SUNDAY FUNNIES 2024 CHRISTMAS PARTY!

Meowy Christmas!

 Hello Everybody! It's an embarrassment of riches today because the whole gang is here for The Free Choice E-zine's annual Christmas Party on The Sunday Funnies!
 That's right! Piper D. Katt, Koda Canine, and our Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior are all together under one roof to share and spread some holiday cheer, provided three typists can peacefully share a keyboard.

I think we can manage just fine. Is everybody ready?

READY!

Then it's joke time!

Woof Woof Woof!

 Please don’t pick on older children for still believing in Santa.

There are adults who still believe in politicians.

What is the perfect gift?

A broken drum. Nobody can beat that.

How much does Santa🎅 pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house.

I'm fairly generous, but my presents🎁 get a bad wrap.

Happy Holidays!

I love Neil Diamond’s Christmas songs.

They’re such sweet carol lines.

Did you hear about the shoe lace that got coal for Christmas?

It was on the knotty list.

A copy of A Christmas Carol fell on my little toe.

It hurt like the Dickens. 😉

 If you are shopping Christmas Eve, be nice to the retail workers. It is not their fault that you waited until the last split second to shop.

Santa🎅 to Satan: “No, I will not sell you my naughty list.”

Our tree. No L. Noel.

Don’t forget to leave cigarettes, shoes and a Twinky in the duct work for John McClaine on Christmas Eve.😉 (Reference to the first Die Hard movie.)

“My people got their daughter some nesting dolls for Christmas.”

“I hate those things. They are so full of themselves. You're never done knocking them over.”😼

What does a Gingerbread Man do when he breaks his leg?

He gets a candy cane.

Doctor to Gingerbread Man: “I know your knee hurts. Have you tried icing it?”

I’m going to lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I am a gift.

This year, instead of worrying about what’s under the tree, just be grateful for who’s still around it.

So on that note♫, I hope everyone has a great week.

Piper and Koda will be off for the rest of the year to be with their respective families—

Really?

HOORAY!

But I'll be here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!

OH NO!

Don't worry folks. We'll leave him some jokes.

HEY! I can be funny!

Seriously?😼

In any event, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY!

PDK, KC, LHJR.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MERRY(?) MEMORIAL DAY 2024

Hello Everybody!

The Free Choice E-zine's Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here because, since it's the Memorial Day Weekend in the United States of America, your regular Sunday Funnies hosts Piper D. Katt and Koda Canine have the holiday weekend off.

Now then, I'm not sure what the proper greeting is on such a somber occasion. I used Merry in the title of this installment just for the literation. After all, we pause to remember those who gave their life to protect this country and its people, let alone the free world.

In any event, you folks are here for entertainment, not a soap box oration, so let's get on with the jokes.

"In three words, I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on." ~~ Robert Frost.

♫Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.♫ ~~ The Beatles.

Life is a funny thing.

I don't mean funny "ha ha". I mean funny strange.

Everyone wishes they had more of everything.

Time. Money. Life.

The things that mattered more in childhood are less important in your adult life, yet a lot of the stuff you have to take care of in adulthood is nowhere near as fun as the things you used to do as a kid.

I thought getting old would take longer.

They claim time flies when you're having fun, but it certainly drags the rest of the day.

Especially when you're at work.

But in the end it's not what you live your life with, but how, and with who.

You will lose a lot of friends when you get serious about your life’s goals.

That is why a Lamborghini only has two seats and a bus has fifty.

When I show people my new tennis shoes, nobody asks If I can run fast in them any more.

Growing up was so stupid.

When I was a kid, I used to find cool rocks all the time, although most of them turned out to be worthless in the eyes of the world.

Nobody offers to show me a cool rock they found, unless they want to use it as a weapon in an attempt to rob me.

My furniture goes back to Louis the 15th, unless I pay him by the 14th.

If you drink alcohol, they call you an alcoholic.

I don't drink alcohol but when I drink FANTA, no one says I am Fantastic. 😒

Just who is Pete and why do we do things for his sake?

 I have yet to find out what ♫The Knights In White Sat In.♫

You can spend ages trying to work out the meaning of inconsequential before realizing that it isn’t important.

Man: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

Woman: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation and personalities make a difference.

So on that note♫ take care.

Have a safe and happy Memorial Day, and one of our regular hosts will be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

SOLITAIRE DEBUTS!

