Sunday, August 28, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: BACK TO SCHOOL 2016 (misc. jokes)

Obedience School Dropout
Resumes Dragon School September 6th
Hello Everybody!
Today you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon here because, believe it or not, a lot of students either already have or are about to start a new school year!

I know Dragon School follows a more traditional calendar and resumes the day after Labor Day. Then again, we don't have as many "Teachers In Service" and other holidays during the school year that a lot of humans get. We still have the majors: Thanksgiving, Christmas/Winter/New Year's, etc.; but you get the idea.

In any event, we've put our heads together and are proud to present a nice collection of school themed jokes. Ready?

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
She could not control her pupils.


WHY PUNCTUATION MATTERS.
Some people find inspiration in cooking their family and dogs.
Others find inspiration in cooking, their family, and dogs.
Use punctuation so you don't sound like a sick person!

What fish is made of two sodium atoms? 2 Na.
Sixteen sodium atoms entered a restaurant, followed by Batman.
Think about it!

Have you ever wondered about Algebra?
Y do we have to find X when Algebra keeps misplacing it?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
That should be "to whom".

Helium walks into a restaurant and the waiter said, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve noble gasses."
The Helium didn't react.

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"He He."
I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

And on that note♫, enjoy school and LEARN!
Meanwhile, please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP & wd.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 21-27, 2016

TODAY IS MOLDOVA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY.
ANY TELEVISION PROGRAM THAT DEBUTED IN 1966 WILL BE CELEBRATING
ITS 50th ANNIVERSARY IN SEPTEMBER.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*A SERIES OF EARTHQUAKES HAS OCCURRED IN ITALY, WITH A CONFIRMED DEATH TOLL OF OVER 270.
*President Rodrigo Duterte might withdraw the Philippines from the United Nations after that organization has made allegations of human rights violations.
*South Korea and the United States have started their annual joint military exercises in that region, despite North Korea's warning of nuclear attack against them if the exercises commenced.
*The impeachment trial of suspended Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff has officially begun.
*Hong Kong has contacted the World Health Organization for assistance after confirming their first official case of the Zika Virus.
*Microsoft has admitted that a recent Windows 10 update has caused a lot of webcams to stop operating and is working to correct the problem.
*Scientists have confirmed that Proxima Centauri B, the closest star to Earth's sun, has at least 1 potentially habitable planet orbiting it.
*Is the recently discovered galaxy dubbed Dragonfly 44 actually composed of dark matter???
*Because of a recent expansion, the Papahānaumokuākea Marine National Monument off the coast of Hawaii is now the largest national park on Earth.

TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*A suicide bomber killed over 50 innocent people and wounding a 100+ more at a wedding in Southern Turkey.
*Terrorists attacked the American University of Afghanistan in Kabul without warning or provocation, killing at least 13 and injuring over 30 innocents.
*Iraqi forces have reclaimed the city of Qayyarah from ISIL.

PASSING PARADE...
*Actress Jacqueline Pagnol (Topaze, Carnaval) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Preeminent jazz harmonica player Jean-Baptiste Frédéric Isidor, Baron "Toots" Thielemans is no longer with us.
*Actor Marvin Kaplan (Alice, Top Cat; It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Former Singapore President S. R. Nathan has passed away.
*Actor Michael Leader (East Enders, Star Wars) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Sir Anthony Jay, co-author of Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister, is no longer with us.
*Actor Steven Hill (the original Mission: Impossible, Law and Order) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*3 Doors Down guitarist Matt Roberts has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Did Donald Trump's personal physician REALLY write the Republican Presidential hopeful's health statement in less than 5 minutes???
*The mudslinging and cheating of the 2016 Presidential Campaign season has apparently begun.
*How important are Celebrity Endorsements during a Presidential Campaign???
MEANWHILE...
*President Barack Obama has expanded the Papahānaumokuākea Marine National Monument off the coast of Hawaii, officially making it the largest national park on Earth.
*For better or worse, the argument continues over who can use what bathroom.
ELSEWHERE...
*The United States and South Korea have started their annual joint military exercises in that region, despite North Korea's warning of nuclear attack  against them if the exercises commenced.
*Since when does a Bingo Hall also serve as an armory???

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 27, 2016

FUN FACT
Blueberries do not ripen until AFTER they're picked!

RHYME TIME
Can you identify the mystery something, based upon the clue below? But however long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Whether it is your wife or husband: home mate.

TRIVIA TIME
How many cents are in an Australian dollar?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the August 20, 2016 Puzzle Corner.


TRIVIA TIME
What is the difference between cement and concrete?
Gravel. Concrete has it, cement doesn't.

ADD A LETTER NEW GAME!
You're building a word, one letter at a time, based upon the clues below.

