Sunday, December 8, 2024

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CANINE COMEDY CLEARANCE (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! I'm Koda Canine.
I'm a dog. I tell jokes.
You buy the premise, you buy the bit.
In any event, I've got a huge backstock of jokes I've accumulated since this past January so I'm just going to bark whatever comes to mind and hope it's funny. Ready?

Are Khakis a type of pants or what people in Boston, Massachusetts use to start their cars?

Where do fortune tellers go on vacation?
Palm Beach.

If the Number 2 Pencil✎ is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

What do you call a magical dog?
A Labracadabrador.

If you have a stepladder,🪜 does that  mean you never knew your real ladder?

What kind of tables do cows🐄🐮 like most?
Vegetables.

If Cinderella's shoes fit so perfectly when the Prince put them on her feet, then why did they fall off to begin with?
"I DID NOT!"—Koda.

Does anyone remember cassette tapes?
They had an “A” side and a “B” side, so it's only logical that their successor was the CD.💿
I'm still trying to figure out how we went from CD to MP3, so I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Historians claim that some people didn't think Cleopatra was beautiful, but that's just how Julius Caesar.

If there are pronouns, does that mean there are also amateur nouns?
And how does an amateur noun turn pro to begin with?

I wonder why no scientist has ever realized that the term "Take Out" means food, dating and murder to a praying mantis?
And what do they pray about? Not getting caught?

And remember:
Peace is not when everybody agrees. It is when we can respect our disagreements and still play in the sandbox together.

So on that note♫, take care.
STAY SAFE!
Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!KC.

Saturday, December 7, 2024

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: DECEMBER 1-7, 2024: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 😀THIS IS THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE'S 3100TH POST!😁

WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY
& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

DECEMBER 7 MARKS THE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR WHICH CATAPULTED THE UNITED STATES INTO WORLD WAR 2 THE NEXT DAY.
DECEMBER 9 IS INTERNATIONAL ANTI-CORRUPTION DAY.
DECEMBER 10 IS WORLD HUMAN RIGHTS DAY.
DECEMBER 14 IS MONKEY🐒 DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*The COVID state of the world, as of December 7, 2024.
*The MPOX state of the world, as of December 7, 2024.

IN THE MIDDLE EAST…
*Concerning Israel, Palestine, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Gaza Strip and more. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)


THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice through arrest and trial.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

🌌SPACE NEWS...

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Actor Wayne Northrop (Dynasty, Days of Our Lives and much more over a long career) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Anime Producer Jan Scott-Frazier (multiple duties/series for over 20 years) is no longer with us.
*Actor Tony Todd (many roles between Broadway and the Silver Screen) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*British theater performer Kyle Birch (A Strange Loop, The Color Purple) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Singer/actress Miho Nakayama (Love Letter, more) has taken her last bow on life’s stage. 
*Former professional baseball⚾ players Al Fitzmorris and Bill Melton are no longer with us. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Actor Mark Withers (Stranger Things, Dynasty, more) has taken his last bow on life's stage.
*Thom Christopher (numerous TV, movie and stage credits over a long career) has taken his last bow on life's stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

WE NEED MORE
GUN RESPONSIBILITY
NOW!

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!


POLITICALLY…
*Fearing the next administration’s concept of justice, President Biden pardoned his son Hunter December 1. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*President Biden has since left on a diplomatic mission to Africa. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
*Republicans are still trying to govern North Carolina, despite a Democratic administration taking over in January.
*Opinions: The Hunter Pardon: Right or Wrong??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
THE NEXT ADMINISTRATION…
*While his Inauguration isn’t until January 20, 2025; Trump will be traveling to Paris for the reopening of Notre Dame Cathedral. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Speculation: Will the DOGE eliminate Elon Musk’s competitors and Veterans’ medical coverage??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Speculation: Will Trump get the Defense Secretary he wants??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…
*The Court decision on a case concerning transgender health care is pending. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…
*The latest bathroom battles. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Who murdered Brian Thompson, the head of United Health Care???
IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!
THE US VERSUS COVID…
MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS
*The General will get his promotion after all. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…
ELSEWHERE…
*Elon Musk can’t get the Tesla money he hoped to, so now the judge is being harassed. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*December 14 is the 205th anniversary of Alabama joining the United States.
😁AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…


THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE
WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP (AND THEIR BOTS?) FOR GRANTING US 447,777 PAGE VIEWS IN NOVEMBER 2024!


