THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: CELEBRITY CHATTER

Would love to meet the dog stars

Hello everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
Now, everyone loves comedians, and there are a lot of people interested in the daily routine of celebrities; otherwise everyone working for those news stand magazines and tabloid shows would be out of work.
But sometimes, celebrities who are not comedians unintentionally say funny stuff.
So let's take a look at some comedic celebrity comments, with my responses below where appropriate.
(And if you think this set up is long, you should have seen my first attempt writing the above!)

Nicholson, circa 1976

Ready? I'm opening with a pair of Jacks.

"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and seventy."--actor Jack Nicholson.
So, if he's not wearing his sunglasses, then who is he?

Author Jack London

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet."--author Jack London.
I don't know Jack. It seems to me that the life of a planet is a lot more stable, depending upon its inhabitants. Then again, considering how some Human beings treat this world...

Osbourne, circa 2010

"America is the coolest place on the face of the Earth. You've got freedom of speech. You've got McDonalds..."-- musician Ozzy Osbourne.
TRUE STORY! When President George W. Bush was looking for allies to go into the Middle East following events of September 11, 2001; France said no.
In reaction to that, the United States Congress of the time actually debated, voted on, and changed the name of French Fries in the Capitol building to Freedom Fries. You would think that under the circumstances, there would be more important matters to attend to!

Simpson, circa 2011

"Is this chicken, what I have, or is it fish? I know it's tuna, but it <the can> says 'Chicken of the Sea'."--entertainer Jessica Simpson.
Does it matter? If you don't want to eat it, I will!

Schwarzenegger, circa 2010

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."--Arnold Schwarzenegger, during his time as Governor of California.
Well, everyone wants a HAPPY marriage, but in this case, I think we're talking a different variety.

And on that note, let me just pause to say that all the celebrity images are courtesy of Wikipedia. For more fun, I would like to close with a very appropriate video, TMZ by "Weird" Al Yankovic, via You Tube. This song is both funny and timely. I'm a big fan of his music.
Take care everyone, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!--AtP.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: NOVEMBER 3-9, 2013

MONDAY IS VETERANS' DAY!

Amongst events happening around the world this past week...

*Typhoon Haiyan has killed over 1200 people in its destructive wake through the Philippines on its way to the Vietnam coast.
*The Gravity field and steady state Ocean Circulation Observer (GOCE) satellite launched in 2009 is expected to come crashing back to Earth sometime Sunday.
*The 2012 recovery in Munich of some art treasures stolen by the Axis during World War 2 has been confirmed.
*Maria Gabriela Isler of Venezuela is the new Miss Universe.
*India has launched their own Mars Orbiter mission.
*Noted British journalist John Cole has passed away at age 85.
*Civil unrest continues in Syria, Somalia, the Congo, Iraq, and Afghanistan.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 9, 2013

Since this coming Monday is Veterans' Day, let us salute those who helped protect the freedoms of the world.

TRIVIA TIME
What branch of military service is known to some as "Mother Green"?

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many words can you make out of the letters in the word VETERANS?
Hint: There are a few more than you might think.

We'll reveal all next weekend.
But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX, and discover the results from the November 2, 2013 Puzzle Corner, where we quizzed you on the 75th anniversary of the historic War of the Worlds radio broadcast!

01. Where did author H. G. Wells set his original novel, from which the drama was based? Southern England, between Surrey and London.
02. What do the initials H. G. in the author's name actually stand for? Herbert George
03. What was the name of the acting company, led by Orson Welles (no relation to the original author), that did the radio drama? The Mercury Theatre ON the Air, although most people think it's OF.
04. The radio drama reset the story to where? Grover's Mill, New Jersey
05. How did this simple radio drama lead to"The Night That Panicked America"? Between the news drama format and a lot of people tuning in after the program started, thus missing the disclaimer at the beginning that it was a work of fiction. Although there are reports that other listeners thought it was the Germans/Axis attacking American shores, since the planet was on the verge of World War 2.
06. How were the Martians eventually defeated? The same way they were defeated in the original novel. The Martians had no defense against Earth germs!

If you would like to hear that historic broadcast for yourself, you can listen to an MP3 of it and all the Mercury Theatre on the Air's productions here:

http://www.mercurytheatre.info

GO VOTE! ELECTION DAY 2013

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EDITORIAL.

Today is Election Day within the United States of America.

Many will not exercise their freedom to make their opinions known, thinking that this ballot is unimportant when compared to the mid-term elections that will be held in 2014 that might change the balance between the two main political parties in Congress, or even the 2016 election where a new President to lead this country will be chosen.

WRONG!

EVERY election is important!

A couple of state governor races and a lot of local government posts are being decided today, and those officials will definitely do what they can to influence the votes for their respective parties in 2014 and 2016, as well as use those political views in making the day to day decisions that will affect the citizens they are supposed to serve.

Now, The Free Choice E-zine does not know the particulars in every instance, so the above is just a general overview, but the facts remain true.

If you do not go out and vote today, you have no voice to complain with if the results are not to your liking, because you did not go out and vote for the person(s) you actually wanted in office to begin with!

So in other words, GO VOTE!

THE ABOVE WAS AN EDITORIAL.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: TIME FLIES

Time flies and so do I!

