Sunday, August 13, 2017

SUNDAY FUNNIES: STORY TIME

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
On a beautiful summer's day like this, I just feel like kicking back, putting my paws up, and telling a funny story or two. Ready?

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee officer, I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, 'Now don't be silly dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been even higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal  radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.  That's an
automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled  me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am ?'

'Only when he's been drinking.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honesty has always been the best policy. Time for one more!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager. 

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."

Murphy complained. "And why would ye be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?

Manager "That's simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down 'I don't know,' and you wrote 'Neither do I.' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See, cheater NEVER prosper in the end, no matter how long they manage to get away with it before they're caught.
That's all the space I have for now. Have a great week everybody and please be back with us next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

No comments: