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| "Don't blame me if you don't like the weather!" |
http://www.thefreechoice.info/2012/02/happy-groundhogs-day-2012.html
Now The Free Choice E-zine would like to follow up on this with our annual reposting of our esteemed Editor-In-Chief's essay on the subject, originally written in 2005.
So with tongue firmly in cheek...
“Is this the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe?” asked the lady as she walked in my front door.
“Yes it is,” I replied. “I’m Howie Cheatum. And you are--?”
“Susan Woo,” she replied, “but you can call me Sue.”
“Okay Sue. And what can I do for you today?”
“I want to engage your services to represent myself as I
initiate a law suit.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right place. Who do you want to
sue?”
“Punxsutawney
“You want to sue who?” I asked in disbelief.
“Not myself silly. Punxsutawney
“The groundhog?” I asked, trying to confirm what I heard the
first time.
“Yes, that filthy animal,” replied Sue.
“Why?”
“Because this year he/it claimed we would have six weeks of
relatively mild weather and an early spring. None of that came true. I couldn’t
break out my spring wardrobe when I wanted to. I hurt my back shoveling the
driveway myself because I dismissed the snow plow service early thinking I
wouldn’t need them any more this season. Should I go on?”
“No, I get the idea. And on what grounds would you like to
initiate this lawsuit?”
“Don’t you think at a courthouse would be best?” she asked.
“What I meant was, for what reasons did you want to sue?”
“I figured breach of promise at the very least, and whatever
else is applicable,” she replied. “The late winter has just totally ruined
spring, and who knows just how that is going to affect summer. The trees are
barely beginning to bud as it is. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if fall
arrives on time anyway and cuts whatever is left of spring and summer short
this year.”
“I see,” I said, pausing momentarily to wonder why I always
got stuck with the live ones. “Let me look up some reference material on the
subject,” I said, before turning to use my computer terminal. After a couple of
minutes on Wikipedia, I said, “You do realize that this is all just traditional
superstition dating back to at least the 1800s in America and at least the
fifth century in Europe.”
“So, that means that Punxsutawney Phil should have been a
lot more accurate in his prediction than he actually was, right?”
“Well, that’s one way of looking at it,” I agreed while
reading the data some more. “While he only has a 39% accuracy rating, it says
here that Punxsutawney Phil isn’t the only one who is used to predict the
weather.”
“Oh?”
“There’s Jimmy the Groundhog in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin;
Holtsville Hall and Dunkirk Dave, wherever they reside, all said that there
would be six more weeks of winter. Phil and a bunch of others on this list all
predicted an early spring,” I said, showing her what it said on my computer
monitor.
“Good. Let’s start a class action suit and go after all of
them!”
“It just doesn’t quite work that way. The animals themselves
never specifically said what the weather would be. Humans just interpreted the
situational conditions as best they could.”
“Well let’s sue them,” said Sue.
“That doesn’t work either. None of them were trained
professionals paid to do that job. It would be like me trying to predict the
weather just by looking out the window.”
“Then are you suggesting that I should sue the weathermen?”
“Actually, you don’t have a case against anybody involved
with Groundhog’s Day predictions. That’s all they were, just predictions. None
were legally binding.”
“Then can I sue you?”
“For what?” I asked in disbelief.
“For not taking my case.”
While it would not actually get far in the court system, in
this day and age, I’d be surprised if she didn’t find somebody willing to take
the case.
We hope you enjoyed this flashback laugh and the ladies will be back next weekend to celebrate Valentine's Day. Until then, have a great week everybody!
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