SUNDAY FUNNIES: HOLY COW!

Hello Everybody! Autumn the Puppy here!
We all know the classic nursery rhyme accredited to Mother Goose.

Hey, diddle, diddle.
The cat🐱 and the fiddle.
The cow🐄 jumped over the moon.🌝
The little dog🐶 laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.🥄

But have you ever stopped to actually think about it?
Mother Goose certainly had one very active imagination!
As a fellow canine, I can just picture any dog laughing upon witnessing the events of the poem happening before them.
That is, when they weren't busy chasing that darn cat!

But can you just imagine a cow making any kind of jump, let alone clearing the moon?
After all, cows are certainly not that aerodynamical!
I know one thing for sure.
When it was all over, the dog would certainly joke about that night. To wit...

Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.

What do you call a cow that doesn't jump over the moon?
Normal.

Just imagine a herd of Cows out in a field running around and practicing their leaping.
I can just hear a bull shout, “Come on ladies! If you can’t leap over these fences, how are you going to leap over the moon? You'll be an udder failure!"

Yet, what might happen if a cow was actually able to jump that far?
Does it crash into an UFO?
"I'm sorry officer," the alien says to the space cop, "but whatever that thing is just jumped out right in front of me!"

Once the cow does successfully make the leap, does it just keep sailing into outer space? That might explain how we wound up in the Milky Way galaxy.
Or would the cow land on the moon and take a long rest before making the jump back to Earth?
That would certainly explain where the man in the moon got the milk🥛 to make the green cheese🧀 the moon is allegedly made of. 😉
Of course, depending upon the bovine's travel agent, if the cow manages to book a round trip flight, how does the cow safely make reentry without burning up, or does everyone enjoy a very well done steak that night?

Then again, maybe I've just got too much time on my paws waiting for Spring to finally arrive while I'm cooped up with my people in their house.
In any event, have a good week everybody and please be back here again next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—AtP.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: STOP ME IF YOU'VE HERD THIS ONE (more cow jokes)

"MOO!"

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!
I've done it before and am about to do it again.
I've got a whole new herd of cow jokes, so I'm going to milk this routine for all I'm worth unless I make an udder disgrace out of myself.
Ready?

What does a cow say when it meditates?
"OOM."

Would a film about cows taking over a ship be called Mooooooo-tiny on the Bounty?

What TV program is watched mainly by cows?

"That's udderly silly!"

The Evening Moos.

Where do baby cows go for lunch?
To the calf-eteria.

Where do cows live in apartments?
Moo York City.

What REALLY happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!

What do Hawaiian Cows wear?
Moo-moos!

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the mooooo-vies!

What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow?
I don't know... but no farmer wants to milk it!

What games do cows play at parties?
Moooosical Chairs!

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moooooooo-er!

What do you get when cow gets hiccups?
Milkshakes!

What is a cow's favorite TV show?

And on that note, I'm going to fly out of here and hitch a ride through all Time And Relative Dairies In Space.

Have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—wd.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: MOOO-VING RIGHT ALONG (COW JOKES)

Hello Everybody! Waxy Dragon here!

I'm sure everyone has heard of cows, so let's mooo-ve right into today's jokes, because I'm going to milk this column for all its worth!

Why was the milk blue?
Because it came from a depressed cow.

A farmer was reporting his stolen cows to the police. "But stealing them won't do the thieves any good. I took all the milk out of them last night."

The diner asked, "Waiter, is this milk fresh?"
"Fresh?" replied the waiter. "Three hours ago, that milk was grass the cow was eating!"

The next time your store claims it gets their milk fresh from a local dairy, ask the store manager if you can see the cows!

First kid: "My uncle can't decide whether or not to get a new bicycle or a new cow for his farm."
Second kid: "Your uncle would look awfully silly trying to milk a bicycle."
First kid: "Maybe, but he'd look even sillier trying to ride a cow."

What kind of cow give evaporated milk?
A dry one!

Did you hear about the farmer who made his cows sleep on their backs?
He wanted the cream to be on top every morning!

First kid: "Do you tip cows?"
Second kid: "It depends upon what kind of milk they give."

Do you know how long cows should be milked?
The same as the short ones.

Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Student: "Ice cream, cheese, butter, and two cows."

One neighbor asked the other, "Do you get your milk fresh from the farm?"
"No," replied the neighbor. "I get it fresh from the milk man."

First kid: "Did you hear about the farmer who bought a new cow?"
Second kid: "No. Does she give good milk?"
First kid: "No. You kind of have to take it from her."

The best way to keep milk fresh is to keep it in the cow until needed.

The farmer bragged about playing music to make his cows happy whenever they were milked.
"Oh? What kind?" asked his neighbor.
"Moood music," replied the farmer.

And on that note, have a great week everybody and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies when we will post not one, but TWO columns celebrating the Super Bowl AND Groundhog's Day February 2nd!
Until then....
wd.