SUNDAY FUNNIES: FELINE FUNNIES (misc. cat jokes)

 Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here!

Despite having my own purrsonal fur coat, it's much too cold for me to go outside right now even if I was an outdoor cat.

Which makes me glad I'm an indoor feline!

In any event that just means I've got more time to kick back, relax, and tell more jokes about my favorite subject.

Meow.😸

Ready?

What is a cat's favorite exercise?

Puss ups, provided you can get a cat to exercise in the first place. 😼

What did the Shakespearian cat say? 

Ta-bby or not ta-bby 

His daughter came running toward him screaming "Daddy! There's a black cat outside!"

"So?" asked the father.

"Don't they bring bad luck?" the girl asked.

"That's just a myth."

"Well, you're going to have to find something else to barbeque because your steak's mything with the cat."

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? 

Too many cheetahs. 

What is a cat's favorite song? 

Three Blind Mice.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? 

Claw Enforcement. 

What is the name of the unauthorized cat biography? 

Hiss and Tell. 

What do you call the cat burglar that was caught by the police? 

The purrpatrator. 

What is a cat's favorite color? 

Purrrrrrrple! 

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? 

A mice cream cone.

Hey, us cats love Mice Crispies for breakfast too.

What do cats use to make coffee? 

A purr-colator. 

Why was the cat so grouchy? 

Because he was in a bad mewd. 

How does the cat get its own way? 

With friendly purr-suasion. 

What is the cat's favorite magazine? 

Good Mousekeeping.  

How do cats end a fight? 

They hiss and make up. 

What is a cat's favorite car? 

The Catillac. 

What kind of cat will keep your grass short? 

A Lawn Meower. 

Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? 

Because each of them was guilty of purr-jury. 

What do you use to comb an archaeologist's cat? 

A catacomb. 

And before we go, here's a great article all about how expressive cats can be!

So on that note𝅘𝅥𝅯, take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week and please be with us again next weekend as Koda Canine joins me for our annual Thanksgiving🦃 Tribute on The Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 5-11, 2023: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 

WE NEED

MORE GUN RESPONSIBILITY

NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 

ALTHOUGH W.H.O. HAS ENDED THE IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY,

THE VIRUSES ARE STILL ONGOING.

PLEASE GET VACCINATED,

WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY

& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS

OR M(ONKEY) POX!

NOVEMBER IS NATIVE AMERICAN HERITAGE MONTH.

NOVEMBER 11 IS ARMISTICE AND REMEMBRANCE DAY FOR MOST OF THE WORLD AND VETERANS DAY IN THE UNITED STATES.

NOVEMBER 12 IS DIWALI IN INDIA.

NOVEMBER 14 IS WORLD DIABETES AWARENESS DAY.

NOVEMBER 17 IS THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE NORTH AMERICAN FREE TRADE AGREEMENT.

NOVEMBER 18 IS THE 105TH ANNIVERSARY OF

LATVIA DECLARING ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM RUSSIA.

NOVEMBER 18 IS THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE PUSH BUTTON TELEPHONE ENTERING PUBLIC SERVICE.🕿

NOVEMBER 19 IS WORLD TOILET DAY.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*As the Syrian Civil War continues…

*Portugal needed a new Prime Minister.

*Puerto Rico is suffering an influenza epidemic.

*They wanted better wages in Bangladesh, so the owners closed the factories.

*The COVID state of the world, as of November 11, 2023.

*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of November 11, 2023.

*The Pope relieved a Bishop of duty.

*Is a Singularity in our future???

*Microsoft system changes are pending.

*Are you at risk of losing your G-Mail account(s)???

*Why African Elephants are dying.

*The Hanshin Tigers defeated the Orix Buffaloes to win the 2023 Japan Series.⚾

*A Great Britain grocery store chain is getting rid of their self check registers!😁

*Good thing they didn't throw that painting away.

*November 18 is the 530th anniversary of Christopher Columbus sighting what is now known as Puerto Rico.

ON ISRAEL, PALESTINE, HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND THE GAZA STRIP…

*There are 4/FOUR separate links in the header.

*Gaza City went under siege November 7.

*When you have to evacuate a hospital...

*Will there ever be even a temporary cease fire???

*Hezbollah plans to continue fighting.

*As the International Criminal Court considers legal proceedings… 

THE RUSSIA UKRAINE WAR!

*As the war continues… 

*The F-16s are coming.

*At the Dnipro River and its bridge… (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*From the Ukraine's perspective.

*Can there be peace???

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

*The hottest October on record!

*Analysis: Is burning garbage for fuel a good thing???

🌟SPACE POSTS

*A look at the “dark universe”.