 For those who follow my writing blog, I have been working on a new novel series and the first book has just been released by Airship 27! 😁

Cover by Ted Hammond

Jesse Frost was a rising star in the world wide conglomerate known as Megaplex until he accidentally stumbled upon one of their deep dark secrets.

Though unable to contact the authorities before he's assassinated, Frost desperately reached out for help.

While too late to save an innocent man, his warning initiates a page turning action packed thrill-a-minute adventure that leads from New York to Japan and finally the desert outback of Australia as the Clandestine Crusader some only know as SOLITAIRE tries to stop a global communications takeover and bring a murderer to justice.

In his press release, Airship 27 Captain Ron Fortier wrote: "Lee Houston Jr. offers up a brand new pulp hero that will soon have readers mesmerized. Solitaire’s debut appearance is a welcome addition to the role of new modern day avengers." High praise indeed.

Bordell's rough sketch of camouflage suit

Artist Chuck Bordell provided the interior illustrations while Pulp Factory Award Winner Ted Hammond contributed the beautiful cover to accompany the prose of this humble writer/creator, who is hard at work on SOLITAIRE 2: THE AGENDA, the second novel in the Mysterious Samaritan's new on-going series.

SOLITAIRE is now available in Print and/or E-book form from Amazon.

HAPPY READING!

SUNDAY FUNNIES: FORTUNATE COOKIES

Hello Everybody. The Free Choice E-zine's Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here.

As previously mentioned, today would have been my turn at hosting anyway, but the search to replace Autumn the Puppy continues.

In any event, a new year is upon us and hopefully it will be much better than last year! 😷

They say fortune favors the brave, and the fortune cookie is supposed to favor whoever happens to read the slip of paper within it. So with that in mind, let's look at some "fortunes", with my comments afterward.

We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk.

Our Editor-In-Chief.

True. Science Fiction is a wonderful genre. Unfortunately Science FACT is another matter.

All the preparation you’ve done will finally be paying off.

Nice thought. Then again, please note that it never says what it is paying off, so it's question of perspective.

And just how does a fortune cookie look at things anyway?

Those who can endure the most are rewarded the most.

That may be true, but you certainly have to feel sorry for those with a low pain tolerance.

There’s a secret romance blooming! Go for it, in spite your hesitation.

It must REALLY be a secret because nobody's ever bothered to tell me!

Turn your scars into stars.

I'm just going to assume this means overcome adversity because to physically do that would break so many known laws of science...

Three things cannot be long hidden. The sun🌞, the moon🌕, and the truth.

Granted, cloudy days and nights don't last forever, but there are plenty of politicians and other people who make serious attempts at obscuring the last one!

We make a living by what we get. But we make life by what we give.

This dates back to at least "Do Unto Others...", if not earlier, but you'd think people would have figured this one out by now. 😕

If you can’t be a pencil to write someone’s happiness, then try to be the eraser to remove their sadness.

Another nice thought. This dates back to at least ♫Think of your fellow man, lend them a helping hand♫, if not earlier, as seen in this classic video. 1969's "Put A Little Love In Your Heart" by Jackie DeShannon.

So on that note♫ try to have a great week everybody.

Take care.

STAY SAFE!😷

And please be here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies.—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: PUN-CTUATION

 

Lee here.

I still have no idea who will be joining Piper D. Katt in the future, although there have been a few worthy candidates for the honor.

In any event, December 26 is both the start of Kwanzaa AND Boxing Day in parts of the world, so I hope that everyone celebrating has a good time.

Now then, let us discuss punctuation.

Among his other talents, Victor Borge had a great routine on the subject that you can see here.

Unfortunately this blog isn't really a verbal medium, so I will have to do it visually.

The basic signs are

Quotation marks. Either ' ', for repeating something somebody already said well after the fact, or " ", for quoting something recently said although nowadays a lot of people don't want to be quoted for legal reasons.

This is a colon : 

This is a semi-colon ;

It hasn't turned pro yet.

This is a comma ,

It's taking a pause to figure out what it wants out of life.

The hypen - – —

Regardless of length, like a colon, semi-colon or comma, it's used to separate words when necessary but needs more space because it won't stand up straight. 😉

And this is a period .

It puts a stop to everything, which sometimes is a good thing, but those situations have to be judged on an individual, case by case basis.

Punctuation is used EVERY day, but it must applied carefully.

