THE SUNDAY FUNNIES: PONDERING MY WAY THROUGH A COLUMN

REMEMBER THOSE NO LONGER HERE!

Hello Everybody. The Free Choice E-zine's Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior with you this weekend because Autumn the Puppy and Waxy Dragon are off celebrating Memorial Day with their respective families.

Now in the past, both Waxy and Autumn have shared with you their thoughts and observances about trying to figure out why life and other things are the way they are. So being a Human male over 50, compared to the youth and species that the ladies are, I thought you would like to hear things from a different perspective.

Besides, it helps to fill up a column. Ready?

*There are two kinds of pedestrians in life. The safe, who follow all the rules and cross intersections only when and where they are supposed to, and the stupid, who don't. It is the latter you really have to watch out for! Then again, if stupidity was illegal, the world's jails would really be overflowing!

*If you know about the birds and the bees, then you must also realize that technically life is a sexually transmitted. Granted, some cases are better than others, but no matter what the quality of yours is, it still beats the alternative, because the only differences between a rut and the grave are the depth and time length.

*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then the manufacturers seriously need to rename baby oil!

*Have you ever stopped and noticed that in this age of modern electronic marvels like cell phones and camcorders, there are far less UFO sightings and reports than there used to be?

*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a song about it?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the container?

*In the 1960s, some people took illegal drugs to make the world more interesting. Now some people take prescribed drugs to make the world more "normal".

*When you have had enough of other people saying what is wrong with you and the world, take a lesson from the weather. It never listens to criticism.

And on that note, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend, and please be back here next weekend for more Sunday Funnies, when one of our more professional comediennes will be back on duty.--lh,jr.