THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: MAY 30, 2010

Hello Everybody! Ms. Waxy Dragon here!

It's the Memorial Day weekend, and although I'm on vacation right now, I did not want to leave all you fine folks without any humor this weekend, so I wrote this before taking off and hopefully our illustrious editor-in-chief will post this on time.

If not, I know where he lives and he knows how much mischief a baby dragon can make! Now then...

A lot of people consider the Memorial Day weekend the start of summer, although most calendars say that doesn't actually happen until sometime in June.

However you look at it, having wings, I seriously saved a bunch of money not having to book a flight on an airplane!

But this weekend does mean that the current school year is coming to a close for a lot of students, so I thought I would present some appropriately educationally themed jokes.

Any readers in Texas need not bother, for what your state board of education has passed for an upcoming curriculum is a joke unto itself!

Without further adieu...

*The teacher asked for an example of a sentence starting with "I".

The student began to say, "I is--" when the teacher explained that is grammatically proper to start a sentence "I am."

So the student said "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

*The teacher asked, "Tommy, why are you always so dirty?"

Tommy replied, "Because I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."

*The elementary school teacher asked the class to write a brief paper about something that the world didn't have ten years ago that it did now.

Everyone in the class wrote about themselves.

*The science teacher asked what the chemical formula for water was.

A student proudly replied, "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, and O."

"Why do you think that's the answer?" replied the teacher.

"Because yesterday you said it was H2O," said the student.

That's all for this weekend everyone! We'll be back next time for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 23-29, 2010

*Clean up and attempts to cap that oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico continue apace.
*The House of Representatives has passed a measure to repeal the military rule about "Don't Ask, Don't tell", in regards to those who love their own gender. The measure still has to be unified with the Senate's version before it can be fully acted upon.
*Although he originally composed it during the last ten years of his life, and essays from it have been released over the decades since; Samuel Langhorne Clemens (aka Mark Twain)'s wish that his autobiography not be published until 100 years after his passing will finally be filled this fall with the first of three volumes comprising the manuscript in its entirety.
*Wal-mart has begun a new price slashing campaign in hopes of regaining its former status as the "low price leader" in the retail market place.
IN SPORTS NEWS...
*The Philadelphia Flyers take on the Chicago Blackhawks for the Stanley Cup in the National Hockey League Championship.
*Philadelphia Phillies' pitcher threw a perfect game (no runs, no hits, no walks) against the Florida Marlins as his team won 1-0.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS...
*Lee Dewyze won this season's American Idol competition as show judge Simon Cowell rendered his last verdict.
*Actor Gary Coleman passed away Friday after suffering a brain hemorrhage, while actor Dennis Hopper lost his battle with prostate cancer earlier today.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 29, 2010

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone!
Let's take a moment out of those hectic vacation schedules to remember why the last Monday of every May is a holiday in the United States.

Memorial Day of course is to remember those fallen members of the military who are no longer with us. But can you match the soldier to their most famous battle?
Each conflict will have more than one soldier involved.

The wars:

A. World War 1
B. World War 2
C. The Korean War
D. The Viet Nam War

The military personnel, real and fictitious:

01. Staff Sgt. James Kinchloe
02. Cpl. Walter O'Reilly
03. General William Westmoreland
04. Airman Wayloo Marie Holmes, USAF
05. Sgt. Franklin Rock
06. General Douglas MacArthur
07. Dwight David Eisenhower
08. Private William G. Kirby
09. Sgt. Sam Troy

We'll finish our salute next weekend when we reveal the results of this quiz. Meanwhile, let's drop a quarter into THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of our video game quiz from last weekend that saluted the 30th anniversary of Pac-Man.

