Sunday, October 15, 2023

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DIGGING UP COMEDY

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!
Not much to report on my end. Weather hasn't been all that great. More late Fall, early Winter the last few days than the early Autumn the calendar claims it's supposed to be right now, so I've been going through my people's house collecting all the jokes I've been hiding here, there, and everywhere to tell a few to entertain and brighten the moment on this otherwise gloomy day. Ready?

My people's kids love their LEGOS.
Personally, I hate getting those small pieces stuck between my paws but the kids certainly make a fuss when something happens to a kit and they have to start all over rebuilding.
Then again, the toy isn't broken.
It just went back to the original factory setting.

The other night my people had ham for dinner and were talking about how great it was cured.
If the ham was sick to begin with, why did they eat it?

Is a lawyer's favorite pasta Tort-ellini?

Tip for raising boys.
If you keep them busy, you’ll be fine.
If you let them get bored, they will dismantle your house bored by bored.

To make a long story short, become an editor. 😉

I can't express an opinion on camouflage because I just don't see it.

The man trying to steal merchandise from the clock⏰ factory was caught when someone raised an alarm.

For those who like escargot, snails🐌🐌 are not fast food.

I just want to make myself perfectly clear. 
If I could choose a super power, it would be invisibility.

Do you get confused trying to figure out the differences between Elves🧝, Fairies🧚, Sprites and Pixies?
Don't worry. I do too. I just don’t understand the gnomenculture.

Did you hear about the rancher🤠 who didn't like round hay bales?
His cattle🐄🐮 weren't getting a square meal out of them.

What do you and I have in common?
They're both vowels. 😉

So on that note♪, have a great week!
Take care.
STAY SAFE! 😷
And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

Saturday, October 14, 2023

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: WEEK ENDING OCTOBER 8-14, 2023: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 
WE NEED
MORE GUN
RESPONSIBILITY
NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 
THE VIRUSES ARE STILL ONGOING.
WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY
& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

SEPTEMBER 15-OCTOBER 15 IS HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.
OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER 🎗 AWARENESS MONTH.
OCTOBER IS FILIPINO AMERICAN HISTORY MONTH.
OCTOBER 15 IS WORLD ARCHAEOLOGY DAY.
OCTOBER 20 IS INTERNATIONAL SLOTH DAY.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*China weighed in on Hamas versus Israel; while several of Israel’s allies issued a joint statement. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Israel and Palestine: a historical perspective.
*The COVID state of the world, as of October 14, 2023.
*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of October 14, 2023.
*The Nobel Prize in Economics was awarded to Claudia Goldin for her extensive examination of women in the labor market.
*October 20 is the 120th anniversary of Canada and the United States settling their boundary dispute over what became Alaska.

*Opinion: The cost of war.

THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…
*Helping trees in Mozambique and Washington, DC. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)

🌟SPACE POSTS

😢PASSING PARADE…
*The innocent lives lost during the Russian invasion of the Ukraine.
*Screenwriter/director Terence Davies (The House of Mirth, The Long Day Closes, more) is no longer with us.
*Actress Phyllis Coates (the first live action Lois Lane, much more TV and film work) has taken her last bow on life’s stage.
*Actor Mark Goddard (the original Lost In Space, other roles) has taken his last bow on life’s stage.
*Rudolph Isley of the Isley Brothers (♫Shout!♫, much more) is no longer with us.
*Actress Piper Laurie (the original Carrie, Children of a Lesser God, much more) has taken her last bow on life's stage.
*Legendary comic book artist/writer Keith Giffen (Rocket Raccoon, Lobo, Legion of Super-heroes, more) has passed away.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
THE PAPERS CAPER…
POLITICALLY…
*TUESDAY NOVEMBER 7 IS ELECTION DAY IN THE UNITED STATES!
*President Biden is in contact with both Israeli and Palestinian leaders. (There are 2/TWO separate
links in this item.)
*October 20 is the 120th anniversary of the United States and Canada settling the boundaries of what became Alaska.
⚖THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…
SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…
*California’s Governor Gavin Newsom vetoed an anti-caste system bill because “existing laws should be enough.”
*Opinion: Moms For Liberty???
😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…
😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…
*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.
✅IT’S FACT CHECK TIME!
MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…
TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…
ELSEWHERE…
*October 20 is the 220th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase, resulting in the first major expansion of the United States.
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 14, 2023

 😎FUN FACT

⌚TRIVIA TIME
While the National Park extends between Wyoming, Montana and Idaho; where is the Yellowstone TV series set?

NUMBER PLEASE
Get ready! We ask the question, but the answer is just a number.
With what final digit does any calendar decade officially begin?

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the October 7, 2023 Puzzle Corner.