THE PUZZLE CORNER: DECEMBER 7, 2024

 😎FUN FACT
And now that it’s December, we begin our traditional Christmas themed enigmas in earnest.

REBUS
As usual, we start by putting up our Christmas tree, but there is something unique about its decorations. Do you know what it is?


COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {♫We Wish You A Merry Christmas♫ by numerous artists, Elmo and Patsy’s ♫Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer♫} and yes, we know they’re both Christmas songs.
02. {Two toy planes, a hula hoop} and we’re looking for something very specific with this one.

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX🎁 and discover the results from the November 30, 2024 Puzzle Corner.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?
♫Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.♫
Hey Jude by The Beatles.

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE or FALSE: You need a valid driver’s license to be a NASCAR racer.

Sunday, December 1, 2024

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE "GAME" OF LIFE

 Hello Everybody! The Free Choice E-zine's Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here because your regular Sunday Funnies hosts Piper D. Katt and Koda Canine are finishing up the Thanksgiving holiday weekend with their friends and families.

WAIT! DON'T GO! I've got jokes!

Have you ever wondered about life?
Douglas Adams famously theorized that the secret of Life, The Universe and Everything was 42. Then again some people within his works thought that was the answer to what you got when multiplying 6 by 9.
Yet while life has its ups and downs like a rollercoaster, you've got to take the good with the bad because while not every moment of every day may be good, being alive is definitely better than anything else you can think of.

I've been around for 62+ years so far. Not every moment was a good one but at least I'm still here to enjoy the next years the best I can.

In school, I didn't know too many people crazy about math, but let one paycheck look peculiar and suddenly everyone is breaking out their calculators and remembering all their old algebra and calculus lessons.

To achieve great things in life, two things are needed.
A plan and enough time to see it through. 
Most people either have one or the other.
Having both is truly a miracle.
Nothing happens overnight but if you quit, it won’t happen at all. 

There is more to life than getting up in the morning, going to work, surviving the day and then coming home to rest before starting the whole cycle all over again the next morning.
Yet you know you are getting older when you look at the clock in the middle of whatever you're doing to see if it's time to go to bed and you know you've been at your job for a mighty long time when the new workers at the office start looking like your grandchildren.

 Am I getting older, or are the stores finally playing good music over their PA Systems?

When asked if my cup is half empty or half full, my only response is that I am thankful to have a cup.

So what is the secret to succeeding in life?
We enter life with an inhale and leave life with an exhale but in between, we live for those moments that take our breath away.

And remember to engage your brain before starting the mouth.

So on that note♫, take care.
STAY SAFE!
Have a great week and please be back next weekend when Piper and Koda return to duty for more Sunday Funnies!lh,jr, who's wondering when did everyone sneak out on him. 😕

Saturday, November 30, 2024

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 24-30, 2024: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 
WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY
& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

DECEMBER 1 IS WORLD AIDS AWARENESS DAY,
ANTARCTICA DAY & ROMANIA’S GREAT UNION DAY.
DECEMBER 1 IS THE 65TH ANNIVERSARY OF ANTARCTICA BEING DECLARED A SCIENTIFIC PRESERVE AND FREE OF ANY MILITARY ACTIVITY.
DECEMBER 4 IS INDIA’S NAVY DAY.
DECEMBER 6 IS THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OF RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER: THE TV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL.
DECEMBER 7 MARKS THE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR WHICH CATAPULTED THE UNITED STATES INTO WORLD WAR 2 THE NEXT DAY.
DECEMBER 9 IS INTERNATIONAL ANTI-CORRUPTION DAY.
DECEMBER 10 IS WORLD HUMAN RIGHTS DAY.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*THERE IS A CUCUMBER RECALL FOR PARTS OF CANADA!!!
*Mexico’s response and the conference with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The COVID state of the world, as of November 30, 2024.
*The MPOX state of the world, as of November 30, 2024.
*Ongoing problems in Syria have now resulted in armed conflicts in Aleppo. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*The stowaway to Paris, who didn't make the return trip easy either. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

IN THE MIDDLE EAST…
*Concerning Israel, Palestine, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Gaza Strip and more. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in the header above).
*A 60 day cease fire, at least around Lebanon, has begun. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice through arrest and trial.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

🌌SPACE NEWS...
*Is there money, let alone odors, in outer space??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Author Barbara Taylor Bradford (numerous novels over a decades long career) is no longer with us.
*Mary McGee, race car driver and the first woman motorcycle racer, has ridden off into the sunset.
*Singer, actor and game show host Chuck Woolery (original versions of Wheel of Fortune, Love Connection, Lingo and much more) has passed away.
*Director/screenwriter Jim Abrahams (Airplane, Police Squad/Naked Gun franchise, Hot Shots, more) is no longer with us.
*Actor Earl Holliman (much work over a decades long career) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Bob Bryar, drummer for My Chemical Romance, is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

WE NEED MORE
GUN RESPONSIBILITY
NOW!

