Autumn the Puppy will be along soon with something special since February 2, 2014 is also the 48th Super Bowl; but since it's also Groundhog's Day, here is our classic holiday routine.
Enjoy!--wd.
“Is this the law firm
of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe?” asked the lady as she walked in my
front door.
“Yes it is,” I
replied. “I’m Howie Cheatum. And you are--?”
“Susan Woo,” she
replied, “but you can call me Sue.”
“Okay Sue. And what
can I do for you today?”
“I want to engage
your services to represent myself as I initiate a law suit.”
“Well, you’ve come
to the right place. Who do you want to sue?”
“Punxsutawney Phil.”
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| The sign says it all |
“You want to sue
who?” I asked in disbelief.
“Not myself silly.
Punxsutawney Phil.”
“The groundhog?” I
asked, trying to confirm what I heard the first time.
“Yes, that filthy
animal,” replied Sue.
“Why?”
“Because this year
he/it claimed we would have six weeks of relatively mild weather and
an early spring. None of that came true. I couldn’t break out my
spring wardrobe when I wanted to. I hurt my back shoveling the
driveway myself because I dismissed the snow plow service early
thinking I wouldn’t need them any more this season. Should I go
on?”
“No, I get the idea.
And on what grounds would you like to initiate this lawsuit?”
“Don’t you think at
a courthouse would be best?” she asked.
“What I meant was,
for what reasons did you want to sue?”
“I figured breach of
promise at the very least, and whatever else is applicable,” she
replied. “The late winter has just totally ruined spring, and who
knows just how that is going to affect summer. The trees are barely
beginning to bud as it is. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if fall
arrives on time anyway and cuts whatever is left of spring and summer
short this year.”
“I see,” I said,
pausing momentarily to wonder why I always got stuck with the live
ones. “Let me look up some reference material on the subject,” I
said, before turning to use my computer terminal. After a couple of
minutes on Wikipedia, I said, “You do realize that this is all just
traditional superstition dating back to at least the 1800s in America
and at least the fifth century in Europe.”
“So, that means that
Punxsutawney Phil should have been a lot more accurate in his
prediction than he actually was, right?”
“Well, that’s one
way of looking at it,” I agreed while reading the data some more.
“While he only has a 39% accuracy rating, it says here that
Punxsutawney Phil isn’t the only one who is used to predict the
weather.”
“Oh?”
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| "If I'm so great at predictions, why do I live in a hole in the ground?" |
“There’s Jimmy the
Groundhog in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin; Holtsville Hall and Dunkirk
Dave, wherever they reside, all said that there would be six more
weeks of winter. Phil and a bunch of others on this list all
predicted an early spring,” I said, showing her what it said on my
computer monitor.
“Good. Let’s start
a class action suit and go after all of them!”
“It just doesn’t
quite work that way. The animals themselves never specifically said
what the weather would be. Humans just interpreted the situational
conditions as best they could.”
“Well let’s sue
them,” said Sue.
“That doesn’t work
either. None of them were trained professionals paid to do that job.
It would be like me trying to predict the weather just by looking out
the window.”
“Then are you
suggesting that I should sue the weathermen?”
“Actually, you don’t
have a case against anybody involved with Groundhog’s Day
predictions. That’s all they were, just predictions. None were
legally binding.”
“Then can I sue you?”
“For what?” I asked
in disbelief.
“For not taking my
case.”
While it would not
actually get far in the court system, in this day and age, I’d be
surprised if she didn’t find somebody willing to take the case.
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