We only had one enigma last time, but it was a doozy!
IN OTHER WORDS (QUIZ)
Some famous songs by “Weird” Al Yankovic are listed below. All you had to do was name the original inspiration. Ready?
01. ♫Another One Rides The Bus♫ = ♫Another One Bites The Dust♫ by Queen.
02. ♫Like A Surgeon♫ = ♫Like A Virgin♫ by Madonna.
03. ♫Cavity Search♫ = ♫Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me♫ by U2.
04. ♫Alimony♫ = ♫Mony Mony♫ by Tommy James and the Shondells, later covered by Billy Idol.
05. ♫Couch Potato♫ = ♫Lose Yourself♫ by Eminem.
06. ♫eBay♫ = ♫I Want It That Way♫ by the Backstreet Boys.
07. ♫Jerry Springer♫ = ♫One Week♫ by the Bare Naked Ladies.
08. ♫Spam♫ = ♫Stand♫ by R.E.M.

Sunday, October 8, 2023

SUNDAY FUNNIES: I KNEW CAT!

 Hello Everybody! Piper D. Katt here.
You have to excuse me for a moment. Just checking out the stuff of my people's kids.
Every afternoon they come home from school and talk about what they learned that day.

For one thing, did you know that the world is ROUND!🌎
It isn't flat like a pancake or a pizza.
I could have told you that if you had asked me.
After all, if by any chance the world was flat, at least one cat somewhere would have pushed something off the edge by now.

But there's a lot of stuff that cats know that people never ask us about. Like...

Horses🐴 and cows🐮 actually sleep standing up!
Granted, I have no idea why they do that.
Maybe they couldn't find a bed big enough to accommodate them.
But elephants🐘 certainly don't need one.
They just find a nice place to curl up and go to sleep.

Then again, elephants can't jump!
Which makes them lousy trying to play basketball🏀 or other sports.

After Earth's own sun🌞, the next closest star⭐ is called Proxima Centauri, which is 4.2 Light Years from us.
A Light Year is obviously how far Light can travel in one year.
Light zips through space at 186,000 miles per SECOND and 5.88 TRILLION miles per year!
Considering how far that is, I can't foresee our neighbors making a casual visit to us anytime soon.

Did you know that Apples🍎🍏 are actually part of the rose🌹 family?
Thankfully they don't have thorns too.

Tomatoes🍅 are actually a fruit and NOT a vegetable!
Thankfully everyone knows better than to put tomatoes in a fruit salad.😼

Hawaiian Pizza, with pineapples and either ham and/or bacon, was actually created in Canada!
Sotirios "Sam" Panopoulos was a Greek born cook living in Canada who named it after the source of the pineapples.
Purrsonally, the more meat the better on my pizzas.

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Even us cats can't do that.

A human's nose grows warmer when they lie!
Not sure how people know that, because they don't willing touch another person's nose but us cats will, so we know when you're lying.

So on that note♫, have a great week.
Take care!
STAY SAFE!😷
And please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—PDK.

Saturday, October 7, 2023

THE WEEK IN REVIEW: OCTOBER 1-7, 2023: NEWS HIGHLIGHTS

 
WE NEED
MORE GUN
RESPONSIBILITY
NOW! 

ALL INEQUALITY HAS TO STOP!

BAN BOOK BANS AND BURNINGS! 
WEAR YOUR MASK😷 WHEN NECESSARY
& BEWARE ANY VERSION OF

SEPTEMBER 15-OCTOBER 15 IS HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.
OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER 🎗AWARENESS MONTH.
OCTOBER IS FILIPINO AMERICAN HISTORY MONTH.
OCTOBER 8 IS CROATIA’S INDEPENDENCE DAY & WORLD OCTOPUS DAY.
OCTOBER 10 IS WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY.
OCTOBER 12 IS NATIONAL DAY IN SPAIN.
OCTOBER 12 IS ALSO WORLD EGG 🥚🥚 DAY. (Koo-koo koo-choo.)
OCTOBER 15 IS WORLD ARCHAEOLOGY DAY.

AM😷NGST EVENTS AROUND THE W🌍RLD THIS PAST WEEK…
*The COVID state of the world, as of October 7, 2023.
*The global M(onkey) Pox status, as of October 7, 2023.

*For Physiology and Medicine: Katalin Kariko and Doctor Drew Weissman for their work on mRNA that led to viable COVID-19 vaccines. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*For Chemistry: Moungi Bawendi, Louis E. Brus and Alexey Ekimov for their work on Quantum Dots.
*For Physics: Pierre Agostini, Fernec Krausz and Anne L’Huillier for their work generating attosecond pulses of light to study matter’s electron dynamics.
*For Literature: Jon Fosse’s innovative plays, prose and minimalist style.
*For Peace: Narges Mohammadi, for championing women's rights, human rights, and freedom for all; even while in prison.