*What, if anything, is within the Crab Nebula???

😢PASSING PARADE…

*The innocent lives lost during the Russian invasion of the Ukraine.

*The innocent lives lost during the Middle East conflicts.

*Famed college coach Carl Torbush has passed away.

*Rapper C-Knight of The Dove Shack is no longer with us.

*Martial arts master turned actor Pat E. Johnson (Enter the Dragon, Mortal Kombat franchise, more) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

*Professional football🏈 player D. J. Hayden left us too soon.

*Singer/actress Conny (or Connie) Van Dyke (Among the Thorns, WW and the Dixie Dance Kings, more) has take her last bow on life's stage. No relation to Jerry or Dick Van Dyke.

*Cinematographer John Bailey (The Big Chill, Cat People, much more) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

THE BORDER WALL-KIDS-IMMIGRATION ISSUES…

*Former President Trump declared a “national emergency” to build his border wall, separating families upon apprehension. President Joseph Biden nullified the emergency, but other matters pertaining to these issues still have to be dealt with.

*Is a legal showdown brewing between the Biden Administration and the Texas Government’s concept of border security???

NOTE: While we are doing our best to provide coverage, the above is a serious ongoing issue. Especially since no one has yet to fully discuss the health and safety of all the detainees as well as the various costs under Donald Trump of separating families and who is truly responsible for the deaths of FIVE detainees (known to date), let alone if anyone might actually be making a profit from this situation.

CAPITAL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*Another suspect has been arrested.

POLITICALLY…

*Among the 2023 voting results: news from Virginia, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Rhode Island, New Jersey and Kentucky. (There are 7/SEVEN separate links in this item.)

*Yet were the voting machines accurate in Pennsylvania???

*Arizona is investigating the fake electors of 2020.

*The latest from the White House.

*November 17 is the 50th anniversary of then President Richard Nixon’s (in)famous “I am not a crook” speech concerning his suspected involvement in the Watergate scandal.

ROE V. WADE OVERTURN>AFTERMATH

*A look at how the continuing abortion issue affected the 2023 election results.

*The People have spoken, but will Republicans in Ohio and Michigan listen??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…

*Why is antisemitism on the rise???

*Why is Hobby Lobby apparently only carrying Christmas merchandise???

*The current status of paid sick leave.

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…

*The state of your state.

😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…

*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.

✅IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!

*Did Moms For Liberty have a legitimate complaint about a book???

*A look at one of Donald Trump’s recent public speeches.

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*Can Speaker of the House Mike Johnson prevent a pending government shutdown???

*The House has censured Representative Rashida Tlalib.

*The Senate Democrats stopped the bill because it only aided Israel and not the Ukraine too.

*Yet Senate Republicans won’t pass any aid bill without US Border revisions.

*And Senator Tuberville still won’t approve any promotions until the military changes its abortion policies to his satisfaction.

*As the deadline to prevent a government shutdown approaches...

*Representative Brad Wenstrup has announced his impending retirement.

*Analysis: How Senator Joe Manchin’s decision not to seek reelection may affect the Senate and the Democratic Party.

TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…

*Trump testified at his New York Civil Fraud Trial. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

*Ivanka Trump testified at the New York Civil Fraud Trial too. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Trump WILL remain on Minnesota’s 2024 Primary ballot, pending his other trials' results.

*As the Defense begins in the New York Civil Fraud Trial...

*Speculation: What Trump might be facing in the Documents Trial.

*Opinion: Is Trump trying to undermine the legal system???

*Opinion: Should the state of Florida pay Trump’s legal fees???

ELSEWHERE…

*A look at the pending Social Security changes for 2024.

*Even if true, is it something to brag about???

*Did Amazon participate in price manipulation???

*Trump versus Iowa’s Governor???

*Mark Meadows is being sued for an inaccurate “tell all” book.

*Is a Singularity in our future???

*Nestle’s Animal Bar will be joining the Caramac Bar on the discontinued list.

*An update on some recent Chapter 11 bankruptcy filings.

*Are you at risk of losing your G-Mail account(s)???

*Microsoft system changes are pending.

*UFOs in America???

*Could a $2 bill be worth $20,000???

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*Good thing they didn't throw that painting away.

*The Actors may be going back to work soon.

*Aldi’s will be closed both Christmas Day AND Boxing Day (December 26) this year.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 11, 2023

 😎FUN FACT

Today is Veterans' Day in the United States, honoring and remembering all who severed to protect this country past, present and future.

THE 50/50 CHANCE

Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question except there are only two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE or FALSE: The following line from The Flintstones theme song is correct.

♫Let’s ride, with the family down the street

Through the courtesy of Fred’s new heap.♫

NUMBER PLEASE

Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.