For example: I love eating grandma and children.

The sentence should have actually been I love eating, grandma, and children.

No cannibalism involved.

Use Punctuation. It saves lives!

But even used properly, there are some odd moments. Like...

Hyphenated. Non-Hyphenated.

Oh, the irony. 😶

Now then, before we go, New Year's Eve is this coming Friday night, with Saturday the start of 2022.

Here's a friendly word of advice.

Just before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, make sure you raise your left leg.

That way you will start the New Year on the right foot.😉

So on that note♫ take care.

STAY SAFE!😷

And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2021

The following is an editorial.

Dear Readers:

Today is the Thanksgiving holiday here in the United States of America, and despite the recent passing of our dear friend Autumn the Puppy, we do have a lot to be thankful for.

I, for one, am thankful to still be alive after my recent heart surgery and bouts of vertigo-dizziness-whatever despite still not knowing their origin/cause at this time.

I am sure there is plenty all of you out there are thankful for too.

Especially the chance to pause and enjoy a good laugh.

And yes, even to this day, turkeys still can NOT fly! 😉

Lee Houston, Junior

Editor-in-Chief: The Free Choice E-zine

25 November, 2021

The above was an editorial.

The Free Choice E-zine did not post the scene from WKRP In Cincinnati's classic episode "Turkeys Away!" on You Tube.

We are only sharing it in the holiday spirit.

WKRP In Cincinnati and "Turkeys Away" copyrighted by whoever does hold the rights today.

SHERLOCK HOLMES, CONSULTING DETECTIVE VOLUME 16 NOW AVAILABLE!

 With all the political🗹🗹🗹 and pandemic😷 posts of recent weeks, I never got the chance to mention that my latest creative endeavor is now available within the pages of SHERLOCK HOLMES, CONSULTING DETECTIVE Volume 16 from Airship 27!😀

Featuring the creative talents of

*I. A.—no known relation to Doctor—WATSON's "The Adventure of the Anarchist's Apprentice" (Who's raging havoc and destruction on London?)

*GREG HATCHER's two short stories "The Adventure of the Disappearing Diplomat" (a race against time to save Mycroft and a foreign dignitary) and "The Adventure of the Man Who Died Twice"  (did a widow really lose her husband twice?)

*ROB DAVIS' interior art, cover (based upon an illustration from the Italian adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Sign of Four), and formatting

*Along with MY NOVELLA "The Adventure of the Unimaginable" (can Watson solve a mystery alone when Sherlock's on holiday?)

Who could ask for anything more between the covers of this amazing volume?

The book is out now via Amazon in PRINT or KINDLE E-BOOK format.

HOPE YOU ENJOY EVERYONE'S HARD CREATIVE WORK, and thanks for allowing me this brief bit of self promotion.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: GOING FOURTH

Hello Everybody! The Free Choice E-zine's Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here with you today.
Yesterday was July 4, so the ladies have the rest of this weekend off as America celebrates its 244th birthday.🎂

Now, a lot has been said about this country. Good, bad, and indifferent; factual and outright lies since its origins.
Unfortunately no place is totally 100% perfect, but as long as we keep trying, hopefully we'll get it right eventually.

But I'm not here to editorialize, so let's get on with the jokes.

What quacks, has a bill and shouldn’t be trusted?
Beneduck 🦆Arnold.

What do you get if you cross a patriotic American with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle.🐩

Which American colonists told the most riddles?
Puns-ylvanians.

Which letter is the coolest on the 4th of July?
Iced T.

What do you call a snowman⛄ on the 4th of July?
A puddle.

How do pandas🐼 stay cool on Independence Day?
They use bear conditioning.

What did the baby firecracker say to its mother?
"Where's Pop?"🧨

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.

Why did Paul Revere ride from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse🐎 was too heavy to carry.

What did King George think of the American colonists back in the 1770s?
He thought they were revolting!

What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?
Yankee Doodler.

I put a picture of the USA in a heart💖 shaped locket to celebrate the 4th of July.
Now it's truly independent.

It is quite ironic that on the 4th of July, some of the American flags we wave were made in China.

Some swimming pools will re-open for the 4th of July weekend but due to social distancing, there will be no water in lanes one, three and five.

