SUNDAY FUNNIES: DOG? DAWG? WAT WOG? (misc. dog jokes)

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

Now I've been asked in the past "What kind of a dog are you?"

My usual answer to that is "A good boy," because after all it IS the truth, regardless of my people's position concerning me sitting on the couch.

Yet if you're asking what BREED of dog I am, well...

Unfortunately I don't know every branch of my family tree. I do know there is at least a little German Shepperd and Australian Sheep Herder in me.

I have no idea how that happened since I've never been to either country, let alone have ever left the United States in my lifetime.

I can tell you I'm friendly, loveable and very patient. Except when you're late with either my meals or taking me to the bathroom.

I can also tell you, especially since you humans used to breed us for specific purposes, that I am far from the only dog in the world with more than two canines in its ancestry.

For example...

Pointers and Setters have been crossbred to raise Poinsetters, which are great at Christmas time.😉

The Irish Water Spaniel and the English Springer Spaniel have been paired to create the Irish Springer, which always smells clean no matter what kind of a day its had.

A Bloodhound and a Labrador have been mated to raise the Blabrador.

Unfortunately its pups will not stop barking and it is one dog you NEVER want to confide a secret to.

Scientists have combined the Deerhound and the Terrier to create the Derriere, a dog that's loyal and true till the end of time and great for pulling a dog sled because unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.

The Collie and a Lhasa Apso got together to raise the Collapso, a breed that loves music from the Caribbean.

The Lhasa Apso also got together with the Pekingese to create the Pekaso, a really artistic dog.

While a talented painter, it does go through a lot of brushes thinking they're either chew sticks or treats.

But like everyday humans, whether a pure bred or mixed breed, ALL dogs are loveable and deserve kind, caring homes.

If you haven't already done so, if you can find it in your hearts and finances to befriend a canine companion, please adopt one or more today.

So on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: A DOG'S LIFE (misc. jokes)

 Hey Everybody! I'm back!

Koda Canine here safe indoors with my people's air conditioner on because while today is just the prelude, the weather service says our FOURTH heat wave of 2025 starts in earnest tomorrow.

Not sure who this Ernest guy is, but I'd rather be a chili dog than a hot dog.😉

I'm not sure how to change the scent setting on the AC either because right now it still smells like house and not fresh meat market to me.

In any event, it's joke time!

I love being a house dog.

Free TV, provided I like what everyone else is watching because I can't change the channel myself.

Free room and board.

If I could just master the can opener and the bathroom that was illogically built with only humans in mind, I'd really have it made.

The living room recliner and I go way back, until it either hits the wall or my people catch me on it.

I overheard one human telling another that he had so many computer password problems that he had to rename his dog fifteen times.

Why couldn't he just come up with a new password and let the dog keep its name?

Do you know how hard it is to legally change your name?

And in today's world, that might not be a good idea to begin with.

Did you know us dogs like to run around in circles because it's too hard to run in squares?

Square dance maybe, but not square running.

Of course running around in circles gives us a fighting chance to catch our tail when needed because it's the only way we can make ends meet.

While no self respecting dog wants to pull a sled, unless you're the lead dog the view never changes.

Some people ask me what do I want to be when I grow up.

A famous detective like Sherlock Bones or a great magician like Houndini?

What's wrong with being me?

Besides, who said I wanted to grow up to begin with?

And remember: never let your dog near ducks if he's a pure bread.😉

So on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CANINE COMEDY (misc. jokes)

Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

Like Piper D. Katt announced last weekend, next weekend the two of us will be teaming up for our annual FATHERS' DAY SALUTE before we each do our respective acts to close out June.

Meanwhile, it's joke time! Ready?

How come humans think that the worst part of having their passwords stolen is needing to rename their dog?

We're already quite happy with the name(s) you gave us. Think of something else for your password!

If science is either stupid or mad enough to create a creature that is half dog and half tree🌳, will its bark be worse than its bite?

If a duck🦆 bites a dog, does that mean the canine is a pure bread?

If you're a dog and trying to finish any canine collection you might have, I can give you a couple of pointers.😉

What do you mean dogs can't sit on living room couches.