On M*A*S*H, how many bug outs (camp evacuations) were performed under Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake?

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the November 4, 2023 Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS

The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?

01. {Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi} and we already know about the various roles in their respective acting careers. ANSWER: Both men were also co-founders of the Screen Actors Guild.

02. {J, Q} and yes, we know they are both consonants. ANSWER: They are the only two letters of the alphabet that do not appear within the periodic table of elements.

⌚TRIVIA TIME

Where did India Ink originate?

Despite the name, it was created in China.

ELECTION DAY 2023

 THE FOLLOWING IS AN EDITORIAL.

Tuesday November 7, 2023 is Election Day in the United States of America.

Now, it may not seem like an important one since the Presidential Election isn't until this time next year, but every election IS important!

The 2023 election results will decide who leads local government in many cities and towns across the country as well as either accept or reject a few pending referendums that will affect the lives of everyone within that state.

Besides, every election is also a chance for you to exercise your right to free choice and express whatever opinion you might have via YOUR vote.

So please don't wait until next November.

GO VOTE!

Lee Houston, Junior

Editor-In-Chief: The Free Choice E-zine

THE ABOVE WAS AN EDITORIAL.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TIME FLIES!

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

First, a Public Service Announcement.

Daylight Savings Time 2023 ended before Dawn Sunday, November 5. So if you forgot to set your clocks back, then you're an hour early for everything because everyone else is on the "right" time. 😲

Whether or not this is better than forgetting to set your clocks ahead when Daylight Savings Time started back in late March and you wound up being an hour late for everything is a matter of opinion.

Now then, with the time change comes sunset and darkness much earlier than it used to as the days grow shorter towards the longest night of the year this December.

Personally, I'm not afraid of the dark.

Just wise and cautious about what might be in it.

Outside might be coyotes, and these are a lot smarter and a lot hungrier than the one that works for Warner Brothers who always fails to catch that Road Runner.

In my neck of the woods might also be deer.🦌🦌 They're pretty friendly, but any bears🐻🧸 lurking about would be another matter, because they're after far more than any stray pic-a-nic baskets lying around.

See why I prefer to be an indoor dog?

Especially at night?

Unfortunately my restroom is outside, but my owners keep a close eye on me when I do have to go.

Of course the time change has thrown my schedule off a bit.

I didn't know it was only a quarter to 5 this morning when I started begging to be let out long enough to do what I had to do. I thought it was my normal morning call time.

Who's messing with the clock anyway?

None of us have no control over the sun.🌞

It's either out or it's not.

Besides, how do you reset a sundial anyway?

And do we really save anything during this period?

The same hour we "lose" in the Spring is the same one we gain back in the fall.

And without any interest!

Anyway, I still have time😉 for a few jokes. To wit:

The gardener wanted to grow herbs, but could never find the thyme.

You never want to annoy a clock because you wouldn't like it when they're ticked off.

I heard a great time travel joke tomorrow.

When you hold a clock to a mirror, is it time for reflection?

And remember, the only animal that truly understands time is a watch dog.

So on that note♪, have a great week.

Take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 29-NOVEMBER 4, 2023

 

WE NEED

MORE GUN

RESPONSIBILITY 

NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 

ALTHOUGH W.H.O. HAS ENDED THE IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY,

THE VIRUSES ARE STILL ONGOING.

PLEASE GET VACCINATED,

WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY

& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS

OR M(ONKEY) POX!

NOVEMBER IS NATIVE AMERICAN HERITAGE MONTH.

NOVEMBER 4 IS NATIONAL UNITY DAY AND ITALY’S ARMED FORCES DAY.

NOVEMBER 5 IS GUY FAWKE'S NIGHT IN GREAT BRITAIN.

NOVEMBER 10 IS WORLD HUMAN RIGHTS DAY.

NOVEMBER 11 IS VETERANS' DAY IN THE UNITED STATES.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*On the eve of arms talks between China and the United States…

*China also wants the fighting in Myanmar to end.

*The mob at a Russian airport Sunday, October 29.

*The COVID state of the world, as of November 4, 2023.

*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of November 4, 2023.

*Is Time Travel possible???

*Previously unknown work by Michelangelo now on display.

*The baby’s home.

ON ISRAEL, PALESTINE, HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND THE GAZA STRIP…

*There are 4/FOUR separate links in the header.

*As the fighting continues... 

*How might neighboring Egypt be affected???

*As the tanks circle Gaza...

*Could there be a cease fire???

*A look at the latest Middle East Misinformation.

*Some opinions on current events in the Middle East. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

THE RUSSIA UKRAINE WAR!

*As the war continues… 

*The Ukraine’s current status.