Anyway, there may not seem to be a whole lot to celebrate right now with the pandemic, racial tension, and the other problems facing this country and the world.
But if you're reading these words at the moment, then that means you're still alive, and that's a start!😉
On that note♫, take care, try to have a great week. STAY SAFE and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MEMORIAL DAY MUSINGS

Hello Everybody! Free Choice E-zine Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here since this is the Memorial Day weekend, so your regular hostesses Waxy Dragon and Autumn the Puppy are off with their respective families.

This has been quite a trying time for everyone with the {censored} pandemic, regardless of how good or bad the COVID-19/Coronavirus Crisis has been addressed and handled in your area.

Everyone is understandably doing their best to survive and we at The Free Choice are still here doing our best to entertain you each Sunday, so I better get on with it. 😉

Remember the fallen. Past, present, and future.

A joke can cover a wide variety of topics, and people too.
In fact, one person that seems to have a lot of jokes told about them is Chuck Norris, although every one I've ever heard is in regards to how tough/strong Mister Norris is.
I have absolutely no idea how this started, yet we can all use a good laugh right now.
So since he hasn't questioned any of them (to my knowledge), I'm sure Mister Norris won't mind me sharing some of them with you.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. Guess who won?

Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund!

When Chuck Norris works out he doesn’t get stronger, the exercise machine does.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.𝛑

Still have no idea who to accredit this funny to.

Chuck Norris can hear his phone📴 ring on silent.

Chuck Norris can draw a triangle with FOUR sides.

Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.📚 He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

They say that time⌚ waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

Chuck Norris was originally scheduled to appear in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

And on that note♫, I hope everyone has a good week.

Please remember what the holiday tomorrow is actually for.

STAY SAFE! And please be back again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

♫WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!♫ (an editorial rally)

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EDITORIAL.

Folks, the United States of America is far from the only country facing the pandemic known at COVID-19/Coronavirus.

These are some VERY trying times for every citizen of the world, and the efforts of everyone on the proverbial "front lines" in the various sectors of the medical profession cannot go unnoticed or unacknowledged.

When all this is over, and at some point it WILL be, I hope there is some kind of MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS' APPRECIATION DAY.
Okay, the name needs work but the concept is solid.

In the meantime, we must all continue to pull together not only as family units amongst ourselves, but as counties, cities, states, countries and, most importantly AN UNITED EARTH!

With that in mind I've been thinking, among other things, about a potential rallying song to attempt lifting everyone's spirits.
There are a LOT of possibilities.

Yet in the end, there was only one tune that I personally thought was most appropriate to unite us all.

♫We Are The Champions♫ by Queen because let's face it, we're all in this fight together, and together is the only way we will be victorious!

STAY SAFE AND STRONG EVERYONE!

Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief The Free Choice E-zine
7 April, 2020

♫We are the Champions♫ written, performed, and © copyrighted by Queen/The Freddie Mercury Estate.
Video accessed and shared through YouTube via Google/Blogger.

THE ABOVE WAS AN EDITORIAL.

HUGH MONN, PRIVATE DETECTIVE: FEMME FATALE NOW AVAILABLE!

Although I am proud to serve as Editor-In-Chief of The Free Choice E-zine, I am also an author in my own right, so I hope you kind folks don't mind a bit of self promotion.

😀THE WAIT IS OVER!😀

Cover art by Larry Nadolsky

The third book (and second full length novel) in my HUGH MONN, PRIVATE DETECTIVE series has been released in both print and Kindle formats by Pro Se Press on Amazon!

The private detective of the far flung future is back in a brand new adventure that hits a little too close to home when his girlfriend's apartment is ransacked and her roommate goes missing!
But is the lady on the lam from the villain(s) or the authorities?

From Pro Se's press release...
NEW PULP’S FAVORITE RETRO FUTURISTIC GUMSHOE IS BACK!
Author Lee Houston, Jr. returns to the glistening and grimy streets of science fiction mystery with his own futuristic shamus.

“In the early days of Pro Se,” says Editor in Chief Tommy Hancock, “not only was Lee Houston, Jr. one of our first authors, he also introduced one of the characters that people still ask about. Taking everything a fan of 1950s type detectives would enjoy and wrapping it up in the glittery, galaxy studded package of the future, HUGH MONN, PRIVATE DETECTIVE shows the impact of Pulp as a style and what a dedicated writer like Lee can do with it. FEMME FATALE is a long awaited addition to this fantastic series.”

