SUNDAY FUNNIES: RAINY DAY HUMOR (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
Not sure about things where you are, but it's rainy and miserable where I'm at today, so I'm stuck inside with "Bubblehead" (the human who thinks he's responsible for my well being) making me clean my room.
Of course, if he really was responsible for my well being, he'd give me plenty of Dark Belgosian Chocolate to eat and let me go watch TV while he cleaned this mess himself!

Waxy's special joke file

Anyway, since I am stuck doing this, I've been finding a lot of jokes I haven't used yet, and decided to share some of them with you. Ready?


Do SNAP, CRACKLE, and POP have a twitter account?
I could go for some Rice Krispies Tweets right now.

The best angle to approach any problem is from the try angle.

100 years ago, everybody owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today, everybody owns a car and only the rich own a horse. This really shows how the stables have turned.

Waxy's Cousin Trey

I just heard that my cousin Trey has become a freak.
Grandma says he grew two more feet!

It wouldn't be a winter holiday without a turkey, a fruit cake, and mixed nuts. But enough about my family.

"Truthfully? I have no comment at the moment," said no politician ever, unless it was to avoid incriminating themselves.

When asked what my New Year's resolution was, I checked my computer monitor and said "1024 x 768, as usual."

19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.



A FRIENDLY REMINDER...
Waxy Dragon's literary debut was in Finding Waxy by Roger "Bubblehead" Stegman and Nancy A. Hansen, available from Amazon.

Other books in the Companion Dragon series (to date) are A Familiar Name and Copper's Choice; with more volumes planned for the future.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JANUARY 21-27, 2018

JANUARY 27 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY

OF THE VIETNAM PEACE ACCORDS BEING SIGNED.

JANUARY 28 MARKS THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY OF LEGOS BEING CREATED.

JANUARY 30 MARKS THE 80TH ANNIVERSARY

OF THE LONE RANGER’S RADIO DEBUT.

FEBRUARY IS BOTH NATIONAL HEART HEALTH MONTH

AND BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Can United States President Donald Trump increase American business abroad???
*The United States has (temporarily?) closed its embassy in Haiti.
*United States President Donald Trump hopes Palestine and Israel will have more peace talks.
*Who stole the e-money in Japan???
*For those keeping track of the world’s Doomsday Clock and not the current Superman mini-series at DC Comics, it is now (allegedly) two minutes until “midnight”.
*Depending upon your viewing location, January 31 will feature a “super blue blood moon eclipse”!
*We lost the Space Shuttle Columbia crew 15 years ago on February 1, 2003.
*Apparently, there will be no winner in the 2018 Google Lunar X competition.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Blues musician Preston Shannon (“Beale Street Boogaloo”, “Midnight in Memphis”) has passed away.
*Country singer/actress Lari White (“That’s My Baby”, Cast Away) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Legendary author Ursula K. LeGuin (credits too numerous to mention) is no longer with us.
*Cartoonist Mort Walker (Beetle Bailey, Hi & Lois) has passed away.
*The victims of a suicide bomber who attacked a hospital in Kabul, Afghanistan January 27.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*Can President Trump increase American business abroad???
*The United States has (temporarily?) closed its embassy in Haiti.
*President Trump hopes Palestine and Israel will have more peace talks.
*Donald Trump is scheduled to give the President’s annual State of the Union address Tuesday night, January 30.
*Trump wants James F. Reilly to lead the U.S. Geological Survey.
*Whatever happened to First Lady Melania Trump wanting to address the issue of cyber bullying???
*Apparently, Donald Trump doesn’t like solar energy either!
MEANWHILE…
*The 2018 Federal Shutdown is temporarily suspended as Congress has passed a stop gap budget, with new tax cuts, until February 8, 2018. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*Jerome Powell is the new chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank.
*Does the Republican Party secretly have a “Whites Only” agenda??? One man’s opinion here.
*Steve Wynn has resigned as the Republican Party’s fiance chairman.
ELSEWHERE…

