buy groceries???
*And more fact checking.

MEANWHILE…

*This time TRUMP is threatening a government shutdown, and Congress isn’t happy about it. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*One way to alienate voters.
ELSEWHERE…
*Is the National Rifle Association in trouble???
*Just WHO should pay the legal fees in this one???
*Well, hindsight IS 20/20.
*Apple Inc. is now worth $1 TRILLION US Dollars!
*Since when is it a crime to help the homeless???
*Has part of Thomas Jefferson’s “lost” library been found???
*How hot is it in Death Valley???🌞

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,256 PAGE VIEWS IN JULY 2018.

Our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen has been temporarily(?) suspended while Blogger works on updating its gadgets.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 4, 2018

😎FUN FACT
A group of kittens🐱 is also a kindle.

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many points are on the Statue of Liberty's crown?

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Everyone knows of the famous oceanographer Jacques Cousteau. But what was his middle name?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the July 28, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new.
Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Actor portraying inventor of the telephone.
Jason Alexander Graham Bell.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Considering it’s the season, how many new words can you make out of the letters in SUMMER?
Em(s) (a print measure), emu(s)
Me, mer (French for ocean), mum(s), muse
Rem(s), rum(s), ruse
Sue (the legal action, not the name), sum, sure
Us, use, user
More besides the 20 listed above might be possible.