Even in the future, love and lust can get a Private Eye killed.
Hugh Monn finds his latest case strikes too close to home when his girlfriend's apartment is trashed and her roommate goes missing. But is the lady on the run from the villain(s) or the authorities?
As Hugh fights to find both the truth and the woman, he trips across a few old favorites of any galactic gumshoe: thieves, a blackmail scheme, and murder.
But the lines between love and hate, life and crime, victim and Femme Fatale get blurred as they tangle about Hugh’s proverbial neck!

Featuring an atmospheric cover by Larry Nadolsky, main title design by Sean Ali, and formatting by Carol Morris, HUGH MONN, PRIVATE DETECTIVE VOLUME THREE: FEMME FATALE is available in print for $9.99 or the Kindle for only $2.99.
The book is also available to Kindle Unlimited members for free.

Hope you like the book everybody!—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: AS 2019 DRAWS TO A CLOSE

Hello Everybody!
Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here since the ladies have the weekend off.
Yeah, I still need to acquire a new avatar photo, since this one is seriously out of date weight wise, but can you believe 2019 is almost over!
I hear all those sighs of relief you're expressing right now. 😉
2020 will have its own problems to contend with, but we can worry about those later!
Right now, my job is to (attempt) entertaining you for a few minutes, so...

Why do you need a jeweler on New Years Eve?
To ring in the new year.

Why are there so many vampires out on New Year’s Eve?
For Old Fangs Time.

Where is New Years Eve so Mathematical?
Time's Square.

What’s the official snack food of New Year's Eve?
A Dick Clark Bar.
Of course, my mother always preferred Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians, but that's another matter.
Yet so many people make diet resolutions then fail to keep them...

What happened to the iPhone bully on New Year’s Eve?
It was charged with battery.

What happened to the fireworks who were arrested on New Year's Eve?
They were let off.

What do you say to someone when you see them after after the ball drops on New Year’s Eve?
I haven’t seen you since last year!😉

What do cows🐄🐮 do on December 31st?
Celebrate Moo Year's Eve.

What do comedians spend a lot of time doing on New Years Eve?
Waiting for a punchline.

What does a Ghost say on January 1st?
Happy BOO year!

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody.
Please party responsibly on New Year's Eve and don't forget to return next weekend for the first Sunday Funnies of 2020!
Until then...
lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: 2019 CHRISTMAS PARTY!

Waxy Dragon

Autumn the Puppy in winter

HELLO EVERYBODY! 🎉
Today you have both Autumn the Puppy AND Waxy Dragon here, along with our esteemed Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior for The Free Choice E-zine's annual Sunday Funnies Christmas🎄 Party!
YEAH!🥳

Lee

Thanks for inviting me ladies.
Well, it wouldn't be Christmas without the ENTIRE Free Choice E-zine staff.
Besides, someone has to pay for everything.
WHAT?
Moving right along...
As you can see, we've got our tree all decorated.
There's good music playing.♫

Our Tree. No L, ♫Noel♫

With plenty of sources available for ♫The Grinch Song♫, ♫Linus and Lucy♫, ♫Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.♫🦌
♫I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas♫, ♫Susie Snowflake❄♫, ♫I Want A Hippopotamus🦛 For Christmas♫.
And some of my personal favorites like ♫Have A Holly Jolly Christmas♫ and ♫The Chipmunk Song.♫
Did Alvin ever get his hula hoop?
And let's not forget why we're here every Sunday...

😀THE JOKES!😁

Did you hear that Santa🎅 had to fire one of his sons?
He was an Insubordinate Claus.

Unfortunately I just got the start of all my holiday bills today.
Does anyone know some good recipes for water?

What do you call that rare kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

What do you call an elf 🧝wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?🛷
Nothing. It was on the house!🏡

Why don’t crabs🦀 celebrate Christmas?🎄
Because they’re shell-fish.

What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night.😉

And on that note♫
We kid because we can pause to laugh.
But while we know the world 🌎isn't always the greatest, it's the only one we've got!
So make the most out of every moment of every day!
Everyone here at The Free Choice E-zine wishes you and yours the merriest of the holiday season.

Take care, be safe, and please return next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!
AtP, wd, lhjr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: IT'S ABOUT TIME!

Old photo, same E-I-C.

