Sunday, November 25, 2012

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE EDITOR'S ROUNDTABLE

Hello every one. Your Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here because since it's a holiday weekend here in the United States, Ms. Waxy Dragon and Autumn the Puppy are off today with their respective families while I hold down the fort.
So let me dig through the files and see what kind of jokes I can come up.
Ready?

A hunter went to a sporting goods store hoping to buy a camouflage outfit. But when he got there, the rack appeared empty so the hunter assumed the store had none and left.

A bad computer is like an air conditioner. Both work fine until you start opening windows.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
It's now only a bronze fish.

Why did the computer keep sneezing?
It had a virus.

Definition of a paradox: Donald and Daffy.

Botanists in South America have discovered a nomadic tree! Whenever it gets bored, it just packs up its trunk and leaves.

There's only one good thing about being poor. It's an inexpensive lifestyle to maintain.

Did you hear the one about the cow who gave so much milk she overfilled her pail? It was an udder waste. But then again, there's no use crying over spilled milk, unless you happen to be a cat and don't get any.

And on that note, I think I'm gonna put all these jokes back in the round file in the corner where I first found them and leave comedy to the professionals.
So have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.-lth,jr

Saturday, November 24, 2012

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 18-24, 2012

Amongst events that have happened around the world this past week:
*Israel and Hamas have reached a cease fire accord along the Gaza Strip.
*The investment bank and hedgefund companies that own Hostess have been granted permission from a bankruptcy judge to begin shutting down the business.
*Egypt's new president Mohamed Morsi has officially outlawed
*The crew of Expedition 33 have safely returned to Earth from the International Space Station, as the crew of Expedition 34 takes over.
*The Toshiba Corporation has introduced a robot that will help with cleanup operations at the Fukushima Dai-Ichi Nuclear Power Plant, and other nuclear facilities in the future.
*Scientists have proven that Sandy Island in New Caledonia does not exist, despite the land mass appearing on some charts and maps.
*Civil unrest continues in Syria, Kenya, Libya, Columbia, and Afghanistan.

IN SPORTS:
*Boxer Hector "Macho" Camacho has passed away at age 50. Authorities are still looking for the shooter responsible for his demise.
*The ongoing strike and lock out amongst professional hockey players has now cost fans the 2013 National Hockey League's All Star game, which has been officially canceled.

IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS:
*Jackie Chan is preparing to film Chinese Zodiac, his last movie as an action star. Chan has said that he will stay active in the entertainment industry.
*Although his first accuser has recanted all charges, a second accuser has allegedly come forth, causing Muppeteer Kevin Clash to resign his position with the Sesame Street Workshop company to protect the integrity of the PBS program. An understudy will take over voicing the red furred Elmo.
*Actor Larry Hagman (I Dream of Jeannie, Dallas) has sadly lost his battle with throat cancer.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 24, 2012

Despite what the retail industry thinks, we will not be starting our annual parade of Christmas puzzles until December 1, so please enjoy these regular enigmas in the meantime.

TRIVIA TIME
What is an oenophile?

REBUS
Something familiar is represented by the image below. Do you know what it is?

We'll reveal all next weekend.
Meanwhile, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the November 17th Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
"Come on down, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track" are the directions to Alice's Restaurant.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
Out of the letters in the word THANKSGIVING, you can make the following:
A, aging, ah, akin, an, angst, as, at
gag(s), gain(s), giant(s), gat(s) <old 1930's slang for guns>, gig(s), gin(s), gist, git(s) <Hillbilly slang for scram/get>, giving
hag(s), haggis <a Scottish delicacy>, hang(s), hat(s), having, hi <short form of "hello">, hiking, hint(s), hit(s)
I,  ink(s), in(s), inn(s), is, it, its
kin, king(s), kit(s), knight(s), knit(s)
nag(s), nigh, night(s)
sag, saint, sank, sat, saving, shag <type of carpeting>, sight, sighting, sign, signing, sink, sinking, sin, shin, shining, sit, skit, snag, stag, staging, stain, staining, stank, sting, stinging, stink, stinking
tag(s), than, thank(s), thin(s), thing(s), think(s), this
vain, vat(s), visit, Viking(s), (AND) vista.
Other words besides the 108 above might be possible. But IV (the medical term) didn’t count because it’s an abbreviation. The Roman numerals II and IV are debatable, but the cuss word for human waste was not listed since this is a family oriented E-zine.

Friday, November 23, 2012

BLACK FRIDAY 2012

Some dared brave the gloom of blackest night
Questing for bargains upon their trek
Hitting every sale before daylight                    



              Me? I planned well ahead
              No nerves, credit, or car suffered wreck
              Just restful slumber within my own bed!      

