SUNDAY FUNNIES: MOVING RIGHT ALONG (travel jokes)

 Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here.

Between all the bad weather lately with its snow and bitter cold along with the stress of life in general and what the world around us sometimes can generate, I'm sure a lot of folks have thought about taking a vacation.

Unfortunately the most popular vacation right now is the Staycation, where you stay home and try to do nothing beyond what is absolutely necessary.

But whether you stay home or actually get to go somewhere for awhile, here are some travel jokes to entertain you. Ready?

If all the automobiles🚗🚘🛺 in this country were pink, would that make us a pink car nation?💮

If a truck🛻 is called a semi, what is it the rest of the time?

But is it safe to swim?

I know of an airline so bad at losing your luggage🛅🧳 that they hung mistletoe over the baggage check-in area so you could kiss your luggage goodbye.

If out at sea and the boat🚢 tips over, don't try putting it on your head just because it capsized.

Never stay at a hotel called THE FIDDLE.🎻

It was really a vile inn.

There once was a fashion designer who refused to fly because he thought the airline vehicles were plain.

If everyone has such trouble folding up a road map after they've used it, how do the publishers ever manage to fold it up to begin with?

“Hey Joe! I saw you on the other side of the museum yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you come over and say hello?”

“Too much history between us."

Do astronauts get frequent flier miles?

What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?

 A Toy-Yoda!

The Beatles may have sailed the Sea of Green in their Yellow Submarine, but I dream of sailing an orange ocean.

It's just my fanata-sea.😼

Did you hear about the inexperienced pilot who wanted to go to flight school?

If he ever finds the airport…

If a spider🕷 owned a car, would he take it out for a spin?

If you ever study a map of Europe, the difference between Ireland and Iceland is one C.

WHY do they call it rush hour when nothing moves that fast on the freeway?

If you get lost in the woods, erect a quick shelter.

Before long the Building Inspector will be by to make sure everything is up to code and the Property Tax man will show up to charge you.

Remember: When driving, men don't get lost.

They just find alternate destinations.

So on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: WINGING IT

♫Flying away on a wing and a prayer♫

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

Well, we're still in a bit of a quandary here, uncertain whether to run our annual Groundhog Day satire or our humorous salute to "the big game" 🏈 because both the holiday and the last football game of the season, which everyone claims will be really "super" 😏 are scheduled for February 2, which is our next Sunday Funnies.


But that just leaves little ol' me here to wing it for today, so...

Are people prone to violent tendencies?
A waiter asked a patron if he wanted a box for his leftovers.
The man replied, "No, but I'll arm wrestle you for them."

I've heard that approximately 95% of all ocean critters are allegedly still undiscovered.
If this is true, the ocean can certainly keep its Sea Crits.

Well read?

The patient admitted, “I’m addicted to collecting magazines.”
The therapist replied, “It sounds like you have issues.
"There's so many, I have volumes!" confessed the patient.

How did the librarian retrieve her lost copy of Moby Dick?
She used a bookworm.😉

Who is constantly a fowl of the law?
A stool pigeon!

I'm glad I don't work for some big corporation.
"We are going to keep holding meetings until we can figure out why we aren’t getting any work done," the executive told his employees.
I think I already know what the problem is!

I'm not sure whether this is smart or dumb.
A teacher asked a student how to spell orange.
The student wanted to know if the teacher was asking about the fruit🟠 or the color.

And on that note♫, have a great week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies and the answer to our Groundhog's Day versus "the big game" dilemma!—wd.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 26, 2019

😎FUN FACT

Although not visible, your stomach lining also blushes when your face does!

TRIVIA TIME⌚

What are you guilty of if caught performing Rhinotillexis?

COMMON BONDS

The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?

01. {Gannon, Romero, Smith, Jacobs, Lockwood} and yes, we know they are all surnames.

02. {Caitlin, Anthony, Timothy, Eleanor, Nicholas, Ziva} and yes, we know they are all first names.

We’ll reveal all next weekend, but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the January 19, 2019 PuzzleCorner.