*The way things are going, even on a local bus, better have proof of citizenship handy!!!
*Are Hispanic voters safe in Texas???
*The 2018 Women’s March was held at various locations across the United States. Here’s hoping something positive comes out of these events.
*The FCC may be trying to get rid of net neutrality, but you still will have to provide fair service in Montana!!!
*The state of Florida is hoping to stay on Daylight Saving Time permanently!
*While Neil Diamond, Queen, Tina Turner, Emmylou Harris, and Louis Jordan will all be receiving Lifetime Achievement Awards during the 2018 Grammy Awards January 28; both Diamond and Elton John have announced their retirement from active touring, although for different reasons. (There are 3 separate links in this item.)
*LeBron James has now scored over 30,000 points in regular season professional basketball.
*Former gymnastics team doctor Larry Nassar has been severely sentenced after being found guilty of several counts of sexually molesting young athletes under his “care”.
*The 2018 inductees into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame have been announced.
*The nominees for both the 2018 Razzies (celebrating the worst) and the 2018 Oscars (celebrating the best) in movies have been announced. But is The Shape of Water guilty of plagiarism??? (There are 3 separate links in this item.)
*The 2018 “Super Bowl” will feature the National Football Conference’s Philadelphia Eagles versus the American Football Conference’s New England Patriots in prime time Sunday, February 4.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 27, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Handshakes originated to prove that you were unarmed/weaponless!

AKA, Also Known As
The “Egyptian Cobra” is more commonly referred to as what snake?

THE 50/50 CHANCE
Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are only 2 possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?
True or False: Temperature changes can affect liquids AND gases.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the January 20, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, every word within it must rhyme. Ready?

An alleged “classic” that’s actually beyond its prime.
Moldy Oldie.

TRIVIA TIME
According to Sue Grafton, what is Kinsey Milhone’s favorite meal?
A peanut butter and pickle sandwich.

Both the author and her creation shall be missed, for Grafton sadly lost her battle against cancer in December 2017 and her estate will not allow any continuation of the series nor adaptations in any media beyond reprints.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ANIMAL ANTICS (animal jokes)

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
As you can see, I'm staying nice and warm this winter with my family inside their people house, which also means I've had to bide my time and wait my turn at the computer. Usually when everyone's asleep and unaware that I even know how to turn the computer on, let alone use it.😉
After all, how do you think I keep up with my Sunday Funnies responsibilities, let alone surf the net to begin with?

Anyway, I've recently dug up some interesting animal facts that I'd like to share with you, and of course: my comments are in italics afterwards.
These are actual, TRUE facts folks! NOT any of that political "fake news" b.s.

An ostrich kick can kill a lion!😯
Now, stop and think about this for a moment folks. The ostrich kick may be strong enough to actually kill the lion, but do you really think the lion is going to sit still and let the ostrich kill it?
That poor lion would go down in history as a laughing stock to the rest of the felines!
"Hey, Fred. Did you hear Roy died?"
"No. How'd it happen? Poachers?"
"No. An ostrich killed him!"
Those lions would be laughing louder than a pack of hyenas after that!

NOT actual size.

A blue whale can consume as many calories in a single mouthful as an average person consumes in roughly 180 days.
Now, I have absolutely no doubt about this whatsoever.
But when was the eating contest to verify this fact held? That is one event I would have loved to attend.

Research shows that many birds have the ability to spontaneously adjust their color so they never go grey with age.
I'm sure a lot of people are envious about this. After all, just think about all the money they would have saved not needing to go to the beauty parlor if they had that ability!

"I caught a mouse!"

Dogs may be able to tell time with their noses. Every hour could smell a little different depending on the wind currents and new odors.
See? Us canines ARE a lot smarter than a lot of people think we are!

"Maybe, but you can't catch mice!" declared the cute little kitten.
"We can too," replied Autumn.
"Oh yeah? What kind of dog are you?" asked the kitten.
"A golden retriever," said Autumn proudly.
"Have you ever retrieved any gold?"
"My owners keep hoping I will, but that's stuff heavy and VERY well guarded by those who already have it. Besides, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a kennel for stealing."

