SUNDAY FUNNIES: DRY HUMOR (misc. jokes)

 Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here!

I don't know about things where you are, but it's been raining like crazy here since the first time I got up today.

The weather's making me so stir crazy, as you can see by the candid photo my people took, I'm afraid I got into a little mischief this afternoon but don't worry. My lawyer says we can get the photo thrown out of court as evidence since I never consented to have my picture taken.😼

In any event, I'm safe and dry within my people's house.

I'm sure all this rain will help the plants, trees and future gardens, but the man of the house is already complaining about the potential weeds next year and how he'll need a new riding lawn mower, to which his wife just rolls her eyes and goes back to the book she's reading.

Not that there's anything wrong with his old lawn mower, except for the fact that he has to push it around to cut any grass.

Since I'm not allowed outside to begin with, I have no idea what all the fuss is about.

No matter how much you mow, the grass will just grow back again, so why bother?

Of course they claim if you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard.

Purrsonally, I'm still trying to figure out who "they" are.

Anyway...

You know you've had too much coffee if you can thread a sewing machine while it's still running!

Gravity is the most fundamental force in the universe.

If you take it away, you have nothing left but gravy.

If they ever totally perfect self driving vehicles, will there come a day when we hear country songs about a man's pick up truck driving away with his dog, never to return?

During the late, late movie last night (or was that early this morning?) there was a commercial for a psychic claiming that they could change the viewer's life for the better.

If a psychic is able to see and know all, why don't they change their own lives for the better?

Then they could retire early and never have to work again.

Friendly reminder.

If you're stuck at work, hitting the Escape key on your computer won't help.

So on that note♪, take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week and please be back next weekend when Koda Canine and I host our annual Christmas Party on the Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: DECEMBER 3-9, 2023: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 😒DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, INTERNET SERVICE WAS NOT RESTORED TO THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE'S OFFICE UNTIL THE WEE HOURS OF SUNDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 10. THE WEEK IN REVIEW WAS DILLIGENTLY POSTED AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE ONCE WE WERE BACK ONLINE AND, BARRING ANY OTHER ISSUES, THE SUNDAY FUNNIES WILL BE POSTED LATER TODAY.

WE NEED

MORE GUN RESPONSIBILITY

NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 

ALTHOUGH W.H.O. HAS ENDED THE IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY,

THE VIRUSES ARE STILL ONGOING.

PLEASE GET VACCINATED,

WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY

& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS

OR M(ONKEY) POX!

DECEMBER 9 IS INTERNATIONAL ANTI-CORRUPTION DAY.

DECEMBER 10 IS WORLD HUMAN RIGHTS DAY.

DECEMBER 11 IS THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF STAR TREK 9: INSURRECTION.

DECEMBER 14 IS MONKEY 🐒DAY.

DECEMBER 15 IS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF

SUPERMAN 1 WITH CHRISTOPHER REEVE.

DECEMBER 16 IS NATIONAL DAY IN BAHRAIN

AND SOUTH AFRICA’S DAY OF RECONCILIATION.

DECEMBER 18 IS NATIONAL DAY IN QATAR.

2023 IS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE HIP-HOP GENRE.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*As war in the Sudan continues…

*Why does Venezuela want part of Guyana???

*The COVID state of the world, as of December 9 2023.

*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of December 9, 2023.

*Taylor Swift is Time magazine’s 2023 Person of the Year.

*Gold is at a new high.

*The modern ghost city.

*The cave dwelling still relatively intact.

*Guess what we found.

ON ISRAEL, PALESTINE, HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND THE GAZA STRIP…

*There are 4/FOUR separate links in the header.

*As the fighting continues… 

*Talks to release more hostages have stalled, although the United Nations hoped to arrange another cease fire. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The Gaza Strip has lost telecommunication services, along with its oldest mosque. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Famine in war time as another cease fire is not in the immediate future.

THE RUSSIA UKRAINE WAR!

*Current United States donations to the Ukraine are due to run out at the end of the calendar year.

*Russia continued its regular missile launches against the Ukraine.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

*The President of the COP28 Climate Conference believes there is “no science” to phasing out fossil fuels! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Global carbon Dioxide emissions are increasing.

*Will Lake Mead’s current rise last???

*Michigan, USA mandates clean energy.

*FYI: There are coastal areas that accept used Christmas Trees🎄 to help rebuild sand dunes along the beach. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

*FYI: Some zoos accept used Christmas Trees🎄 to help feed their animals. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

🌟SPACE POSTS

*Will you be able to see the rare eclipse overnight between December 11-12???

