SUNDAY FUNNIES: QUOTING CELEBRITIES WITH PIPER D. KATT

Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here!

Once again, it's time for Celebrity Quotes. Celebrity Citings, or whatever you want to call this routine.

As usual, I will post a quote from someone famous, and then my response afterward. Ready?

"Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?"~~ Comedian Phyllis Diller.

I can't speak from personal experience since I'm a cat, but somebody has to clean my litterbox!

"I was in the far east and went to a restaurant. I ordered Octopus and the waiter said it will be four hours. When I asked why, he said, “Because it keeps turning the gas off."~~Comedic Actor Frank Carson.

All my food comes in either cans and bags. My problem is that, while I can always rip the bags open with my claws, I have yet to figure out how to use a can opener!😾

Misquote or sales pitch?

"Life really begins at 40. Until then, you are doing research."~~Noted Psychiatrist Carl Jung.

Oh yeah? Then what do you do with all that info you are now too old to use?

"If English made any sense, LACKADAISICAL would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."~~Famous columnist Doug Larson.

Well, we're between late fall and early winter as I type this, so there aren't many flowers to begin with, but that makes about as much sense as why do people park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players."~~Playwright William Shakespeare from As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7.

If the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

And how come no one has learned their parts? Because it seems to meow that all the actors are ad-libbing their lines.

"Beware of false knowledge; It is more dangerous than ignorance."~~Playwright George Bernard Shaw. 

Caveat Emptor. Let the buyer and voter beware!

So on that note♫, have a great week.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

 

BLACK FRIDAY 2023

 The following is an editorial.

The holiday sales tradition known as "Black Friday", where many retail businesses opened LONG before sunrise the day after Thanksgiving, took a step back over the last few years along with a lot of other things due to the COVID pandemic.

However the practice seems to be making a comeback this year with many retailers advertising early Black Friday sales since Halloween ended.

While not against the SPIRIT of the holiday season, I personally have no idea when, how or why the world has gotten so commercial in recent years with Christmas themed ads starting November 1 and many Free Choice E-zine readers sending emails about radio stations that switched to an all Christmas music themed format as early as Saturday November 18 when in years past no one would play a yuletide tune before the late afternoon of Thanksgiving at the earliest since most stations waited until that Friday morning to begin their holiday programming.

In any event, the promotions are upon us and we are mere hours away from Black Friday, depending upon whose sale you plan to hit before sunrise.

Therefore, The Free Choice E-zine resumes its annual tradition of posting our Ode To Black Friday poem.

SOME DARE BRAVE THE GLOOM OF BLACKEST NIGHT
QUESTING FOR BARGAINS UPON THEIR TREK
HITTING EVERY SALE BEFORE DAYLIGHT

ME? I PLANNED WELL AHEAD
NO NERVES, CREDIT, OR CAR SUFFERED WRECK
JUST RESTFUL SLUMBER WITHIN MY OWN BED.

Wishing you and yours the happiest of the holiday season ahead.

Lee Houston, Junior

Editor-In-Chief, The Free Choice E-zine

24 November, 2023

The above was an editorial.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DON'T CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU! NOT!

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Woof! It's a MISERABLE day outside where I live right now.
Rain☔, rain⛈, and more rain⛆.
Cold too.
Thankfully not cold enough to turn the rain into snow☃❆, but even though we're staying inside to warm up our funny bones, I'm sure you're just like my people and every other human who gets sick and tired of robocalls.
Now I do have to admit that it's kind of amazing that a robot🤖 knows how, let alone can make a phone call📱, but why do they always call about something you have absolutely no interest in.
So with that in mind...

Did you know that the military checks their caller ID on every incoming phone call?
They will not answer anything that says “private caller.”
They will only answer on lieutenant or higher.

Then again, my people don’t answer anything on caller ID that says “anonymous caller.”
If they don’t want anyone to know who they are, my people respect their privacy by not answering.

Sorry I missed your call. I was scrolling through Instagram™ and didn't want to lose my place.

And now, a horror story for modern children.
Before cell phones📱, we only had landlines📵 and had to call our friends at their house.
And sometimes their parents would answer!

The second best way to stop a robocaller?
Answer the phone by saying, "Police, Fraud Division. How may I direct your call?"
If there's a live person on the other end monitoring the call, they'll get the message.
The first best way to stop a robocaller?
DON'T ANSWER!
It may take them a while to figure it out but eventually...

And on that note🎵, have a great week everybody! Hope everyone who's celebrating has a HAPPY THANKSGIVING🦃 this coming Thursday but in any event, please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 24, 2018

😎FUN FACT
The Gasoline Alley comic strip celebrates its 100TH ANNIVERSARY TODAY!🎂

In honor of that, let’s dive into today’s enigmas…

AKA, ALSO KNOWN AS
In the Gasoline Alley comic strip, what is Skeezix Wallet’s legal first name?

