SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 3)

Hello Everyone.
Autumn the Puppy here, still digging into that age old question "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Last week, I started posting political responses, but wound up running out of column space long before I ran out of answers.
So without further adieu, let's fire up our time travel devices and examine other political comments on the subject throughout history.

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd President of the United States:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. Besides, what is your definition of chicken?

Hillary Clinton:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.

Al Gore, Vice President to Clinton:
I invented the chicken, so why shouldn't it cross roads?

Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States:
Was that what the chicken was doing? Crossing the road? What I want to know is why couldn't I avoid tripping over the dang thing?

Image courtesy Shane Patrick Boyle

Martin Luther King, Junior; civil rights activist:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives or the color of their feathers called into question.





Richard Nixon, 37th President of the United States:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat: no chicken crossed any road.

Timothy Leary, "psychedelic" psychologist:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let the chicken take.

Okay. I have a lot more responses to this question that I will post in the weeks ahead, but right now I think I will give this running gag a break before it runs a fowl of anyone and lays an egg, if it hasn't already.

For the next two weeks, October 23 and 30, Waxy Dragon will be here telling Halloween themed jokes; and then I'll return in November with some fresh material (I hope).
Until then, take care everyone. Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 2)

Autumn, Detective Dog

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.
Wish I knew beforehand just how many feathers there would be to pluck when I started looking into the question of "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Apparently the issue has gotten political over the decades since the question was first asked.
Below are some comments on the subject from noted government figures, past and present.

So, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Barack Obama, 44th/current President of the United States:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! And I will give ALL Americans positive change if I can get the Republican Congress to do the right thing.

Pat Buchanan, political commentator:
To steal the job of a decent, hard working American chicken.

Sarah Palin, Republican politician:
Before the chicken got to the other side, I shot it, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

John McCain, Republican Senator:
That chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States:
We really don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney, Vice President to George W. Bush:
What chicken? Where's my gun?

Saddam Hussein, known terrorist, during an interrogation session:
The chicken conducted an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

A security guard at an undisclosed location:
Give me ten minutes with that chicken and I'll find out.

Fox Mulder, noted conspiracy theorist:
It was all a government cover up. What chicken? What road? What is it they don't want us to know?

Oliver Stone, film maker:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but rather: "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we have overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Believe it or not, there are a LOT more chicken comments (leftovers?) that I haven't posted but will next weekend. Meanwhile, have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.-AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 1)

Autumn: Investigative Puppy

Hello Everyone.
Autumn the Puppy here.
Okay, I freely admit it.
Last week I posted an article about the age old question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" more as a joke and to fill a column than any serious attempt at journalism.
But since the September 25 installment of the Sunday Funnies, I've been doing some more digging (after all, I AM a dog) and have discovered that there is a lot more to this chicken situation than meets the eye.
There may never be a totally accurate answer to the question, but a LOT of people have weighed in on the matter over the decades that this 'joke' has been in existence!
Here are some of their comments.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Doctor Phil: "The problem we have here is that the chicken fails to realize that it must deal with the problems on this side of the road first before it can accurately address the problems on the other side. What we need to do is help the chicken realize how stupid it's acting by not addressing its current problems before tackling any new ones."

Oprah Winfrey: "Well, I do understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why it wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from learn from its mistakes and take falls, which is a natural part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a brand new car so it can just drive across the road and not live its life like any other chicken."

Any television reporter: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not been allowed access yet to the other side of the road."

Nancy Grace, noted court authority: "The chicken crossed the road to avoid prosecution. You can judge for yourself in this exclusive footage by the look in its eyes and the way it walks."

Barbara Walters: "In a few minutes, we'll be listening to the chicken, for the first time, tell the heart warming story of how experienced a serious case of molting and still went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road."

Colonel Sanders, noted spokesman: "I missed one?"

Actually folks, this chicken conspiracy, if there is one, is a lot bigger than I thought. Next week we'll look at it from the political angle.
Until then, have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.-AtP.