THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: JUNE 27, 2010

Hello Everybody. Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
I've been flying hither and yon looking for jokes to post on this weekend's Sunday Funnies, and boy are my wings tired.
Yet I think I've found some great ones, so let me share them with you.


I flew past an eatery whose advertising bragged that they have their own paramedics on staff. Now I'm wondering, is that because the portions are so big there's a choking risk involved, or because the food is so bad...

Of course, another place bragged about always having an ambulance standing by. Or at least, I think that's what the sign meant when it said, "plenty of ambiance".

On the radio, banks are always bragging about "cow pond interest". Now unless they're thirsty, what interest does a cow have in a pond? After all, I've never seen a cow go fishing or swimming. And what does this have to do with banks anyway?

Now this same bank commercial also said you should save for your ladder years.
What are ladder years anyway? I've looked around and have not seen very many people spending much time on ladders. Once a person gets on a ladder, do the banks really expect them to stay up there for years on end?

I've also heard a lot of people complain about profanity and wanting to clean it up. Does this mean they support confanity? Or do they want fanity to maintain its amateur status and not go pro?

Well, as I scratch my head and wonder about all of this, please come back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies! -wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 19-26, 2010

We start off with the latest on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
*The southeastern edge of the spill is drifting towards the shores of Cuba. Scientists still fear it getting past the Florida Keys and further into international waters by the end of August.
*Although not an immediate threat, Tropical Storm Adam has renewed environmentalists concerns about the added damage a tropical storm or hurricane could do to the already beleaguered Gulf.
*Meanwhile, a centrifuge project overseen by actor Kevin Costner has proven effective in post recovery efforts, successfully removing up to 99% of the oil from contaminated water.

Elsewhere...
*Although they failed to reach an agreement on economic policies, the representatives of the latest Global Summit have reached an accord on terrorism and sanctions against North Korea's illegal experimentation with nuclear material.
*President Barack Obama has replaced General Stanley A. McChrystal with General David Petaeus to oversee military operations in Afghanistan.
*Former Vice-President Dick Cheney has been hospitalized because of recent cardiac concerns.

In Entertainment News...
*One year after the death of entertainer Michael Jackson, fans mourn anew in memoriam.
*His former physician, Doctor Conrad Murray, has yet to actually go to trial on charges relating to Jackson's demise.
*Meanwhile Joe Jackson, father of the deceased, has filed a wrongful death suit against Murray. This civil action is independent of other charges.

In Sports...
*It took a record 149 pitches, but Edwin Jackson of the Arizona Diamondbacks pitched a no-hitter against the Tampa Bay Rays with the final score of 1-0.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 26, 2010

Summer officially began June 21, so I thought we would celebrate with a SUMMER TUNES QUIZ! I J
I tried to put them into some kind of a poetic order, but each quote below is from an actual song with the word summer in the title. How many do you know?

01. The air is so heavy and dry
02. Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
03. Back of my neck's getting burnt and pretty
04. My time of year
05. I'm gonnna raise a fuss...
06. Bob-bop-a-bop-bop when I want to...
07. When the weather's fine...
08. We went strolling, drank lemonade
09. Dust off the sun and the moon and sing a song of cheer
10. It's the simple things in life
11. Strolling through the shady lanes...
12. The more things change, the more they stay the same
13. Those were the best days of my life.

We'll reveal all next weekend. Meanwhile, let's peek into THE ANSWERS BOX and get the results from the June 19 Puzzle Corner.

THE FIFTY-FIFTY CHANCE
Yes, there is/was a Sherwood Forest in England, but at less than two acres today, it is a far cry from the one hundred plus acres of green trees and foliage it used to be.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
The following words can all be found within the letters of SUMMER TIME:
Emir(s), Emu(s), Is, It, Its, Mere, Mime(s), Mire(s), Miser, Mist, Mister, Mum(s), Muse, Remit(s), Reset, Resume, Rest, Rim(s), Rum(s), See, Seem, Seer, Set, Sim (which is acceptable in the twenty-first century), Sir, Sit, Stem, Steer, Sum, Sure, Tee(s), Timer(s), Times and Tree(s).
Time is not acceptable because it was part of the original phrase.
Other words might be possible besides the 45 listed above.

IT'S REAL!

I find it simply amazing when things that were once considered fiction are now a part of our every day lives.
In the early days of science fiction, things like going to other planets, amazing devices of advanced technology, and other things were just the stuff of dreams, wishful thinking, and some very active imaginations.
Now mankind has set foot on the moon, sent satellites to other planets within our solar system and beyond, and only time and budgets seem to be the limitations to what can be accomplished.