😢PASSING PARADE…

*The innocent lives lost during the Russian invasion of the Ukraine.

*The innocent lives lost during the Middle East conflicts. 

*The innocent lives lost during a shooting spree at the University of Nevada’s Las Vegas campus December 6.

*Singer/song writer/guitarist Myles Goodwyn of April Wine is no longer with us.

*Actress Andrea Fay Friedman (Life Goes On, Family Guy, more) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

*TV and movie creative force Normal Lear (way too many credits to mention) is no longer with us.

*Actor Ryan O’Neal (numerous credits over a decades long career) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

CAPITOL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*Are Republicans interfering with the Department of Justice???

POLITICALLY…

*Current United States donations to the Ukraine are due to run out at the end of the calendar year.

*President Biden versus Donald Trump on health care.

*The Job Market is still solid.

*Trump, in his own words, if reelected in 2024.

*North Carolina’s Governor is no longer seeking the 2024 Republican Presidential nomination.

*Did Florida Governor DeSantis overstep his authority???

*Opinion: So what did the Republicans achieve supporting Trump???

*Speculation: Trump’s potential cabinet if reelected.

*The latest from the White House.

⚖THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…

*A Court decision on a tax case that could affect many is pending.

ROE V. WADE OVERTURN>AFTERMATH

*A Texas Court has allowed one emergency abortion, but the State’s Supreme Court has put it on hold, pending their own hearing. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Of course the situation is now also the latest focal point of the ongoing abortion debate.

SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…

*A staff shake up a the University of Pennsylvania over current events.

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…

*The state of your state.

*Texas is suing Pfizer for not ending the Pandemic quickly???

😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…

*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.

✅IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!

*Is there actual evidence of corruption against President Biden or not???

*Despite some claims otherwise, Yellowstone National Park is still safe.

*What the F1 through F12 keys actually do.

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*To inquire about impeachment or not??? And one Republican’s opinions on the subject. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*There will be no military based anti-abortion measure in the current defense budget.

*Apparently Senator Tommy Tuberville has decided to start allowing military promotions after all, despite the fact the military hasn’t met his demands concerning their abortion policies.

*The Senate Judiciary Committee still wants to talk to Leonard Leo.

*Senator J. D. Vance wants what investigated???

*Accused Senator Bob Menendez asked a question his peers couldn't answer.

*Former Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy is leaving Congress.

*Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene’s thoughts on unemployment.

TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…

*Trump cannot delay testifying in his New York Fraud Case.

*Trump’s Gag Order is still in effect and the starting date is still tentatively set for late March 2024 as the scope of the prosecution's pending Election Fraud Case is wider than first thought. (There are 3/THREE separate links in this item.)

ELSEWHERE…

*Hunter Biden’s new tax troubles.

*Alaskan Airlines wants to buy Hawaiian Airlines.

*Can Moms For Liberty recover from a recent setback???

*Taylor Swift is Time magazine’s 2023 Person of the Year.

*Baldur’s Gate 3 is 2023’s Game of the Year.

*Gold is at a new high.

*They’re 13-0 for the season, but the Florida State Seminoles DIDN’T get a Bowl🏈 invitation???

*The quality of McDonald's burgers is changing.

*Opinion: Prices, not wages, are rising, but people don’t think inflation will be conquered until prices go down. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*The Actors Unions have officially approved a new contract.

*The cave dwelling still relatively intact.

*Guess what we found.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: DECEMBER 9, 2023

 😎FUN FACT

Having just finished filming Goodfellas, actor Joe Pesci allegedly had to watch his language while filming Home Alone 1 afterwards.

🥇FAMOUS FIRS5TS: THE CHRISTMAS CAROL EDITION

Just about everyone has sang every song, to date, for the holiday season. But do you know who the first to perform each tune listed was?

01. Frosty the Snowman⛄

02. Have A Holly Jolly Christmas

03. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

04. Here Comes Santa Claus🎅

05. I’ll Be Home For Christmas

06. Jingle Bell Rock

07. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!❄❅❆

08. Rocking Around The Christmas Tree🎄

09. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer🦌

10. Santa Baby

11. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

12. Silver Bells🕭🕭

13. Sleigh Ride (as an instrumental)

14. Sleigh Ride (with lyrics)

15. White Christmas

16. Wonderful Christmas Time

17. You’re A Mean One, Mister Grinch

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX🎁 and discover the results from the December 2, 2023 Puzzle Corner.