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2012

As we enter this special day, let us take a moment to ignore the continuing onslaught of the Christmas season commercialism that is upon us, and remember what Thanksgiving is really supposed to be about.

This is a moment where we should count our blessings, not our shortages or wants.

A time where we should be thankful for who we are, what we have, and those that love and support us as is.

Granted, this is something that every Human being across the planet should be doing twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all year long; but if we cannot even take a moment on Thanksgiving around the parades, big meals, football games, and impending shopping excursions to remember what we should be truly grateful for, when will we ever acknowledge what is good within our lives?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS FROM THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE AND ITS STAFF.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DOG GONE FUNNY!

Grrrl gone wild!
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here welcoming you to another edition of The Sunday Funnies, and today I'm telling dog themed jokes.
Rrrready?

There's an old joke that says dogs leave their vehicles in barking lots, but it's totally unfair to us canines! You people give us licenses, but the only time we're ever allowed to go in the car is for trips to the vets!
What's the problem: insurance coverage for us cost too much or what?
Of course there's also the sequel where the dog had to go to court because he got a barking ticket. What's the matter, you couldn't take the poor pooch to a tennis court or park and play fetch?

Three male dogs were interested in the same female, so she told them to make a sentence using the words liver and cheese.
The first dog said, "I love liver but hate cheese."
The second dog said "I love cheese but hate liver."
Then the third dog said, "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

A barber is servicing a customer in his shop when suddenly, two dogs outside start fighting over a large bone.
"Somebody has to do something before those dogs hurt each other," said the barber.
Then a man stood up, walked outside, and put his foot between the two dogs.
The dogs suddenly grew quiet and backed away.
The barber and his customers were very happy that the dogs had stopped fighting as the man came back inside.
But the barber was curious how the man accomplished the task.
"Simple," the man replied. "I wear Hush Puppies."
Now my question is simple, what happened to the bone?

What goes "Woof, woof, tick, tick"?
A watch dog.

A teacher in school wondered why one child's composition about his pet was exactly the same as his brother's.
"Did you copy his?" she asked.
"No ma'am. It's about the same dog," he replied.

What type of dog grows on a vine?
A melon collie.

Did you hear about the dog that went to the flea circus?
He stole the show!

And of course, vampires prefer to own bloodhounds!
On that note, I'm gonna call it a day. Have a great week, Happy Thanksgiving, and if anyone's wondering what to get me for Christmas; I only want one thing: BETTER DOG THEMED JOKES!
-AtP.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 11-17, 2012

*THURSDAY IS THANKSGIVING DAY!
*YOUR FREE CHOICE E-ZINE HAS NOW REACHED OVER 20,000 VIEWS!

Amongst events that have happened around the world this past week:
*"Operation: Pillar of Cloud" has been initiated in the Gaza Strip by the Israeli Defense Force, drawing many comments pro and con. The activity is supposed to be a preemptive strike against known, anti-Israeli Hamas militants.
*The Hostess snack food (Ding Dongs, Twinkies, etc) company has announced its potential closing. Many are blaming the "greedy" bakery workers union, ignoring the fact that employees already took one wage cut, only to see the money paid out to executives instead of reinvested in the company. Hostess is currently run by two hedgefund companies and an investment bank.
*In recent legal action, British Petroleum has plead guilty to manslaughter and obstruction of Congress charges, resulting in $4.5 billion (USDollars) fines to the US Department of Justice and the Securities and Exchange Commission resulting from the Deepwater Horizon Gulf of Mexico oil spill in 2011. Meanwhile, 2 BP executives who were on the Deepwater Horizon when the spill began are now facing 23 criminal counts in Federal court.
*Since Incumbent Democratic President Barack Obama won reelection last week, seven states (Texas, Louisiana, Florida, North Carolina, Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee) have acquired enough signatures on a grassroots petition to succeed from the United States! The Federal Government has yet to officially respond, although Texas state governor (and potential Republican Presidential candidate) Rick Perry has said he has no intentions of leaving the Union.
*Although originally thought to be a minor, a man accusing Sesame Street Muppeteer Kevin Clash has recanted, admitting the "relationship" was between two consenting adults. Clash, the man behind Elmo and now on extended sabbatical, has never denied preferring the company of men and said his employers knew that when he was first hired, about three years before the development and rising popularity of the red furred Muppet.
*China has undergone a leadership transition with the 18th Party Congress.
*People along the Southern Pacific Ocean and Australia were able to observe a total solar eclipse November 13th. The next for planet Earth will be an annular eclipse May 10, 2013.
*The 2012 inductees into the Toy Hall of Fame are Dominos, in existence since the 1300s, and the introductory 1978  line of Star Wars toys from Kenner.
*Civil unrest continues in Syria, Lybia, and Afghanistan.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 17, 2012

Thanksgiving is next Thursday! So the Puzzle Corner is serving up a cornucopia of enigmas for this weekend.