On the current season of the BBC sci-fi program Doctor Who, one of the menaces the title character is facing are "cracks in the universe", a phenenomen thought up by executive producer Steven Moffat.
However scientists have just recently discovered there is a "crack" in the universe!
Located in the Sagittarius constellation, about 11,000 light-years away, it was recently discovered and photographed by NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope. For more information, you can read about it here: http://www.scifiwire.com/2010/06/nasa-discovers-crack-in-t.php and elsewhere on the web.

Of course this is far from the first time that television has predicted something that became reality.
The creators behind the classic anime Space Cruiser Yamoto, known in the United States by some as Star Blazers, theorized Pluto possessing a moon before scientists actually discovered it had one.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: JUNE 20, 2010

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here!

It's FATHER'S DAY!

And I've got oodles of Fathers' Day jokes to tell.

Now, in ancient Egypt, if they had mummies, did they also have deaddies?

Do fathers always snore? Only when they might be asleep.

In the past, fathers might have come home to a home cooked meal surrounded by his family. Today it might be a note detailing where everyone else is and what he can scrounge in the refrigerator.

When a father goes golfing, why does he carry an extra pair of socks? In case he gets a hole in one.

If every child gives their dad something that says they're number one, that is one heck of a tie! Of course it beats some of the neck ties your father has probably received over the years.

One day in school the teacher was trying to explain what an appendectomy was because one of their classmates would be absent for a few days because of theirs.

A student replied that her daddy was a doctor, and that an appendectomy was $1500.

A father tried to explain to his son that he was a logger in the forest. The child didn't understand. "How can you get the Internet way out there?"

Well, that's all the space I have for this weekend. Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there, and we'll be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies.-wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 13-19, 2010

*Today is June 19, 2010. In Texas, this is celebrated as Juneteenth because after the Civil War ended, it was not until this date in 1865 that slaves in the Lone Star State were finally informed that they were free.
*The summer season officially starts Monday June 21, while Father's Day is celebrated tomorrow June 20.

The latest on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
*British Petroleum has set aside $20 billion to honor claims against them for damages, etc. But out of the hundreds that have been filed, less than 70 have been honored thus far.
*Taking heat from all sides, including the British press, BP's Chief Executive Officer Tony Hayward decided to take the day off and watch his yacht race in the annual J.P. Morgan Asset Management's Round the Island race.
Personally, I could understand if it was something involving a child or another family member, but a yacht? o:0

*The state of Arizona, after passing immigration legislation that has sparked much debate and legal hassles, is now contemplating similar action against the beings known as "anchor babies", those children born in the United States. If passed, the children will be disallowed any local and state services as well as being treated like the parents under the current laws despite the fact that technically they are officially American citizens.
*In a recent interview, former first daughter Barbara Bush revealed that despite being George W.'s daughter, she is for health care!
*I'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone, but Hormel Foods, the makers of Spam (SPiced hAM) do not like the term spam as it applies to the unwanted parts of Internet e-mail. But they have a classic routine by Monty Python's Flying Circus, entitled simply enough: "The Spam Sketch", to thank for the initial application of the term.
*The Portuguese Nobel prize winning author Jose Saramago has passed away.

In entertainment news:
*Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford have wed after a long engagement.
*Former country musician and sausage king Jimmy Dean has passed away.

In sports news:
*The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Boston Celtics to win professional basketball's 2010 NBA Championship.
*The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Philadelphia Fliers to win professional hockey's 2010 Stanley Cup.
*The Woman's National Basketball Association (WNBA) 2010 season is underway.
*After a controversial call during the USA vs. Slovenia match Friday, referee Koman Coulibaly of Mali has been suspended by World Cup Soccer officials pending further investigation.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your monitor.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 19, 2010

Hello Puzzle and Free Choice E-zine fans! It's the weekend, and you know what that means!

THE 50/50 CHANCE
This is just like Trivia Time, although there's only two choices to consider, hence the best odds you will ever have. Ready?

TRUE OR FALSE: There is, or at least was, a Sherwood Forest?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Since Monday is officially the first day of Summer for 2010, how many words can you find within SUMMER TIME?

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open THE ANSWERS BOX for the results of June 12's Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
At the beginning of some recordings of The Monkees' classic Daydream Believer, Davy Jones can be heard asking "What number is this?" What was the response?
7-A.

REBUS
COLOR , whether you prefer the book or movie, represents The Color Purple.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: JUNE 13, 2010

Okay Everyone! Autumn the Puppy here to finish what I started talking about last Sunday (June 6, although I have been told that the D in D-Day does not stand for dog) about us dogs and our schooling.