The number of the clue indicates how many letters should be in your answer. No letter shuffling required.
Ready?

01. Pick a letter. If you pick the correct one, you're on your way to solving this puzzle.
F
02. Add a letter so it now becomes a member of the USA.
F + L = FL, the postal abbreviation for Florida.
03. Now the word is the name of a famous sitcom character.
FL + O = FLO, the original Southern waitress from the show Alice.
04. We have reached the end, and another word for circulate.
FLO + W = FLOW.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: SUMMER FUNNIES! (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Still on summer vacation from Dragon School, but let's walk along the beach and see what jokes I can dig up for you.

A baby camel called to his mom in the middle of the night and asked, "Can I have a glass of water?"
Mom replied, "That's the second cup this week!"

Camels are known as "ships of the dessert", for how long they last in the hot sun with little water. Not sure if any of them have ever competed against a dragon though.

Then again, they certainly wouldn't lose your luggage after a long trip, and you certainly wouldn't get sea sick riding one.
"I caught the mouse! Now what do I do with it?"

Have you ever noticed that the Internet is just like Ancient Egypt?
People write on walls and worship cats!

Two cats walk until they reach the edge of the beach. Then one cat turns to the other and says, "WOW! Look at the size of that litter box!"

Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.

Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.

Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned. (Red + blue = purple, aka maroon. If you have to explain a joke...)

Ocean front property for sale. Build to suit!

Why are gulls named seagulls?
If they were by the bay, they'd be bagels!

Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing. It just waved.

What's the best day to go to the beach?
SUNDAY!
And on that note♫, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 14-20, 2016

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Just how much would Russian President Vladimir Putin like to see Donald Trump elected the next President of the United States???
*China has successfully launched QUESS, the world's first quantum communications satellite.
*Edgar Lundu has been re-elected President of Zambia.
*Fiji has decided to not change their national flag after winning Olympics Gold in Men's Rugby.
*The Hybrid Air Vehicle HAV 304, aka the Airlander 10, has completed its maiden voyage.
*Among the stars of the 2016 Summer Olympics are Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, and Wayde van Neikerk; with athletes leading for the United States (109), China (67), Great Britain (63), Russia (49) and Germany (39) entering August 20th's events.



TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Twitter has announced over 235,000 terrorist linked accounts have been suspended.
*Bombs are still the weapon of choice for another week of attacks on civilian targets.
PASSING PARADE...
*Actor Kenny Baker (Star Wars, Flash Gordon, Time Bandits) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Keyboardist James Woolley (Nine Inch Nails) is no longer with us.
*Actor Fyvush Finkel (Picket Fences, Boston Public) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Noted Jazz musician Bobby Hutcherson has passed away.
*Author Solange Fasquelle is no longer with us.
*Movie director Arthur Hiller (Love Story, The In-Laws) has passed away.
*Actor Jack Riley (the original Bob Newhart Show, High Anxiety) has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Paul Manafort has resigned as Donald Trump's presidential campaign chairman.
*Does Trump still have the Republican Party's support???
*Are the Republicans doing everything legally as they campaign against Hillary Clinton???
*Would President Donald Trump be in favor of racial profiling???
*Just how much would Russian President Vladimir Putin like to see Donald Trump elected the next President of the United States???
MEANWHILE...
*President Barack Obama has announced he would like to eventually see the use of privately owned federal prisons phased out.
*Among the Democratic items on the agenda when Congress comes back into session after Labor Day, making the Republicans act on filling the Supreme Court vacancy!
ELSEWHERE...
*The National Security Agency's public website was temporarily shutdown to prevent a hacking attempt.
*McDonald's next Happy Meal "toy": fitness trackers.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 20, 2016

FUN FACT
The date listed for a full moon on any calendar is actually the middle of the 3 night event, when the moon is at its brightest in relation to reflecting sunlight from our sun towards Earth.

TRIVIA TIME
What is the difference between cement and concrete?

ADD A LETTER NEW GAME!
You're building a word, one letter at a time, based upon the clues below.
The number of the clue indicates how many letters should be in your answer. No letter shuffling required.
Ready?

01. Pick a letter. If you pick the correct one, you're on your way to solving this puzzle.
02. Add a letter so it now becomes a member of the USA.
03. Now the word is the name of a famous sitcom character.
04. We have reached the end, and another word for circulate.

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the August 13, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {Birthdays, Crabs} = cakes (Birthday cakes, Crab cakes)
02. {Ovens, Uncles} = Dutch (Dutch ovens, Dutch uncles)

TRIVIA TIME
Considering how long the game in all its various incarnations has been around, do you know what POKEMON stands for?
POcKEt MONsters

Sunday, August 14, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: RETURN OF THE ONE LINERS

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Now, we had such a great time when Waxy Dragon previously did a column of one line jokes, that I thought it was time to share some more with you folks.