TRIVIA TIME
What are the directions to Alice's Restaurant?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many other words can you find within THANKSGIVING?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the November 10th Puzzle Corner.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?


There are TWO THE's in the first line.






COMMON BONDS
{Marina Sirtis, Jonathan Frakes, Michael Dorn, Brent Spiner, Colm Meaney, LeVar Burton, Nichelle Nichols, Avery Brooks, Paul Winfield, David Warner, (and) Kate Mulgrew} have all voiced characters within the animated series Gargoyles.
Trivia bonus: the series producers also wanted to hire Patrick Stewart to guest voice a character, but could never come to terms with his agent(s).

Monday, November 12, 2012

CHUCK MILLER: OF CENTIPEDES AND OTHER MYSTERIES

Author Chuck Miller
Cover by David L. Russell
Author Chuck Miller has certainly created quite an interesting character within the New Pulp movement.
The Black Centipede, that mysterious defender of Zenith, has appeared in previous issues of Pro Se Presents magazine, and has recently starred in his second book.
Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior of The Free Choice E-zine had the opportunity to interview the author and find out what's going on in his literary corner of the world.

Lee Houston, Junior: Please tell us something about your latest release.
      Chuck Miller: Blood of the Centipede is the second book of what I hope will be the never-ending Black Centipede series. It picks up shortly after the point where the first book, Creeping Dawn: The Rise of the Black Centipede left off. The Centipede is now a national hero, and circumstances conspire to send him to Hollywood, where William Randolph Hearst is bankrolling a Black Centipede motion picture. Things get complicated when several new foes emerge, including the White Centipede, the Black Centipede Eater and Jack the Ripper--the original, NOT a copycat. The Centipede is aided by his new friend, Amelia Earhart, and hampered by a well-intentioned but inept crime-fighter called the Blue Candiru. Guest stars include Fatty Arbuckle, Aleister Crowley, Anita Loos and Bela Lugosi. Baron Samedi, Stan Bartowski and Percival Doiley, from Creeping Dawn are back, too.


Back cover by Sean Ali
LEE:  How did such a unique character like the Black Centipede come to life?
CHUCK: The Black Centipede was originally inspired by the work of Philip Jose Farmer and William S. Burroughs. I wanted a pulp-type hero who had all the traditional trappings, but who was coming from a totally different direction. In some of the early, unpublished stories, I involved the Centipede in genuine historical events, which were turned around to where they were the exact opposite of what the world at large had perceived. For example, in "Gasp, Choke, Good Lord!" the Centipede meets William M. Gaines and Doctor Fredric Wertham, and we learn the "truth" behind the establishment of the Comics Code Authority in the 1950s. When I did the first official novel for Pro Se Press, I went back to 1927 for the origin of the Black Centipede, a story that involved Lizzie Borden and H. P. Lovecraft. Also in that book, we see how the Centipede established himself in the city of Zenith, and the early days of his relationships with Stan Bartowski and William Randolph Hearst.


LEE: The Black Centipede has certainly become one of the surprises of the genre known as New Pulp. How do you define the medium?
CHUCK: It's a way of telling a story that observes a certain set of rules. These rules are not written in stone, and I don't think they can be laid out like a formula. It can and does follow in the tradition of old pulp, but, since it's new, I think it has a sort of duty to do things in new ways. There should be heroes and villains and a lot of action. But there is so much that can be done with that. Heroes don't necessarily have to be completely heroic, and villains don't have to be pure evil. I think some villians should be completely irredeemable-- like Doctor Almanac in Creeping Dawn or Jack the Ripper in Blood of the Centipede, so you can have someone against whom you can root for the protagonist. There should be at least one unambiguous element. But everything else is more or less up for grabs. I don't try to come up with characters who are realistic, necessarily, but I want to include elements that a reader can identify with. They need to be projections, larger than life. You wouldn't identify with them because they do or say what you would in a situation, but because they do or say things you might want to, but don't dare. There's a lot of vicarious working out of certain impulses and desires. They flirt with some very dangerous things, and sometimes become consumed by them. Thus, the reader-- and the writer-- can have these experiences without actually getting burned. A hardboiled noir setting is fertile ground for all kinds of experiments. I do think that if New Pulp is to be viable, the emphasis should be on the New.

