SUNDAY FUNNIES: PUNNING AROUND

Just winging it! 

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Some people think my puns are juvenile. I prefer to think of them as full groan.
So if you haven't guessed what I'm doing here today...

What is it called when a cat🐱 meows for food when their food bowl is half full?
Fake mews.

I want to be buried with all my records. It will be my Vinyl resting place.

A comedian entered a room and 10 people keeled over with laughter at hearing a pun.
The headline that night on the news was PUN IN, TEN DEAD.

A man was arrested for annoying his neighbors by endlessly singing Engelbert Humperdinck songs. As he was hauled off to jail, the man crooned ♫Police release me, let me go.♫

A trusted plumber is someone who is always at your disposal.

That is SO funny!

Let that sink in for a moment.

Have you heard about the new Vegetarian movement?
Their slogan is ♫All we are saying, is give peas a chance.♫

Did you know that plateaus are the highest form of flattery?

I went to the bakery and asked for some short bread.
They told me they don’t make them any longer.

Okay folks! Have a great week, and please be back here next time as Autumn the Puppy and I join forces to salute MOTHERS DAY on the next Sunday Funnies!—wd.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 5, 2018

😎FUN FACT
The average banana is 75% water. 🍌

TRIVIA TIME
Exactly where does German Chocolate Cake come from?

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE OR FALSE: The Baby Ruth candy bar🍫 is named after baseball great Babe Ruth.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the April 28, 2018 Puzzle Corner as we celebrated Schoolhouse Rock’s 45th anniversary.

01. When Schoolhouse Rock! first debuted in January 1973, they began with Multiplication Rock!, covering the table from "My Hero Zero" to "Little Twelvetoes". But what two numbers were skipped?
Although the principles were explained in other songs, Multiplication Rock! never produced lessons honoring the numbers 1 and 10.

02. Multiplication Rock! lessons were quickly joined in the weekly rotation with Grammar Rock! What was the first lesson in that subject?
"Conjunction Junction".
03. What group of lessons was added in 1975 in time for the bicentennial of the United States?
America Rock!, teaching United States history.
04. What subject started debuting lessons in 1979 amongst the existing topics?
Science Rock!
05. Although the shortest subject because of the ever changing technology field, Computer Rocks! debuted in 1983 with what two recurring characters?
SCOOTER COMPUTER and MISTER CHIPS.
06. Sadly, the series went off the air for a while starting in 1985, but when it returned in the early 1990s, it gained a mascot to introduce the segment. Who was this character?
Schoolhouse Rocky, who was dressed in a modified version of the costume from "My Hero Zero".
07. With the series revival, what new subject was introduced amongst the original episodes and new lessons in Grammar Rock!?
Money Rock!
08. Sadly, the series went off the air again in 1999 and has only been on VHS, DVD (and YouTube) since then. Yet what new subject was covered in the series’ only straight to DVD release (to date) in 2009?
Earth Rock! about earth sciences.

CINCO DE MAYO: 2017 EDITION

The following is an editorial.

Today celebrates the 1862 Battle of Puebla, a(n unexpected) key victory of Mexican forces against the French, who were occupying parts of that nation at the time.

May 5, or Cinco de Mayo if you prefer, is more widely known around the world as a celebration of Mexican history, heritage, and pride.

We sincerely hope that the misguided opinions of some do not taint the celebrations or are mistaken as reflections of the whole, and that EVERYONE celebrates responsibility.

The above was an editorial.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO 2015, MAY 5th

Hello friends!

Today some of us celebrate May 5. The day of the battle of Puebla.
Back in 1862, the Mexican Army defeat the oppressing French forces of the time to protect their country.
While this is not Mexico's actual Independence Day (that's actually September 16), it is a celebration of that country's heritage and pride.

So enjoy the party and please CELEBRATE RESPONSIBLY.

Hola Amigos!

Algunos de nosotros celebran hoy el 5 de Mayo. El Dia de la Batalla de Puebla.
Detrás en 1862, la derrota mexicana del ejército las fuerzas francesas de opresión de la época de proteger su país.
Mientras que éste no es Mexico' Día de la Independencia real de s (realmente el 16 de Septiembre), es una celebración de eso country' herencia y orgullo de s.

Disfrute tan del partido y CELEBRE por favor RESPONSIBLY.

CINCO DE MAYO > MAY 5, 2014

Hello friends!
Today some of us celebrate May 5. The day of the battle of Puebla.
Back in 1862, the Mexican Army defeat the oppressing French forces of the time to protect their country.
While this is not Mexico's actual Independence Day (that's actually September 16), it is a celebration of that country's heritage and pride.
So enjoy the party and please CELEBRATE RESPONSIBLY.