Hello Folks! The Free Choice E-zine Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here today because the ladies (Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon) are finishing up their holiday weekend.
First order of business, I need a new photo! I have seriously lost some weight since this one was taken!
For those interested, our annual Christmas party will be December 22 since Christmas falls on a Wednesday this year.
Then you'll be stuck with entertained by me again on the 29th as the ladies have the last Sunday of 2019 off before New Year's Eve and the advent of 2020!
But where the [censored] has the time gone?🕦
It's already December, although the last few weeks have really seemed to drag with some stores already decorated for Christmas by HALLOWEEN and reports of radio stations playing seasonal music 24/7 BEFORE we even neared Thanksgiving week!

Anyway...
For better or worse this year is approaching its end.📆
If you're a member of the Procrastinator's Club, you don't have much time left to put off your 2018 projects. 😉

A friend of mine got fired from his job at the calendar factory, but both of us are still trying to figure out why.
All he did was take a day off.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
Then again, if you don't have the money to cover even your basic needs, does the time matter?

I hate when I'm running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it's only been 4 minutes.

Nothing but work for five days straight without any rest makes one weak.

If every day is a gift, I'd like to see the receipt for Monday in hopes that I can exchange it for another Saturday or Sunday.
The world🌍 needs more three day weekends, then maybe it'd be less stressful.

The first 5 days after any weekend are the hardest.

It may be hard dragging yourself out of bed and going to work, but unless you really love your job, once you do get to work it's all down hill from there.

The early bird🐦 may get the worm but the late worm gets to live.

Why did the angry man throw the clock⏰ out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!

And remember, unless it's digital with a blank screen, even a broken clock is still right twice a day.
So on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next time for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: LAUGHING AT LIFE & OTHER THINGS (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here since the ladies have the Labor Day holiday weekend off.
Now I know a lot of people are (rightly) concerned about Hurricane Dorian🌀 out in the Atlantic right now, and I can't blame you.
Being originally from the Gulf Coast myself, the best advice I can give in regards to such a storm is, whenever possible, if you know which way it's headed, GO THE OTHER WAY!

But the idea here is to take your mind off of your troubles for a few minutes, so...

Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy mind.

When cooking, if you boil a funny bone, does it becomes laughing stock?

The Buggles claim ♫Video Killed The Radio Star♫, but Video's lawyer says his client has an alibi for that night!

Is it true that if you play a country music song backwards, you get a happy ending?

Never bet on a silkworm race. It always ends in a tie.

Sometimes you have to wonder about the world today.
A bank teller told a customer there was insufficient funds available to cover the check he wanted to cash, so the man asked the teller "Is the problem with my account or the bank?"💸

Believe it or not, the cheapest concert available to enjoy costs only 45¢!
Just catch Rapper 50¢ with Nickleback.

And remember: never take chips to a Salsa DANCE!😉

So on that note♫, I hope everyone has a great week, hurricane or no hurricane. Take care, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

STAY SAFE!

SUNDAY FUNNIES: THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Hello Everybody!
Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here with you today because our resident comediennes Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon have the Memorial Day weekend off.

Now, this is an important holiday, and certainly not an event to make light of.
However, this is The Sunday Funnies, so I have to tell some jokes, and hope they're funny.
So the subject I've chosen for today is elephants.🐘

An elephant on psychiatrist couch tells the doctor “Sometimes, even when I am standing in the middle of the room, no one acknowledges me."
The psychiatrist asked, "Who said that?"

In a meeting of animals, the chair said, “We have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Hi Grace.”

What time is it when an elephant sits down on your couch?

Time to get another couch.

Why did the elephant pack a suitcase?
Because his trunk was full.

What is grey, has four legs and a trunk?
A mouse🐭 on vacation.

A lion🦁 was full of himself.
He goes to the wildebeest and roars, “Who is the king of the jungle?”
The wildebeest drops to the ground shaking. "You are my lord.”
The lion then goes to a monkey🐒 and roars, “Who is the king of the jungle?”
The monkey curls up in a ball, shaking. “You are my lord.”
The lion then comes up to the elephant. “Who is the king of the jungle?”
The elephant grabs him by the trunk and slams him to the ground.
The lion struggles to his feet, barely able to stand. “Just because you don’t know the answer does not mean you have to get angry at me.

Well, that's all the elephant jokes I have.
No Republicans were harmed in the making of this column.
They do enough damage on their own as it is.
Take care.
PLEASE REMEMBER THOSE WHO DID OR ARE CURRENTLY SERVING THEIR RESPECTIVE COUNTRIES SO YOU MIGHT HAVE THE FREEDOMS AND LIBERTIES YOU ENJOY, and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ♫ANOTHER YEAR OVER...♫

Howdy folks! Free Choice E-zine Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here because the ladies have the holiday weekend off.