LEE: Why do you write what you do?
CHUCK: Most of the stuff I'm doing now has been in my head for years. It comes from a lot of different places, and, like anybody who writes, I put these elements together in ways nobody else can. If these stories are going to be written--and I think they should be--then I'm the one who is going to have to write them. Everybody has characters that are unique to them. Nobody but you could have done the Hugh Monn stories or Project Alpha, and nobody but me can write the things I write. Certainly, other writers could tackle these characters and produce stories that I couldn't. All of the many Sherlock Holmes pastiches, the new Doc Savage tales, and so on fall into this categories. Stories that fans and admirers of these characters want to see told-- they can't sit and wait for someone else to do it. New stories keep those old characters alive, and take them places their creators could not have imagined.

The first Black Centipede novel
LEE: So what does inspire you to write? 
CHUCK: That kind of goes back to the previous question. There are stories in my head I think ought to be told, and this applies, of course, to every writer. I think it applies across the board. It's sort of a distillation of everything I've ever heard other writers say about why they do it. It does take a certain amount of ego to put yourself in that position. I certainly do, and I think it's pretty common. The question is: Am I right? I guess the readers can decide that.

     LEE: Well, I must admit that when I started reading your first book, I felt I stepped into the Twilight Zone with everything that was going on in the opening chapters. Have there been any outside influences in the development of your writing style?
CHUCK: It would be pretty hard to go through life without any. My biggest influences are Flannery O'Connor, William S. Burroughs, Carson McCullers, Hunter S. Thompson, Rex Stout and Walter Mosley. In terms of content, there are all sorts of things--books, comics, movies, music. I try to incorporate anything that seems worth incorporating. Songs by Elvis Costello and David Bowie, to name just a couple, have provided inspiration for stories and characters I've come up with. Movies were a major source of inspiration for Blood of the Centipede, which is set in Hollywood. The Phantom of the Opera and Sunset Boulevard are chief among them. And the old Kolchak: The Night Stalker TV show, too.

LEE: I loved the original series with Darren McGavin!
CHUCK: Me too. A little private, unwritten, copyright forbidden back story. Los Angeles County Detective Lt. "Big Jack" Matteo in Blood (1933) is the father of LAPD Lt. Jack Matteo, who crossed swords with Carl Kolchak in the episode called "The Vampire." (1974). I also privately consider my Jack the Ripper to be the same one Kolchak electrocuted in his first episode. And a lot of the humorous elements in the Black Centipede stories are inspired by Kolchak.

LEE: Where do you foresee yourself within the next few years?
CHUCK: With several more books published and a lot of money. But that's more of a hope than a premonition. Seriously though... I'm working on the thirdCentipede novel, Black Centipede Confidential. This will feature Professor James Moriarty, Lord of the Vampires, who is the main villain in my next book: Vionna and the Vampires, the first installment in ""The Incredible Adventures of Vionna Valis & Mary Jane Kelly". The Centipede will have a little band of adventurers called the Invisible Round Table, organized by Amelia Earhart. This will include Aliester Crowley, Frank Nitti, The Red Dagger (a creation of mine that I have not yet used), the Blue Candiru, Aimee Semple McPherson, Doctor Wilhelm Reich and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Similarly, Moriarty has assembled a gang of miscreants that includes John Dillinger, Bonnie Parker, Clyde Barrow, Kate "Ma" Barker, George "Machine Gun" Kelly, Doctor Herbert West, Zelda Fitzgerald and the Loch Ness Monster.

LEE: How did Nessie get involved with a group like that?
PSP#13, Cover by Sean Ali
CHUCK: You'll just have to wait and see. I'm also working on a Doctor Unknown Junior novel, "The Return of Little Precious." The good doctor  and her partner, Jack Christian, appeared as the cover story in Pro Se Presents #13. 

LEE: Sounds like you're quite a busy guy right now, so I better let you get back to work. Thanks for taking the time for this interview.
CHUCK: You're welcome.

All of Chuck Miller's work is available from Pro Se Press via Amazon or Create Space. Just ask for it by titles.



Sunday, November 11, 2012

REMEMBERING THE VETERANS! 2012


Today is Veterans' Day here in the United States of America.
Of course, with it being on a Sunday this year, Federal employees will have Monday off.
Since it's creation, The Free Choice E-zine has posted a remembrance every year at this time, for we cannot stress enough the importance of these brave men and women who served their respective countries and defended them against would be dictators, tyrants, and other threats to Humanity.
On this, and every day, if you are somewhere you can openly enjoy life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: THANK A VET!

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA AND MITT ROMNEY

RE-ELECTED!
The following is news with editorial commentary.