Hello Everybody. Waxy Dragon here!
Although this weekend should be Autumn the Puppy's turn, considering what we're going to talk about, she thought I would be best suited for it. But don't worry, everyone's favorite comedic canine will be back next weekend.
Now then...

Daylight Savings Time ended yesterday, so everybody who was participating should have set their clocks back one hour.
I know I certainly enjoyed an extra hour of sleep this morning. Of course, I like to sleep in whenever I don't have to be someplace important (like dragon school), but that's besides the point.

Since time is always on somebody's mind at some point, it's time for some timely jokes! Ready?

A Cuckoo Clock called out five times, then there were three shots.

"What time is it? I'm not sure. My watch stopped!"

"What was the idea of shooting that cuckoo out of the clock?"
Just killing time....

Do you know how to beat time?
Become a music teacher.

The cuckoo came out ten times.
"Wait a moment. It is only nine o'clock. Why did it call out ten times?"
I don't know. Maybe he is Cuckoo.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The question of the hour: What time is it?

A wife entered the store and said, "I'd like to buy an alarm clock that will rouse my husband without waking the whole family."
The sales clerk looked at her and said, "I don't know of such a clock, but we have the ordinary kind that wakes the whole family without disturbing him."

If a man smashed a clock, would he be accused of killing time?
Not if the clock struck first.

Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring me $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:am if you ever want to see your wife alive again."
It was well after one by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot.
A masked man stepped from behind a bush and yelled, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?"
"Gimme a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I have a 27 handicap."

They say time flies when you're having fun. Of course, I don't know what frogs say when they lose track of time since they eat flies. But in any event, have a great week and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!-wd.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW, OCTOBER 27-NOVEMBER 2, 2013

For those who participated, Daylight Savings Time ends before dawn Sunday morning.
Today is All Souls Day in Western Christianity and the Day of the Dead in Mexico.

Amongst events happening around the world this past week...

*Giorgi Margvelashvili has been elected President of European Georgia.
*Mid-term elections in Argentia resulted in the ruling Front for Victory party maintaining a majority.
*At least 13 people have been confirmed dead in Northern Europe in the aftermath of the Saint Jude Storm.
*The existence of THREE new species of marsupials: a leaf tailed gecko, a golden skink, and boulder dwelling frog) have been confirmed in the Cape York Peninsula of Queensland, Australia.
*Turkey has officially opened an undersea rail tunnel for traffic crossing the Bosphorus Strait in India between Europe and Asia.
*Taliban leader Hakimullah Mehsud has been confirmed as killed during a drone attack, thus eliminating another terrorist threat.
*Tadeusz Mazowiecki, former leader of the Solidarity Movement, has passed away.
*The United Nations has confirmed an outbreak of Polio in Syria, while civil unrest continues in that country; along with Afghanistan, Somalia, and Iran.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
*While the Affordable Health Care Act's new website is suffering from some technical glitches, (Tea Party)
Republicans renew their anti-Obama Care attacks.
*The American League Boston Red Sox defeated the National League's Saint Louis Cardinals to win the 2013 World Series of Major League Baseball.
*Musician Lou Reed (The Velvet Underground, solo artist, song writer, actor) as passed away.

For more news at any time, either scroll down to our IN OTHER NEWS feature at the bottom of your screen or visit any other reputable news source.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: NOVEMBER 2, 2013

Last weekend, we celebrated the 195th anniversary of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with a quiz.
This weekend, we honor the 75th anniversary of the historic War of the Worlds radio broadcast the same way.

Orson Welles, circa 1937 via Wikipedia

01. Where did author H. G. Wells set his original novel, from which the drama was based?
02. What do the initials H. G. in the author's name actually stand for?
03. What was the name of the acting company, led by Orson Welles (no relation to the original author), that did the radio drama?
04. The radio drama reset the story to where?
05. How did this simple radio drama lead to "The Night That Panicked America"?
06. How were the Martians eventually defeated?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let us peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX, and reveal the results of that aforementioned Frankenstein quiz from the October 26, 2013 Puzzle Corner.

01. What is the subtitle of Shelley's novel? The Modern Prometheus
02. What is the official name of our honoree?
The creature was never given any. Many just considered it Frankenstein's Monster, although it was

Fred Gwynne as Herman Munster, via Wikipedia

the movies that shortened it to just Frankenstein.
03. Who was the very first actor to portray our honoree on the silver screen?
Charles Ogle, in a 1910 adaptation by Thomas Edison as a demonstration of his motion picture camera.
04. TWO actors have portrayed our honoree THREE times in movies. Can you name them both?
Boris Karloff and Glenn Strange. See the image below for more details.
05. Who was the first actor to officially portray our honoree on television?
Many answered Fred Gwynne, but Herman Munster was only Frankenstein based, not the actual creature. So the correct answer is Randy Quaid in a 1992 adaptation of the novel.
06. Who was the first actor to officially portray our honoree in a comedic role?
Again, many people answered Fred Gwynne, so the late actor should be honored. However it was Peter Boyle in 1974's Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks. Strange was the straight man/monster to Abbott and Costello in the 1948 movie.
07. Who was the first actor to portray our honoree when the movies had the character cross paths with another monster? The legendary Bela Lugosi in 1943's Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.