REBUS

We’ve decorated The Free Choice E-zine office for the holidays and something familiar is represented by our Christmas Tree.

Do you know what it is?

Noel. (No L)

RHYME TIME

The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Why we have a specific holiday. = Season’s Reasons.

CHANUKKAH 2023

 For those celebrating the Festival of Lights...

HAPPY CHANUKKAH!

From The Free Choice E-zine.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: COMEDY COMFY COUCH TIME

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

Okay, it took us a bit of time to figure things out but Piper D. Katt had the last solo presentation before our annual Thanksgiving team up and our Editor-In-Chief covering the actual holiday weekend, so it's my turn now!

As you can see, my people are gone at the moment so whet they don't know won't hurt them.

Or me.

I'm sitting on their my nice comfy couch and it's joke time. Ready?

People who cannot distinguish between etymology and entomology, bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely fool proof, is under estimating the ingenuity of fools.

No matter how much you deny the truth, the truth goes on existing.

Things that always tell the truth: Small children, Dogs, Yoga pants...

When freezing rain hits you, it hurts like hail.

The Institute Of Unfinished Research concluded that 6 out of 10 people...

Sorry folks. For some reason that joke is unfinished.

Why is a piano so hard to open?

The keys are inside.

Why was the guitar🎸 so sad?

He was tired of being picked on.

He’s all strung out and wants to have a relationship with no strings attached.

His last love song ended on a sour note.

The boss asked me to sign up for a 401k.

I told him there was no way I could run that far.

Does SAND gets its name from the fact that it is half way between the SEA and the LAND?

Women are better than men.

Don't believe me?

Then consider this. Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did.

But backwards and in heels.

So on that note♪, take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 26-DECEMBER 2, 2023: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 

WE NEED

MORE GUN

RESPONSIBILITY

NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 

ALTHOUGH W.H.O. HAS ENDED THE IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY,

THE VIRUSES ARE STILL ONGOING.

PLEASE GET VACCINATED,

WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY

& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

THE COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS

OR M(ONKEY) POX!

DECEMBER 4 IS INDIA’S NAVY DAY AND COOKIE DAY.

DECEMBER7 IS THE START OF

CHANUKKAH AT SUN DOWN, FOR THOSE OBSERVING.

DECEMBER 9 IS INTERNATIONAL ANTI-CORRUPTION DAY.

DECEMBER 10 IS WORLD HUMAN RIGHTS DAY.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Is a civil war developing in France???

*Russia’s Supreme Court has banned the LGBT movement in that country. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Nepal now recognizes same gender unions.

*Christopher Luxon is officially the new Prime Minister of New Zealand.

*Was there a coup brewing in a beauty pageant???

*The COVID state of the world, as of December 2, 2023.

*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of December 2, 2023.

*It looks like the Iceland Volcano might not erupt after all.

*Sandro Botticelli’s famous but missing painting Madonna delle Grazie, aka Mother and Child, has been found.

*Author Paul Lynch won the 2023 Booker Prize for his novel Prophet Song.

*Who were the actual architects???

*Recycling Legos for charity.

*Guess what we found!

*Speculation: Is Elon Musk fixing to leave Twitter/X???

ON ISRAEL, PALESTINE, HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND THE GAZA STRIP…

*There are 4/FOUR separate links in the header.

*More hostages were released over the course of the initial cease fire. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Qatar managed to extend the cease fire.by 2/TWO days. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Yet the United States was hoping for more.

*The Cease Fire, Day 6/SIX! (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Sadly, the truce ended.

*Will there soon be a Security Envelope around the Gaza Strip???

*The tragedy of war.

THE RUSSIA UKRAINE WAR!

*As the war continues…  

*Russia versus the weather in Crimea.

*Yet Ukrainian forces seem to have no problem with the weather.

*Well, Russia hit A target…

*Opinion: How helping Ukraine helps the United States.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…

*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

*At the United Nations 2023 Climate Change Conference, aka Cop28.

*Saturday at the conference.

*For those interested, the United States at the conference.

*A once stationary iceberg is now adrift in the Antarctic. So where is it headed??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Heavy rains are coming to some parts of North America.

*FYI: There are coastal areas that accept used Christmas Trees to help rebuild sand dunes along the beach. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

*FYI: Some zoos accept used Christmas Trees to help feed their animals. Check with yours to see if this program is available in your area.

🌟SPACE POSTS

*The 4/FOUR billion year old dance.