The election is over in the United States of America and Incumbent President Barack Obama has won a second term in office.
Democrats are rejoicing while Republicans and their supporters are fuming.
But if some of you think the wrong man won, let's shed a little light on something that happened the day AFTER the election.
On the morning of November 7, President Obama made a surprise visit to his campaign headquarters and personally thanked all the personnel present for their support and work. The video of that visit can be found throughout the Internet.
Meanwhile, campaign workers for Mitt Romney woke up to discover that the Republican hopeful for the Presidency had cut off all funding to his campaign, closing ALL expense accounts and business credit cards in the process. Thus leaving many now ex-employees and volunteers stranded across the country far from their respective homes!

The Free Choice E-zine is happy to report that most of those stranded workers have since made it safely home, although at their own expense, considering that the Romney campaign originally transported them across the country as a business expenditure.

So if you think the wrong man won the election, just remember the above and think about how bad a Mitt Romney administration would have been!

The above was news with editorial commentary.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PEOPLE VS. DRAGONS

Tip your wings to a Vet!
Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here.
Today is Veterans' Day, and I'm sure a lot of you will be out celebrating your freedoms and the soldiers who helped preserve or earned them for you.
If not: SHAME ON YOU!
But considering that there is absolutely nothing funny about Veterans, and this is the Sunday Funnies, instead I will be exploring the difference between Dragons and People.
And I mean stuff more serious besides that old, dumb joke that people are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Talk about mid-evil ways!

In any event, when you're out to eat, why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET drink? If you're on a diet, you shouldn't be having the burgers and fries to begin with. Send them to me! Dragons are always hungry and hardly ever gain weight. We use the excess fats to keep our pilot lights fueled so we can breathe fire.
Of course, being a baby dragon, the best I can do right now is just melt a few crayons as if they've been exposed to a heat source too long, but that's besides the point.

Why do people leave their bank vault doors open during the day, but keep the pens chained to the desks? Besides the fact that an open cookie jar will always attract a hungry thief (not that I know anything about that
 ),
but what did those poor pens do to deserve such punishment to begin with?

Why do you keep your cars out in the driveway and store junk in your garages?
Of course, there's also that whole bit about why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway to begin with.

I'm sure there are plenty of good things about being a people. After all, when you get sick, I bet your doctor doesn't stick the thermometer where the sun doesn't shine!

In any event, please remember the Veterans' today, have a great week, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 4-10, 2012

TOMORROW IS VETERANS' DAY IN THE UNITED STATES.

Amongst events happening around the world this past week:
*Incumbent United States President Barack Obama won re-election. But while the Democratic Party strengthened its majority in the Senate, the Republican Party managed to maintain their majority in the House of Representatives, leaving many to wonder what to expect come January 2013.
*American colony Puerto Rico has decided to start perusing official membership with the United States.
*BBC Chief George Entwhistle has done the "honorable thing" and is resigning his position after backlash concerning recent coverage of a sex scandal in England.
*After admitting he was involved in an extramarital affair, CIA director David Petraeus has resigned his position.
*Justin Welby has been named the 105th Archbishop of Canterbury.
*Civil unrest continues in Syria, Lybia, and Afghanistan.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 10, 2012

Hello everyone. A chill is in the air as fall holds the western hemisphere in its grasp, but here's some enigmas to keep you nice and warm.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?









COMMON BONDS
We only have one subset this weekend to ponder, but it's a big one. Everybody within the group has something in common BESIDES STAR TREK! Do you know what it is?

{Marina Sirtis, Jonathan Frakes, Michael Dorn, Brent Spiner, Colm Meaney, LeVar Burton, Nichelle Nichols, Avery Brooks, Paul Winfield, David Warner, Kate Mulgrew}

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX, and discover the results for our quiz featuring the winners on the 15th anniversary of the Mark Twain prize for (American) Humor from the November 3rd Puzzle Corner.