THE 50/50 CHANCE

Just like a regular TRIVIA TIME question, except there are just two possible answers, hence the even odds of getting it right. Ready?

TRUE or FALSE: Legendary voice artist Mel Blanc has worked for the Disney Studios too.

TRUE! Doing his famous Warner Brothers’ voices in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Unfortunately, most of Blanc’s previous Disney work as the voice of Dopey in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Gideon the Cat in Pinocchio remains unused and unheard—provided the recordings still exist—to this day, due to creative decisions made during production of those movies to leave the characters mute.

WHAT’S THAT SONG?

Words from a tune of the past are below. All you have to do is give us the song title. Ready?

♫And I don’t think I have ever seen a soul so in despair♫

“Roll To Me” by Del Amitri.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MOOO-VING RIGHT ALONG (COW JOKES)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

I'm sure everyone has heard of cows, so let's mooo-ve right into today's jokes, because I'm going to milk this column for all its worth!

Why was the milk blue?
Because it came from a depressed cow.

A farmer was reporting his stolen cows to the police. "But stealing them won't do the thieves any good. I took all the milk out of them last night."

The diner asked, "Waiter, is this milk fresh?"
"Fresh?" replied the waiter. "Three hours ago, that milk was grass the cow was eating!"

The next time your store claims it gets their milk fresh from a local dairy, ask the store manager if you can see the cows!

First kid: "My uncle can't decide whether or not to get a new bicycle or a new cow for his farm."
Second kid: "Your uncle would look awfully silly trying to milk a bicycle."
First kid: "Maybe, but he'd look even sillier trying to ride a cow."

What kind of cow give evaporated milk?
A dry one!

Did you hear about the farmer who made his cows sleep on their backs?
He wanted the cream to be on top every morning!

First kid: "Do you tip cows?"
Second kid: "It depends upon what kind of milk they give."

Do you know how long cows should be milked?
The same as the short ones.

Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Student: "Ice cream, cheese, butter, and two cows."

One neighbor asked the other, "Do you get your milk fresh from the farm?"
"No," replied the neighbor. "I get it fresh from the milk man."

First kid: "Did you hear about the farmer who bought a new cow?"
Second kid: "No. Does she give good milk?"
First kid: "No. You kind of have to take it from her."

The best way to keep milk fresh is to keep it in the cow until needed.

The farmer bragged about playing music to make his cows happy whenever they were milked.
"Oh? What kind?" asked his neighbor.
"Moood music," replied the farmer.

And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies when we will post not one, but TWO columns celebrating the Super Bowl AND Groundhog's Day February 2nd!
Until then....
wd.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: JANUARY 26, 2013

Is ye olde puzzle master getting THAT predictable?
After posting last weekend's US Presidential Inauguration Quiz, several people e-mailed The Free Choice E-zine wanting to know how come we didn't play "The Letter Shuffle" with an appropriately themed word.
Two reasons.
1. I'm trying NOT to be that predictable.
2. Whenever I run a quiz (depending upon difficulty and length) that is enough enigmas for one weekend.
However, to satisfy my fan base...

THE LETTER SHUFFLE
How many new words can you make out of the letter in the word INAUGURATION?

But now I'm also introducing a BRAND NEW game!

EXTREMES! (which should be self-explanatory with the opening installment)
Can you name both the YOUNGEST and OLDEST performers to ever host NBC's Saturday Night Live (to date)?

We'll reveal all next weekend. But for now, let's peek inside THE ANSWERS BOX and discover the results of the aforementioned US Presidential Inauguration Quiz from the January 19th Puzzle Corner.

01. President Obama is the 44th President of the United States.
02. Counting Obama's, because of additional terms of previous Presidents, there have actually been 57 inauguration ceremonies. 
03. Because it has not always been our nation's capital, who was the first President to actually have his inauguration ceremony held in Washington, DC? THOMAS JEFFERSON.
04. Who was the first President to have their inauguration aired over the radio? CALVIN COOLIDGE
05. Who was the first President to have their inauguration televised? HARRY S. TRUMAN, upon his first full term.