Now I think I have gotten pretty good at the game of fetch, although I'm not sure about the person throwing the ball. You throw the ball. I bring it back. But then you throw it again. If you don't want the darn thing, just let the dog know and we won't go after it the next time you throw it.
And by the way, if the ball gets lost at some point during the game, don't blame the dog! You're the one who threw it!

Of course, there are also the humans who think they're being clever by faking a throw. Congratulations. You out smarted a dog. What's next? Going for your PhD?

A human's sense of smell is not the same as our. I understand that. But does that really mean that what I think is a pleasant aroma stinks to you? After all, it's not like I'm asking you to roll around in it with me.

The cat's litter box is not a cookie jar. Okay, if you say so. But seriously, how come they get indoor plumbing and us dogs have to go outside?

I must shake water off my fur BEFORE entering the house. Well, maybe my timing is off, but just how do you folks dry off after you bathe? At least I'm not constantly licking myself like a cat! Who knows just where that tongue's been!

And if you don't want us to sit on your furniture, then where's our sofa?

Well, I guess that's everything. For now.
But before I go, a big bark out to Sandy from Little Orphan Annie. That comic strip is ending today after an 86 year run in the newspapers. Don't know what's going to happen next, but I hope you land on all four feet with your tail wagging fella!

I hope everyone has a good weekend and we'll be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies!-AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JUNE 6-12, 2010

*Despite obtaining a little success from the latest capping effort, the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico continues. Some predictions say that the broken pipe might not be completely closed until late September. Meanwhile, shrimpers and others dependent upon the Gulf of Mexico for their fishing income are seeking help and restitution because of their lost revenues.
*TO REPEAT A STORY FROM LAST WEEKEND:
McDonald's is recalling ALL the Shrek Forever After promotional glasses it was distributing through their restaurants after discovering traces of cadmium in the Chinese produced imports. Anyone with a glass is urged to return it to their local McDonald's IMMEDIATELY!
*A sudden flash flood during a thunderstorm in Arkansas has left 16 dead, a few others unaccounted for at a local campground, and some residents still tallying the property damage at this posting.
*Abby Sunderland, the California teenager who was attempting her own around the world sailing feat until her boat suffered mechanical problems, has been rescued by the crew of a French fishing boat.
*June 13th is the last day (for now?) of the Little Orphan Annie comic strip. But producer Arielle Tepper Madorn is overseeing an update revival of the musical Annie! for Broadway, who will be handing out their annual Tony awards tomorrow night.

IN SPORTS...
*Ken Griffey, Junior has officially retired from Major League Baseball, as the sport begins the second round of Interleague play for the 2010 season.
*Drosselmeyer won the Belmont Stakes horse race last Saturday.
*The World Soccer tournament continues in South Africa.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 12, 2010

It's not good weather wise in some parts of the world this weekend. But it's always great weather for puzzles no matter where you are!

TRIVIA TIME
In some recordings of The Monkees' classic Daydream Believer, Davy Jones is heard asking "What number is this?"
What was the reply?

REBUS
Can you name what's represented by the image below?

Color

We'll reveal the results next weekend. But for now, let's peek into THE ANSWERS BOX for the results from last weekend, June 5, 2010.

FAMOUS FIRSTS
"The office of the university president looked like the front parlor of a successful Victorian whorehouse." is the opening line to The Godwulf Manuscript, the very first Spenser book written by Robert B. Parker.

HOW SMART ARE YOU?
Given a chance, these opposites are the same. What are they?
The answers are SLIM and FAT, for SLIM CHANCE and FAT CHANCE.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: JUNE 6, 2010

Hello Everybody. Autumn the Puppy here.
I know today is D-Day on the human calendar, but that's covered in the post below mine. I've dug up a different topic to discuss today.
In last weekend's Sunday Funnies, Ms. Waxy Dragon talked about students and the current school year coming to an end.
But did you folks know that I go to school too?
Granted, I'm not sure why they call it obedience school. I think I behave pretty good for a golden retriever, but anyway, I have learned a lot. Yet that doesn't mean I know everything.
For example...

Why do humans stop to smell the flowers, but you guys never stop to smell each other? Wouldn't you like to get to know your friends and neighbors better?

How come a lot of the fancier cars you people drive are named after other animals, but the only vehicle you name after one of us canines is a Greyhound bus?

With time and patience, us dogs can learn verbal instructions, hand signals, whistled commands, beepers, horns, clickers, scents, Frisbee and tennis ball flight paths, and (believe it or not) even electromagnetic energy fields! What do humans understand?

After all, when I start barking too much, I'm told I'm a bad dog. But if I didn't have something important to say, I wouldn't be barking to begin with!

