SUNDAY FUNNIES: REFRIED CHICKEN

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

We're still trying to figure out these new Blogger controls here at The Free Choice E-zine, so please bear with us.

Anyway, long time readers of this feature know that when I get something on my mind, I just can't let go of it. I keep digging and digging until I either turn up something new or finally admit defeat. In this case, it's been trying to find a definitive answer to that age old classic WHY DID THE CHICKEN🐔 CROSS THE ROAD?

We've certainly gotten enough mileage out of that bird already between July 17, September 25; October 2, 9 and 16 of 2011, July 5 and September 6 of 2015; and April 24, 2016. (There are 8/EIGHT separate links to check out, if you want to.)

But like any dog with a bone, I kept gnawing away until I came up with some new information/jokes.

Ready?

NOTE: All celebrity responses below are humorously impersonated with no actual political endorsements implied or given.

"DONALD TRUMP": I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

"JOE BIDEN": Why did the chicken do the... thing in the... you know the rest.

"Cluck!" (I'll never tell!)

"ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ": Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

"ALBERT EINSTEIN" (from hysterical notes): Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

"CHARLES DARWIN" (NOT in Origin of the Species): It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

"JACK NICHOLSON": You want to know why? You can't handle the reason why!

And there you have it folks! There was no fowl play involved in the making of this post but I'll keep digging into this unsolved mystery when I have time on my paws and nothing else better to do.

Meanwhile, take care. STAY SAFE! And please be back with us again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN GETS POLITICAL (satire)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Now usually, I don't like getting my paws dirty in this mess, but there is no denying that the 2016 Presidential campaign here in America is seriously heating up.

It's more than likely going to come down to the political conventions this summer to determine who the Democratic and Republican Presidential candidates will be.

With that in mind, it would be a major shirking of my responsibilities to my readers and The Free Choice E-zine if I didn't interview the candidates concerning a major issue facing both this country and the world.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

NOTE: All celebrity responses below are humorously impersonated with no actual political endorsements implied or given.

So, alphabetically...

"HILLARY CLINTON": What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road? The chicken exercised its constitutional right to cross a road, regardless of gender, and that's all that matters.

"BILL CLINTON": Define chicken. Define road. Regardless of your answers, I did not cross anything with one. I can't believe I'm still being asked this long after I've left office.


"CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS": Please come back and ask your chicken question again in late January 2017, after we've finished snubbing and ignoring the lame duck currently in office.

"TED CRUZ": As long as it was a legal American chicken who was not playing
with anything that could be inserted into a bodily orifice or breaking any other laws...

"BARACK OBAMA": Let me be perfectly clear here on this point. If the chickens like their eggs, they can keep their eggs.

"BERNIE SANDERS": All the eggs this chicken laid on the other side of the road, need to be shared equally with all other chickens, even if they didn't lay those eggs. The wealthier chickens need to pay their fair share, regardless of what side of the road they are on.

"DONALD TRUMP": We will build a big wall to keep the chickens from crossing the road, and we will make the chickens pay for it out of their egg money.

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Well folks, there you have it. Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—AtP.

NOTE: All celebrity responses above were humorously impersonated with no actual political endorsements implied or given.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: POULTRY IN MOTION (chicken crossing jokes)

Hello folks! Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior with you today because it's a holiday weekend here in the United States where The Free Choice E-zine is based and those ladies of comedy (Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon) are off with their respective families.

So it's up to me to entertain you. Hope I don't get egg all over my face or crack up as I try to answer the second oldest question after "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"



WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Besides the obvious reason of wanting to get to the other side, that is.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius Strip?
To get to the same side.

Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch its legs.

Why did the frozen chicken cross the road?
To warm up.

Why did the chicken run across the road?
It wanted to get there faster.

When a chicken does cross the road, does it do so around the cluck or by the hour?

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Don't you think the chicken needs a day off once in a while?

So in the end, why DID the chicken cross the road?
Why are you asking me? I asked you first.
Seriously, considering how much we talk about it, you have to admit that's one famous chicken.

Now that these fowl proceedings are over, have a great week everybody, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lth,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 3)

Hello Everyone.
Autumn the Puppy here, still digging into that age old question "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Last week, I started posting political responses, but wound up running out of column space long before I ran out of answers.
So without further adieu, let's fire up our time travel devices and examine other political comments on the subject throughout history.

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd President of the United States:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. Besides, what is your definition of chicken?

Hillary Clinton:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.

Al Gore, Vice President to Clinton:
I invented the chicken, so why shouldn't it cross roads?

Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States:
Was that what the chicken was doing? Crossing the road? What I want to know is why couldn't I avoid tripping over the dang thing?

Image courtesy Shane Patrick Boyle

Martin Luther King, Junior; civil rights activist:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives or the color of their feathers called into question.





Richard Nixon, 37th President of the United States:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat: no chicken crossed any road.

Timothy Leary, "psychedelic" psychologist:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let the chicken take.