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Exactly what IS a Skeezix?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the November 17, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Where would you be if you ♫Come on down, it's around the back. Just a half a mile from the railroad track♫?
You would find yourself at Alice's Restaurant, according to Arlo Guthrie.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you spell out of the letters in THANKSGIVING?
A, aging, ah, akin, an, angst, as, at,
Gag(s), gain(s), giant(s), gas, gat(s) <old 1930's slang for guns>, gig(s), gin(s), gist, git(s) <Hillbilly slang for scram/get>, giving
Hag(s), haggis <a Scottish delicacy>, hang(s), has, hat(s), having, hi <short form of "hello">, hiking, hint(s), hit(s)
I, ink(s), in(s), inn(s), is, it, its
Kin, king(s), kit(s), knight(s), knit(s)
Nag(s), nigh, night(s)
Sag, saint, sank, sat, saving, shag <a type of carpeting>, sight, sighting, sign, signing, sink, sinking, sin, shin, shining, sit, skin, skit, snag, snit, stag, staging, stain, staining, stank, sting, stinging, stink, stinking
Tag(s), tan(s), tank(s), than, thank(s), thin(s), thing(s), think(s), this, tin
Vain, vat(s), visit, Viking(s), (AND) vista.
Other words besides the 117 above might be possible. But IV (the medical term) didn’t count because it’s an abbreviation. The Roman numerals II and IV are debatable, but the cuss word for human waste was not listed since this is a family oriented E-zine.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2016

The following is an editorial.

Here in the United States of America it's Thanksgiving Day.
Despite a lot of concerns for the future come January 2017, there is still a lot to be thankful for.
Life.
Love.
Family.
Friends.
And, of course, the ability to laugh.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

WKRP in Cincinnati's classic "Turkeys Away!" episode (c) MTM Enterprises.
The Free Choice E-zine did NOT create or post this clip on You Tube, but we are extremely happy such classic moments are still available for everyone to share and laugh at.

The above was an editorial.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: UNDERSTANDING ENGLISH

Eye before Eve, except after Sea?

Hello everybody. Autumn the puppy here.
Now through my various studies and digs through the Internet, I have come to one staggering conclusion.
There are times when the English language is hard to comprehend!
Shocking, right?
But seriously, whoever assigns names to things doesn't always get it right.
Quicksand isn't fast. Boxing rings are square.
Guinea Pigs are neither swine or from Guinea.
Neither English Muffins nor French Fries originated where their names imply.

Yet English was invented by people, and not machines, and truly shows off Human creativity.
Some examples:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

See what I mean? Spelling can be weird at times too.
I before E except after C.
Q is usually followed by U, but not always. (Guess that restraining order was finally issued.)
PH is pronounced as if you were saying the letter F.

But I guess it's just a question of how you look at everything.
Now, before we go, a special treat for everyone courtesy of YouTube. From their 1938 short "Violent is the Word for Curly", here are The Three Stooges Swinging The Alphabet.

And on that note, take care folks. Have a great Thanksgiving and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 24, 2012

Despite what the retail industry thinks, we will not be starting our annual parade of Christmas puzzles until December 1, so please enjoy these regular enigmas in the meantime.

TRIVIA TIME
What is an oenophile?

REBUS
Something familiar is represented by the image below. Do you know what it is?

We'll reveal all next weekend.
Meanwhile, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the November 17th Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
"Come on down, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track" are the directions to Alice's Restaurant.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE

Out of the letters in the word THANKSGIVING, you can make the following:

A, aging, ah, akin, an, angst, as, at

gag(s), gain(s), giant(s), gat(s) <old 1930's slang for guns>, gig(s), gin(s), gist, git(s) <Hillbilly slang for scram/get>, giving

hag(s), haggis <a Scottish delicacy>, hang(s), hat(s), having, hi <short form of "hello">, hiking, hint(s), hit(s)

I,  ink(s), in(s), inn(s), is, it, its

kin, king(s), kit(s), knight(s), knit(s)

nag(s), nigh, night(s)

sag, saint, sank, sat, saving, shag <type of carpeting>, sight, sighting, sign, signing, sink, sinking, sin, shin, shining, sit, skit, snag, stag, staging, stain, staining, stank, sting, stinging, stink, stinking

tag(s), than, thank(s), thin(s), thing(s), think(s), this

vain, vat(s), visit, Viking(s), (AND) vista.

Other words besides the 108 above might be possible. But IV (the medical term) didn’t count because it’s an abbreviation. The Roman numerals II and IV are debatable, but the cuss word for human waste was not listed since this is a family oriented E-zine.