SUNDAY FUNNIES: WELL, DOGGIE!

 Hey Everyone! Koda Canine here!

Just enjoying a tummy rub from one of my people. I've got them well trained. 😉

It's another miserable day weather wise outside, so I'm enjoying the creature comforts of the great indoors. But you didn't come here to watch me have fun, so on with the jokes!

One day last week I managed to get out of the yard and one of my people had to chase me in their underwear before I got too far.

They're still wondering how I got in their underwear to begin with!

Humans complain about us animals licking everything that needs cleaning.

Why? I know where my tongue's been.

What about you folks washing your hands?

You don’t wash your hands.

Your hands wash each other and you just stand there staring and watching, like some kind of peeping tom.

If you've seen them wash each other once, you've seen every past and future performance of the deed as well, so why keep looking?

Are fezes still cool?

Remember, if you wear spectacles,👓 always make sure they are clean.

You can’t be optimistic if you have misty optics. 

If Sherlock Holmes' Watson isn't the most famous Doctor, then Who is?

Personally, I like them both. Neither have ever approached me with a thermometer that they want to stick somewhere a thermometer shouldn't go.

To say I am awesome is an insult.

It is saying I only have some awe.

I am full of awe, but I am not awful.

A Wishbone, A Back bone and a Funny bone are all you need to survive.

So on that note♫ take care.

STAY SAFE!😷

And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: FEBRUARY 19, 2022

😎FUN FACT

While this is NOT recommended, Ingus Augstkalns of Latvia is the first person to skydive from a DRONE!

BEFORE AND AFTER

Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Fast food favorite of New Orleans, Louisiana?

TRIVIA TIME⌚

Everyone has at least heard of IHOP, but what does it stand for?

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the February 12, 2022 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚

Who were Paul and Linda McCartney’s backup band on ♫Coming Up♫?

Officially released on McCartney II, his second solo album, the video accredits “The Plastic Macs”, which were Paul as all the musicians in various disguises—including a nod to his early Beatles days—and Linda as both back up singers.

THE LETTER SHUFFLE

Considering it was earlier this week, how many new words can you make out of the letters in VALENTINE?💕

A, alien, alive, an, ant, at, ate

Eat, eave, even, evil

I, in, inn, inane, it

Lane, late, Latin, lean, leave, lei, lenient, lent, lie, line, lint, live

Neat, nine, nit

Tan, tea, ten, teen, tile, tin, tine

Veil, vein, vent, vial, vile

More than the 43 words listed above might be possible.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MUSICALLY YOURS! (misc. jokes)

♫Flying away on a wing and a prayer♫

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here.
I don't know about where you are, but for me, so far ♫it's been a long cold, lonely winter.♫
Just sitting at home watching TV all the time can get pretty boring when ♫there's 57 channels and nothing's on.♫
At least, not on basic cable.
I'm having more fun with the radio right now. Found an "oldies" station with a lot of songs I haven't heard before, but got caught up listening for so long that I didn't really get a chance to prepare for today's post, so I'm just gonna wing it and come up with jokes based on radio tunes.
Ready?

Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it sure can make misery easier to deal with.
♫Can't buy me love...♫

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match against me at kickboxing!
♫Everybody was kung fu fighting!♫
Although, come to think of it, whatever happened to Hong Kong Phooey?

A manager who smiles in the middle of a crisis has already selected who will be blamed for the mess.
♫You don't believe, we're on the eve of destruction?♫

Some people debate having a career. Others earning a decent paycheck. Why not beat the odds and go for both?
♫Working 9 to 5...♫

If anyone knows a good fish joke, let minnow.
♫I'd like to be, under the sea...♫

War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.
♫All we are saying, is give peace a chance.♫

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please come back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!
Maybe by then I'll figure out why they call all these great new songs I've never heard before "oldies".—wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PARAPROSDOKIANS AND YOU!

Autumn the Puppy

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!

Tomorrow is Presidents' Day here in the United States, but unfortunately I only know one Presidential themed joke...

Why was President George Washington such a lousy golfer?
He could not tell a lie.

And I know there have been dogs in the White House before, but enough about politics.
Instead, I would like to share with you some paraprosdokians.

No, I'm not contagious and you don't need to go running off to your doctor or alerting animal control. My nose is cold and I'm perfectly healthy.

Paraprosdokians are a figure of speech where the last part of a sentence or phrase is a surprise or totally unexpected. Paraprosdokians (how's that for a Scrabble word!) are usually humorous, like a lot of Groucho Marx quotes.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks, but they were embedded in so firmly we couldn't budge them. Of course in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa, but that's entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about."
(Groucho as Captain Spaulding from Animal Crackers, 1930)

So, now that you have the set up, here's the bit as I present some more paraprosdokians (try saying that three times fast) for your reading enjoyment.

Do not argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
(These first two sound like metaphors to the Republican debates to me, but anyway...)

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

And unfortunately, that's all the time and space I have for this weekend. Which is odd considering both are supposed to be infinite entities.
But in any event, have a great week everyone and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-AtP.