After all, it is furniture.

These jokes are doggone funny!

I need to get to the bank and make a woof-drawl from my checking account and de-paw-sit into my savings. 

Do you know the difference between a dog🐶 and a marine biologist?

One wags a tale. The other tags a whale.🐳

If you ever wondered why a dog sometimes runs around in a circle, have you ever tried to run around in a square?

What’s the most popular dog breed among magicians?

The labracadabrador.

How come everyone in the world thinks they have the best dog?

After all, there's only one of me.

So on that note♫, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back here next weekend for our FATHERS' DAY SALUTE on The Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CANINE COMEDY

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

It's been busy the last couple of weeks between teaming up with Piper D. Katt first for International Star Wars Day May 4 and then Mothers' Day this past weekend, but I'm a solo act this time so let's get right to the jokes.

Ready?

If I have to have a dog license to go anywhere off of my people's property, why can't I drive their car to do so?

Then again, I already know how to be a dog so why do I need a license in the first place?

If a stadium sells hot dogs🌭🌭 for $3 each during a game—and when was the last time you saw fast food that cheap during a sporting event to begin with?—then does that make it a Three Dog Night?

♫Howl does your light shine, in the halls of Shambalah?♫

If the famous psychologist Ivan Pavlov thinks he conditioned dogs to respond whenever he rang a bell🔔, did he ever stop to think that every time he rang that bell, he also fed the dogs?

So who trained who?

The RUNT of the litter.

Why did the guy call his dogs Timex and Rolex?

Because they were his watch dogs.

Did you hear about the guy who threw a ball for his dog?

It was a bit extravagant, but the height of the social season that year.

Why can't humans hear dog whistles?

Because dogs can't whistle.

Never by dogs from a locksmith.

When you get them home, they make a bolt for the door!

And remember, not all dogs are good boys like me because some are girls.

On that note♫ a couple of programming announcements.

Piper and I are both off next weekend because of the Memorial holiday here in the United States.

Out Editor-In-Chief Lee Houston, Junior will be covering our shift and hopefully he'll be funny.

That means her next Catty Celebrity Citings and my next Weekend Pupdate will be after our Father's Day team up in June.

In any event, take care.

STAY SAFE!

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: CANINE COMEDY

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

Now, if you've ever paid attention to your dog(s), and if you haven't: shame on you!

But for those of you who do pay attention to us canines, you've noticed that we smile on a regular basis.

When you come into a room.

When you pet us.

When you feed us.

When you take us for walkies.

When you're not home and we can safely get away with things you'll never know about...

OOPS! Wasn't supposed to mention that one.

Anyway, the point is don't you wonder what we are smiling about besides you, food, and other stuff?

Well, us dogs have a great sense of humor, and I'm about to share some of that with you right now. Ready?

What would you call a fake dog?

A sham poodle.

But why would you want a fake when you can have the real thing?

Which kind of dog lives in Dracula’s castle?

These jokes are doggone funny. 😉

A bloodhound.

What do you call a dog magician?

A Labra-cadabra-dor.

How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?

None! The hair grows on the outside.

What do you call a dog who's puppies have had puppies?

Grand PAW.

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

All kinds — buildings can’t jump!

What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?

They press the paws button.

What do dogs like to eat at the movie theaters?

Pupcorn.

Where do dogs park their cars?

In the barking lot.

What did the waiter tell the dog at the restaurant?

“Bone-appetite!”

What kind of place should you never take a dog?

The flea market.

Why are skeletons afraid of dogs?

Because dogs love bones.

Of course we bury them for later use, provided we can remember where we hid them to begin with. 😉

So on that note♫, have a great week!

Take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Love your dog because we love you, and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: HAPPY DOG DAY 2023!

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

Yes, I'm sitting on my people's couch right now but it doesn't matter. They're not home at the moment and this coming Saturday, August 26 is DOG DAY! 😀

August 26 is also Women's Equality Day, a very important event that is no joking matter, so I'm just concentrating on the canine comedy.

There's no point in celebrating the day after on the next Sunday Funnies, so let's party with some great Dog facts and jokes. Ready?