Besides, in this hot summer weather, who wants to wait around for jokes, no matter how funny they are.

Anyway, is everybody ready?
Here we go!

I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from something so you'll buy the advertised product, does that mean that the fifth one enjoys it?

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year; but shouldn't that be an even number?

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Why does it feel like time slows down during the day when you're at work and rapidly speeds up at night when you get home?

How many drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

What seems to be the journey of a thousand miles always begins with either a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

Okay everybody! Have a great week! Stay cool, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: AUGUST 7-13, 2016

AUGUST 14th MARKS THE 75th ANNIVERSARY OF THE ATLANTIC CHARTER.
PAKISTAN CELEBRATES ITS INDEPENDENCE DAY AUGUST 14th.
M&Ms CELEBRATE THEIR 75th ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*Even if it is just a "test", Japan has warned North Korea that they will shoot down any missiles that violate their air space.
*Whether or not he even wins the 2016 Presidential election, the Philippines is considering a measure that would prevent Donald Trump from ever entering their country because of recent comments in regards to their people.
*Russia claims to have stopped two different attempts by Ukrainian forces to enter Crimea.
*Brazil intends to put suspended President Dilma Rousseff on trial for breaking budget laws.
*The 2016 Summer Paralympics, which will be held in Rio after the conclusion of the Summer International Olympics, has announced that NO Russian athletes will be allowed to compete due to that country's attempts to avoid drug tests.
*Scientists have named the Greenland Shark as the longest living vertebrate.
*Entering the August 13 competitions, the top three competing countries have seen their athletes earn 52 medals for the United States, 39 for China, and 24 for Great Britain at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio.

TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...

*A suicide bomber took over 70 innocent lives in a Pakistan attack.
*ISIL forces are claiming responsibility for the Charleroi Machete attack.
*ISIL representatives claim they WILL attack the 2016 Miss Universe pageant if it is held in the Philippines.
*Bombs are still seem to be the weapon of choice for terrorists this past week.

PASSING PARADE...
*Actress Sagan Lewis (Saint Elsewhere, Homicide: Life on the Streets) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Folk singer Glenn Yarbrough ("Baby the Rain Must Fall") is no longer with us.
*Actor Barry Jenner (Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Dallas) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Noted Blues, Soul, and Gospel singer Ruby Wilson has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*Whether or not he even wins the 2016 Presidential election, the Philippines is considering a measure that would prevent Donald Trump from ever entering their country because of recent comments in regards to their people.
*Would Donald Trump allow the Confederate flag to be flown at one of his campaign rallies???
*While Trump will not deny mistakes have been made in his campaign so far, who is at fault remains to be determined. But is his campaign support collapsing???
*Wolf Blitzer questions whether or not Donald Trump has asked for Hillary Clinton's assassination??? After all, does Trump honestly believe that President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton helped in the founding of ISIL???
*Has anyone yet to answer the questions surrounding Melania Trump's arrival into the United States???
*Reuters claims Congress was aware of attempted hacking against the Democratic Party in 2015!
ELSEWHERE...
*Walt Disney World plans to end their Electrical Parade.
*400 year old rock carving petroglyphs have been found off the coast of Waianae, Hawaii.
*Can an actor be fired from a hit TV show???
*Walmart plans to buy Jet.com.
*Professional baseball player Ichiro Suzuki has surpassed 3000+ successful career hits, provided you count those earned during his time in the Japanese league(s).
*Professional baseball players Prince Fielder and Alex Rodriquez are officially retired, while Mark Texeria has announce this season will be his last.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 13, 2016

FUN FACT
Adding 32 to the number of times a cricket chirps in 15 seconds will give you the current temperature, but this only works in fair or better weather, since crickets don't like late fall or winter.

COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common.
Do you know what it is?
01. {Birthdays, Crabs}
02. {Ovens, Uncles}

TRIVIA TIME
Considering how long the game in all its various incarnations has been around, do you know what POKEMON stands for?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of our Countries Quiz from the August 6, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

Something a specific country if famous for is listed below. Can you name the country?

01. Big Ben = England
02. The Eiffel Tower = France
03. The Maple Leaf = Canada, it's on their flag
04. Yosemite National Park = The United States of America
05. Cristo Redentor = The Christ the Redemer statue is in Brazil
06. The Wallace Monument = Scotland
07. Augusta Raurica = This is a famous landmark of Roman origin in Switzerland
08. La Gioconda = Better known as the Mona Lisa by Leonardo daVinci, in Italy
09. Kaiju Eiga = Monster movies, from Japan
10. The Picos de Europa = Spain

Sunday, August 7, 2016

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TAKING IT EASY...

Doesn't need sun tan oil.
Hello Everybody. Waxy Dragon here.