Hola Amigos!
Algunos de nosotros celebran hoy el 5 de Mayo. El Dia de la Batalla de Puebla.
Detrás en 1862, la derrota mexicana del ejército las fuerzas francesas de opresión de la época de proteger su país.
Mientras que éste no es Mexico' Día de la Independencia real de s (that' s realmente el 16 de septiembre), es una celebración de eso country' herencia y orgullo de s.
Disfrute tan del partido y CELEBRE por favor RESPONSIBLY.

CINCO DE MAYO/MAY 5, 2013

Hello friends!
Today some of us celebrate May 5. The day of the battle of Puebla.
Back in 1862, the Mexican Army defeat the oppressing French forces of the time to protect their country.
While this is not Mexico's actual Independence Day (that's actually September 16), it is a celebration of that country's heritage and pride.
So enjoy the party and please CELEBRATE RESPONSIBLY.

Hola Amigos!
Algunos de nosotros celebran hoy el 5 de Mayo. El Dia de la Batalla de Puebla.
Detrás en 1862, la derrota mexicana del ejército las fuerzas francesas de opresión de la época de proteger su país.
Mientras que éste no es Mexico' Día de la Independencia real de s (that' s realmente el 16 de septiembre), es una celebración de eso country' herencia y orgullo de s.
Disfrute tan del partido y CELEBRE por favor RESPONSIBLY.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: E-MAIL FOR THE FEMALE

Autumn the Puppy

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Now anybody can send e-mail to the Free Choice E-zine at FreeChoiceEzine@gmail.com ; and depending upon the comment, we will act or react accordingly.
Recently I realized I had amassed enough missives to make a column, so let me get right to the files and answer a few inquiries.

Dear Autumn:
I'm always hearing comments about the status quo, but just what is it?
(signed) Confused in California.
Dear Confused:
Basically, status quo is Latin for the mess we're in.

Dear Autumn:
Do you agree with the philosophy of Bacon?
(signed) 2B.
Dear B:
It must be crisp and as ungreasy as possible.

Dear Autumn:
What is the difference between ammonia and pneumonia?
(signed) Concerned Student
Dear Student:
Ammonia comes in bottles and smells awful, although it does do a good job of cleaning floors.
Pneumonia occurs in chests from leaving a cold untreated for too long. Yet I still haven't figured out which method is better: feed a fever and starve a cold, or starve a fever and feed a cold.
Either way, eat healthy and take care of yourself!

"Nevermore?"

Dear Autumn:
What can you tell me about Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven? Was the bird real or a figment of the central character's imagination?  
(signed) Mad about literature
Dear Mad:
I'm avid reader myself, so yes I have read The Raven. My answer to your question is: DO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK KID!

Dear Autumn:
What is jeopardy?
(signed) Lost my dictionary
Dear Lost:
Jeopardy is a wonderful game show in syndication. Although I wish someone would revive Concentration and Password too.

Dear Autumn:
Have you ever read Toltoi's "Goodbye"?
(signed) e-reader battery dies on long flights
Dear E:
First off, try a regular book. They never need recharging, and as for Toltoi, I didn't know he was leaving!

And on that note, that's all the time we have for this weekend. Have a great and please be back here next weekend when Waxy Dragon and I celebrate Mother's Day on the Sunday Funnies!-AtP.

FELIZ CINCO DE MAYO AMIGOS! (MAY 5, 2012)

Today is May 5th, Cinco de Mayo in Spanish.
While many think the celebration is in regards to Mexico's independence from Spain, that event is actually celebrated September 16.
Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates the Battle of Puebla, which took place on this date in 1862, making this year the 150th anniversary of the event.
Now Mexico's fourth largest city, Puebla celebrates the unexpected victory of Mexican forces against the French, who were occupying parts of that nation at the time.
The date is more widely known as a celebration of Mexican history, heritage, and pride.

Today is also Liberation Day (from the Nazi forces of World War 2) for Denmark, Ethiopia, and the Netherlands.
It is also Children's Day in Japan and South Korea.

FELIZ CINCO DE MAYO (HAPPY MAY 5, 2011!)

Contary to popular belief, Mexico's Independence Day is not until September 16th.
HOWEVER...
Today does mark the Mexican Army's miraclous victory against French occupation forces back in 1862 and celebrates the proud heritage of that country.
Much like Saint Patrick's Day, even those not of Hispanic lineage party and have a good time, although hopefully responsibly.
In any event...

SALUDOS AMIGOS!