SUNDAY FUNNIES: FAMILY MATTERS

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
There's an old saying that goes something along the lines of "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family."
Well, that's certainly true in my case.
There are some real winners (and yes, I'm being sarcastic) amongst my dragon clan.
Just listen to some of these shenanigans.

My sister is a really bad cook.
HOW BAD IS SHE?
When she makes marble cake, she uses real marbles!

My older brother once tried looking for a mate on a dating service. His ad said, "Must be able to cook, clean, keep a good cave, fish, dance, sing, and have a fishing boat big enough to hold at least two adult dragons. Include pictures of boat with all replies."
He's still waiting for someone to respond to his ad.
I wonder why?

My cousin once tried to go into show business, but never got any parts.
When asked if he had any experience being in a cast, my cousin replied, "Well, I had to wear one for about six weeks when I broke my tail."

My aunt has been a waitress at a diner for as long as I can remember.
When asked by a potential customer if the roast beef was rare, her answer was, "No. It's on the menu every day."

Our family doctor has always complained about my dad's weight. One day he told dad to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. After that, repeat the cycle until our next visit two weeks from now."
My dad went back two weeks later and the doctor told him, "I must admit to being totally surprised. I thought you'd only lose around five pounds, but the scale says you lost over twenty. How did you do it?"
My dad replied that he just followed the doctor's orders, but was afraid he would never survive every third day. "Skipping a whole day really wears a dragon out."

And on that note, next weekend Autumn the Puppy will be here with me for our annual Fathers' Day get together on the Sunday Funnies!—wd.