01. The very first recipient (1998). RICHARD PRYOR
02. This year's honoree hosts a talk show (2012). ELLEN DeGENERES
03. The 2002 honoree has been a psychiatrist, an inn keeper, and a cartoonist; at least on TV. BOB NEWHART
04. The honoree for the year 2000 was quite appropriate, considering a classic comedy routine he originated with Mel Brooks. CARL REINER
05. The 2004 honoree has served as executive producer of what can be considered the last true variety show for most of the program's existence. LORNE MICHAELS
06. 2005's honoree loves the banjo, and is perhaps the most frequent guest host for #5. STEVE MARTIN
07. 1999's honoree is a famous improv comedian long before the popularity of Whose Line Is It Anyway? JONATHAN WINTERS
08. 2001's honoree has a distinguished career between movies and television, includingStar Trek: The Next Generation. WHOOPI GOLDBERG
09. 2009's recipient actually turned down the honor twice previously, allegedly because of all the cuss words used during the very first ceremony. BILL COSBY
10. 2003's honoree was prominent on Rowan and Martin's Laugh In, and that's the truth. LILY TOMLIN
11. 2006's honoree is actually a renowned writer, with plenty of movies and plays to his credit. NEIL SIMON
12. 2008's honoree unfortunately passed away before he could receive his prize, but will always be remembered for telling it like it is, including not being able to find the "blue" food. GEORGE CARLIN
13. The 2007 honoree looks mah-velous. BILLY CRYSTAL
14. A past alumni of #5, 2010's current TV series is ironically at the address where she has worked for so long. TINA FEY
15. 2011's honoree is also a past alumni of #5, but has concentrated more on a comedic movie career. WILL FERRELL

Thursday, November 8, 2012

2012 US ELECTION RESULTS

THE FOLLOWING IS NEWS WITH EDITORIAL COMMENTS.

"In Connecticut, we have elections, not auctions."
The above was said by Connecticut State Governor Dan Malloy late Tuesday night, after it was officially declared that Democratic hopeful Chris Murphy defeated Republican Linda McMahon for a position in the US Senate, despite the fact that the World Wrestling Entertainment executive outspent Murphy at every turn.

Similar results can be seen in the Presidential race. Republicans and people acting upon their behalf invested heavily in a media blitz, especially within the last 72 hours before the election. Yet Incumbent Democratic President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden defeated Republican hopefuls Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan!

The actual vote came down to 60,743,181 for Obama/Biden to 57,853,713 for Romney/Ryan. The electoral college vote resulted in 303 to 206 for the Democrats, with 270 needed for victory. Surprisingly, Florida never officially declared a winner, despite the individual voting results being 50% for Obama and 49% for Romney.

An estimated 57.5% of eligible Americans voted, a record turn out in a critical election. But while the Democrats now have stronger control in the Senate, the Republicans managed to maintain control of the House of Representatives, so it remains to be seen how the next session will play out come January 2013.

Meanwhile, some Republicans are up in arms at the results. Donald Trump wants to stage a protest march in Washington, DC. To which the Free Choice E-zine reminds the gentleman that while he should appreciate living in a country where free speech is allowed and he has every to exercise that right, Mister Trump should also be aware that treason is a Federal offense.

IN OTHER RESULTS....
*Colleen Lachowicz, the Maine Democratic for the US Senate defeated her Republican opponent, despite the fact that the opposition tried to hold the fact that she plays World of Warcraft against her. As reported in a previous WEEK IN REVIEW post in this E-zine, Blizzard looked into the situation and found no evidence of the World of Warcraft game site having been hacked. However the person(s) responsible for breaching their privacy policy and publicly revealing game statistics, let alone repeating posts from the game's private message board, have yet to be identified.
*Tammy Baldwin will be the first openly lesbian/gay US Senator when she takes office next January to represent Wisconsin.
*Maryland, Maine, and Washington have all approved same sex marriages.
*Minnesota has voted to make discrimination against people preferring their own gender illegal.
*Colorado and Washington have decided to legalize marijuana. However, users must be over 21!

And in the most interesting development in the 2012 elections, Puerto Rico passed a referendum to petition to officially join the United States. It has been an American colony since the early 1900s. There is no estimate on how long the process will actually take.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

GO VOTE!

"We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it."--William Faulkner

Today is Election Day within the United States.
Regardless of your opinions, beliefs, politics, feelings, etc; it is time to exercise your inalienable right to express yourself.

GO VOTE!

You can't comment about the results tomorrow if you don't participate today!

A public service message of the Free Choice E-zine.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

WHY WE SHOULD RE-ELECT PRESIDENT OBAMA!

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EDITORIAL.
Tuesday, November 6th, 2012 is Election Day here in the United States. While incumbent Democratic President Barack Obama won our readers’ poll and official endorsement for reelection, The Free Choice E-zine totally supports their choice.

Here’s why.

President Obama has been consistent on his views, positions, and opinions throughout both his first term and on the campaign trail.
Mitt Romney has, at times, said anything that he thinks will earn him votes, thus making it difficult to comprehend just where he stands on specific issues.

