Hello Everyone! Ms. Waxy Dragon here with a special Saint Patrick's Day edition of The Sunday Funnies.
I'll begin by telling our Editor-In-Chief's favorite (lone) Saint Patrick's Day joke.
What's Irish and stays out in your yard all the time?
Now then, on to some real humor...
Father Murphy was conducting mass one Sunday and asked the first man he saw, 'Do ye want to go to Heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked a second man, 'Do ye want to go to Heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to a third man and asked, 'Do ye want to go to Heaven?'
But amazingly, that man said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this! Ye mean to tell me that when ye die, ye don't want to go to Heaven?'
Then the man said, with some great relief I might add, 'Oh, when I die , yes. But I was afraid ye were gettin' a group together to go right now.'
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had allegedly died. In shock, he quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did ye see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
Now, for better or worse the Irish do have the stereotype of enjoying their whiskey, so I hope not to offend anyone with this joke.
Paddy O'Toole staggered home very late after one night another evening with his drinking buddies, glad to be getting in before the storm clouds in the sky started raining.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen, and tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom. He managed to get upstairs, to his bedroom, and started to change clothes to go to bed when suddenly the room light came on!
"Aha! I caught ye!" declared his understandably angry wife.
Thinking quickly, Paddy said, "But me love, I'm just gettin' ready to go to work."
"Don't hand me that line of corned beef," replied Kathleen. "Besides, today is Sunday."
"Then I got up early to get ready for church."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning could be seen out their bedroom window, which was followed by a tremendous crash of thunder.
"Okay, okay. You're right. I just got home from the pub," admitted Paddy. "I didn't know you were on her side too, Lord."
May the road rise up to greet ye (safe travels), and we'll be back this coming weekend with another edition of the Sunday Funnies.