And if a dog barks in the forest and there's no one around to hear, are they still a bad dog?

We'll have to continue this discussion another time. But before I go (I mean leave, not that! I AM housebroken!), just remember one thing: when you serve a dog an Italian meal, MORE meatballs, less spaghetti.

We'll be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies. Have a good week everyone.-AtP.

D-DAY REMEMBERED (2010)

Today is a historic day within world history.
Upon this date in 1944 the Allied Forces rallied to begin what would be come the most major offensive against the Nazis to eventually win World War 2.
The cost of life that day was staggering.
The cost to the world if the Allied Forces had lost would have been even more tremendous.

Today's installments of Heart of the City, Lio, and Peanuts acknowledge this fact.

You may not agree with all the actions of your military, but you cannot deny their courage and valor.
If you happen to see a veteran today, thank them for your freedoms on behalf of the ones that can no longer accept your gratitude.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 30-JUNE 5, 2010

*Although British Petroleum has had some (limited) success in their latest efforts to cap that Gulf of Mexico oil well, the spill now reaches from Louisiana to the tip of the Florida panhandle. Environmentalists now worry about the potential of the oil spill making its way around the Florida Keys and out into the Atlantic Ocean.
*McDonalds' is recalling ALL of the Shrek Forever After promotional glasses after discovering the Chinese imports contain trace amounts of cadmium! Consumers who might already possess any of the collection are urged to return them to their local McDonalds' immediately.
*Abby Nurre was fired from her job as a math teacher at a Catholic school in Iowa the morning after joining an athiest website FROM THE 'PRIVACY' OF HER OWN HOME! The dismissal includes the attempted denial of any unemployement insurance benefits. I'm sure there is lawsuit pending.
*14 year old Anamika Veeramani won the annual Scrips Spelling Bee.
*The members of the G20 are currently discussing financial regulations and possible methods of helping debt ridden countries while looking for ways to help improve the overall global economy.

IN SPORTS...
*Francesca Schiavone of Italy has won the Women's title in the 2010 French Open. The Men's title match has yet to be played.
*The Belmont Stakes, the second leg of horse racing's Triple Crown, is scheduled to be run later this afternoon.
*The Boston Celtics are playing against the Los Angeles Lakers for the NBA basketball championship.
*For those who came in late, Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga lost his bid for a perfect game Wednesday night in what umpire Jim Joyce later admitted was an erroneous call. In a move of good sportsmanship, the two have since talked over the situation and moved on. Meanwhile baseball commissioner Bud Selig has announced that he will NOT be reversing the call, although vows to look into "expanding the use of instant replay in baseball, the policies and practices of umpires, and other matters related to this incident", although whether or not this includes the threats made against Joyce and his family since Wednesday night is unknown.

IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS...
*Al and Tipper Gore have decided to call it quits after 40 years of marriage. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh is set to marry his fourth wife this weekend.
*Actress Rue McClanahan (Maude, The Golden Girls) has passed away.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JUNE 5, 2010

Okay folks, I'm all out of themed quizzes (for now), but that doesn't mean we still can't have some fun, starting with a BRAND NEW puzzle!

FAMOUS FIRSTS
For our first puzzle in this category, below is the opening (first) line from a famous book. Can you name the title and author?

"The office of the university president looked like the front parlor of a successful Victorian whorehouse."

HOW SMART ARE YOU?
Do you know the answer to the following question?

Given a chance, these opposites are the same. What are they?

We'll have the answers next weekend. But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX, and reveal the results of our Memorial Day quiz from last weekend.

01. Staff Sgt. James Kinchloe>Portrayed by Ivan Dixon, was a member of the World War 2 based TV show Hogan's Heroes.
02. Cpl. Walter O'Reilly>Gary Burghoff portrayed "Radar" in both the movie and the M*A*S*H TV series, set in the Korean War era.
03. General William Westmoreland>Served his country during World War 2, Korea, and the Viet Nam Wars.
04. Airman Wayloo Marie Holmes, USAF>Was portrayed by Megan Gallagher on China Beach, set against the backdrop of the Viet Nam War.
05. Sgt. Franklin Rock>This DC Comics soldier proudly served his country during numerous stories of World War 2.
06. General Douglas MacArthur>Saw action during both World War 1 and 2, as well as the beginning of the war in Korea.
07. Dwight David Eisenhower>Actively served his country during both World War 1 and 2, and as President of the United States, was Commander-In-Chief during the Korean War.
08. Private William G. Kirby>Portrayed by Jack Hogan in Combat! during World War 2.
09. Sgt. Sam Troy>Portrayed by Christopher George in The Rat Patrol, set during World War 2.