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: JANUARY 14-20, 2018

JANUARY 22 IS PENGUIN AWARENESS DAY.

JANUARY 23 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE ROE VS. WADE DECISION.

JANUARY 23 IS ALSO SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY.

JANUARY 27 MARKS THE 45TH ANNIVERSARY OF

THE VIETNAM PEACE ACCORDS BEING SIGNED.

AMONGST EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD THIS PAST WEEK…

*Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas isn’t happy with American President Donald Trump’s attempts at Middle East Peace.
*Will Philippines’ President Rodrigo Duterte successfully shut down the Rappler newspaper there??? Other journalists and the general public are certainly against it. (There are 4 separate links in this item.)
*The Mayon Volcano has blown its top in the Philippines.
*In hopes of promoting further peaceful discussions between the two countries, North and South Korean athletes will march together during the opening ceremonies of the 2018 Winter Olympics.
*A more positive use for drones!


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

😭PASSING PARADE…
*Director/screenwriter Hugh Wilson (WKRP In Cincinnati, Police Academy) has passed away.
*We have lost professional hockey players Max Labovitch (New York Rangers) and Cecil Hoekstra (Montreal Canadiens) this past week.
*Gospel musician Edwin Hawkins (“Oh Happy Day”) is no longer with us.
*Film producer Allison Shearmur (Star Wars: Rogue 1, The Hunger Games) has passed away.
*Musician Jim Rodford (The Kinks, The Zombies) is no longer with us.
*Actress Dorothy Malone (Peyton Place, Basic Instinct) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
POLITICALLY…

*Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas isn’t happy with President Trump’s attempts at Middle East Peace.
*President Trump claims the Democrats don’t want to save the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program.
*Is Donald Trump guilty of sexual harassment too???
*Steve Bannon is allegedly prepared to speak to Robert Mueller. But considering the White House doesn’t want him talking about his time there, what will Bannon say??? (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
*The future of the ATF under Trump???
*The (public) results of Donald Trump’s physical.
*Trump appointee Carl Higbie has resigned.
*He claims not to like it, but should Trump give out “awards” for fake news???
*One news source's review of President Trump's first year in office.
*After all the bragging about his victory and inauguration, what happened to the leftover funds???
MEANWHILE…
*Congress is now working overtime to try to create a budget and rescind the Federal Shutdown they failed to prevent before the January 19 deadline. (There are 2 separate links in this item.)
ELSEWHERE…
*It wasn’t a test, a drill, nor an actual threat. So what happened in Hawaii???
*Is Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis right in his opinion about fighting terrorism today???
*Unhappy with Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, most of the National Parks Service Review Board has resigned in protest.
*Are you ready for “New California”???

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 20, 2018

😎FUN FACT
Eggs contain every (known) Vitamin except C.

RHYME TIME
The clue to something is below, but no matter how long your answer is, every word within it must rhyme. Ready?

An alleged “classic” that’s actually beyond its prime.

TRIVIA TIME
According to Sue Grafton, what is Kinsey Milhone’s favorite meal?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results from the January 13, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME
January 18 marks the 240th anniversary of Captain Cook discovering the Sandwich Islands.
But what has happened to them since then?
We know them today better as the Hawaiian Islands.

QUOTE THIS! (NEW GAME!)
In this puzzle, all you have to do is identify the source of a given quote. Ready?

“Is this Heaven?”
“No. Iowa.”
The above exchange was repeated a couple of times during the movie Field of Dreams.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JUNIOR DAY: 2018

The following is an editorial.

To say that there is a lot going on in the world right now is a serious understatement.
On this, the holiday honoring one of the better men of the human race, let us pause to recall some of his words and how they reflect upon not only the situations when he initially said them, but their applications upon the present and the future as well...

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

...I still have a dream. A dream deeply rooted in the American dream. That one day this nation will rise up and live up to its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident. That ALL men are created equal!'

The above was an editorial.