01. What are the names of Pac-Man's enemies?
The green ghost was called Bashful. The red ghost was known as Shadow. The pink ghost was known as Speedy, and the orange ghost was known as Pokey. But they were more commonly referred to by their nicknames: Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.
02. When Ms. Pac-Man came out in 1981, she faced her husband's enemies, but one was replaced by an alternate. Who?
Clyde was replaced by another orange ghost named Sue, with no nickname.
03. Once again, when the next sequel, Junior Pac-Man (the son of the first two) came out in 1983, the three enemies common to the first two games were joined by an alternate. Which one this time?
Sue was replaced by another orange ghost named Tim, again without a nickname.
04. Believe it or not, the concept of video games was experimented with as far back as the late 1940s! But what was the first true arcade (coin operated) game?
The first arcade game period was called "The Galaxy Game", developed at Stanford University in 1971. The first massed produced arcade game was Atari's "Pong" in 1972.
05. Mario has become the Nintendo icon. What was his first appearance ever?
Originally called Jumpman, Mario first appeared as the hero in "Donkey Kong", circa 1981.
06. When did Mario's brother Luigi first appear?
Luigi joined the scene in 1983's "Mario Brothers", originally implying that Mario was their surname. The actual last name of Mario and Luigi has yet to be revealed/confirmed.
07. The original video/arcade games were all black and white. What was the first arcade game in color?
"Space Invaders", 1978.
08. What was the first home video game in color?
Provided you had a color TV at the time, Magnavox's Odyssey system, first released in 1972.
09. What video game features players riding on either an ostrich or a stork?
"Joust!", a 1982 release from Williams Electronics. Player 1 was on the ostrich, while Player 2 rode the stork.
10. What was the big surprise at the end of 1986's first "Metroid" video game for the home Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)?
That the lead character, Samus Aran, was a woman! Until then, ladies in video games were always depicted as either in the background or as the proverbial damsel in distress.
11. What was the company we know today as Nintendo first manufacturing before they got into the video/arcade game business?
They started their corporate existence as the Nintendo Playing Card Company in 1889!
12. When did the company we know today as SEGA enter the arcade market?
In 1981 with their first game: "Eliminator!"
13. When did SEGA's Sonic the Hedgehog first debut?
1991.
14. Who did Sonic replace as SEGA's mascot?
Alex Kidd.

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: MAY 23, 2010

Hello everybody. Ms. Waxy Dragon here!

It's open mike time here at The Free Choice E-zine. So just kick back, relax, and enjoy the jokes.

The Census worker asked Mrs. Jones her age.
Mrs. Jones asked, "Have you talked to Mrs Hill yet?"
"She's next."
"Oh, all right. I'm the same age as Mrs Hill."
The census worker wrote on the form, "Mrs Jones: as old as the hills."

I forgot to tell this one back at the beginning of the month, but that's never stopped me from telling a joke before. Did you know that the day before Cinco de Mayo was International Star Wars Day? May the Fourth be with you!

People may complain about the economy, but it's always the same. Any pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

But do you really think money really can't buy happiness or are some people just unhappy that they don't have the money to find out for sure?

I think I have finally figured out why circuses have people riding a bicycle on a tightrope. It's nice for the audience to see someone ride somewhere safely with no traffic!

If anyone ever opens a business on the moon, how do you think it would fare? I'm not sure a restaurant would be successful up there. After all, what would you do for ambiance? There's no atmosphere.

And remember: if anyone asks, Mr. Bigger's son is bigger than Mr. Bigger himself because after all, the kid is a little bigger!

Okay everyone. Unfortunately I'm out of room, so we'll see you next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!
wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: MAY 16-22, 2010

*Full details are sketchy since this tragedy happened just this afternoon, but an Air India flight crashed in Margalon, leaving only 8 survivors.
*The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico continues, as tar balls begin to wash ashore upon the Florida Keys and President Obama has appointed an investigator to examine how the incident happened.
*A finance reform bill has passed through the Senate. Now it will be compared/contrasted with the House of Representatives version to present one unified version to President Obama for his approval.
*The state of Texas has approved changes to their educational curriculum for the upcoming school year. But instead of updating, the current administration says they are undoing the 'skewed agenda' of the past state legislatures, since the educational policies come under review only once every 10 years. Changes include referring to America's government as a "constitutional republic" instead of a democratic government; downplaying the importance of the civil rights movement; and requires students in the higher grades to "evaluate the efforts of global organizations, such as the United Nations, to undermine the sovereignty of the United States as direct threats to individual liberties and freedom"!
*After the Roman Catholic Church rescinded its decree of heresy, the remains of 16th century astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus has been reburied with full honors. The original verdict was because he claimed that the Earth revolved around the Sun instead of the other way around.
IN SPORTS
*Major League Baseball began the first round of Interleague play for the 2010 season this weekend, with many matchups featuring "crosstown" rivals.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
*This weekend marks the 30th anniversary of the Pac-Man video game. Google is celebrating the event with an interactive (PLAYABLE!) Pac-Man based logo on their home page and this weekend's Puzzle Corner below features a video game themed quiz.