Can you believe that, as I post this, we are just a little over 24 hours away from the start of 2019? 😦

Where does the time go?
It seems like just yesterday I was overseeing this E-zine with Windows 7 while listening to either CDs or the radio.
And if you don't recognize any of those references, yes, I AM that old.

Time marches on, but many of us wish that it didn't trample us in the process.
Maybe I'll do what my father does and go to bed before midnight on New Year's Eve. That way I can wake up New Year's Day and claim I slept for a whole year. 😉
Then again, except for missing the holidays, I always thought bears🐻 and other animals had the right idea about hibernating in winter.
Yet, would you really want to sleep THAT long?
Man, getting up would be really tough.
And if you drink the stuff, imagine how much coffee you'd need to get going after such a long sleep!
You'd have to buy it by the gallon instead of the mug.

Well, if you haven't been entertained enough already, it's time for some jokes folks...

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.

I like New Year's Eve. The party🎉 confetti🎊 covers up my dandruff.

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2019? Please?

Jenny woke up from an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve and confided to her husband Max, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring at midnight. What do you think it means?"
"You'll find out tonight," Max answered, smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year arrived, Max gave Jenny a small package.
She thought it was a tad too big for jewelry and she was right.
Inside was only a book entitled The Meaning Of Dreams.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up until two to make sure the old year leaves.

So on that note♫, have a good week.
Please party responsibly.
Autumn the Puppy will be here next weekend with more Sunday Funnies to start 2019 off on the right paw, and I would like to leave you with a timeless and very appropriate quote from John Lennon...

A very Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year.

Let's hope it's a good one.

Without any fear.

Lee Houston, Junior
Editor-In-Chief, The Free Choice E-zine.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: JOKING JOBS

Hello Folks! Free Choice E-zine Editor In Chief Lee Houston, Junior here with you today because both Waxy Dragon and Autumn the Puppy have the Labor Day weekend off.

The holiday was originally created to honor the work force that keeps businesses operating smoothly, despite the fact that most of the time it seems like the employees are given the business.
If you've ever seen Dilbert, Working Daze, or anything set in a work environment, you know what I mean.

With that in mind, I talked to others about their jobs and here's what they had to say...

My first job was in an orange🍊 juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.

I once worked in the woods🌲🌳 as a lumberjack, but couldn’t hack it.

I tried working in a donut🍩 shop, but soon got tired of the hole business.

I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but just couldn’t cut it.💇

I studied to become a doctor, but didn’t have enough patients for the job.

I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.💆

I manufactured calendars📅 for awhile, but my days were numbered.📆

I work as an elevator operator. The job has its ups and downs.

I worked in a shoe👠👡👢 factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.

And on that note♫ folks, have a great week and the ladies will be back next weekend for their annual Back To School edition of The Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HERE KITTY KITTY... (cat jokes)

Avid reader since my youth

Hello Everybody. Free Choice E-zine Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here.

Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon are off today because it's the Memorial Day holiday weekend here in the United States, and hopefully people will remember this time is for a lot more than just sales, cookouts, and the unofficial start of summer.

Anyway, I've been wondering what I could do to try and entertain everyone for a few minutes, and I finally decided to dig into the ladies' feline files and tell some cat jokes.

Remember the Veterans this Memorial Day Weekend!

Ready?

What do cat actors say on stage?
"Tabby or not tabby?"

What do you get if you cross a cat and a lemon?
A sour puss!

What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Crispies.

What is a cat's favorite song?
♫Three Blind Mice♫

What do you call a catburgular? 

The purrpatrator. 

What do cats like to eat on a hot day? 

A mice cream cone. 

Why I NEVER!

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? 

Too many cheetahs.

Why can't a leopard hide?

Because he's always spotted!

Why was the cat grouchy? 

Because he was in a bad mewd.

"I caught the mouse!"

What is a cat's favorite magazine? 

Good Mousekeeping.

Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives!

What do you call a pile of cats?

A Meowtain.

And on that note, I hope everyone has a great holiday.

If you're celebrating, please remember the veterans.

After all, if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be able to enjoy the freedoms you have today.

Otherwise, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—lh,jr.