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS!

POLITICALLY…
*Puerto Rico, Kentucky and the Confederated Tribes of the Colville Reservation will all receive Federal Disaster assistance. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)
THE NEXT ADMINISTRATION…
*Mexico’s response and the conference with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Speculation: Could Trump succeed???
SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…
*McColl, South Carolina needs a new police department and a new mayor too. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!
MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…
*December 1 marks the 200th anniversary of the House of Representatives breaking the1824 election deadlock between John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, William Crawford, and Henry Clay; but Adams became the next President of the United States.
TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…
ELSEWHERE…
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 30, 2024

 😎FUN FACT
A friendly reminder. Being traditionalists, our Christmas🎄 themed puzzles will start next weekend.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?
Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?
♫Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.♫

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
TRUE or FALSE: You need a valid driver’s license to be a NASCAR racer.

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the November 23, 2024 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Since November 23 was Doctor Who Day, why does the Doctor’s TARDIS look like a Police Call Box?
Because of a faulty Chameleon Circuit, the otherwise amazing Time And Relative Dimensions In Space traveling device became stuck after assuming a shape to blend in on Earth upon landing in London, England before the first televised adventure: An Unearthly Child.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in THANKSGIVING?
Out of the letters in the word THANKSGIVING, you can make the following words:
A, aging, ah, akin, an, angst, as, at,
Gag(s), gain(s), giant(s), gas, gat(s) <old 1930's slang for guns>, gig(s), gin(s), gist, git(s) <Hillbilly slang for scram>, giving
Hag(s), haggis <a Scottish delicacy>, hang(s), has, hat(s), having, hi <short form of "hello">, hiking, hint(s), hit(s)
I, ink(s), in(s), inn(s), is, it, its
Kin, king(s), kit(s), knight(s), knit(s)
Nag(s), nigh, night(s)
Sag, saint, sank, sat, saving, shag <a type of carpeting>, sight, sighting, sign, signing, sink, sinking, sin, shin, shining, sit, skin, skit, snag, snit, stag, staging, stain, staining, stank, sting, stinging, stink, stinking
Tag(s), tan(s), tank(s), than, thank(s), thin(s), thing(s), think(s), this, tin, vain, vat(s), visit, Viking(s), (AND) vista.
Other words besides the 117 above might be possible. But IV (the medical term) didn’t count because it’s an abbreviation. The Roman numerals II and IV are debatable, but the cuss word for human waste was not listed since this is a family oriented E-zine.

Friday, November 29, 2024

"BLACK" FRIDAY 2024

The following is an editorial.

 In recent years, many stores opened in the VERY early hours of the Friday after Thanksgiving to offer potential customers bargains that were hopefully better than what was available at their competitors.
This became known as "Black" Friday, being opened before sunrise.

In time that practice was expanded to include Thanksgiving night, provided the stores even bothered to close the Wednesday before the holiday.
As of this year, some stores have even extended "Black" Friday to weekends before and past the Thanksgiving weekend.

Christmas has certainly gotten way more commercial than it used to be, with stores decorating at or before Halloween and Christmas commercials airing on television since November 1.

Even some radio stations switched to an all Christmas Carols format the week before Thanksgiving instead of doing so on the holiday itself.

Granted sales strategies, let alone buying ad space and air time, need to be planned way in advance; but all of the above just seems to cheapen the Christmas SPIRIT in our humble opinion.

In any event, the promotions are upon us and we are mere hours away from "Black" Friday, depending upon whose sales you plan to hit or have already been to.
Therefore, The Free Choice E-zine continues its annual tradition of posting our Ode To Black Friday poem.

SOME DARE BRAVE THE GLOOM OF BLACKEST NIGHT
QUESTING FOR BARGAINS UPON THEIR TREK
HITTING EVERY SALE BEFORE DAYLIGHT

ME? I PLANNED WELL AHEAD
NO NERVES, CREDIT, OR CAR SUFFERED WRECK
JUST RESTFUL SLUMBER WITHIN MY OWN BED.

Wishing you and yours the happiest of the holiday season ahead.
Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief, The Free Choice E-zine
29 November, 2024

The above was an editorial.