Sunday, February 19, 2012


Autumn the Puppy
Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Tomorrow is Presidents' Day here in the United States, but unfortunately I only know one Presidential themed joke...

Why was President George Washington such a lousy golfer?
He could not tell a lie.

And I know there have been dogs in the White House before, but enough about politics.
Instead, I would like to share with you some paraprosdokians.

No, I'm not contagious and you don't need to go running off to your doctor or alerting animal control. My nose is cold and I'm perfectly healthy.

Paraprosdokians are a figure of speech where the last part of a sentence or phrase is a surprise or totally unexpected. Paraprosdokians (how's that for a Scrabble word!) are usually humorous, like a lot of Groucho Marx quotes.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks, but they were embedded in so firmly we couldn't budge them. Of course in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa, but that's entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about."
(Groucho as Captain Spaulding from Animal Crackers, 1930)

So, now that you have the set up, here's the bit as I present some more paraprosdokians (try saying that three times fast) for your reading enjoyment.

Do not argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
(These first two sound like metaphors to the Republican debates to me, but anyway...)

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

And unfortunately, that's all the time and space I have for this weekend. Which is odd considering both are supposed to be infinite entities.
But in any event, have a great week everyone and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-AtP.

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