Obama is on record for his belief that a woman’s health should be between the lady and her doctor, and supported the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.
Romney, with his "binders full of women" he mentioned on several occasions during the second debate about how difficult it allegedly was to find qualified female applicants for openings in Massachusetts during his time as state governor, has never commented on Ledbetter. He is on record that he would end funding to Planned Parenthood and sign any bill that overturns Roe vs. Wade, while some Republicans think that a pregnancy induced via rape is “A gift from God” and would force the expectant woman to carry the child to term or face jail time! (Click image below to read better.)

Image courtesy of Facebook. FACTS VERIFIABLE ANYWHERE

In his first term, President Obama HAS strengthened Medicare benefits, including new coverage for preventative care; started closing the coverage gap on prescription drugs, and has protected Social Security from privatization.
Mitt Romney has said that if elected, he would turn Medicare into a voucher program’; reestablish the “donut hole” to save money, which would increase senior citizen costs; and reorganize the qualifications for future retirees hoping to acquire the fewer benefits that would be available then.

Should we even mention President Obama's foreign policy record, including the execution of Osama Bin-Laden while he is the current Commander-In-Chief; let alone America's diplomatic relations with other countries?
Romney made several social faux-pas overseas earlier this year while attempting to raise campaign funds and introduce himself to our allies.

And what about the future, you ask.

President Obama is on record that during a second term, he would make education and job training a priority, further promote American manufacturing and energy production, reduce the deficit responsibly, and end the war in Afghanistan while concentrating on our country’s infrastructure.
Romney is on record that he would end government funding to PBS and NPR, slash education funding and Pell Grants, will increase military spending despite the fact that the Pentagon itself has asked for no additional funding; and is in full support of continuing the George W. Bush administration’s tax cuts for the wealthy, expecting the middle and lower classes to make up the difference.

Who will look out for YOU?
In the end, it comes down to belief. Who do you think will support and work for ALL Americans instead of just the wealthiest?

Truth in advertising?
Do you remember this image (on the right) from the 2012 Republican National Convention?
Was the placement of the signage an honest mistake, or a subtle reminder of how things developed under the George W. Bush administration and how the Republican party has reacted to a Democratic President?

After all, WHICH party has been mentioned during every news report about errors and possible fraud in the early balloting?
(Hint: it AIN'T the Democrats!)

If you need more evidence that President Barack Obama deserves a second term in office, then check out this link: http://voice4america.com/articles/2012/11/02/steve-benen-documents-romneys-800-lies-over-40-weeks-with-sources.html#axzz2BJNjbh8T

Political analyst and reporter Steve Benen has been following Mitt Romney on the campaign trail, and has documented 917 LIES over the past 41 weeks! Complete with physical evidence and references!
Is Mitt Romney really the man you want as your next president?

THINK ABOUT IT!

Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-in-chief: The Free Choice E-zine

THE ABOVE HAS BEEN PRESENTED AS AN EDITORIAL.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: "SIGN, SIGN. EVERYWHERE A SIGN"

Dog at work!
Hello Everybody. Autumn the Puppy here.
First off, a couple of bits of business before we get to this weekend's humor.
For those who were observing Daylight Saving Time, I hope everyone remembered to set their clocks back one hour before you got up this morning. Otherwise, you'll be an hour ahead everywhere you go. Then again, maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.
This week was next week last week?

Secondly, my heart goes out to everyone who got caught in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. I hope you and yours are all right and remember this. Maybe everything that was lost cannot be rebuilt or replaced, but you will always have the memories.

Now then, a rather short, but funny bit this weekend. While surfing the Internet, I found images of some funny road signs that I would like to share with everyone.


Now then, considering your options in the image on the left, I'm surprised anyone actually got to that point to begin with!


Speaking of directions, I'm sure plenty of people are following the directions in the right hand image at the moment.


While accurate, I think this sign just proves that someone didn't order enough concrete when making the new sidewalk.

Somebody was feeling really ironic when they made these signs on the right.

In any event, I hope everybody remembers to GO VOTE TUESDAY!
Have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies! -AtP

Saturday, November 3, 2012

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 28-NOVEMBER 3, 2012

*ELECTION DAY IS TUESDAY IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. GO VOTE!
*THE ANNUAL OBSERVANCE OF DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME ENDS TONIGHT. REMEMBER TO SET YOUR CLOCKS BACK ONE HOUR.
*This month marks the 15th anniversary of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

AMONGST EVENTS HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK:
*The Walt Disney Company has agreed to purchase LucasFilms for a record $4.5 billion (US) dollars and will soon start work on a seventh Star Wars film! No word on the future on the Indiana Jones franchise. Meanwhile, FOX is allegedly considering legal action against the deal, because supposedly they did not know the firm was available until the sale was announced, and they should have been offered the company first, based upon their past association with the Star Wars franchise.
*Penguin Books and Random House will soon merge to become the biggest US Publishing House.
*The SpaceXDragon capsule has successfully completed a resupplying mission to the International Space Station.
*Civil unrest continues in Syria and Afghanistan.

