I'm a cat.
All the other peoples who work here have day off because it start of new year.
Since me all alone in Free Choice office, thought I'd share New Year's resolutions with everyone, although why cats have to make these, I don't know.
Cats are purrfect.
Anyway...
My humans will never let me eat pet hamster, and I am at peace with that. Besides, last one tasted terrible anyway.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my humans have finished watching a horror movie, though I still think it funny.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium. Besides, fish food tastes awful. Me want fish, but they all swim to bottom when I come near. How fish can eat fish food is beyond meow.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs in Spring and Summer, then come home and puke them up just so my humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not perch on any human's chest in middle of night and stare into their eyes until they wake up. But what else is there for me to do at night? I slept most of the day and still haven't figured out the TV remote control yet.
Me and the other kitties will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across Plains of Serengeti" while humans trying to sleep.
Screaming at can of food will not make it open itself. But if cats could work can opener, humans would be out of job.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again. At least not until the next time.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase stuff.
I will not stick my paw into container on desk to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back. But then again, it started fight.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Bird feeder is for birds. Not a place for me to wait for dinner.
When humans are typing at computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.
Computer mouse is NOT edible.
If me want to be on TV, will wait for human to get video camera, not take the matter into my own paws.
Magic box in kitchen has food, but not all food for cats. We will not try to force magic box open when no one is around, no matter how close we cats are getting to achieving goal.
Sleeping at top of staircase in middle of night is not "being on sentry duty". Fall is a season, not a human sporting event.
Well, that all there is. Have good week peoples and be back soon for more Sunday Funnies. >^;^<
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