Hello Everybody. Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior here. Ms. Waxy Dragon and Autumn the Puppy have the weekend off.
Over the pass months as the debates and smear campaigns raged over the issue Health Care Reform, I received many an e-mail from friends, "concerned" and otherwise, wanting to sway my opinion one way or another. Most of it I could never repeat in a public forum, but I thought for this weekend to try a little political humor and present one of the more cleaner missives on the subject.
Hope you enjoy it.
In the beginning, [insert good/positive deity of your faith here] created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the planet with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so every Man, Woman, and Child would live long and healthy lives.
Then using [insert good deity again]'s gifts, [insert good deity's evil opponent here] created ice cream and donuts and said "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" while Woman said, "As long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained pounds and [the evil deity] smiled.
Then [the good deity] created the healthy yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. But [the evil deity] brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to 14.
So [the good deity] said, "try my fresh green salad." And [the bad deity] presented salad dressings, butter flavored croutons, and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
[The good deity] then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
Then [the bad deity] brought forth melted cheeses, deep fried fish, and chicken fried steak so big the platter it rested on needed its own zip code.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
[The good deity] then brought forth running shoes so that Man would might lose those unwanted extra pounds. But then [the bad deity] gave Man wide screen TVs with cable and a remote control so no one would have to toil to change a channel.
Then Man, Woman, and Child laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.
Then [the good deity] brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. But then [the bad deity] peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them into various flavors.
And the people gained even more pounds.
[The good deity] then brought forth lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his hunger. But then [the bad deity] created hamburgers and fast food joints and asked, "You want fries with that?"
To which the people replied, "Yes, and super size them!"
And then Man went into cardiac arrest.
[The good deity] sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then [the bad deity] created HMOs.
Hopefully there is a laugh or two somewhere in the above.
In any event, we'll be back next weekend with more Sunday Funnies.-lh,jr.