Dogs run in circles because it's hard to run in squares.

Now if I ever get to a park, maybe I can prove that theory wrong but moving on...

Why are dogs like phones?

Because they have collar IDs!

Of course, the best phone users used to be the Dial-mations, but when was the last time a phone actually had a rotary dial?☎

Is a fake dog a sham poodle?

Because of our unique sense of smell, dogs have solved plenty of crimes for you humans, with the greatest among us being Sherlock Bones.🔍

Of course vampires🧛🧛 prefer to have bloodhounds, but anyway...

Dogs love pizza.🍕 Especially pupperoni! 😉

Of course for dessert we want pupcakes.🧁🧁

Would you believe the dog on the right was actually the runt of the litter?

Scientists love Labrador Retrievers, but most people are curious where the name came from.

If you want to see for yourself, find a Labrador and your dog will retrieve it!

Dogs are musically inclined. We'll bark out a tune any time and some are great at playing the trombone.

We know how to properly adjust the subwoofers on your stereo.

Our favorite album may be Bark Side of the Moon but we all love Three Dog Night!

This post is dog gone funny!

Some dogs also like to read and love sinking their teeth into a good book.

There's Vanity Fur and the works of William Shakespaw. Jurassic Bark wasn't bad, but why Godzilla instead of Dogzilla?

How many hairs are in a dog's tail?

NONE! They all grow on the outside of the tail.

⌚Watch dogs are always aware of the time, but please treat them if they have ticks.

Unfortunately most dogs aren't great dancers because we have two left feet, but some dogs are great at sports.

Besides chasing frisbees and playing fetch, some are boxers.

But please don't do the fake throw routine to attempt fooling your beloved pet.

It just confuses them and doesn't put you in a good light.

Anyway, I—

OOPS! My people are back! Time to get off the couch and end my hosting turn for now.

Take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week. Don't forget to celebrate Dog Day this Saturday and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.

SUNDAY FUNNIES: DOGS ARE IMPORTANT!

 Hello Everybody! Koda Canine here!

The weather's unsettled right now. My people tried to go out to something called the Fourth of July last week but had to come back home because it was rained out.

Maybe if they had gone to the First, Second, or even Third of July they would have had better luck.

Now sometimes I wonder if there are people out there who take us dogs for granted. Canines do a lot more than just lay around the house all day.

There are fire, police and service dogs on duty all the time and even the more housebound ones provide a lot of services and "work" cheap. Just give us a place to live. Take care and treat us right. Feed us and love us and in return we'll love you too as well as keep you company. Take you for long walks when the weather's nice and all kinds of other stuff.

Don't sell us dogs shorts.

Not even the small breeds.

Just because dogs have two left feet doesn't mean we're not good dancers.

After all, you have seen the romantic scenes in either 101 Dalmatians or Lady and the Tramp. Right?

There was a dog once who figured out how to play the piano by ear.

After a while she learned to use her front paws.

Three boys saw a fire engine with a Dalmatian go by and wondered what his job was.

"Crowd control?" said one boy. Given a chance, maybe.

"He’s the mascot," said the second boy. More like an inspirational cheerleader.

The third boy nods sagely and said, "He finds fire hydrants."

I think the fire fighters already know where they are but thanks for guessing.

"Want to share my chewy?"

Dogs have to get licenses but cats don't.

Even if the dog is big enough to see over the steering wheel and reach the pedals, it still isn't allowed to drive.

Is that fair? Then again, considering the price of gas and car insurance, maybe we're better off as it is.

Two men were talking about exotic dog breeds.

One said to the other, "I know of some dogs who are worth a lot of money."

"Really?" asked the other. "I didn't  know they were that rich."

Well, who do you think finds all the money you folks lose in the sofa cushions and other places?

Chew toys don't buy themselves.

So the next time you come home from a hard day's work and are greeted by a pair of sympathetic eyes...

Love your dog as much as the rest of your family because we know how ruff life can be.

Take care.

STAY SAFE! 😷

Have a great week and please be back next weekend for more Sunday Funnies!—KC.