Okay. I have a lot more responses to this question that I will post in the weeks ahead, but right now I think I will give this running gag a break before it runs a fowl of anyone and lays an egg, if it hasn't already.

For the next two weeks, October 23 and 30, Waxy Dragon will be here telling Halloween themed jokes; and then I'll return in November with some fresh material (I hope).
Until then, take care everyone. Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 2)

Autumn, Detective Dog

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.
Wish I knew beforehand just how many feathers there would be to pluck when I started looking into the question of "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Apparently the issue has gotten political over the decades since the question was first asked.
Below are some comments on the subject from noted government figures, past and present.

So, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Barack Obama, 44th/current President of the United States:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! And I will give ALL Americans positive change if I can get the Republican Congress to do the right thing.

Pat Buchanan, political commentator:
To steal the job of a decent, hard working American chicken.

Sarah Palin, Republican politician:
Before the chicken got to the other side, I shot it, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

John McCain, Republican Senator:
That chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States:
We really don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney, Vice President to George W. Bush:
What chicken? Where's my gun?

Saddam Hussein, known terrorist, during an interrogation session:
The chicken conducted an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

A security guard at an undisclosed location:
Give me ten minutes with that chicken and I'll find out.

Fox Mulder, noted conspiracy theorist:
It was all a government cover up. What chicken? What road? What is it they don't want us to know?

Oliver Stone, film maker:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but rather: "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we have overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Believe it or not, there are a LOT more chicken comments (leftovers?) that I haven't posted but will next weekend. Meanwhile, have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.-AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE CHICKEN CONSPIRACY? (PART 1)

Autumn: Investigative Puppy

Hello Everyone.
Autumn the Puppy here.
Okay, I freely admit it.
Last week I posted an article about the age old question "Why did the chicken cross the road?" more as a joke and to fill a column than any serious attempt at journalism.
But since the September 25 installment of the Sunday Funnies, I've been doing some more digging (after all, I AM a dog) and have discovered that there is a lot more to this chicken situation than meets the eye.
There may never be a totally accurate answer to the question, but a LOT of people have weighed in on the matter over the decades that this 'joke' has been in existence!
Here are some of their comments.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Doctor Phil: "The problem we have here is that the chicken fails to realize that it must deal with the problems on this side of the road first before it can accurately address the problems on the other side. What we need to do is help the chicken realize how stupid it's acting by not addressing its current problems before tackling any new ones."

Oprah Winfrey: "Well, I do understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why it wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from learn from its mistakes and take falls, which is a natural part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a brand new car so it can just drive across the road and not live its life like any other chicken."

Any television reporter: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not been allowed access yet to the other side of the road."

Nancy Grace, noted court authority: "The chicken crossed the road to avoid prosecution. You can judge for yourself in this exclusive footage by the look in its eyes and the way it walks."

Barbara Walters: "In a few minutes, we'll be listening to the chicken, for the first time, tell the heart warming story of how experienced a serious case of molting and still went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road."

Colonel Sanders, noted spokesman: "I missed one?"

Actually folks, this chicken conspiracy, if there is one, is a lot bigger than I thought. Next week we'll look at it from the political angle.
Until then, have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.-AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: WHAT'S UP WITH THAT CHICKEN?

Autumn the Puppy

Hello Everyone.
Autumn the Puppy here, and I just dug up a new mystery to investigate.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
That question has been asked for decades with a wide variety of answers. It has even gotten to the point where other animals and people have been substituted for the chicken, creating new variables and jokes on the age old question.
But WHY did that chicken cross the road?
Which came first, the chicken or the road?
My nose smelled a mystery. Of course I smelled a lot of other interesting odors too, but the mystery came first.
Curious, I started digging into the background of the riddle. According to Wikipedia, this joke's first official appearance was in a 1837 issue of The Knickerbocker, a monthly magazine that was published in New York City.
So obviously there might have been at least one witness to the first occurrence of this event, otherwise no one would ever have made a joke out of it.
Under the circumstances, it's also quite possible that the first chicken/road crossing occurred somewhere in New York City, which also leads one to wonder why what is primarily a country bird was doing in a metropolitan area at the time.
Did it have business in town? Was it up to no good? Fowl play maybe?
Maybe the witness didn't know, which is why he or she asked the question to begin with.
So why did the chicken cross the road?

Image by Phillip Halling via Google

The obvious answer is "To get to the other side."
But why?
What was the objective/purpose for doing so?
What was on the other side of that road that so interested the chicken that he had to cross it?
Then again, who ever said that first chicken to cross the road was a male?
It could have been a female, but then the joke more than likely would have been: "Why did the hen cross the road?" so it's presumed that the first road crosser was a male chicken.
Of course at this point, a more important question might be "Why am I even bothering with this dumb gag?"
It could be that I just have too much time on my paws, or needed something to fill in the space of this week's  post without repeating a bunch of lame jokes.
So why did the chicken cross the road?
We may never know for sure.

Please join us next weekend for more Sunday Funnies, and have a great week everybody.-AtP.