SUNDAY FUNNIES: DOGGING IT (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

It's a beautiful bright sunshiny🌅 day and I'm out on my back porch just enjoying the warmth of the sun on my fur.

Of course, before I decided to lay out and relax, I dug up plenty of jokes to share with everyone. Ready?

 Reading while sunbathing will make you well red.

 Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore flip-flops!

Waitress: “I see your glass is empty. Would you like another?”

Customer: “Why would I want two empty glasses?” 

I’ve begun to invest in stocks. Beef, Chicken, Vegetable, Pork, Fish, Crab....

Someday I’ll be a Bullionaire!

A duck🦆, a skunk🦨 and a deer🦌 had dinner in a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a cent and the deer didn’t have a buck, so they ended up putting it on the duck’s bill. 

I told the doctor I thought I was a pair of curtains.

He told me to pull myself together.

My opinion of message boards?

I’m forum.

Why can’t cows🐄🐮 become detectives?

Because they refuse to go on steak outs.

There is only one thing that makes a good Pizza🍕 Joke: the delivery.

Irish toast🥂: "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

French Toast: Bread, cinnamon, eggs, sugar...

What if there were no rhetorical questions?

And on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: IT'S AUTUMN/FALL! (2019)

It's Fall Autumn!

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Or should that be Fall the Puppy, for I was named after the season that's upon us.
Yep, it's fall.
The days start to turn grayer, shorter, and colder.
The leaves🍂 start falling from the trees.
I'm okay with that last part, since I don't have to lend a paw to rake them up.😉
It's actually fun to romp and play in them when they're nice and crisp.
It's when they turn soggy after a hard rain that they're no longer any fun.

So, let me try to brighten your day a bit with some jokes. Ready?

Does a lone leaf🍁 hanging from a tree🌳 fear it might have missed its falling in life.

Why don’t cats🐱😼 play poker in the Jungle?
Too many cheetahs.

How do you tune a violin🎻 to play Blue Grass music🎵?
You have to Fiddle with it.

Somebody stole my limbo stick!
How low can you go?

Justice is best served cold... because if it is served warm, it would be just water.

Sign on a tree in Sherwood Forest: Jousters wanted for seasonal employment. Must work knights.

My people have discovered that answering the phone by saying: “Sheriff’s office, fraud division.” sure has slowed down the telemarketer calls.

I am happy to report that my inner child is still ageless.😁

And on that note𝆔, have a great week folks and please be back again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 6, 2018

😎FUN FACT
The original purpose of computer solitaire was to teach “drag and drop” with the mouse.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
How much dirt is in a hole?

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
How many Top 10 hits are accredited to The Archies?

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the September 29, 2018 Puzzle Corner.

TRIVIA TIME⌚
Nipper’s label?
RCA. Nipper is the name of the dog in their famous logo listening to “his master’s voice”.

BEFORE AND AFTER
Two separate items share at least one word, and so can be combined to create something new. Based upon the clue below, do you know what the new thing is?

Screen duo who appeared in two different movies. (1978 and 1983)
Olivia Newton-John Travolta.
(1978’s Grease and 1983’s Two of a Kind.)

SUNDAY FUNNIES: COMPUTER CONSUMERS BEWARE!

One paw typist

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here.
Way back in March, I did a computer themed Sunday Funnies about the perils of tech support.
Since then, I have been asked to do more computer jokes, and have recently compiled enough material to (humorously) discuss the things that consumers must be aware of when purchasing a new system.

Now of course, there's the more obvious things like looking out for any physical damage to the unit or the box(es) before you buy it. Or that the manufacturer replaces the system with the newest model before you even get it home!

But what else is there to be wary of?

*Be cautious that your system requires electricity to operate. While laptops and smaller devices use rechargeable batteries; they do not require gasoline, propane, or alternate energy sources.

*Unless you are intentionally buying an antique for some reason, the external memory should NOT consist of a floppy disc or a notepad and a pen.

*The CD-Rom and/or DVD slots are not drink holders! And if you do insert a disk into your system, while it should disappear when the tray recloses, that action should NOT be followed by a loud burp!

*Also, when you eject a disc, it should not go flying across the room as it leaves the computer.

*The monitor screen should not be showing a blue background before you have even turned the computer on. Blue is the classic color that many early computer users dread seeing. It means your system is having problems, if not an outright crash. If your computer is having problems, suggest a good psychologist. To prevent a crash, take away its car keys and call your computer a cab.

*NOWHERE on the monitor frame should there be the words "Etch-A-Sketch"!

*If possible, ask to take a look at the operator's manual before buying your computer. If anywhere within the entire book(let) are the words "Good Luck!", then you definitely should consider a different system.

*The memory chip(s) within your computer should not be edible.

*The computer mouse should not squeak and eat cheese.

Well, that's it for this weekend. When making a major purchase like this, don't forget to compare and contrast systems and prices between retailers, and ALWAYS hang on to your receipts, just in case.
Have a great week, and please return next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 6, 2012

Another weekend is upon us puzzle lovers!

REBUS
Something is represented in the image below. Do you know what it is?

sky Sky SKY SKY SKY

FAMOUS FIRSTS
Which Tess Gerritsen novel was the first team up between Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's open THE ANSWERS BOX and reveal the results of the September 29th Puzzle Corner.

COMMON BONDS
01. {Gene Kelly, B. J. Thomas} = Rain.
Kelly was Singin' In The Rain while Thomas sang Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.
02. {January, April, May, June} = All are months of the year that are ALSO ladies' names.

TRIVIA TIME
The March of Dimes organization was originally founded as The National Foundation For Infantile Paralysis by then President Franklin Roosevelt in 1938.