*Meanwhile, at Avdiivka…

*A Russian withdraw, on one front.

*The Russian wreckage isn’t all Russian???

*As another winter draws near…

*Russia allegedly wants peace, but— 

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

*The plastic eating bacteria.

*The seal saver.

*Reclaiming an old golf course for nature.

😢PASSING PARADE…

*The innocent lives lost during the Russian invasion of the Ukraine., 

*The innocent lives lost during the Middle East conflicts.

*The innocent lives lost during a Tampa, Florida street shooting October 29.

*The innocent lives lost during the Nepal earthquake November 3.

*The innocent 11 year old killed during a shooting in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA November 3.

*Actor Matthew Perry (Friends, Ally McBeal, much more) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

*Former professional basketball🏀 player Walter Davis is no longer with us.

*Famed college basketball🏀 coaches Bob Knight and Gary Colson are no longer with us. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Actor Tyler Christopher (General Hospital, The Lying Game, more) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS OVERNIGHT NOVEMBER 5/6.

CAPITAL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*Another large sentence for a convicted participant.

*Trump’s opinions on the January 6 trials.

POLITICALLY…

*TUESDAY NOVEMBER 7 IS ELECTION DAY IN THE UNITED STATES!

*On the eve of arms talks between America and China…

*Suddenly President Biden has a challenger for the Democratic Presidential nomination.

*Will Trump be on Michigan’s 2024 Primary ballot???

*The latest from the White House.

*Opinions: Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg versus Speaker of the House Mike Johnson on same gender relationships and marriage.

*Speculation: President Biden’s Auto Workers’ support and its possible effects on the 2024 Presidential election.

⚖THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…

*The Court is scheduled to consider gun ownership in domestic violence.

*One examination of the Court's role in recent elections.

SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…

*Who threatened those of the Jewish faith at Cornell University???

*Opinion: Is “Libs of TikTok” spreading hate???

STOP THE SENSELESS VIOLENCE!

*Why was there no welfare check on the Maine shooter before the tragedy happened???

*Who killed an 11 year old while wounding others in Cincinnati, Ohio November 3???

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…

*The state of your state.

😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…

*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.

✅IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!

*A look at the latest Middle East Misinformation.

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*What Mike Johnson has to deal with as Speaker of the House.

*The Republicans want to trade aide to Israel for higher tax filing fees??? And other possibilities... (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The threat of a government shutdown looms on the horizon again.

*An analysis of Mike Johnson’s first week as Speaker.

*The new Speaker’s opinions on Medicare and Social Security.

*George Santos is still a Representative, for now.

*Opinion: Will Senator Tuberville ever allow a military promotion??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Opinion: Is a new bill before Congress Anti Hamas or Anti Palestinian???

*Speculation: How Mike Johnson became Speaker.

TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…

*As the Colorado trial to determine Trump’s eligibility to run for President continues…

*More  legal action to keep Trump off 2024 ballots.

*Trump received another gag order.

*Trump’s sons testified at their father's New York Fraud trial. (There are 5/FIVE separate links in this item.)

*One look back at Trump’s sexual misconduct accusations.

ELSEWHERE…

*You can’t threaten a prosecutor.

*Bally’s will take over Trump’s New York Golf Course???

*Sam Bankman-Fried of FTX cryptocurrency has been found guilty on seven counts of Fraud and Conspiracy.

*Lyft and Uber to make amends to their drivers.

*The United Auto Workers Union has reached a tentative agreement with General Motors.

*At the 2023 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony...

*The Texas Rangers won the 2023 World Series⚾ against the Arizona Diamondbacks.

*Is Time Travel possible???

*There are ancient ruins, but… 

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*Previously unknown work by Michelangelo now on display.

*The baby’s home.

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 2,447 PAGE VIEWS IN OCTOBER 2023.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 4, 2023

 😎FUN FACT

The more complicated or darker in color a towel design is, the less absorbent the towel will be because it is already holding in the design’s printing dyes.

COMMON BONDS

The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?

01. {Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi} and we already know about the various roles in their respective acting careers.

02. {J, Q} and yes, we know they are both consonants.

TRIVIA TIME⌚

Where did India Ink originate?

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the October 28, 2023 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚

What is petrichor? The formal name for how things smell after a rain storm.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE

How many new words could you make out of the letters in HALLOWEEN?

A, all, allow, an, awl

Eel, ell (building extension), eon, ewe

Ha, hall, hallow, heal, he, heel, hell, hello, hole, how, howl

Law, lawn, lea, lean, loan, low

New, no, Noel, now

Oh, on, owl

Wall, we, wean, wee, ween, well, who (and) whole.

More than the 41 listed above might be possible.