I was once told by a “friend” that if I was a season, I would have to be summer, because allegedly I have no class.
I let that insult roll off me like rain on a dragon’s back.
Similar to rain off a duck’s back. You get the idea.

But the truth is that it’s still the middle of summer.
I’m still off from Dragon School until after Labor Day, so I’m just kicking back and relaxing like any other young kid would.

Life is too short to let someone else decide how you are going to waste it.
Not that I am “wasting” it.
I read, a lot.
Color in my books, and am getting quite good at staying inside the lines.
When I want to.
I play a lot too.
Get into trouble sometimes as well.
Unfortunately.

Procrastination sometimes can be really a good thing. There is always something to do tomorrow and nothing to do today. At least from my point of view.
Some people try to cram a whole vacation into one day.
WHY?
Life is to live and enjoy.
It’d be nice to have more vacations and less work, but then nothing would get done. No one would earn any money to pay their bills, buy food, Belgosian Dark Chocolate…
{drool}
Sorry. Got off on a tangent there for a moment.
They should mark those things better.
Anyway, I know people can’t kick back and relax more like they’d want to.
Too many responsibilities, and too many people already out there reminding them of that fact.
I think most of them are called Bosses.
But besides enjoying life, you should also enjoy your rest too.
When you don’t have to work, spend some time with yourself, your mate,
your children, whatever.
Don’t stress out over what to do next.
Just be.

And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back with us next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—wd.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JULY 31-AUGUST 6, 2016

AUGUST 6th IS INDEPENDENCE DAY IN JAMAICA.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK...
*The 2016 Summer Olympics are under way in Rio de Janeiro. 271 of the original 389 athletes scheduled to represent Russia passed drug tests before the start of the games.
*North Korea is still "testing" missiles to the concern of neighboring countries.
*The 2016 Democratic Republic of the Congo general election has been postponed.



TERRIBLE TERRORIST ACTIVITIES...
*Bombs (and their suicidal deliverers) continue to plague innocent targets while those actually representing their respective countries' legal authorities continue to fight against them.

PASSING PARADE...
*Entertainer Lucille Dumont has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Legendary comic book letterer Gaspar Saladino (credits too numerous to mention) is no longer with us.
*Actor David Huddleston (The Big Lebowski, Blazing Saddles, Santa Claus: The Movie), has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Legendary clarinetist Pete Fountain (credits too numerous to mention) has passed away.
*Silver Screen legend Gloria DeHaven (credits too numerous to mention) has taken her last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...
POLITICALLY...
*With all the hoopla over the Democratic National Committe being hacked and speculation over Donald Trump now possibly trying to deflect attention away from him inviting whoever did it (Russia?) to find Hillary Clinton's "missing e-mails" comes wondering if Trump's current wife actually entered the country legally???
*While Trump apparently will only support fellow Republicans who support him, Trump and his hopeful Vice President Mike Pence appear to disagree on Captain Humayun Khan and his family.
*Meanwhile, noted Republican Party supporters Charles and David Koch seem prepared to support any Republican candidate EXCEPT Donald Trump.
*IF Trump does become President, can he be trusted with the nuclear codes???
*Congress is still on vacation until after the Labor Day weekend.
ELSEWHERE...
*Cable company Comcast is facing a $100 million dollar law suit in Washington State.
*Jimmy Walker has won the 2016 PGA Championship of professional golf.

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GIVING US 3,556 PAGE VIEWS DURING JULY 2016!

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our ELSEWHERE feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: AUGUST 6, 2016

FUN FACT
It is actually against the law to run out of gas in Youngstown, Ohio, USA.

With the Olympics underway in Rio, let's see how familiar you are with the world at large by taking this simple quiz.
Something related to a specific country is listed below.
All you have to do is name the country. Ready?
NOTE: Not every country is participating, since we only needed 10 for the quiz.

01. Big Ben
02. The Eiffel Tower
03. The Maple Leaf
04. Yosemite National Park
05. Cristo Redentor
06. The Wallace Monument
07. Augusta Raurica
08. La Gioconda
09. Kaiju Eiga
10. The Picos de Europa

We'll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let's open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the July 30, 2016 Puzzle Corner.

WHAT'S THAT SONG?
The line from a song is below. Can you identify the song?

♫But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies
kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee.♫

"The Unknown Stuntman" aka the theme from The Fall Guy (1981-1986), sung by Lee Majors.

TRIVIA TIME
What vehicles actually debuted during 1966's Batman: The Movie that had not previously appeared on the television show?
The Bat Boat, the Bat Copter, and the Bat Cycle, with Robin having his own sidecar.
From season 2 to the end of the series, the Boat and Copter only appeared in film clips. The Bat Cycle and Batgirl's motorcycle in Season 3 were live and active.