THE TERRORIST REPORT…
*The Free Choice E-zine does not support terrorism, no matter what the “cause” or alleged “justification”. Thus we will only be posting news items in this section whenever terrorists are brought to justice.

🌐THE CLIMATE CHANGE CHRONICLES…

🌟SPACE POSTS

😢PASSING PARADE…
*Former Major League Baseball⚾ players Tim Wakefield and Wayne Comer are no longer with us. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
*Opera star Jacqueline Dark is no longer with us.
*Cradle of Filth bassist Jon Kennedy has passed away.
*Former professional football🏈 player (Chicago Bears) turned actor (The Longest Yard, Brian’s Song, original MacGyver, much more) Dick Butkus is no longer with us.

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…
CAPITAL CHAOS: JANUARY 6, 2021>AFTERMATH
THE PAPERS CAPER…
POLITICALLY…
*TUESDAY NOVEMBER 7 IS ELECTION DAY IN THE UNITED STATES!
*President Biden met with Germany's President Frank-Walter Steinmeier. (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
⚖THE SUPREME COURT REPORT…
*The Supreme Court is back in session.
SOCIAL (IN)JUSTICE…
😷THE US VERSUS COVID-19…
😷THE US VERSUS M(ONKEY) POX…
*The state of your state, M(onkey) Pox wise.
MEANWHILE, IN CONGRESS…
Afraid so. (There are 4/FOUR separate links in this item.)
*“It’s all Nancy Pelosi’s fault.”—Kevin McCarthy’s opinion.
*Opinion: Will things get worse with Trump’s potential involvement and Speaker candidate??? (There are 2/TWO separate links in this item.)
TRUMP’S TRIAL(S)…
ELSEWHERE…
*A Georgia State Senator has been suspended for planning to impeach Fani Willis for indicting Donald Trump.
😀AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS…


THE FREE CHOICE E-ZINE WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS LOYAL READERSHIP (AND THEIR BOTS?) FOR GRANTING US 55,476 PAGE VIEWS IN SEPTEMBER 2023.
My personal writing blog, Filling Blank Spaces, had 40,990 page views last month. I hope all of those views on both sights were by actual real people enjoying my work and not AI scans.

Lee Houston, Junior 
Editor-In-Chief, The Free Choice E-zine and published author.

THE PUZZLE CORNER: OCTOBER 7, 2023

 😎FUN FACT
The origin of Skittles Candy has never been confirmed!

Just one enigma today, but it’s a doozy!
IN OTHER WORDS (QUIZ)
Some famous songs by “Weird” Al Yankovic are listed below. All you have to do is name the original inspiration. Ready?
01. ♫Another One Rides The Bus♫
02. ♫Like A Surgeon♫
03. ♫Cavity Search♫
04. ♫Alimony♫
05. ♫Couch Potato♫
06. ♫eBay♫
07. ♫Jerry Springer♫
08. ♫Spam♫

We’ll reveal all next weekend but for now, let’s open up THE ANSWERS BOX📦 and discover the results from the September 30, 2023 Puzzle Corner.


COMMON BONDS
The items in each subset below have something in common. Do you know what it is?
01. {Prince, Paul McCarthy} and we know they’re both musicians.
Both played every instrument on their debut solo albums, “For You” and “McCarthy” respectively.
02. {Terry McGinnis, Eric Matthews} = both were portrayed by Will Friedle.

REBUS
Something familiar is represented in the image below. Do you know what it is?


“And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls…” from ♫The Sound of Silence♫ by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

Sunday, October 1, 2023

SUNDAY FUNNIES: ANIMAL ANTICS

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!
I don't know about the rest of you, but it's been a ruff rough week for me.
I had to go to the vet for my annual check up.
Don't worry, I passed with flying colors. Which is a neat trick considering I didn't know colors were capable of flight, but I'm still totally against where the vet has to insert the thermometer to take my temperature.
Anyway, it's time to kick back in my favorite chair, especially since my people aren't home at the moment to evict me from it 😉, and tell some fun animal themed jokes.
Ready?

I know a dog with a pet termite.
He named it Clint Eats Wood.
Better a termite than fleas.

Do some people play with kangaroos🦘🦘 just for kicks?

Have you ever noticed ducks🦆🦆 fly south in the fall and north in the spring?
I wonder what airline they use.

Did you hear about the farmer who took a lesson from big city planners?
To raise more pigs🐖🐷🐖, he built a sty scraper.

Did you hear about the dairy that went out of business?
It was an udder failure.

Teddy Bears🧸🧸 are never hungry because they're always stuffed.😉


If a skunk🦨 is broken, does that mean it's out of odor?

What fish only swims at night?
A starfish. 

What animal is on most legal documents?
Seals. 

Where do rabbits🐇🐰 go for breakfast?
IHOP. 😉

So on that note♪, take care.
STAY SAFE! 😷
Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.