HURRICANE SANDY
*Hurricane Sandy struck the eastern seaboard of the United States, making landfall near Atlantic City, New Jersey. Recovery efforts are underway, with at least a 100 known dead and no final estimate of the property damage at this time.
*Power outages and fuel shortages are still common problems throughout most of the affected areas in New Jersey and New York.
*The New York Marathon, originally scheduled for Sunday, November 4th, has been cancelled.

IN AMERICAN POLITICS:
*Noted Republicans Colin Powell (former Secretary of State under President George W. Bush) and current New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg are now outcasts amongst their own party for supporting incumbent Democratic President Barack Obama.
*While Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has not officially expressed an opinion on the Presidential race, he has been criticized by fellow Republicans for cooperating with the Obama administration in the wake of Hurricane Sandy for requesting federal aid for his state!

IN SPORTS:
*The National League's San Francisco Giants swept the American League's Detroit Tigers in 4 games to win the 2012 World Series in Major League Baseball.
*David Ortiz has agreed to a 2 year deal with the Boston Red Sox, giving fans some reassurance about the team's future in the wake of hiring John Farrell as the team's new manager.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen, or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 3, 2012

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, we at the Free Choice E-zine figured everyone could use a good laugh this weekend.
While researching the answers for this weekend's Puzzle Corner, we discovered that this year marks the 15th anniversary of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Hence the following quiz.

Below, but NOT in chronological order, are clues to the prize winners 1998-2012. Can you figure out who's who?

01. The very first recipient (1998).
02. This year's honoree hosts a talk show (2012).
03. The 2002 honoree has been a psychiatrist, an inn keeper, and a cartoonist; at least on TV.
04. The honoree for the year 2000 was quite appropriate, considering a classic comedy routine he originated with Mel Brooks.
05. The 2004 honoree has served as executive producer of what can be considered the last true variety show for most of the program's existence.
06. 2005's honoree loves the banjo, and is perhaps the most frequent guest host for #5.
07. 1999's honoree is a famous improv comedian long before the popularity of Whose Line Is It Anyway?
08. 2001's honoree has a distinguished career between movies and television, including Star Trek: The Next Generation.
09. 2009's recipient actually turned down the honor twice previously, allegedly because of all the cuss words used during the very first ceremony.
10. 2003's honoree was prominent on Rowan and Martin's Laugh In, and that's the truth.
11. 2006's honoree is actually a renowned writer, with plenty of movies and plays to his credit.
12. 2008's honoree unfortunately passed away before he could receive his prize, but will always be remembered for telling it like it is, including not being able to find the "blue" food.
13. The 2007 honoree looks mah-velous.
14. A past alumni of #5, 2010's current TV series is ironically at the address where she has worked for so long.
15. 2011's honoree is also a past alumni of #5, but has concentrated more on a comedic movie career.

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX and discover who attended our annual Halloween Party from the October 27's Puzzle Corner.

01. He's expected, but never appears. H.) The Great Pumpkin of Peanuts fame.
02. He never drinks wine. F.) Dracula, quoting a classic line from the original movie with Bela Lugosi.
03. Despite his appearance, he's friendly. C.) Casper, the friendly ghost.
04. One has to wonder just how well he can play hockey. L.) Jason, from the Friday the 13th horror movie franchise.
05. A multi-faceted being. G.) The Frankenstein Monster, which is the correct name for the creature.
06. Everyone is hoping she doesn't crash the party. B.) Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.
07. He might bring the music. P.) The Wolfman, and a nod to pioneering Rock and Roll DJ Wolfman Jack.
08. Complains about always having to sweep up afterwards. N.) Witch, with a hint to her alleged transportation, the broom.
09. Despite the name, he's not vampiric. A.) Batman, the DC Comics' super-hero.
10. He may love Christmas, but Halloween is his night! I.) The Grinch, and a direct hint to his second Doctor Seuss story: Halloween is Grinch Night!
11. He tried to steal Christmas too. K.) Jack Skellington, in The Nightmare Before Christmas.
12. Everyone goes to him for advice. O.) Witch Doctor, based on a line from the David Seville (aka Ross Bagdasarian) song.
13. No one knows if he ever does show up. J.) The Invisible Man
14. The other guests complain he's all wet and a social wallflower. E.)Creature from the Black Lagoon.
15. Always wants to rap. M.) The Mummy.
16. The Tally Man. D.) Count Von Count, from Sesame Street.