😢PASSING PARADE…

*The innocent lives lost during the Russian invasion of the Ukraine.

*The innocent lives lost during the Middle East conflicts. 

*The innocent lives lost during an Alaskan landslide of November 20.

*The innocent homeless people killed in Los Angeles, California.

*Former diplomat and Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has passed away.

*Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is no longer with us.

*Famed photographer Larry Fink is no longer with us.

*Puppeteer Marty Krofft of Sid and Marty Krofft Productions (H. R. Pufnstuf, Land of the Lost, much more) has passed away.

*(Vishwa)Mali the Elephant🐘 is no longer with us.

*Author John Nichols (The Sterile Cuckoo, The Wizard of Loneliness, more) has passed away.

*Visual Effects artist Mark Thorpe (Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises, more movies and created Robot Wars) is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…

CAPITOL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH

*A public statement from a Judge on the matter.

*It’s not looking good for Congressional Republican Scott Perry.

*No immunity for Trump in Capitol lawsuits.

*If found guilty, it doesn't matter who you are.

POLITICALLY…

*The United States at the United Nations 2023 Climate Change Conference, aka Cop28.

*The Biden-Harris Administration's efforts to end HIV/AIDS in our lifetime.

*Trump never swore to uphold the Constitution???

*Why all the fuss over a milkshake and a straw???

*Will Georgia have new voter districts that favor the Republicans???

*Speculation: Is the Republican Party going broke???

*Opinion: How helping Ukraine helps the United States.

*The latest from the White House.

⚖THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…

*Pending Court decisions could affect one’s right to trial by jury and gun control. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*The Court will not weigh in on possible immunity for Donald Trump.

ROE V. WADE OVERTURN>AFTERMATH

*A Texas court is considering an exception in the state abortion ban for risky pregnancies.

*Speculation: Trump on abortion.

STOP THE SENSELESS VIOLENCE!

*Why were Palestinian foreign exchange students shot in Vermont???

*Who has been killing homeless people in Los Angeles, California???

😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…

*The state of your state.

😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…

*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.

✅IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!

*Booed or not booed???

*Did Thomas Edison try to steal another inventor's creation???

MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…

*George Santos: To resign or be expelled???

*Answer: Santos was expelled. Now what happens to his seat in the House??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*As the Senate continues investigating the Supreme Court…

*The House is contemplating new overtime rules and whether or not to investigate the possibility of attempting to impeach President Biden. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Republicans want Hunter Biden to testify, just not in public. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

*Do Republicans want to change the divorce laws???

*What might Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville do next???

*In other Congressional news… 

*Just how many Congressional members have decided not to seek reelection???

TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…

*Examining financial reports at the Fraud trial.

*The New York Fraud Trial Gag Order has been reinstated, so Trump starts commenting on the Judge’s wife.

*Georgia prosecutors oppose plea deals for Trump, Meadows and Giuliani.

*The latest defense strategy in the Election Fraud case.

*The Federal Election Interference Case goes on.

*Another possible delaying tactic.

*No immunity for Trump in Capitol lawsuits.

*Are even more charges pending against Trump???

*Speculation: What did former Vice President Mike Pence have to say???

ELSEWHERE…

*Remembering Rosalynn Carter…

*A Judge won't let Montana ban Tik Tok.

*Who tried to edit Robert De Niro???

*Speculation: Is Elon Musk fixing to leave Twitter/X???

*Opinion: Trump versus the media and the Constitution.

😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

*Recycling Legos for charity.

*Guess what we found!

*December 3 is the 205th anniversary of Illinois joining the United States.

THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP FOR GRANTING US 3,562 PAGE VIEWS IN NOVEMBER 2023.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: DECEMBER 2, 2023

 😎FUN FACT

Now that December is here, let us begin our annual holiday puzzles.

REBUS

We’ve been decorating The Free Choice E-zine office for the holidays and something familiar is represented by our Christmas Tree.🎄 Do you know what it is?

RHYME TIME

The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, each word within it must rhyme. Ready?

Why we have a specific holiday.

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX🎁 and discover the results from the November 25, 2023 Puzzle Corner.

WHO ARE WE?

Similar to WHO AM I, although at least two people are involved.

Can you identify the people (real or fictitious) based upon the clue below?

We wear long tails and ears for hats. = Josie and the Pussycats, according to their Saturday morning theme song.

FAMOUS FIRSTS🥇

Who was America’s first 5/Five star general?

George Marshall