For more news at any time, just scroll down to the IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: MAY 22, 2010

This weekend marks the 30th anniversary of the Pac-Man arcade game, that classic hungry yellow circle eating dots, various other objects, and chasing ghosts whenever digesting a power pellet.
Google is celebrating the anniversary with an interactive (PLAYABLE!) logo this weekend, and the Puzzle Corner joins the festivities by presenting this video game quiz.

01. What are the names of Pac-Man's enemies?
02. When Ms. Pac-Man came out in 1981, she faced her husband's enemies, but one was replaced by an alternate. Who?
03. Once again, when the next sequel, Junior Pac-Man (the son of the first two) came out in 1983, the three enemies common to the first two games were joined by an alternate. Which one this time?
04. Believe it or not, the concept of video games was experimented with as far back as the late 1940s! But what was the first true arcade (coin operated) game?
05. Mario has become the Nintendo icon. What was his first appearance ever?
06. When did Mario's brother Luigi first appear?
07. The original video/arcade games were all black and white. What was the first arcade game in color?
08. What was the first home video game in color?
09. What video game features players riding on either an ostrich or a stork?
10. What was the big surprise at the end of 1986's first Metroid video game for the home Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)?
11. What was the company we know today as Nintendo first manufacturing before they got into the video/arcade game business?
12. When did the company we know today as SEGA enter the arcade market?
13. When did SEGA's Sonic the Hedgehog first debut?
14. Who did Sonic replace as SEGA's mascot?

We'll drop a quarter in the coin slot and fire up the results next weekend.
But for now, let's look into THE ANSWERS BOX for the solutions for last weekend's Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
Long time Free Choice e-zine reader Roger Stegman said the following words had three things in common. Do you know what they are?

{assess, banana, dresser, grammar, potato, revive, uneven}

Besides the fact that they all have at least two double letters and their unique constant/vowel arrangement, if you take the first letter of each and put it at the end, you have that word backwards!

REBUS
How Green Was My Valley?

THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: MAY 16, 2010

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

And I've dug up some interesting information about dogs in the comics!

Did you know that the Tribune Media Services is ending the (Little Orphan) Annie comic strip on June 13 with a cliffhanger? Apparently she is only in about 20 newspapers right now, hence the cancellation, although the Tribune stresses that they are NOT killing off Annie, and hope to bring her back somewhere soon.

Okay. That's good for the little red haired girl, but what about SANDY?

That faithful canine has been with her for the entire 85 year run of the series, and not one report about the cancellation I've read ever mentioned him!

Whenever Annie returns, Sandy has to come back also!

Meanwhile, that 'great' dane Marmaduke is getting his own movie, due in theatres June 5th. At least us dogs are making some progress. That dang cat Garfield has been all over the place in the past couple of decades, and for better or worse the Underdog movie bombed at the box office, so it's about time us canines got a break. We've been getting the short end of the stick ever since Snoopy and the rest of the Peanuts gang decided to take a well earned break.

Of course there's still (Red and) Rover, Buckles, Sarge's Otto from Beetle Bailey, Dennis the Menace's Ruff, and a few others. Yet Snoopy was definitely top dog.

But now, to prove I've totally haven't lost my sense of humor, here are a few canine based jokes.

How come, if dogs have to have a license, we can't drive?

What do you call a beagle in an igloo? A chilly dog!

I find it insulting when a human says they're 'as sick as a dog'. How would you like it if I took you to the doctor and they stuck a thermometer where it's not supposed to go!

Well, that's all the space I have for this weekend.

Don't go barking up the wrong tree. Think twice before you decide to chase a car or go after the mail carrier, and be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!

AtP.